Health: Today, my bladder decided to empty itself while I was on a rollercoaster.... - FML

By Anonymous - 30/04/2011 19:03 - United States

Today, my bladder decided to empty itself while I was on a rollercoaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 217

You deserved it 10 681

BO Central

Sorry…

RIP x 2

By Anonymous - 29/08/2018 18:30

Today, while trying to help my disabled uncle into his walker, his one testicle popped out of the leg of his short shorts. I asked him to adjust himself and had to hold on to his walker as he did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 404

You deserved it 213

By kittenfish8903 - 06/10/2014 19:46 - United States

Today, while cuddling in bed with my drunk boyfriend, he kissed me softly then told me under no circumstances would he ever marry me. Then kissed me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 263

You deserved it 4 660

By Stupid - 22/12/2014 07:45 - Australia - Bellerive

Today, I waited thirty minutes for a bus that stopped running three weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 265

You deserved it 6 786

Almost there

By fucksake - 05/10/2014 15:55 - Malaysia - Seri Kembangan

Spicy

Today, at age 31, I was about to finally lose my virginity. As we tumbled onto the bed, an excruciating pain shot through my stomach. It turned out to be a hernia, and no, I didn't get laid in the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 168

You deserved it 4 648

By Rainman - 14/06/2009 20:39 - United States

Today, I had to water my entire garden. After an exhausting hour of watering hundreds of plants, I turned off the hose and started to feel good about the grueling job. That is, until it started pouring rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 765

You deserved it 14 275

By Anonymous - 02/11/2009 02:40 - United States

Today, I flew to see the guy that I've been in love with for 3 years. We spent the day at Walmart. To buy a plunger. After I blocked up the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 937

You deserved it 9 629

Drives

By Anonymous - 09/10/2019 16:00

Spicy

Today, and for months now, the meds that stop me from killing myself have killed my sex drive. My boyfriend, being stressed at work, initially assured me that his was also non existent and not to worry. I found out he's been wanking every day and hiding it from me so I don't feel bad. Now I know, I feel fucking awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 225

You deserved it 575

By nofinal - 10/12/2009 06:34 - United States

Today, I woke up at 7 am to take my last final. When I got to the parking lot, I realized my car was missing. After speaking to the police for 3 hours, I called my girlfriend to let her know what happened. She then told me I had parked on the street the night before. So much for the 8 am final. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 283

You deserved it 30 513

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 04:43 - United States

Today, I found out the reason my clothes have been smelling a little funny isn't because I sweat heavily, it's because of the dead rat in the back of my dryer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 863

You deserved it 5 350

No kidding

By Anonymous - 09/07/2021 22:01

Spicy

Today, I congratulated my best mate and his wife on their third pregnancy in three years. It then dawned on me that they've had sex more times in three years of marriage than I have had in six years of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 057

You deserved it 211

By Anonymous - 17/07/2014 15:57 - United States - Lancaster

Today, we decided to go to an aquarium for a little family get-away. At the end was a shark viewing deck, and I leaned over the rails to get a better look. How did I find out that my glasses needed to be adjusted? They fell off and sunk right to the bottom of the shark-infested waters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 329

You deserved it 13 582

By Forgotten - 06/09/2009 07:26 - United States

Today, I decided to visit my dad. I haven't seen him in a while so I wanted to give him another chance to be an actual dad to me. Apparently, getting drunk and getting it on with his girlfriend while I was there was more important than spending time with his daughter, who he hasn't seen in almost a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 621

You deserved it 4 061

By ThisGuy775 - 19/09/2011 04:41 - United States

Today, my dad asked to borrow some money off me, so I said okay. Later on, he told me he'll be using it to help divorce my mom. I pretty much just helped pay for my parents' divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 393

You deserved it 2 968

Fix up, look sharp

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my husband why putting on dirty underwear after a shower defeats the purpose. We had this discussion in the middle of me giving him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 664

You deserved it 9 457

By Anonymous - 26/08/2009 20:05 - United States

Today, we had bingo. Three rounds into it a group behind me started to yell, "BINGO, BINGO!". I looked around and saw no one was coming to verify that they had a bingo, so I turned around and said "Stand up." The girl was a midget, she was standing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 236

