By Anonymous

Charming...

Today, my toddler is starting to realize when she has a dirty diaper. How do I know? She walked up to me with a shit covered hand, saying "Poop Mommy! Poop!!" FML

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3275

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Kids

Our house, in the middle of our street

Vulture

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

By Jess - United States - Modesto

Today, in a desperate attempt to add some variety to my life, I resorted to closing my eyes and picking a random font for my essay paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35693

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7766

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, both my car and my father's car were broken into. They stole my radio, purse, wallet, camera, and multiple items of clothing. What did they take from my dad's car? Some screwdrivers to rip my radio out of my dash. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23547

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5280

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By Anonymous - United States - Modesto

Today, I worked up my courage and took an elevator for the first time in my life. Unfortunately, it was also my first time getting trapped for several hours in an elevator. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40899

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4059

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By Anonymous

Today, without thinking, I casually advised my mum that the best way to get the piping nozzle clean is to 'fingerfuck' it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10847

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4806

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in the Cafeteria at a table near the guy I like. He was playing around with a ball with a couple of his friends. They dropped it, and it rolled over next to my foot. When I bent down to pick it up, I smashed my head against a chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26607

You deserved it

5004

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By LesToiliettes - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, was the first day of my new job. My boss admitted that they hadn't cleaned the employee bathroom for over two months. My first task: clean the employee bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26760

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2133

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By Anonymous - United States

Heavy

Today, a 100-foot maple tree fell on my house. I was inside. I was sleeping. FML

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1662

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By Amanda - United States

Today, my ex's mom got a job as our new soccer coach and recognized me from our New Year's party last year. She made me, and me alone, do 10 laps around the field in the rain for breaking her son's heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52244

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12658

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I flew into Denver. Never being here before, I was excited to see the view from our window. In the middle seat, I leaned over to look - at the same time yawning to relieve pressure in my ears. The yawning caused me to drool on the stranger sitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9590

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29324

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By son - Israel

Today, my mom told me that she doesn't want me to help any of my friends get a job at the restaurant I work at. Apparently, she thinks that they would do a better job than me and get me fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27149

You deserved it

4256

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By holler - Japan

Today, I had my parents over at my new apartment. As I was telling them how quiet and peaceful my new place is, we could hear my neighbors talking nasty to each other before launching into a full-blown sex ordeal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33025

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3129

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By Username - United States

Today, I went to an amateur baseball game with some family and friends. When our team hit a home run, my grandpa took it upon himself to start screaming wildly, removing his prosthetic leg and waving it jubilantly in the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34512

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5595

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By WasntMe

In the words of Shaggy...

Today, my husband went through my phone and computer, accusing me of cheating. Baffled and hurt by the untrue accusation, I asked what he found that made him think that. He replied, "Nothing! Absolutely nothing!" Apparently, no evidence IS evidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3776

You deserved it

227

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By Noname - United States

Today, a toddler's play ball rolled over to me in the park. I playfully pitched it to him as his parents watched from afar. The ball hit him in the face. FML

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27655

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3889

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By Anonymous - United States - Cherry Hill

Lazy ass

Today, my husband called me a nympho after I told him I'd ideally like us to have sex more than once a month. FML

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41500

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3300

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By sofuckingembarassing. - United States

Today, I spoke to my crush for the first time, and after a while he asked for my number. Ecstatic, I took the first piece of paper I saw out of my purse. I wrote it down and gave it to him, but he handed it back and said, "You might need this." It was an appointment card for my therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34124

You deserved it

7946

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By technodont - United States

Today, my rental car had an automatic rear hatch. That sounded helpful until I used it and it emptied $60 in just-purchased groceries for the week on the parking lot pavement. The jars and jugs weren't ready for the leap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26220

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4303

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By mommy_issues - United States

Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML

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52058

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4513

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By trick or not treat - France

Today, I bought fifteen bags of candy for the trick-or-treaters. I sat outside with a bowl of candy the whole night. Only one person came. FML

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37300

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7203

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By Anonymous

Today, I tried to change my usually stoic behaviour and be friendly to a coworker. Now she is convinced that I finally went insane and intend to murder her. FML

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10713

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1082

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By CDeVeney92 - United States

Today, I got threatened with a gun through the drive thru speaker because I didn't offer some guy any pies to go with his meal. FML

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28901

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3172

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40501

You deserved it

7484

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By Anonymous - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, a colleague told me he was pretending to be me on a dating site, and that he has four pending dates. Last time I tried being myself, my first and only date pushed me down some stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22845

You deserved it

1670

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I'm spending the night with the guy I've been interested in for a while. Instead of sleeping in the same bed together, he insists that I sleep in another room because he "doesn't want to be tempted to do anything." So, I'm alone, in my best lingerie, in his little brother's room. FML

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36389

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8529

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By herestowaiting - United States - Detroit

Today, I'm officially a week overdue. I went to the hospital, thinking I was in labor since I was in so much pain. Turns out it was just gas. The nurse couldn't hold back her look of pity as she told me this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13500

