Health: Today, my 18th birthday, I woke up vomiting with a temperature...

By Nick M

Today, my 18th birthday, I woke up vomiting with a temperature of 104 degrees. After I settled back in bed with some water, my mom said, "This is how you're supposed to feel on your 21st birthday, not your 18th." FML

I agree, your life sucks

7163

You deserved it

725

Favorite

Health

This Charming Man

Vulture

Billy no-mates

By Disgruntled - United States - East Lansing

Today, my 2-year-old daughter started showing signs of understanding the potty training concept. She announced to my mother-in-law that she needed to go potty, only to be flatly told, "No, you don't." So she crapped herself. Now it's going to take forever to train her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21990

You deserved it

1270

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 20:02 - United States - Livingston

There's no helping some people

Today, I was helping a 93 year-old hoarder organize her home. She asked me to make ropes from old plastic bags, fold bags in a specific odd way, then fit four large boxes of bags into one smaller one. I said I couldn't do those, nor fit four boxes in one. "Why are you here if you can’t do things?" she said. I’m a professional home organizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1247

You deserved it

196

Favorite

By DearLord - Canada

Next, on The Jerry Springer Show…

Today, I had to explain to my boss that masturbating in public is inappropriate. This isn't the first time this has taken place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1880

You deserved it

157

Favorite

By Ihavethickthighs

Today, and for the past week, my boyfriend joined me on my walks. He's recently gotten into photography and is now intent on tracking down a rare bird that he never sees but always hears. I don't have the heart to tell him that it's the sound of my thighs rubbing together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3422

You deserved it

532

Favorite

By shoveless - United States

Today, I came home from school to find my house ransacked. The robbers shoveled a path from my back door to the driveway, through the snow, then they stole my snow-shovel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8602

You deserved it

556

Favorite

By Katsuria - 25/7/2020 14:01

Unreasonable

Today, my mother disowned me because I wouldn’t fill out her visa application for France so that she can see her boyfriend. The reason why I refused was because my husband and I are on our honeymoon, and would like to spend some time together. I guess that makes me a “useless” daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1456

You deserved it

119

Favorite

By Michelle - United States - Abingdon

Today, I went to dinner at my parents' house. I was going to surprise them by introducing them to my new boyfriend. They decided to surprise me too, by inviting my ex to the dinner. Everyone was surprised tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39626

You deserved it

3008

Favorite

By thisisbad - Malaysia

Today, I was in the toilet when somebody started banging on the door loudly. I panicked and immediately cleaned my self and opened the door. As I opened the door, my brother vomited all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35903

You deserved it

2768

Favorite

By alone - China

Today, I was sent home from work early because of structural issues. I walked in on my unemployed boyfriend cuddling another woman on the couch. When I confronted them, he freaked out and kept trying to convince me that I was dreaming. I don't know what I ever saw in this loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42641

You deserved it

4775

Favorite

By not gay in AL - United States

Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I loved him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46279

You deserved it

5457

Favorite

By =( - Australia

Today, once again I tried to convince my dad to stop smoking. And once again, while I was speaking, he lit up a cigarette and smoked until my asthma flared up and I was wheezing so hard that I had to leave the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37664

You deserved it

4138

Favorite

By f.m.

Today, I took my driving test. I was nervous, but I thought I followed the rules of the road pretty well. My tester ended up failing me for "backing out too slowly". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3172

You deserved it

277

Favorite

By 2285morgan - United States

Today, I heard my alarm go off, dragged myself out of bed, had breakfast and got ready for work. As I was heading out the door I checked the time again. It was 1:41 AM. Apparently my alarm never actually went off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36357

You deserved it

6071

Favorite

By jb100 - United States - Perryville

Today, as I was working at a bakery, a woman stormed in, cut in front of the line, and began yelling at me. She claimed I didn't give her a sandwich earlier and demanded a refund. She got the refund out of my paycheck, and as she was leaving she muttered, "Ha, works every time." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31084