You deserved it 14 410

Not a girl, not yet a woman

By Anonymous - 28/02/2020 01:00

Today, I got a very accusatory phone call from my daughter's teacher. According to my daughter, I absolutely refuse to let her eat in the morning. In reality, I told her it’s her responsibility to get herself up and get breakfast on her own before we leave. My daughter is 17 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 257

You deserved it 202

By ilovemypup - 31/10/2016 11:20

Today, while at my job in a candy store, a boy stuck his hand into the bin, contaminating the candy. As I politely explained that the dad had to purchase the affected candy he refused, yelled, then angrily agreed to buy them. The total cost of the candy with the extra pieces? $1.69. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 829

You deserved it 761

Pants on fire

By Rae - 25/10/2020 08:02

Today, I found out that my mother doesn't have Alzheimer's disease. This would be joyous news, except for the fact that one year prior to this day my grandmother lied to me so that I'd stay closer to home. I've been worrying over a nonexistent illness for an entire year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 231

You deserved it 58

By the customer is always a cunt - 20/12/2013 21:48 - United States - Sarasota

Today, a guy came into the small coffee shop I work at, and got angry because I wouldn't accept his Starbucks gift card as valid payment. When I told him we clearly aren't a Starbucks, he said "It's all the same shit" and ended up throwing a punch at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 142

You deserved it 3 133

By Anonymous - 04/12/2010 23:28 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my parents hassled me for wanting to get my tongue pierced, saying it was filthy, unprofessional, and degrading. About an hour later, my sister let slip that my nipple is pierced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 426

You deserved it 36 625

By Anonymous - 05/11/2011 01:21 - United States

Today, I was dared to walk home through a rough part of town. My rep hung in the balance, so I accepted. A kid kicked a football in my direction, so I kicked it back at him hard. It hit him in the nuts, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life from three bald, shirtless, six-packed thugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 772

You deserved it 37 452

By antisocial - 12/08/2010 08:07 - Canada

Today, I told my parents that I wasn't feeling very social and up for company. How do they try to make me feel better? By inviting a whole bunch of people I don't know to a pool party at my house. They said I should face my fears. I'm now in my room, hiding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 913

You deserved it 9 121

By heeeeeyitsbrittney - 09/05/2019 08:00

Today, I cut myself with a butter knife while trying to get a piece of brownie from a pan. I don't think I was meant to survive on Earth for very long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 513

You deserved it 327

Family man

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 14:01

Today, I always hated not having a boyfriend during holidays, my relatives would always ask me what was wrong with me. I'm married now and my husband always finds a way to skip holiday reunions. My relatives keep on asking me what's wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 157

Attraction

By Anonymous - 26/07/2021 11:01

Spicy

Today, I realized I'm extremely sexually attracted to my physical therapist. It doesn't help that treatment involves me spending the entire appointment naked from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 129

By Ramis182 - 03/10/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 688

You deserved it 5 992

By a man - 10/04/2011 19:32 - United States

Today, my dog decided to fly through the front door like Superman. All 180lbs of her promptly slammed sideways into the wall, putting a dog-sized hole in the plaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 026

You deserved it 3 871

By ThatWasntFun - 29/01/2015 21:00 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I went to have a pre-cancerous mole removed off of my nose. When the doctor numbed my nose, she didn't check to see if the anesthetic actually worked, and began hacking away at my nose, leaving me to feel every last flick of the razor. Turns out I have an immunity to that anesthetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 423

You deserved it 2 423

Post-it

By Lalalala - 06/09/2020 02:02 - United States - Austin

Today, my boyfriend told me to stay home, because he wanted to come by to give me a birthday surprise. Later on, he came by, posted a note, rung the bell and left. The note was a break up note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 655

You deserved it 98

By lonestar - 03/02/2010 13:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend accused me of deleting my texts from my phone because I'm afraid of him finding out about another man in my life. Truth is, I don't have a life outside of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 097

You deserved it 5 680

By Anonymous - 17/07/2013 20:27 - United States - Wales

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend guilted me into roleplaying as Justin Bieber before and during sex. I now feel physically ill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 049

You deserved it 24 179

Heavy sandwich, man

By Anonymous - 07/06/2021 22:01

Today, I was sitting on park bench eating a sandwich when suddenly the bench broke and I fell and broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 86

By dollarstorepwnr - 19/03/2011 05:37 - Canada

Today, my dad cussed out an individual on the phone because he thought it was a telemarketer. He was my Indian girlfriend's father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 573

