Today, I woke up screaming "FUCK OFF!" because I had a dream that someone threw broccoli through my window. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I woke up so pissed off that I yelled at my cereal. FML
Today, I had a dream that I kicked the moon like a soccer ball. It started swearing in my boyfriend's voice. That part wasn't a dream. FML
Today, I had a dream in which I was throwing up. Turns out it wasn’t a dream and I woke up to puke all over the bed. FML
Today, I dreamt my fiancé was rolling frozen potatoes onto my bed to wake me up. In reality I woke up screaming to intense cramps in my legs which almost reduced me to tears. I could barely walk for two hours. FML
Today, I was woken up to my mother screaming obscenities at me, all because I threw up last night after days of not feeling well, and the flushing of the toilet afterwards woke her up. FML
Today, I had a dream where I whacked my head against my shelf. I woke up immediately after, freaked out and whacked my head against my shelf. FML
Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML
Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML
Today, for the fifth time in a row, I woke up screaming from a nightmare. My mother burst into my room, leaned in real close and said, "So help me God, if you do not stop fucking screaming, I will rip your arms off and beat you with them." I’m never sleeping again. FML
Today, I had a dream about a giant spider crawling around in my mouth. I woke up to find that dreams sometimes do come true. FML
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Top comments
andersaonsliva 9
The questions are many.
RichardPencil 30
Through your open window or did they smash the glass with it? Was it raw or was it lightly steamed with cheese sauce? The jury's still out.
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Comments (13)
andersaonsliva 9
The questions are many.
andersaonsliva 9
The questions are many.
RichardPencil 30
Through your open window or did they smash the glass with it? Was it raw or was it lightly steamed with cheese sauce? The jury's still out.
zaidthunder1 27
You seem disturbed.
RodzillaX 30
That happens to me, but usually in a nightmare. It's usually me yelling at whatever is about to kill me.
ssklover 1
Lol
hellnosucka 27
you know what, if you can't scream "**** off" at hypothetical broccoli throwers, then I don't know who you can scream it at.
LyricaSilvan 29
I laughed a bit harder than I should have. In reality, though, OP, if the worst problem you have is that you woke up swearing about broccoli, you're probably in a pretty good place. Chin up.
Akagii_Yamashita 8
What the? Why broccoli?
CastaP 12
How is this anything but hilarious?