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By PhoenixChick - 24/05/2017 10:33

Today, just like when I interviewed for the job, I know nothing about graphic design and I'm not interested in sales. I've just found out that my "project management" job I was hired for now has the job title "Graphic Sales." They changed it after I started 3 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 316

You deserved it 397

PhoenixChick tells us more.

PhoenixChick 26

Tuesday 23 May 2017 21:50

OP here- the hilarious thing about them changing the job is that the new "Graphic Sales" job involved being the customer service desk for any customer having problems with their graphics files. There are two full time graphic designers, but they decided the gal who was hired to "make sure production is kept on track" is the one who should answer every single question regarding graphics and deisgn for all current and potential customers. To make things more fun, today I found out that the former owner of the company (and the current owner's dad) has serious age-related memory problems and forgets that he isn't stll the boss. He will show up and start yelling at you and telling you what to do and demanding things. Employees are told to placate him, and try to distraxt him as quickly as possible. But don't do anything to hurt his feelings.

Self report

By i got the ring - 13/10/2023 20:00

Today, I told my husband’s ex that she is under no circumstances to contact him for any reason, and that if they must discuss the kids being dropped off, I am to be included as a group text. Her reply? A bunch of laughing emojis. Now he’s pissed at me for trying to protect our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 2 223

By crawforda350 - 12/09/2017 16:00

Today, while stocking up in preparation for Hurricane Irma, an old lady hit me over the head with her walker. She wanted the loaf of bread I'd grabbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 569

You deserved it 277

By Anonymous - 16/10/2017 01:30

Today, my 1-year-old son walked up to me with a disgusted look on his face. I could tell he had something in his mouth so I pulled it out. He'd been sucking on a piece of cat poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 924

You deserved it 483

Go Team!

By Gayer men’s team - 02/11/2017 04:00

Today, I was sexting my girlfriend when I accidentally sent one to my swim team’s group chat. This means that 19 men got a picture of me flexing with everything on display. Worst part? I got more compliments from them than I ever got from my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 844

You deserved it 1 426

By Juanald - 05/11/2017 05:00

Today, after being moved to three different employer-provided apartments because they all had mold and electrical problems, I requested a bigger bed. The bed they delivered had bedbugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 704

You deserved it 386

Thanks for that, dad!

By Anonymous - 13/10/2019 01:00

Today, I mentioned to my family that I was sad about the fact that I was thirty-five years-old, single, and had no children. My father piped up from the next room, "What man in his right would want your lopsided tits, fat thighs, and fucked-up nose in their gene pool?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 510

You deserved it 261

Some pain, no gain

By Charity Taylor - 18/10/2019 22:00

Today, after establishing that we have no idea what's wrong with me, only that it's chronic pain, my doctor informed me that even though I've been dealing with increasingly worse symptoms for years, I'm not a "good applicant" for pain medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 563

You deserved it 154

She's ready for Valentine's Day!

By dasdachs - 12/02/2018 11:14 - Slovenia

Today, while cleaning, I found a grocery bag with thongs in it. I took them out, smiled and jokingly asked my wife, who never wears them, if she's keeping secrets from me. Turns out she isn't and the bag is not hers. It's belongs to my 76-year-old grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 128

You deserved it 792

Mega creep

By Anonymous - 30/12/2019 18:00

Today, I met a new guy at work who wouldn't stop hitting on me. We ended up on a six-hour shift together watching a pool, so we were wearing nothing but bathing suits when he began grabbing me inappropriately. When I confided in my female coworker about it, she told me that he was her husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 301

You deserved it 223

Criminal minds at their best

By loz4151336 - 03/03/2020 12:06

Today, my friends wanted to try to dine and dash at a McDonald's. I had to explain why that wouldn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 668

You deserved it 222

By Coffee - 06/08/2018 16:30

Today, I went to Starbucks to get my free birthday coffee and due to a mistake I received two. Thinking it was my lucky day, I hurried off to work. As I was walking in, I tripped and spilt one coffee all over my new dress. Then I walked into a door and spilt the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 900

You deserved it 1 126

You're so vain, you probably think this FML is about you

By Anonymous - 02/07/2020 20:06

Today, my daughter is so selfish, she did her makeup in her hospital room so she could take a selfie with her newborn son in the background BEFORE she had even held him for the first time. Yes, BEFORE. My grandson spent his first hour of life waiting for his mom to be ready for a photo op. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 497

You deserved it 355

By Fooled Wife - 14/09/2018 14:30

Today, my husband was arrested on 2 felony charges in a sting. We've been married 5.5 years, had almost enough money for a down payment on a house, were trying to get pregnant, and had a non-refundable trip to London planned. We are now broke and on the verge of divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 662

You deserved it 294

Get me away from here, I'm dying

By fml9124 - 28/07/2020 20:00

Today, my wife filed for divorce. Last month, she was diagnosed with stage 4, terminal, inoperable cancer. We got a second (confirmed) opinion. She has maybe six months left. She told me she doesn't want to spend her last remaining days on this earth with me. Our 33rd anniversary was in May. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 853

You deserved it 227

Policy of truth

By Lelsy - 08/07/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend’s family. His mother gave me expensive diamond earrings and treated us to brunch. I don’t know how I’m gonna have the heart to tell him that I’ve accidentally gotten pregnant from someone else I’ve been seeing. I can’t tell him it’s his because we haven’t slept together yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 2 064