You deserved it

2180

Favorite

By Uh-SLEEP - 11/12/2020 03:01 - United States - Litchfield Park

Masterchef

Today, our stove broke. Now, we have to cook using a toaster oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks

519

You deserved it

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, the plant on my windowsill fell and landed in my face while I was napping. It's a cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44107

You deserved it

7919

Favorite

By Merserve - 9/7/2020 02:00

Shackled

Today, I went over to confront my parents about how my siblings always get to visit and all I do when I’m over is work on their house or take care of grandma. My mom was very upset. Then she snuck out with my sister, leaving me to take care of grandma until she got back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1670

You deserved it

124

Favorite

By Kaz - United States

Today, I snuck out to see my girlfriend in the middle of the night. When I got to her house, I decided to throw a rock at her window to wake her up. It broke a hole in the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12561

You deserved it

50155

Favorite

By ;)loganberry(; - United States

Today, my dad walked into my room, threw some magazines on my bed, and calmly said "You left your porn in the bathroom again." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12650

You deserved it

50165

Favorite

By honeybunny - United States - Norman

Today, I am 11 weeks pregnant and my husband has taken great glee in the fact that his horrible gas is enough to trigger my morning sickness. We're about to go on a long 12 hour drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34931

You deserved it

3126

Favorite

By piss off - United States - Vancouver

Today, a customer at the fast-food joint I work at gave me a pitying look and asked "How's that liberal arts degree treating ya?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

19741

You deserved it

3166

Favorite

By Theaccident - Australia

The truth

Today, my mum told me how I was only here because my dad couldn't pull out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43887

You deserved it

3639

Favorite

By thatoneguy - United States

Today, a five year old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34355

You deserved it

3453

Favorite

By alone and horny - 20/6/2020 20:01

Some people just don't like surprises

Today, I went outside to smoke a cigarette. When I started to head back in, I saw a shadow move across my bedroom window. I live alone, so I waited outside and called the police. They came and investigated, only to drag my naked boyfriend out, where he promptly dumped me. I forgot our 2-year anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1586

You deserved it

1448

Favorite

By SendHelpAndBleach

Today, I decided to surprise my parents who I haven’t seen in a while. They weren’t home, but I still have a key so I let myself in. When I went to my old room to put down my bags, I was greeted by a sex swing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3537

You deserved it

1448

Favorite

By mere - 6/4/2021 21:30

Nice parents you've got there

Today, I was called a whore by my own parents, simply because I’ve never had a relationship that lasted longer than a month. Everyone I’ve ever dated has dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

976

You deserved it

134

Favorite

By nightwalker2253 - United States - Orange

Today, I was floating on a river with some friends when I accidentally splashed one of their girlfriends in the face. She started crying and everyone gave me the silent treatment for the rest of the trip. We are all 26 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29299

You deserved it

2400

Favorite

By Kristache - Canada

Today, at the restaurant I work at, I gave a man back his change and told him to enjoy the sunny day. He replied by dramatically saying that the sun was his mortal enemy. Thinking he was joking, I asked him if he was a vampire. Turns out he has skin cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49138

You deserved it

16330

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/3/2021 11:02

Worst threesome ever

Today, I finally got pulled into a threesome with the girl I've loved for years and another friend. She led the interaction with, "You only get to touch her" then, "I just wish [her ex] was here" and finished with, "OK, it's weird with you here, you can just go." FML

I agree, your life sucks

961

You deserved it

200

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her parents seemed upset, so I tried to lighten the mood by saying, "Hey, at least the weekend is coming up and you guys won't have to go in for work." Apparently, they were upset because they both got laid off from their jobs today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55436

You deserved it

8412

Favorite

By col - 4/9/2020 01:56

We're on a break

Today, my girlfriend of almost 3 years told me we needed a break, and that we could try again at the end of the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1247

