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By Anonymous - 05/09/2018 14:30 - United States - Sewell

Today, my mother-in-law insisted we go to a baby clothing store. When I reminded her that I don’t want children, she sat on the floor, crying, kicking and screaming. She then said I was denying her grandchildren because I hate her. Well, I didn’t… FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 820

You deserved it 212

Are you? Are you really?

By Anonymous - 22/10/2021 05:01

Today, a friend from our circle group told me that my behavior of responding to her stories with another related story of mine was annoying. I'm was sorry about that and decided to introspect and not show up in our group chat for a while. Then I realized I'm a toxic person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 525

Scoville scale

By firefire - 30/07/2020 08:01

Today, since my husband has been volunteering to do more of the cooking, I was happy and relieved to have help, until every meal he made had an ungodly amount of spices in it. I overheard him on the phone, saying he’s been purposely making my food inedibly hot so that I’ll eat less and lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 014

You deserved it 314

By Snowy - 22/09/2018 05:00 - Turkey

Today, I couldn't get out of bed due to severe morning sickness. I have to lay still and I can only hold in some tiny crackers. It's the second day of our two-week holiday in Turkey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 703

You deserved it 316

Empathy hurts

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 02:02

Today, my brother-in-law's wife said she won the jackpot by marrying into our family. What she doesn't know is that they make fun of her family behind her back, and her husband has no drive or focus in life. Now I get to watch her discover how crazy they really are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 274

You deserved it 253

By Deciduous - 28/10/2018 12:00 - Australia - Gungahlin

Today, I felt an itch on the small toe of my right foot and brushed away what I thought was a large flake of dry skin without thinking. Turns out my entire toenail fell off. According to my mother, the same thing occasionally happens to her "for no apparent reason". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 951

You deserved it 178

By Ihatecleaning - 14/01/2017 12:00

Today, I found out from the doctor that I have a concussion. Was it from a wicked sports injury? No, my idiot brother decided to judo kick the door open while I was on the floor vacuuming the front carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 301

You deserved it 550

By Anonymous - 01/12/2018 06:05

Today, I went to the phone store to get a new SIM card. The store manager went on my browser to see if my data was working. Two pages of porn popped up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 501

You deserved it 4 650

One hell of a poker game?

By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 17:02

Today, I lost 1200 dollars, my fiancée, my dog, my apartment, and my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 233

You deserved it 326

Ideal first date

By Anonymous - 30/10/2020 05:01

Today, I went on a date where the guy got drunk off 11 White Claws, I got 18 ant bites (yes, I counted), stung by a yellow jacket, and lost both pairs of our shoes. He told me he was going to a strip club after, messed up my name 3 times and didn’t pay for anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 220

You deserved it 327

Magic underwear

By Anonymous - 10/01/2022 22:59

Today, my date decided not to have sex with me after she saw I wear Y-fronts, Tighty Whities to some of you, instead of boxers, so she couldn’t take me seriously as a grown man wearing underwear normally worn by children under 10 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 275

You deserved it 2 819

So eat it, just eat it

By jessie - 27/01/2022 05:01

Today, I was yelled at and called rude by my boyfriend’s mom because she made us dinner and I didn’t touch the broccoli. I’m a person who will normally bend over backwards to appear polite and courteous, but eating food I don’t like is where I draw the line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 234

You deserved it 1 533

I'll make my own way

By Anonymous - 02/03/2022 06:00 - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, my daughter is too crafty for her own good: she found out I was planning on driving her to her first date to meet a boy, so she let the air out of my car tyres, removed my bike chain, and even stole my bus pass. I taught her well. Well played daughter, well played. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 1 477

By DogThermoeter - 10/03/2019 18:00

Today, I took my temperature since I've had a cold for a few days. After reading the display, I noticed the sheath had "Lily" written on it. Lily is our golden retriever. It was in her ass yesterday after she had a seizure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 192

You deserved it 1 561

By DroppedTheSoap - 25/04/2019 20:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while trying to sexily wash my man in the shower, I dropped the body wash bottle. The pump grazed my nipple, making it bleed. As if that didn't kill the mood, I now have a Star Wars bandaid on my boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 004

You deserved it 339

OK Gus

By MartianTom - 14/04/2017 14:00 - United States - Evanston

Today, the maintenance man for my building fixed my leaky sink. As he headed out the door, I said, "Thanks, Gus!" He turned around and said matter-of-factly, "My name is Eli." I've been addressing him as "Gus" for the past year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 928

