By Kathleen Verswijvel - 16/3/2020 14:35

Bad timing

Today, it's been a while since I've been looking for a job. Too bad most companies are closing down and ordering people to work from home because of the Coronavirus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1861

You deserved it

186

Favorite

Toxic parents

Clocked

KoBabe

By Anonymous - 17/6/2018 15:00

Today, I was brutally tackled and detained by a group of people until the police arrived, because I fit the description of a wanted criminal who was featured on the news. This isn't the first time this has happened, and no style change I've tried has been able to avert it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3629

You deserved it

221

Favorite

By oops - 22/8/2014 14:35 - Australia - Wembley

Today, I stuck one of those "kick me" signs on my friend's back for fun, and someone took the invitation. Unfortunately, my friend whirled around and beat the shit out of him. I managed to sneak the sign off his back, but now I feel like a total asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21502

You deserved it

50497

Favorite

By horny and alone - 4/11/2018 03:00

Today, I went home with my cute coworker. What started out as a little dirty talk and teasing ended with him admitting he was in a terrible emotional place and sending me home in an Uber so he could sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2586

You deserved it

368

Favorite

By stupid voicemails - 28/4/2013 09:09 - United States - Lahaina

Today, I missed multiple calls from the company I applied to. That was the supervisor calling, wanting to hire me. I then remembered my idiotic voicemail I made months ago where I pretended to answer and say stupid stuff for 5 minutes. I don't think I'm going to get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21974

You deserved it

55016

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/11/2011 17:20 - United States

Today, after holding it in for hours, I finally managed to run to the bathroom for a pee. I thought it was impossible for rats to climb up the sewer pipes and into the toilet, but apparently I was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36769

You deserved it

2720

Favorite

By lug_nut - 6/1/2010 05:24 - United States

Today, I went to my boyfriend's house so that he could break up with me. I went out to my car to leave only to discover that all of the wheels had been stolen. Even the spare. I had to spend the rest of the day with my ex-boyfriend finding a way to get my car home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30155

You deserved it

3296

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/1/2010 16:12 - United States

Today, I called a suicide prevention hotline. No one picked up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

71259

You deserved it

6903

Favorite

By pottie69 - 7/9/2011 05:23 - United States

Today, my social anxiety got so bad that I'm now afraid to add people on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29567

You deserved it

7131

Favorite

By Myboyfriendisaromanticslob - 10/3/2011 05:09 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend set up a very romantic dinner. Afterwards, he offered to wash the dishes while I went upstairs and relaxed. His way of washing the dishes was to scrape all the food off, then wipe the juices off the dishes with a paper towel before putting them back in the cupboards. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33291

You deserved it

6446

Favorite

By oink oink fuck off - 29/7/2012 18:49 - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Today, my son got to my great grandfather's old stopwatch, which had been valued at a very high sum, and broke it by twisting the hands in reverse. He says he was trying to time travel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25824

You deserved it

3688

Favorite

By DeepCleanAcne - 2/9/2017 20:00

Today, I found out that my intense acne is actually an allergic reaction to the "deep clean" product I've been using to reduce it. I've been using this product for the past ten years. Ten years of suffering through "acne" could have been easily avoided. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3701

You deserved it

1115

Favorite

By I’m screwed - 8/12/2018 15:30

Today, we’ve had a rat problem in our house for a few weeks. Recently I hid a bottle of booze in my room so my parents wouldn’t see it. But my parents saw a rat in my room and tore the whole thing apart to find it, eventually finding my bottle instead. I was literally ratted out by a rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1730

You deserved it

2632

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/7/2020 02:04

Life imitates art

Today, I had to sit through the film The 40 Year Old Virgin with my friends, who thought it was hilarious. I'm well over 40 and also a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1630

You deserved it

387

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/1/2010 21:26 - United States

Today, after months of hardcore flirting with this incredibly attractive guy, he invited me to hang out. At which point he introduced me to his boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39274

You deserved it

7650

Favorite

By awskme - 9/1/2010 00:36 - France

Today, I was having passionate sex with my girlfiend of nine months. She's making a lot of noise so I tell her to keep it down and remind her my parents and sister downstairs. A few minutes later I get a text from my sister saying my parents want to make sure I'm wearing a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10613

You deserved it

28234

Favorite

By masterdisaster - 11/4/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, one of our regular customers came in and was telling me he bought an assault rifle. I told him not to go off his meds and shoot up the store, as a joke. Later, my manager told me that the guy is on antidepressants and was discharged from the military for being "mentally unfit." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46658

You deserved it

19449

Favorite

By Moth_Balled - 15/12/2015 04:50 - Australia

Today, my wife knelt down in front me to give me a blowjob. As she took my underwear off a moth flew out of them. I've got no idea how it got there but I was cock-blocked by a moth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30344

You deserved it

6340

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/7/2010 18:24 - Canada

Today, a friend of mine came to my house with tears in her eyes. I thought she was finally single so I could ask her out. Actually, her mother found out she was dating a girl, so she wants me to be her fake boyfriend as a cover-up. At least we're "dating" now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45880

You deserved it

6878

Favorite

By razzmataz - 28/1/2009 13:38 - United States

Today, I was discussing my family heritage with my girlfriend's parents. The moment I told them that I came from a German background, her seven-year-old brother pointed at me and yelled, "HITLER!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

29858

You deserved it

3127

Favorite

By Shiverice - 13/10/2012 11:22 - United States - Battle Creek

Today, I was babysitting four kids. I turned the TV on for them, and set the youngest on my lap. She started giggling and pointing at every single pimple I have, exclaiming "Boo-boo!" This went on for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23589

