Health: Today, my 18th birthday, I woke up vomiting with a temperature...

By Nick M - 19/12/2016 17:49

Today, my 18th birthday, I woke up vomiting with a temperature of 104 degrees. After I settled back in bed with some water, my mom said, "This is how you're supposed to feel on your 21st birthday, not your 18th." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 179

You deserved it 726

Health

Another great day to be alive

This Charming Man

Fill her up

By FrustratedTutor - 04/02/2015 03:39 - United States - Andover

Today, the kid I was tutoring told me that "pirates were a myth. Like the Greeks and Romans." He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 713

You deserved it 2 810

By independence - 07/07/2011 04:04 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me because he wanted some independence. He moved back into his parents house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 644

You deserved it 3 577

By e - 02/12/2010 09:24 - United States

Today, I couldn't find my key so I sat against the wall to wait for my roommate to get home. I fell asleep. When I woke up a few hours later, I could hear her inside. She chose not to wake me up and let me in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 385

You deserved it 4 307

By pass_the_tp - 13/01/2010 02:57 - United States

Today, I was at the movie theatre. I went to the bathroom, and was about to wipe my butt when I realized that where the toilet-paper dispenser should have been, there was a large hole. The woman in the next stall waved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 248

You deserved it 5 506

By Unlucky. - 16/10/2009 06:21 - United States

Today, I took my parking permit off my car to debate a ticket that I got for not having my permit displayed. Twenty minutes later, when I got back to my car, I had another ticket on my window for not having my parking permit displayed because I was using it to disprove the first ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 858

You deserved it 8 052

Great support, mom

By Red curtains - 03/05/2021 11:01

Today, my mother is still insisting it must have been my fault that my husband beat me into a coma for 5 weeks, because he’s such a "nice boy from a good family" with a really successful career, so it must have been me who provoked him into it. She keeps trying to get us back together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 980

You deserved it 90

Merry Christmas

By Jules - 23/12/2020 11:01 - Germany

Today, I'm unemployed and just had to move. My country’s unemployment agency considers that the ideal moment to invite me for a talk about my job search activities is smack dab in the middle of Christmas vacation, while I’m still busy unpacking moving boxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 144

Drunk

By Anonymous - 13/06/2021 17:59

Today, I awoke in my bathtub, water all over the floor, all the way into my living room. I drank too much so I don't remember getting into the bath, I have no clue how long I was in there, and I got a message from the manager of my apartment complex telling me the water had leaked into the apartment below. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 1 393

By Anonymous - 05/01/2014 05:30 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I was at a basketball game. Sitting in the bleachers, I looked over at my friend and said, "Number 33 has a really cute butt." The man in front of us turned around, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "Thanks." Number 33's dad was a very proud father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 661

You deserved it 14 049

Consolation prize

By Anonymous - 10/10/2021 11:00 - Australia - Bairnsdale

Today, I realised my bestie ditched me for her best friend, which was fine because it's her first. But then I found out she's been hanging out with other new friends and never once thought to hit me up, until I messaged her about feeling sad we hadn't hung out in a while because of the pandemic. Guess it wasn't just the pandemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 129

By IBS - 06/05/2014 09:11 - China - Shanghai

Today, after finishing a two hour essay exam that will determine the future of my career, I realized I misread the question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 122

You deserved it 13 149

Management 101

By Anonymous - 14/11/2020 14:08 - United States

Today, I once again got less than 20 hours of work for the entire week. My boss's solution? Double the staff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 58

By Anonymous - 29/09/2014 15:42 - United States - Springfield

Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He told me one of my lights was busted, and I couldn't help but point out that one of his was out too. He said, "Thanks, I'll get that fixed right away." then gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 365

You deserved it 6 638

By sayno2mermaids - 04/08/2016 02:08 - United States - Denver

Today, I set my beer on the windowsill while I made space for it on the table. Suddenly, the wind knocked the window open. Into my beer. Into a box of expensive electronics. It was the last beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 231

You deserved it 3 193

By inpain - 20/11/2009 15:51 - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 254

You deserved it 40 532

By NotAsGoodAsATruck - 03/06/2018 14:30 - United States - Ludington

Today, after my boyfriend had been away for months, I invited him over to have sex. He said he hurt his back too badly to do anything. Don't worry though, it doesn't hurt enough to stop him from working on his truck for several hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 071

