Today, I drunkenly hooked up with a meth dealer I just met online. Of course this occurred at his place, since he's on home detention for drug trafficking - ankle bracelet and all. Worst part? I really liked it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was supposed to go on a date with my attractive and seemingly charming neighbor. Yesterday, his house was raided and he was arrested for running a heroin ring. FML
Today, while trying to have a serious conversation with my husband about his drug use over text, he came home. Drunk. FML
Today, I made up an ingenious plan to finally hook up with the guy I really like at a party. Well, the plan itself worked great. Too bad I got so drunk that I used it on the wrong person. FML
Today, I got an e-mail from a guy I'd had a one night stand with. He wanted to get together to talk about it. Turns out he's in rehab and he wanted to address the biggest mistakes he'd ever made in his life. I am a on a drug addict's list of regrets. FML
Today, I was on a date with someone I've had a crush on for a long time. It was after midnight, we were chatting in the car and I was close to having my first kiss ever. That is, until a bunch of policemen popped up to arrest my date for being a suspected drug dealer. FML
Today, I found out that the reason why the guy I took home from the bar seemed to understand everything about me instantly was because he was my ex's secret drug dealer. FML
Today, I found out the friend I signed a lease with is actually a wanted drug dealer. I only found this out after the police kicked in the door at 5am and raided our house. FML
Today, I, someone who has experienced only one romantic relationship in my 35 years (which ended 8 years ago), was hit on by a homeless drug felon client at work. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really hit it off with. Then he admitted that he was a recovering heroin addict and had to cut our date short to go to the methadone clinic. When I got home, I realized that my wallet was missing $40. I think he lied about the "recovering" part. FML
Today, I got drunk and hooked up with some random chick. Later, I found out she's Facebook friends with my girlfriend. They used to be best friends when the girl was a senior. Small world. FML
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Top comments
Bogrbon 27
I mean - that's pretty much all on you.
rainbowdonnareed 18
Um hmm how did you find this person? meth finder
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Comments (12)
Bogrbon 27
I mean - that's pretty much all on you.
rainbowdonnareed 18
Um hmm how did you find this person? meth finder
coius 23
The partner to tinder: syringe
kfchicken 31
he must have been really charming for you to accept meth dick
red6joker 8
of course you liked it. he has that bad boy vibe. it's in your genetics to view such behaviors as alpha and desireable.
Lora Wood 11
Well every one has to be good at something....
BurnInDemonFire 39
Okay kids, let's do a fun math question! (I promise it's more fun than it sounds) 1 woman so drunk she ***** a meth-head + 1 meth-head who was most likely high as **** when they ****** + The combined incompetence of a drunk and a meth-head + 9 months = ? Everyone who answers this correctly gets 100 cookies of their choice, a Covid vaccine, and the chance to one day go to Disney World. You will have to pay for it yourselves, however.
coius 23
A nimbecile?
BurnInDemonFire 39
If that's what the youth of today call babies, then yes.
flagbitch 8
Idc how good that dick is, you leave it alone! Only destructive bitches who desire feeling like your ****** is on fire from the std he gave you deserve dick on lock down!
Yummi_913 18
I mean... you were sober when you decided to go to a meth traffickers house alone..... you must not have much self respect, or any sense of danger. Or you're just so soooo desperate. At least do yourself a favor and don't start doing meth too. In any case, YDI. But congrats on the good dick I guess.
Warp1978 15
Everyone loves a bad boi
dasin 18
he has a nice bracelet to prove that he is not a good dealer, but you know where he is at XD