"Big deal, man. I lick my balls all day and hump the couch."

Yup sounds like my Amy ;-)

If your ritual in the afternoon is to beat off, you need a goddamn job.

Kind of a jerk move, watching you and making things weird. A pretty dog move IMO.

So.... just how do you look into his eyes now?

Well, at least you aren't the weird one that let's their dog in on the action. those people are creepy.

Ohhh poor dog can never look at you same either lol

....why did you finish? That's the most disturbing part. The fact that you stared and continued..

As opposed to your daily morning or evening wank???

OMG poor dog