You deserved it 556

By Anonymous - 09/05/2010 16:29 - United Kingdom

Today, if it wasn't already embarrassing enough to tell my boyfriend I was on my period, I had to explain what a period is in the first place, how it works, and why it means nothing can happen during that time of the month. He's twenty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 290

You deserved it 6 734

By Anonymous - 01/07/2009 19:18 - United States

Today, I was in my new boyfriend's apartment for the first time. As I was flipping through his photo albums, I came across one full of disturbingly candid pictures of me. I found some as early as my trip to the state fair, three years ago. I met my boyfriend two months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169 096

You deserved it 10 978

Denied!

By Hystcheria - 25/07/2021 02:01 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I told my long-distance boyfriend that I'd like to throw my legs over my head and have him cram his dick deep inside me. He told me to order a pizza, "It'd be more fun." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 184

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 00:23 - United States

Today, a guy asked for my number. He used the rather annoying "You know, this iPhone has everything... but you know the only thing that's missing is your number." I might have given it to him, if he did have the iPhone, not the makeshift box of Mini Wheat Thins he had in his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 636

You deserved it 5 855

By audreyav - 30/06/2012 08:10 - United States - Dallas

Today, I discovered my cat's favorite hobby: sitting butthole-first on my favorite makeup brush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 681

You deserved it 3 444

Pile on

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 21:01 - United States - Livermore

Today, I was laughingly informed that I'm an overachiever, by my doctor who thinks I have more health conditions than anyone my age should have. Guess who was just diagnosed with another? FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 89

Thanks, I guess…

By Anonymous - 12/08/2019 18:00

Today, I got a package containing a present from my grandma. It was a pack of cookies someone gave her for her birthday, and which no one in the family wanted to take home when she offered, because we all found the cookies disgusting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 140

By Anonymous - 23/02/2012 13:49 - United States

Today, I was writing my rough draft of an essay, and I forgot how to spell a word. I waited for auto correct to help. I was writing on paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 193

You deserved it 44 675

Get creative

By Anonymous - 13/05/2021 00:01

Today, I was put in charge of painting a storage shed. The company owner ordered me to paint it a shade of blue. The site manager order me to paint it red. My boss ordered green paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 49

You ANIMAL

By ElevatorThug - 25/08/2009 09:17 - Singapore

Today, as I got into an elevator, I spotted a little old lady hobbling desperately to get on. I frantically tapped on the 'door open' button but the doors closed. I got dirty looks from the people in the lift, only then did I realise I had frantically tapped the 'door close' button instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 179

You deserved it 34 226

Smurf mouth

By shoeaddiikt - 07/10/2009 07:48 - Australia

Today, I was in an exam and was chewing the end of my pen, stuck on a question. My mouth filled up with ink. I wasn't allowed to leave, so I had to sit for another hour with a foul-tasting blue tongue and a half-working pen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 222

You deserved it 42 370

By Anonymous - 30/11/2014 01:38 - United States - Houston

Today, while walking home with my mom, some unoriginal cockshart in a passing car yelled at me: "Fuck her in the pussy!" It was a long, awkward walk home after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 034

You deserved it 2 957

By OutOfTheCloset - 02/06/2012 06:50 - United States - Clifton

Today, I came out of the closet. I came out on Facebook to spare myself awkward conversations and gossip. I wrote a deeply meaningful status about my partner and my pride in who I was. The only responses were, "Lol", "Hacked", and similar remarks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 678

You deserved it 12 929

By asstomouth - 29/05/2010 18:20 - France

Today, I wasn't feeling well, so I took my temperature with a thermometer from my sister's bathroom. I later found out that I actually used my sister's rectal thermometer. At least I don't have a fever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 058

You deserved it 9 614

By tingleballs - 28/04/2016 14:57 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I put some of my wife's eucalyptus oil in my bath to make it relaxing. I soon found out the amount I used was about 100 times more than you're supposed to use. It took an hour of burning agony to find out the only way to get even a hint of relief was to cover my nuts in yoghurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 775