You deserved it

3167

Favorite

By SallyGeen - 27/7/2011 07:23 - United Kingdom

Today, at a fancy dress party, I got off with Hitler. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22572

You deserved it

40219

Favorite

By EdwinOEF - 31/12/2011 22:36 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I flew to Dubai, en route to my new job in Afghanistan. Both of my bags were lost, my debit card was frozen in London, the next flight was cancelled, and I can't get a hotel room. I'm in the richest city in world with no money and no room. Happy New Year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39550

You deserved it

3011

Favorite

By Username - 24/12/2010 23:49 - United States

Today, after pulling an all-nighter, I had the pleasure of meeting my girlfriend's mother for the very first time. She walked in on me in the bathroom; I'd completely lost focus and fallen asleep while taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15926

You deserved it

27186

Favorite

By downer - 25/5/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I was feeling really down. So I texted my boyfriend and asked him to tell me why he loves me, thinking he would cheer me up. His response? "Don't bug me with this stupid shit anymore. You always ask such dumb questions." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40166

You deserved it

58543

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/1/2013 21:18 - United States - Fayette

Today, I had to have major oral surgery. Needless to say I am in need of some heavy pain medication. My pharmacist insists that my surgeon never called in my medicine, and my surgeon insists otherwise. This has been going back and forth for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32134

You deserved it

2144

Favorite

By StupidDentist - 20/6/2011 19:21 - United States

Today, I went to the dentist to get a filling. Instead of giving me Novocaine, my dentist decided he was going to use a special new paste on me while he drilled. It didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37834

You deserved it

3161

Favorite

By NotAsToughAsHeThinks - 14/2/2011 03:25 - United States

Today, a man pulled me violently into an alleyway and informed me I was being mugged. Being a body-builder, I said, "Oh yeah? I dare you." He kicked my ass in a matter of seconds, stole my wallet, then farted on my bruised face. He called me a wimp. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16009

You deserved it

53451

Favorite

By Dani - 28/11/2011 12:34 - Reserved

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting a historical war bunker when I accidentally let rip a small fart. My boyfriend responded with a horribly loud, horrendous fart, and loudly announced, "This is war." There were people, lots of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34125

You deserved it

9383

Favorite

By Halle - 1/11/2011 07:41 - United States

Today, my immature step-father rubbed my head destroying the $300 hairdo that took two and a half hours to finish. Three minutes before my wedding ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62967

You deserved it

6655

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/7/2019 18:00

Today, my stress sweat overpowered my prescription strength deodorant 45 minutes into an 8-hour shift. I don't know who is more miserable, me or my coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1742

You deserved it

143

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/5/2009 19:37 - United States

Today, after a nap, I went to scratch my eye and felt what I presumed to be a clump of mascara on my eyelash. I didn't wear mascara today. It was a tick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60139

You deserved it

3832

Favorite

By Mackdaddy - 7/2/2010 14:21 - United States

Today, I was at basketball practice and my coach asked me how my knee was. When I lifted my pants to show him, my cheetah print thong that had been stuck inside the pants from the dryer flew out to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29964

You deserved it

9033

Favorite

By wf - 14/9/2011 18:11 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me that if my penis was on any other body it would be considered small, but on me it's "cute." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42812

You deserved it

4453

Favorite

By bloody hell - 4/6/2015 05:59 - Philippines - Para?aque

Today, my sister and I had a fight. In her rage, she threw piles of dirty laundry at me. One of her bloody panties hit me on the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31867

You deserved it

3809

Favorite

By Noname - 9/3/2009 17:04 - Canada

Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. He seemed to be enjoying it, his penis "came out". My boyfriend was walking by and said "at least you turn someone on." FML

I agree, your life sucks

82024

You deserved it

8633

Favorite

By djl - 20/12/2012 05:30 - Canada - Beaumont

Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43885

You deserved it

15286

Favorite

By koletatlow19 - 5/3/2010 05:23 - Canada

Today, my boss fired me because "I didn't get the right kind of coffee beans." FML

I agree, your life sucks

26961

You deserved it

3809

Favorite

By AlwaysAfraid - 16/10/2018 22:00

Today, I went on a date for the first time in almost a year. To keep things casual, he had a couple of his friends join. Oh and by a couple of friends, I mean a party of people from his church. I'm not religious. The date wasn't even half over before I was being preached to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3063

You deserved it

259

Favorite

By embarrassed - 12/7/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, I was at Target with my mom and we finished purchasing our items. We had gotten a fan so I said, "This thing is too big to fit in." First thing my mom yells? "THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!" and starts laughing hysterically in front of the entire store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51137

You deserved it

12600

Favorite

By jlong9071 - 9/11/2014 03:38 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I learned that when you're talking about your girlfriend's 6'4", 250 lb dad in a negative way, you should really make sure he isn't around first. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19845

You deserved it

39829

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By RichardPencil | 28

#7889655 - Sunday 15 March 2020 6:44

Funeral homes are hiring. You know how to use a shovel?

By Marcella1016 | 29

#7889813 - Sunday 15 March 2020 20:17

Yes, because a pandemic makes all our other problems disappear. Who needs money for food, shelter, and other bills? Who needs to worry about health insurance and other benefits? Good thing we all live in a bubble where our problems come at us one at a time.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 28

#7889655 - Sunday 15 March 2020 6:44

Funeral homes are hiring. You know how to use a shovel?

By bloopaloop | 27

#7889762 - Sunday 15 March 2020 16:33

Learn to use a manual lathe.

By carrs2154 | 9

#7889794 - Sunday 15 March 2020 18:57

Our entire country is facing a pandemic and we're supposed to feel sorry for you? Are you kidding me? I think you really need to see the big picture here and justvtrybto and stay healthy.