The Top

I usually do keep a positive attitude because a negative one is just gonna bring you down. But this is the first time I've ever broken anything and I now have to use a shower chair because my parents and neurologist think it's too dangerous for me to stand. Also, someone needs to be in the bathroom so we can talk and make sure I'm not seizing

Go home

By Anonymous - 12/09/2018 18:30

Today, my mother turned up drunk at my house with a chocolate cake for my 14th birthday. I'm 27, I haven’t seen her in 6 years, I'm allergic to chocolate, and when she saw that I had 2 kids, she wanted to know why I'd bothered, since kids are always "such a disappointment". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 741

You deserved it 176

Classic

By Anonymous - 21/07/2020 23:01

Today, I caught my sister in bed with my girlfriend. I’m not sure what’s worse, the cheating, the fact I’ve never managed to make my girlfriend moan like that, or the fact this is the second girlfriend she’s stolen from me in the last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 752

You deserved it 353

By cantdolife - 24/09/2018 03:00 - United States - New Boston

Today, as a teacher, I had a conference with the mother of a student who is struggling with behavior. Turns out the mom is the woman who does my Brazilian waxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 397

You deserved it 310

Thank you for your service

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 17:00

Today, I was pretending to be a veteran for the US Navy at a local outlet, because I was desperate for cheap stuff. All was going well, until an actual vet pointed out that the ship I had on my naval hat was a fictitious one. Shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 3 507

By H.B - 14/10/2018 17:30 - Germany

Today, my boss gave our coffee machine to her sister-in-law. I work in a cafe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 088

You deserved it 152

By right date wrong guy - 14/10/2018 15:30 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I met a really sweet cute guy on a dinner date. Too bad he was the waiter instead of my date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 981

You deserved it 455

By Pang - 19/12/2018 16:00

Today was the last my last day of high school ever, to celebrate me and my friends were going to go into the city and hang out for a bit. I missed the bus they caught into the city so I caught the next one, when I got there I asked where they were. They didn't respond. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 544

You deserved it 305

Face Your Fears

By Broc'n dreams - 06/02/2017 04:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I woke up screaming "FUCK OFF!" because I had a dream that someone threw broccoli through my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 544

You deserved it 792

Dodgy dad

By Anonymous - 23/02/2017 02:00 - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, nobody wanted to come to my graduation after finding out that my father was coming too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 930

You deserved it 468

Enthusiastic

By Earlybird76 - 04/04/2017 18:00 - Canada - Richmond

Today, after 6 months of unemployment and jobs searching, I showed up to my new job 10 minutes early. My new supervisor confusedly greeted me and informed me I was in fact a week and 10 minutes early. HR changed my start date and told everyone but me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 518

You deserved it 348

By SHRINKY - 23/12/2016 14:31

Today, we were looking forward to spending Xmas Eve with our best friends of 13 years before moving across the country where we know no one. That was the plan. The stomach flu virus had a different plan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 558

You deserved it 501

That's… a crime?

By Anonymous - 04/03/2021 05:01 - Canada

Today, I finally told my boyfriend that I see a therapist every week because, amongst other things, I'm terrified of being locked in a room. He didn't believe me, so he locked me in the bathroom "for a laugh." I had a panic attack and passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 144

By OneGirlsLife - 15/06/2017 12:00 - United States - Spartanburg

Today, it was supposed to be my birthday dinner with two of my friends. They're both now bringing their boyfriends, so I get to be the fifth wheel to my own birthday dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 950

You deserved it 380

By FIM - 12/01/2017 15:18

Today, in response to a text asking if I wanted to meet for brunch, I wrote, "Oh dear god I'm so hungover I could die and I'm still in my same clothes from last night. Not a chance." It was our 5-year college reunion and the number I sent that to was actually an old professor, not an old friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 280

You deserved it 5 066

Shut it down

By Anonymous - 03/02/2025 20:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I went on a date with someone I met on a dating site. We hit it off, until he noticed the MAGA sticker on the back of my phone. He excused himself to go to the bathroom and never came back. I had to pay for both meals and explain to the waiter why I was practically crying into my bowl of noodles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 1 642

Dad! No!

By Ginger - 08/07/2017 22:30 - United States - Owensboro

Today, I got married. My dad wanted to see me before the ceremony in my dress. The dress I wore was not my usual kind of dress, strapless. The first thing my dad said, "Ginger! You've got boobs!" Not exactly the father-daughter moment I'd envisioned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 185

You deserved it 554

Doggy Wants A Bone

By Oh man... - 01/08/2017 00:30 - Australia - Perth

Today, I began my ritual of my afternoon wank. As I was about to finish, I noticed my dog staring at me from across the room. We shared a longboard stare as I came, and I can't look him in the eyes the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 032

You deserved it 5 079

By Uhohwemadeamistake - 29/09/2017 16:00

Today, my new neighbor broke into our new house because his key didn't work. We just closed on the house this week and changed the locks when footprints were found in the bathtub after the cleaning crew went through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 676

You deserved it 217

Thanks!

By thenanny - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - East Syracuse

Today, I got a very nice compliment on my bra. But it was from a 5 year-old after her 6 month-old brother threw up on my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 599

You deserved it 1 047

By Mike - 20/12/2017 01:30

Today, I received the Christmas gift I bought for my sister in the mail. I also received a nearly $200 bill for shipping fees, taxes, etc. for a $50 blanket from Canada. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 946

You deserved it 1 059

Loser

By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 01:00

Today, the dog my now ex-boyfriend and I own together bit me bad enough that I needed stitches on my face and my hand... he then broke up with me and saying it was all too much for him and has kept the dog... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 947

You deserved it 244

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I had a date with this guy. I waited at the restaurant for an hour and he didn't show. Thinking he stood me up, I went over to his place and keyed his car. Then I realized the date was for tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 173

You deserved it 154 544

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117 198

You deserved it 294 134

Random

Today, one of my customer's pipes were blocked. As I went to unblock it, about a handful of used condoms collided with my face. I don't know if I should be disgusted by this or disgusted by my customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 287

You deserved it 4 774

Today, my husband's cat died. He has resorted to calling me by her name to comfort himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 024

You deserved it 4 849

Today, I was texting my mother after my boyfriend broke off our relationship. She offered incredibly supportive replies such as "No, really?" and "Aww, that sucks." before apparently getting bored and claiming she had to go because her "text reception" was breaking up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 731

You deserved it 4 901

Today, my friends thought it would be a good idea to make fun of a homeless man. I didn't fancy making fun of the less fortunate, so I stayed a bit back. Still, the homeless man didn't think it would matter to throw a rock at me after my buddies ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 689

You deserved it 14 544

Today, I bit into my egg sandwich, and when I looked back into it, there were 5 long, gray, hairs leading from the sandwich into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 023

You deserved it 3 515

Today, I found a photo of me as a sad-looking teenage schoolboy. No wonder. Under that uniform, I was wearing women's shapewear. I was a chubby kid and, against my will, I was forced into wearing a firm control panty girdle - ashamed, uncomfortable and terrified of being caught, it really messed me up for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 643

You deserved it 109