You deserved it 4 901

Favoritism

By Anonymous - 01/03/2021 05:01

Today, I overheard my mother-in-law say to her daughter "I can't wait for you to make me a real grandma." I'm pregnant with their first grandchild. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 122

You deserved it 86

By Nojob - 06/06/2018 09:00 - United States - Bronx

Today, on my way to my job interview, the man who was supposed to be interviewing me slammed into my car because he wasn’t paying attention. He fired me for raising his insurance premiums. I got fired before getting the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 056

You deserved it 185

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 16:59 - United States - Meriden

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try having sex despite her serious body image issues. Unfortunately, I couldn't get it up due to how utterly terrified she looked. Now no matter what I say, she thinks it's all because her body is hideous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 962

You deserved it 2 903

By Anonymous - 12/11/2018 05:00

Today, I realized how bad my grey hair problem has gotten as I noticed I had grey pubes. I'm only 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 854

You deserved it 191

Turn it off, make it stop!

By ricewine23 - 04/08/2021 04:01

Today, I bought a truck. It's a little beat up, but I got a pretty good deal because of it… Or so I thought. Turns out there's a Nickelback CD stuck in the player. And the radio is spotty. I can't help but think that had something to do with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 666

You deserved it 178

By Anonymous - 23/10/2010 06:47 - United States

Today, for my Teen Living class, all the students got a fake baby. In order to stop the baby from crying, you have to use the bracelet they provide. I lost the bracelet. I have the baby all weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 665

You deserved it 40 865

By ryu1356 - 22/09/2015 13:24 - United States - Dallas

Today, my company let me go after 3 months. A day before my wedding and with zero advance notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 299

You deserved it 1 585

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Top comments

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Saturday 30 April 2011 23:54

And that's why I ALWAYS wear diapers.

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Sunday 1 May 2011 0:01

You went WEEEEE on da rollercoaster :P

Comments

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Saturday 30 April 2011 23:53

that sucks

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Saturday 30 April 2011 23:53

Haha FYL

bravesfan112233 0

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Sunday 1 May 2011 0:11

the people below watching probably weren't expecting showers

sterlingarcher 1

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Sunday 1 May 2011 0:15

hahahaha

littlemissFYL 5

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Sunday 1 May 2011 0:27

and the little piggy went wee wee wee all the way ..down

largefoofighter 0

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Sunday 1 May 2011 1:01

I'm still wearing my pee pants

dcam13 19

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Sunday 1 May 2011 2:38

why does everyone on here rephrase simple sentences so they sound more like a dumbass?? you peed your pants OP. Peed your pants. not your bladders fault, your fault. ydi for pissing yourself.

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Sunday 1 May 2011 5:12

27 your pic is the shit lmao

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Sunday 1 May 2011 7:18

ever heard of tha pinch off??

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Sunday 1 May 2011 8:11

the ride scared the shit out of you.Well in this case piss

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Sunday 1 May 2011 9:21

l bet you enjoyed the after pictures

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Sunday 1 May 2011 17:03

I think your bladder emptied itself BECAUSE you were on a rollercoaster

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Sunday 1 May 2011 17:42

that mustve been a shitty situation for you and person next to you

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Sunday 1 May 2011 17:45

inb4 realizing it was a golden shower on his pants. -facepalm-

darkerkiller89 0

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Wednesday 4 May 2011 3:42

no need to get... PISSY about it

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Saturday 30 April 2011 23:54

Scared shitless

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Saturday 30 April 2011 23:56

Haha, it literally scared the shit out of 'em

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Saturday 30 April 2011 23:57

it's more scared the piss out of them lol

PeteyPablo12308 20

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Sunday 1 May 2011 0:17

More like scared pee-less. The FML says bladder, not bowels.

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Sunday 1 May 2011 0:32

lol. op is so full of shit its migrated to his bladder and now he shits with his penis. Yet another example of how lying is bad(:

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Sunday 1 May 2011 2:05

I wasn't calling the FML fake, if that's why I was moderated...

PeteyPablo12308 20

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Sunday 1 May 2011 2:36

Huh??? ^^^

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Sunday 1 May 2011 2:38

I agree huh???? ^^^ what Did that mean?