You deserved it 5 213

By Anonymous - 29/09/2015 22:50 - United States - Howell

Today, my mom was watching me during my Taekwondo lessons. She was yelling at me to focus on my own work and to quit hanging out with the little kids. I'm the instructor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 790

You deserved it 1 783

By Anonymous - 26/01/2013 01:04 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my boss put me on suspension for violating company policy by having non-work related mail in my inbox. They were spam emails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 962

You deserved it 2 257

Busted

By Anonymous - 01/09/2013 05:06 - United States - El Paso

Today, I, for some reason, was talking to my mom about money. I jokingly said that the reason we're short on cash is because of her internet porn addiction. She replied, with a straight face, "How did you know?" I'm still not sure if she's joking or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 560

You deserved it 5 747

Here I go again

By Anonymous - 03/01/2013 05:02 - United States - Austin

Today, after I finally laid down from a long day and was about to fall asleep, I realized I forgot to set my alarm. I don't own an alarm clock and my alarm is on my phone. Which was in my car. I live on 15th floor of an apartment building and our parking garage is across the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 949

You deserved it 10 063

That's a great look!

By MissQ - 20/06/2020 17:01

Today, I was trying to learn how to whistle. On the elevator ride up to my room, I was experimenting with tongue placement and mouth position. At the height of my facial contortions and probable spitting, the elevator doors opened to reveal the guy I've been crushing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 073

You deserved it 565

By bummed out step monster - 24/06/2015 04:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I overheard my soon to be step-daughter telling her friend on the phone that she hopes that me and her father's wedding is just a big joke and that he isn't really going to go through with it. I just dropped five grand on a dress and venue. She's in for a surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 980

You deserved it 3 088

By Da Boss - 05/10/2016 01:19 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my coworker and I agreed to come clean and tell our fellow employees that we have been secretly dating for a while. Before we could, I received a promotion. I am now his boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 848

You deserved it 1 893

Ruined art

By annie - 17/11/2020 00:08 - United States - Denver

Today, while sitting on a bench drawing, some guy went up to me, yelled, “YOUR ART SUCKS” and flipped my sketchpad out of my hands. I’d been working on that piece for hours and now there’s a big black pencil streak on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 287

You deserved it 61

By Howdoiwatchpoliticsnow - 29/05/2016 20:06 - United States - Newton

Today, I tried to get my son off of the couch by turning off the wifi. Afterward, I went to watch tv. Turns out he got me back by turning off the cable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 895

You deserved it 6 479

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Top comments

cheshireau 26

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Sunday 25 December 2016 10:08

If you lived in Australia it's perfectly appropriate. I was wrecked the morning of my 18th from drinking and shenanigans the night before.

MidnaLink 33

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Saturday 24 December 2016 15:09

Funny, I didn't realize hospital grade fevers were meant to be a 21st birthday tradition. Damn it, I missed out!

DanaeZee 18

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Saturday 24 December 2016 15:02

Perhaps this is your European side? Sorry, OP, I hope you're feeling better now and this is no actual "today" fml

MidnaLink 33

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Saturday 24 December 2016 15:09

Funny, I didn't realize hospital grade fevers were meant to be a 21st birthday tradition. Damn it, I missed out!

Steffi 26

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Saturday 24 December 2016 15:25

They're talking about hangovers.

Vkfan 28

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Saturday 24 December 2016 16:19

That's the joke

MidnaLink 33

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Saturday 24 December 2016 16:58

I know she's talking about a hangover, but OP is running a fever.

moocowmilk0 19

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Saturday 24 December 2016 15:37

your mom has a good sense of humor

NostalgiaFreak9 40

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Saturday 24 December 2016 16:41

All jokes aside, I'm pretty sure if you have a temperature of 104, you need to go to the hospital.

mightBe 0

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Saturday 24 December 2016 17:05

definitely should. anything above 39.5 c (103 f) is quite serious

OptimusSlime 23

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Saturday 24 December 2016 16:49

Just for future reference water makes you vomit more. You have to wait a few hours before you eat or drink anything after vomiting.

OysterPearls 33

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Saturday 24 December 2016 19:55

I haven't heard of this before, but I would try drinking Gatorade or Pedialyte if possible, those are better options than water when vomiting & might stay down a little better. Feel better OP!