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1104

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By WesJaz - United States

Today, I was working as a cashier and a woman brought up a suitcase. As I was ringing her up I checked inside like I'm supposed to and I very jokingly say, "Look at all the stuff you're stealing." She laughed nervously then hit me in the head with her heavy purse before running out of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36422

You deserved it

4439

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By -_- - United States

Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML

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38883

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5331

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By Anonymous

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. As he came, he yelled "FIRST, BITCHES!" FML

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54764

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9800

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By oldskoolgrl - United States

Today, I was denied acceptance to The University of Georgia. I was down all day so I decided to go to a party my friend was throwing. Thinking it would cheer me up, as soon as I arrive all I see is colleges on shirts, hats, and sweatshirts, most being UGA. It was a college acceptance party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62958

You deserved it

7841

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By Anonymous - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I saw my ex best friend and my cheating ex-girlfriend hanging out at the gym, where I work. They signed up here just to piss me off. It's working. FML

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16323

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1116

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By West of the day - 22/9/2020 05:01

Forever Alone

Today, I've been feeling horny a lot lately, so I downloaded Tinder and subscribed to Tinder Gold. The only matches I've had are with bots and people saying 'subscribe to my Instagram for premium content.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

806

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321

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By OopsKid - France

Today, I accidentally said, "Yes, Sir." to my female teacher. I then apologized by saying, "Sorry, Sir." FML

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38218

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16502

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By badparent - Australia - Southport

Today, my 16-year-old son convinced my 14-year-old daughter that she wasn't allowed to use the ladies bathroom at the shopping centre, because she wasn't wearing a dress like the girl on the sign. He told her girls in pants always used the other one. She believed him. This is my legacy. FML

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46974

You deserved it

6889

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By coldasfire - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend keeps my toenails in her deceased grandmother's prized music box. She says it's to, "Keep the box natural." I don't understand why she does this, or what she means by "natural." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27331

You deserved it

2462

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By konacoffee17 - United States - Portland

Today, I was having a nice conversation with my fiancé when he said out of nowhere, "I sold some of your panties". I thought he was joking so I said I hoped they weren't any of my favorites. He wasn't joking, though, and now some stranger from Craigslist owns my panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33581

You deserved it

3050

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By Therapy needed urgently

Kinky.

Today, after I got fed up and told my bullying step-brother exactly what I thought of him, he became overly polite. He then admitted that me shouting at him was the most turned on he's ever been in his life. Now he loves me and wants to be my "submissive" boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5495

You deserved it

410

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By music man - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend of two years that I love her. She replied, "Um, I don't mean to be rude, but can you just shut up?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36032

You deserved it

3827

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By Nikki - United States

Awkward

Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36051

You deserved it

91253

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By Scoopie

Same as "work", "boss" is also a four-letter word

Today, my job offer from 2 weeks ago was rescinded. My "new boss" didn't like my last performance review. I'd spent 30 hours preparing a case study for the second interview. He wants me to be a "standup guy" and withdraw my application voluntarily, so HR doesn't have to get involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5075

You deserved it

324

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By ugheffmylife - United States

Today, I was playing with my phone and turned it on lock mode. I changed my lock code a few months ago, so that no one would be able to guess it. Turns out I can't guess it either. FML

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12664

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56407

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Top comments

By Zekfen | 17

#7642040 - Friday 1 June 2018 16:12

It gets better! Next FML from you will be when she realizes she can paint the walls with that poop! So much better than crayons!

By ARISKomuniszt | 24

#7642024 - Friday 1 June 2018 15:33

At least she is aware of it - that might make potty training slightly easier!

COMMENTS

By Spiritbird | 17

#7642008 - Friday 1 June 2018 15:14

Cuz she thinks 'a poop in the hand is worth two in the diaper'??

By ARISKomuniszt | 24

#7642024 - Friday 1 June 2018 15:33

At least she is aware of it - that might make potty training slightly easier!

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7642037 - Friday 1 June 2018 16:04

Having a child is very life fulfilling, or so I'm told.

By Zekfen | 17

#7642040 - Friday 1 June 2018 16:12

It gets better! Next FML from you will be when she realizes she can paint the walls with that poop! So much better than crayons!

By indienerdgirl | 27

#7642042 - Friday 1 June 2018 16:21

My son let us know by taking off his diaper and throwing it at us. Especially when he was in his playpen. 😂 It's definitely potty training time with him lol

By dexter420 | 21

#7642043 - Friday 1 June 2018 16:24

Time to put her down. Its too late

By RichardPencil | 30

#7642052 - Friday 1 June 2018 16:44

Does she have 30 spiteful playmates who love to post pics?

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7642056 - Friday 1 June 2018 17:02

Somebody's becoming aware of her body functions. I think it's time for potty training.

By lucasj23 | 11

#7642174 - Friday 1 June 2018 22:02

it's all part of the process. get over it.

By Emily Vokes | 3

#7642215 - Saturday 2 June 2018 0:25

adorably gross