Baby brain

By Mike - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff - Bulgaria - Sofia

Today, we had two-year wedding anniversary. A few months ago, I insisted on going to a therapist because my wife can only think and talk about our one-year kid. My present for her was a Spa day, flowers and chocolate. Her gift to me was a Lego set to build for our kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 328

You deserved it 541

The Force is weak with this one

By fuck Star Wars - 14/09/2020 10:02

Today, I sat through 9 gruelling hours of Star Wars with my boyfriend. I hate those movies with a passion and frankly would rather get a pap smear from Wolverine than watch them. Afterwards, he dumped me for yawning, saying that I didn’t take a “serious” interest in his favorite things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 882

You deserved it 1 206

By Lexy - 10/11/2018 12:00

Today, I saw my boyfriend coming up the walkway to our home. When I opened the door to greet him with a huge smile on my face, he scowled at me and angrily said, "I don't know why you have to do that!" Smile gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 133

You deserved it 448

"I'm horny, horny horny horny"

By Anonymous - 29/09/2020 23:01

Today, I got incredibly horny at work. No one was in the office, so I spread out on my yoga mat and started to masturbate. All of the sudden, I heard a forklift outside. I quickly tried to hide, but I think the construction worker caught me. He’ll be working here all month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 3 312

Phone holder

By my arms hurt - 25/11/2019 20:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I had to sit in between two boys on a two-hour bus ride. They were watching a movie and each of them had shared an earphone. They made me hold the phone up so both of them could see the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 1 900

Chill out, dude

By Anonymous - 01/02/2017 18:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was lectured about how emotionally immature I am by someone who, afterwards, promptly threw a chair out of anger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 189

You deserved it 562

By BigDreamer - 09/02/2019 02:00

Today, I had a dream where I was imagining myself hooking up with a really hot girl. Not a sex dream. A dream where I was sitting in a room alone and imagining myself hooking up with this really hot girl. Even in my dreams I can only imagine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 249

You deserved it 283

By Ali - 05/03/2017 18:00 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, my father cut my hair for the first time. Now, I always have to wear a cap when I go outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 538

You deserved it 884

By Questions - 12/05/2017 20:00 - United Kingdom - Ashford

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I'd help clean out his ex-girlfriend's closet. I found their wedding photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 588

You deserved it 535

Make up your mind

By lifeofamusicteacher - 08/12/2016 01:22 - Hong Kong

Today, I got yelled at by parents of one of my students because their child didn't perform well at their Winter Concert. These are the same parents who told me months ago that I needed to be more lenient by allowing their kids to skip rehearsals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 251

You deserved it 594

Ambien nights

By Sleepless Dreams - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Toronto

Today, my roommates told me about all the stupid and embarrassing things I did last night, none of which I remember. Drunk out of my mind? No, I just tried a new sleeping pill after weeks of insomnia. I still barely slept. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 475

You deserved it 754

By itsme - 08/07/2019 04:00

Today, we got a letter regarding my sister's college career and an appointment she was required to go to. This seems fitting, since she's a senior in high school, or at least she would be if she hadn't passed away a little over a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 902

You deserved it 124

By Drunkactor - 03/08/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, my boss fired me because of my drinking problem. The reason he thinks I have a drinking problem? I was in a play he saw, in which I played a drunk person. I've been completely sober my whole life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 132

You deserved it 118

By YaytoSeniorYear - 05/09/2017 20:00

Today, my roommate revealed that she's dating my ex. I later had to navigate around them caressing each other just to grab my noodles from the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 845

You deserved it 299

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 849

You deserved it 8 530

Today, I came home from work and went into the bathroom. I saw a poo on the toilet lid, and thinking it was a trick toy that my son had got to trick me, I picked it up. It wasn't a toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 187

You deserved it 25 927

Random

Today, I tried to jokingly hold the door shut so my friend, who I'd seen walking down the hall to our class, couldn't get in. It was funny, until my new teacher yelled "Open the damn door!" from the other side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 389

You deserved it 12 343

Today, I was hanging out with some of my friends when I fell asleep. When I woke up, I found that they had shaved the F word into my arm. I don't know what is more disturbing: the fact that this is what my friends do for fun, or that I have enough arm hair to have four letters shaved into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 141

You deserved it 4 448

Today, my roommate and I got charged $100 for having a cat in our apartment. I was only babysitting the cat so my neighbors wouldn't get caught and fined. We got caught because my roommate reported the people downstairs for having a noisy dog, so they reported that someone else in the building had a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 222

You deserved it 30 192

Today, while walking to my bus stop, I saw a girl slip on black ice, then catch herself, and I laughed because people catching themselves slip are hilarious. I reach the same patch of black ice and go flying, falling on my hip and spilling my coffee all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 3 702

Today, I got caught in the rain without an umbrella. I arrived at work looking like a wet rat, and my boss sent me home to change. I forgot my keys at work and ended up locked out of my apartment in the rain. I can't seem to catch a break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 236

Today, I was explaining a complex work issue to my team. I moved my chair back so I could see them all. The leg of my chair went into a hole in the floor, causing it to fall over and me with it. I tried to finish explaining but everyone was laughing so hard they couldn't hear. Then they realized I couldn't get up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 105