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Sunday 1 May 2011 2:46

It made sense to me, I guess i just fail (: and thanks Sirin, I don't mean to cause any trouble, m'dear :D

fatgirllovesfml 0

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Sunday 1 May 2011 5:12

stfu

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Sunday 1 May 2011 5:14

why is every body in such a pissy mood

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Sunday 1 May 2011 5:16

what the fuck is up with your. pick

kaylanicole1255 1

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Sunday 1 May 2011 6:22

Scared piss-less! :p

ripjohnlennon 5

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Sunday 1 May 2011 18:43

47, it made sense to me to bro. ur not alone

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Monday 2 May 2011 5:30

thts exactly what I was gon say

JocelynKaulitz 28

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Saturday 30 April 2011 23:54

This is why you should always go before getting on a roller coaster.

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Sunday 1 May 2011 0:24

Why? I love when people don't go pee before getting on the Roller Coaster, especially when I'm the lucky one to get the golden shower. ;)

thesunsetglow_fml 8

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Sunday 1 May 2011 0:39

I wittnessed a kid shit himself at Disneyland.

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Sunday 1 May 2011 2:46

I witnessed a kid cum himself at disneyland

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Sunday 1 May 2011 2:51

My sister shat herself in Disneyland

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Sunday 1 May 2011 9:28

pardon my ignorance but is shat a typo or is it a real word?

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Tuesday 12 March 2013 14:05

Yes, shat is the past of shitting.

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Saturday 30 April 2011 23:54

that's lovely... bet the people waiting in line at the bottom had a worse day...

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Saturday 30 April 2011 23:59

"Today, I was at a theme park when all the sudden some guy peed on my head! FML."

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Sunday 1 May 2011 0:01

more like it started to rain yellow

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Sunday 1 May 2011 0:02

hahaha nastyy

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Sunday 1 May 2011 0:51

today I sat in a puddle of piss on a roller coaster FML

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Sunday 1 May 2011 2:39

54, when I was in Universal Studios in Florida, I actually checked all the seats on the roller coasters before I sat on them for that very reason. Someone got on The Hulk a row in front of me and sat in something warm and wet. Yuckkkkk....

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Saturday 30 April 2011 23:54

And that's why I ALWAYS wear diapers.

PeteyPablo12308 20

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Sunday 1 May 2011 2:50

Omg me too! I mean who wouldn't?? Lmfao.

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Sunday 1 May 2011 5:59

I wouldn't but its normal to wear diapers.

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Monday 2 May 2011 2:39

Oh, not just at amusement parks, I meant in general.

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Saturday 30 April 2011 23:55

ydi it for going to the bathroom before you got on the ride, and I feel sorry for who ever road with cause I'm sure they got some piss on them I just hope it did not do any loops cause it could of got in someones face eww

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Saturday 30 April 2011 23:59

You might consider paying closer attention in English class. Sheesh.

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Sunday 1 May 2011 0:06

haha nice

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Sunday 1 May 2011 4:08

"road" lol oh shit

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Sunday 1 May 2011 6:38

ydi 'for' going to the bathroom?

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Sunday 1 May 2011 6:40

ydi 'for' going to the bathroom?

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Sunday 1 May 2011 6:43

113, reread the comment. It says "YDI 'it' for".

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Sunday 1 May 2011 7:24

116 I'm going to steal your cat k?

missy_lynn012 0

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Sunday 1 May 2011 7:43

number 7 ydi it for talking ish and having multiple typos. i did ydi it on purpose btw.

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Sunday 1 May 2011 9:26

its nice to see people with differences teaming up to crap on someone that lacks proper grammar skills.

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Monday 2 May 2011 3:48

can you understand the words coming out of my mouth

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Monday 2 May 2011 14:39

ydi for not going to the bathroom before you got on the ride. and I feel sorry for whoever rode with you because I'm sure they got some piss on them. I just hope it did not do any loops because it could have gotten on someone face, eew.

figureskates2344 6

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Saturday 30 April 2011 23:55

oh that sucks. I sure hope there was no one under you

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Friday 6 May 2011 19:15

or on top?

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Saturday 30 April 2011 23:55

umm... epic fail...

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Sunday 1 May 2011 17:56

rookie mistake, always go to the bathroom before u go on a rollarcostar

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Saturday 30 April 2011 23:55

sissy! >:D

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Sunday 1 May 2011 0:53

pissy! >:D

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Monday 2 May 2011 2:28

#10 not everyone can be the perfect person that you are, use ur super eating powers to belittle the OP, then kick his/her ass becuz u r superbad

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 29

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 22

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 195

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 265