You deserved it 1 326

Quandary

By Anonymous - 18/05/2022 12:00

Today, my nana died today of a heart attack in her sleep. I’ll never know if there was something I could have done, because while it was happening I was upstairs with a dildo, as it’s been a month since I had sex and I had the urge. I feel so selfish and ashamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 602

You deserved it 302

Love is…

By Valentina - 17/07/2023 22:00

Today, my husband hosted dinner tonight and once again made deflating comments and called me “r*tarded sp*c” in front of his friends. They all laughed, while I had a knot in my throat. I have to stay married to him for another year and a half or else I’ll lose my green card and get deported. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 281

You deserved it 408

Mags

By Xabeix - 03/06/2019 14:00 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I got a rejection letter after I filed a claim regarding potholes on a high speed road that damaged my vehicle. Two of my tires and very expensive Honda mags, worth 1000$ each, are done for. Meanwhile, the city claims they're working hard to fix the roads. It's been 3 weeks, the potholes are still there and the city says they're not at fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 964

You deserved it 340

Teenage kicks are hard to beat

By oh my sweet summer child - 26/07/2023 10:00

Today, I’m not sure how to explain to my naive daughter that her new boyfriend is playing her. She insists that he’s just shy and that’s the reason he demands that no one knows about them, and pretends not to know her when other people are around. She thinks them having a secret is “romantic”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 156

By Anonymous - 12/07/2019 00:01 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, yet again, I got into an argument with my dad. I have a PhD in the subject. But he's "entitled to his opinion", for, as he said, he's read a summary of the history of the country in a tourist guidebook, and the general view doesn't have to be based on more detailed information. He also corrects me when I speak the language, which he doesn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 931

You deserved it 196

Some people are just lazy

By Anonymous - 22/06/2017 00:00

Today, while working, I saw a man napping under a tree. He was still there 3 hours later. Turns out he was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 766

You deserved it 328

By anonymous - 25/10/2016 04:29 - United States - Chagrin Falls

Today, I got a citation from my landlord because my puppy couldn't make it to the grass and peed in the shrubs. Later in the evening, I got a citation that my music was too loud. Until I'd submitted my 30-day notice yesterday, no one ever had a problem with me FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 659

You deserved it 784

By JulesBlues - 31/07/2019 20:00 - Germany

Today, we had the hottest day ever recorded in Germany. Well, at least this means I won't need a hot water bottle to keep my feet from freezing, right? Wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 459

You deserved it 180

By Anonymous - 10/08/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend looked so unhappy in a photo we took that I downloaded an editing app, and edited the photo to make it look like he was smiling before posting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 203

You deserved it 938

By StillBurning - 19/08/2017 01:30

Today, I enjoyed my favourite pizza topped with jalapeños for an extra kick. I later got to feel that kick a second time as I vomited in the middle of the night. Some came out my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 742

You deserved it 688

By Anonymous - 01/09/2017 20:00

Today, I put a magnet on my brand new car. I got rear-ended by someone who was trying to read it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 201

You deserved it 878

Toxic Managers

By impishsamaritan - 07/09/2019 22:00

Today, I had to pretend in front of our director that my manager is a nice person. In reality, she's a soul-sucking bully who has made my life so miserable that twice I was on the brink of nervous breakdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 621

You deserved it 342

Handy...

By Handyhusband - 26/10/2017 19:00 - United States

Today, I installed a doggie door at my wife’s grandmother’s house. I was putting the door back on the hinges when I realized I had put it at the very top of the door instead of the bottom. I’m now trying to turn this hole into a window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 362

You deserved it 2 800

Waxing pubical

By Anonymous - 10/10/2019 16:00

Today, I was waxing my legs and somehow dropped an enormous dollop of hot wax on my naked crotch. I refused to yank it off, but still had to cut it off with scissors. So now I have a huge patch of pubic hair way shorter than the rest of it. It looks a right mess FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051

You deserved it 1 096

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The Top

Today, it's my birthday. The only "happy birthday"s I got were from my mom, her Facebook account, and the Facebook account she made for her cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 824

You deserved it 3 413

Today, I had my first orgasm. Unfortunately, it was during breakup sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 228

You deserved it 9 152

Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 114

You deserved it 16 288

Today, while playing on stage, the singer of my band swung his microphone around, straight into my face. I now have stitches above my right eye, and a job interview in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 948

You deserved it 307

Today, my sister, who is now 19, gathered the guts to formally present her boyfriend to us. She was so concerned that my parents wouldn't let her have a boyfriend, she kept it a secret for 5 years. We were happy to hear it, until she presented him to us. He's a 35-year-old taxi driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 558

You deserved it 156

Today, my friend has been continuously played Skibidi Toilet on repeat and singing the song. She's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 135