You deserved it

132

Favorite

By myself - Canada

Today, I came home to the nanny passed out on the couch from too much alcohol, my 2-year-old alone and locked in the bathroom, and my house in a complete wreck. To top it off, it's the day my mother-in-law, who hates me, is coming to visit from New York. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39225

You deserved it

3930

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was talking to a cute guy at my house party and had to fart. Luckily, it was silent. Unluckily, he smelled it, thought my house had a gas leak, and ran to the basement to check the pipes and ensure our safety. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29486

You deserved it

6279

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Casselberry

Today, my dog climbed onto the dining room table to eat the cat's food. Then whined until I showed him how to get down. He does this every night. My dog is a genius. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20883

You deserved it

5066

Favorite

By Annonymous - United States

Today, an exterminator sprayed for cockroaches in my dorm room. After classes I got back to find three large cockroaches on top of my bed. Now that the exterminator has sprayed everything, all the cockroaches are coming out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26263

You deserved it

1902

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I saw a teenager knock over a woman, so I rushed over to help her up. Turns out, she had a knife and thanked me by stealing my wallet and phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1869

You deserved it

220

Favorite

By Elizabeh - Canada

Today, I fell down a set of stairs while going into my basement. With a horrible pain in my left leg, I called out to my boyfriend to help me. Apparently a commercial about grass was more important. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31629

You deserved it

3853

Favorite

By motherfuck666 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend's mom got him a shitload of Axe for his birthday. Now I get nauseous whenever I go near him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45798

You deserved it

5472

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I moved back into my room, which I'd sublet for a few months. The subtenant never paid any rent and is gone, but she did leave me something: my own underwear on the floor, which she apparently liked to wear, but didn't seem to like to wash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1504

You deserved it

254

Favorite

By Oops - United Kingdom

Today, a friend asked me if I'd buy him some condoms because he's too shy to buy them himself. I obliged and whilst queuing at the till to buy them I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see my fiancée glaring at me. We don't use condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46790

You deserved it

6788

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By cheshireau | 26

#6727523 - Sunday 25 December 2016 10:08

If you lived in Australia it's perfectly appropriate. I was wrecked the morning of my 18th from drinking and shenanigans the night before.

By MidnaLink | 32

#6727086 - Saturday 24 December 2016 15:09

Funny, I didn't realize hospital grade fevers were meant to be a 21st birthday tradition. Damn it, I missed out!

COMMENTS

By DanaeZee | 18

#6727081 - Saturday 24 December 2016 15:02

Perhaps this is your European side?

Sorry, OP, I hope you're feeling better now and this is no actual "today" fml

By MidnaLink | 32

#6727086 - Saturday 24 December 2016 15:09

Funny, I didn't realize hospital grade fevers were meant to be a 21st birthday tradition. Damn it, I missed out!

Steffi | 26

#6727091 - Saturday 24 December 2016 15:25

They're talking about hangovers.

Vkfan | 28

#6727103 - Saturday 24 December 2016 16:19

That's the joke

MidnaLink | 32

#6727117 - Saturday 24 December 2016 16:58

I know she's talking about a hangover, but OP is running a fever.

By moocowmilk0 | 19

#6727093 - Saturday 24 December 2016 15:37

your mom has a good sense of humor

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#6727110 - Saturday 24 December 2016 16:41

All jokes aside, I'm pretty sure if you have a temperature of 104, you need to go to the hospital.

mightBe | 0

#6727119 - Saturday 24 December 2016 17:05

definitely should. anything above 39.5 c (103 f) is quite serious

By OptimusSlime | 23

#6727112 - Saturday 24 December 2016 16:49

Just for future reference water makes you vomit more. You have to wait a few hours before you eat or drink anything after vomiting.

OysterPearls | 33

#6727172 - Saturday 24 December 2016 19:55

I haven't heard of this before, but I would try drinking Gatorade or Pedialyte if possible, those are better options than water when vomiting & might stay down a little better. Feel better OP!