Today, I asked my wife who she would choose, me or the dog. She... - FML

By Anonymous - 18/07/2019 18:00

Today, I asked my wife who she would choose, me or the dog. She chose the dog. No hesitation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 328

You deserved it 995

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Same thing different taste

By WoofWoof - 07/12/2009 18:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of six months called me. He said his mom was making him choose between having a dog or having a girlfriend. I asked him which one he picked. He went quiet, and I heard barking in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 169

You deserved it 5 012

By mugged - 20/03/2011 20:29 - United States

Today, my dog had to choose between protecting me from a mugger or eating an apple. He chose the apple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 431

You deserved it 4 851

Dogs rule

By Anonymous - 10/05/2019 04:00

Today, my wife kicked me out of my own bed to go and sleep on the sofa because the dog was whining, and would only stop if she was allowed to sleep on my side of the bed. My wife would rather sleep with the dog than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 891

You deserved it 339

Deflection

By Richard - 25/06/2012 03:03 - United States - Uxbridge

Today, I was talking with my wife of five years, and I gave her a few hints about wanting kids. After our talk, she looked at me completely serious and said, "Yeah yeah, kids are great and all, but can't we just get you a dog?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 492

You deserved it 6 201

By Anonymous - 10/07/2009 09:21 - Canada

Today, my husband gave me an ultimatum - choose him or my male best friend. I chose my husband. My husband then admitted to me that he was hoping I would choose my best friend so he would have an excuse to leave me and wouldn't have to tell me he's been cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 912

You deserved it 4 530

By Afroman720 - 27/07/2015 18:55 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 774

You deserved it 2 890

By Anonymous - 27/08/2014 23:04 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was woken up by my wife softly kissing me on the lips. Half asleep, I kissed her back, before quickly opening my eyes and realising it wasn't my wife; it was my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 581

You deserved it 7 518

By yolonono - 04/12/2014 18:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was on a field trip with my son, my husband decided to get rid of our dog without asking anyone. Now I get to pick up the pieces of a broken heart, and he thinks he did nothing wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 893

You deserved it 3 017

By *sneeze* - 29/11/2018 12:00

Today, it's my wife's birthday. Since I had work, I gave her $200 to spend on herself and left. When I came back with dinner and the movie she wanted, I found her with a dog. She is very attached to him because the shelter was going to put him down. I love him, but I'm allergic to dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 128

You deserved it 473

By Doggotmytongue - 12/02/2013 21:50 - United States - Peoria

Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck, I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 373

You deserved it 6 755

Next

Top comments

JuliaKay14 33

Thursday 18 July 2019 19:55

You shouldn’t have asked her to choose

aerith105 14

Thursday 18 July 2019 19:52

I mean FYL my dude but let's be real. I'd pick my dog over my boyfriend too if he made me pick. No doubts about it. Lady's got her priorities straight

Comments

Henry8cooper 15

Thursday 18 July 2019 18:03

Time to look for a divorce lawyer - choose a good one - maybe you will have custody of the dog 😂

aerith105 14

Thursday 18 July 2019 19:52

I mean FYL my dude but let's be real. I'd pick my dog over my boyfriend too if he made me pick. No doubts about it. Lady's got her priorities straight

JuliaKay14 33

Thursday 18 July 2019 19:55

You shouldn’t have asked her to choose

jbuckets_404 38

Thursday 18 July 2019 22:02

That's one of those questions for which you better damn well know what the answer is already else DON'T ask it 'cuz you probably won't like to know for certain otherwise....

AmbrosiaFan 18

Friday 19 July 2019 0:15

Who'd she meet first? How old are you both and the dog?

Marjo86 29

Friday 19 July 2019 0:32

YTDI for asking this question

RichardPencil 30

Friday 19 July 2019 1:44

I’m sure she didn’t like the arrogance of your asking her that.

saberjpg 6

Friday 19 July 2019 17:15

Maybe it an indication of how you treat her? It could be the "Wake up call" you need to start being a better husband. Too often, in relationships, people take the other half for granted. They forget to be happy that the other person is in their lives. They forget to take the time to tell them how amazing they are, and how lucky they are to have them. It's not too late to start.

WeirdUS 29

Saturday 20 July 2019 0:28

That's your fault dogs live on average 15 years and pets for a lot of people are family. Your an idiot for. thinking she'd give up the dog

Azzz 4

Sunday 21 July 2019 12:22

This is not a smart question. Never asked this kind of question again 😹😹

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Family Teachers Education YouTube Language Cars Animals Cats Health Relatable Clumsy Ironic Love Anniversary Cute Shopping Social Media Embarrassing Instagram Injury Sports Crush Work Clothes Food Birds Mental health Public freakouts

The Top

Today, I was telling my mom my boyfriend started an argument because I’ve not been feeling well, so I haven’t cooked or wanted sex for a week or so. My dad piped up that if mom used such a lame excuse to avoid blowjobs and cooking, he’d damn we’ll start an argument too. Mom agreed with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 331

Today, I volunteered for a school play. During rehearsal, I was playing the part of an average housewife. The teacher asked for a volunteer to be my husband. Thirty seconds go by and no one raises their hand. The teacher ended up playing the part because no else wanted to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 076

You deserved it 2 588

The Top

Today, I pulled over because my cell phone was ringing, as it's now illegal to use in a car. I finished the call when a motorcycle cop on side of road pulls up behind me and comes over. The reason? "You pulled off the road and it was suspicious, then I ran your plate…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 228

You deserved it 358

Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 243

You deserved it 6 632

Today, I was lost in a new town, so I asked a woman for directions. For some reason, she seemed to avoid me. About halfway down the block, she quickly turned around, and the next thing I remember is my eyes stinging like hell. Apparently she thought I was a mugger and maced me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 201

You deserved it 4 163

Today, I realized I look better with a Hitler moustache than any other facial hairstyle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 190

Today, while packing up my classroom, I had a sudden stinging pain in my finger. Since I live in Arizona, my first thought was a black widow or scorpion, but the ER doctor didn't believe me and said it's nothing. Tell that to my tingling swollen arm. It’s been 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 819

You deserved it 225

Today, I realized I've become a stereotypical militant vegan when I told a friend that we should start raising Lone Star ticks and dropping them around town so we could spread meat allergies and force people to eat vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 1 299