Today, while I was asleep, my girlfriend squirted a tiny amount of “mild” hot sauce up my pee hole. In an area that sensitive there's no such thing as fucking mild. I’ve had two days off work already because it stings, and I cry every time I have to pee. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my prank-loving girlfriend pushed hot sauce up my penis hole with her tongue by pretending she was going to give me oral sex. It’s been an hour of burning, it’s worse when I pee, and I think I may need a hospital. FML
Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML
Today, I may be permanently blind in one eye after my girlfriend squirted me with sauce during a playful food fight. She basically used the first bottle she could grab without looking, the extra spicy sauce I make myself that requires gloves, goggles and nose plugs while cooking. FML
Today, my husband decided to literally spice things up. He put a "small amount" of hot-sauce in our lubricant without telling me. He thought 1,000,000 Scoville units would make me cum. The only one who came was the paramedic. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try something new in bed. He blindfolded me and I felt something cold on my lady parts. Five seconds later it started burning so I looked. He decided to use toothpaste because he couldn't find chocolate sauce to lick off. It hurts to pee. FML
Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML
Today, I get the feeling my wife is mad at me. I have no evidence to support this, except she ran me a bath with a bath bomb and a shit load of chilli powder, so like I say, no hard evidence except the excruciating burning in my asshole, peehole, ballsack, nostril and eyes. FML
Today, I finally had sex with the guy I like, but I had to pee really bad. It got really wet down there, and he thought I squirted. I peed everywhere. I let him believe he made me squirt. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to give me a naked massage. She straddled my back and started rubbing, then she sneezed and peed on me. FML
Today, my day started with me peeing in my own face. My eye still burns. FML
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Top comments
cuz803 46
Break up with her. She's insane and dangerous.
lalalaila777 24
maybe it's time to end your relationship before it gets worse? though this seems hard to top, i would not want To know what stupid prank comes next
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Comments (12)
cuz803 46
Break up with her. She's insane and dangerous.
lalalaila777 24
maybe it's time to end your relationship before it gets worse? though this seems hard to top, i would not want To know what stupid prank comes next
Hangryko 32
Break up with her from the hospital; you may have an infection. Also, you can charge her with assault.
Crowned Sataness 12
you mean ex gf right? cuz there's no way she thought that was a harmless prank
Brightside86 31
You're doing the noble thing by staying with her...please don't unleash this girl upon the dating market.
mcsmee 8
Make her suck the hot sauce out.
rudico67 8
1. Dump her. 2. Press charges.
Yup2016 4
Literally "spicy"
nammavic1 12
I’d beat that bitch within an inch of her miserable life.
Jall8089 9
You’re not the first person to claim this. I’m not a guy, but it makes no sense to me how someone can do this and not wake the person up. How deep of a sleeper are you?