By Mommabear

Thief

Today, I caught my husband's crazy aunt attempting to steal from my daughter's piggy bank. When I confronted her, she tried to defend herself by saying, "She's 2 months-old, she doesn't need the money!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

3932

You deserved it

225

Tweet

Share

Proactive

Late term

Bigmouth Strikes Again

By Anonymous - United States - Dover

Today, an Asian man approached me and called me pretty. I thanked him and he asked if I'm Chinese. When I said, "No, I'm Taiwanese" he promptly spat in my face and called me a "traitor to the motherland." FML

I agree, your life sucks

6023

You deserved it

465

Tweet

Share

By unhappy wifey - United States - Portland

Today, my husband and I are still having a dumb fight over remodeling. He's decided to take an immature route and pretends to be asleep whenever I walk into a room so he doesn't have to talk about it. Earlier, he pretended to fall asleep at the dinner table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25287

You deserved it

3952

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9406

You deserved it

90605

Tweet

Share

By random - United Kingdom

Comforter

Today, I hooked up with a guy I'm totally in love with. After finishing, he burst into tears about being in love with another girl. I had to comfort him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35429

You deserved it

5378

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's been one week since my demented grandma babysat my five-year-old daughter while my husband took me to a fancy restaurant. Now she's taken to screaming and calling me a "damn commie" whenever I discipline or say no to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25531

You deserved it

5816

Tweet

Share

By Snails

Today, while at work, I let out a nasty wet fart, thinking no one would hear me since I work in a warehouse. My coworker did hear me, and replied, "WTF? Shots fired! Shots fired!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1376

You deserved it

692

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/6/2020 20:02

Surprise strike

Today, as I was walking home with dinner, a pigeon pooped on my leg like a dive bomb. My hands were full carrying the food, so I had to walk the rest of the way with a smear on my jeans that everyone knew what it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1214

You deserved it

141

Tweet

Share

By soapy - Canada

Today, while taking a shower, my back hair caused so much friction against the bar of soap, it stuck for a good second before coming free. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22993

You deserved it

8909

Tweet

Share

By preggers with probs

Today, I am 10 weeks pregnant and my husband says he needs time for himself. This apparently means he will be romancing and sleeping with other women so he can "relax". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3445

You deserved it

235

Tweet

Share

By michelle - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, while my husband was at work, he missed our son saying his first word ("Dada"), taking his first steps and smashing the widescreen TV with a well-aimed teddy bear. Care to guess which of these three things made my husband cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23211

You deserved it

2811

Tweet

Share

By louise - United Kingdom

Today, I was on Skype with the guy I like. After a while of being on Facebook I forgot I was on webcam to him and started picking my nose. He ended the call. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16052

You deserved it

55772

Tweet

Share

By rugs - United States

Today, while moving, I asked my wife where she put the alcohol. She told me she threw it out, because it was old. It was Scotch. It's supposed to be old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45523

You deserved it

5787

Tweet

Share

By Noname - United States

Today, I had to tell my super-conservative parents that I had just gone to visit the boyfriend I'm not supposed to have so that I could tell him I am pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23138

You deserved it

57099

Tweet

Share

By elizabethyeo - Australia

Today, I was speaking to an old friend and I asked her how her mother was. She replied, "She passed away, you came to her funeral last month." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10411

You deserved it

46117

Tweet

Share

By beepbeep

Today, after being kicked out of my racist family, my boyfriend and I moved across the country to rent an apartment with my sister. My mother hates us so much she offered to buy my sister a new car to not take us in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3201

You deserved it

510

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that when I thought the bullying had finally stopped, the bullies had actually been sponsored to be nice for charity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28141

You deserved it

2707

Tweet

Share

By lopsided - United States

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to buy a bra. A woman sized me and then gave me a bra to try on in the fitting room. To my pleasure, it seemed to fit well. The woman who had sized me came in to check on me and replied, "Yeah, it happens. Not everyone can be symmetrical." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29889

You deserved it

2738

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39244

You deserved it

14419

Tweet

Share

By nrelavender - United States

Today, is the anniversary of my cat's death, so I went to visit her grave in the pet cemetery. Someone had spray-painted "Your cat sucks" on her grave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52956

You deserved it

11430

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Merrillville

Today, I announced to my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He immediately denied that it was his because "a childhood accident" supposedly left him sterile. He has a child from a previous relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30760

You deserved it

5832

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was chopping weeds with a weed whacker. I heard something get caught in the blades, and realized it was a frog when the leg hit me in the eye. The rest of the chopped frog ended up on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29130

You deserved it

5486

Tweet

Share

By toritoratora - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, I heard a teenage boy ask his friend, "So, is it, like, November in Australia too?" This is the future of America. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28610

You deserved it

2819

Tweet

Share

By Ashley - United States - Huntington Beach

Today, my friend spilt orange juice all over my iPad. She then went ahead to clean it off by rinsing it with water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31274

You deserved it

2995

Tweet

Share

By sickdisney - United States - Riverside

Today, I watched a movie with my little sister. I couldn't understand a word that was said during one scene, but I figured it was in some kind of made-up language. When I commented on it later, she called me a moron and said it was Spanish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7092

You deserved it

35808

Tweet

Share

By Puppy_Killer - 16/12/2020 23:02 - Australia

Murderer!

Today, I was backing out of my garage when my neighbour's collie ran behind my car. Unfortunately, I didn't see it, but I heard a thump. They were out, so I rushed him to the vet's. I was upset, and I guess I was driving too fast and didn't see that another dog was crossing the road. I killed two dogs today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1312

You deserved it

375

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I left for college. I spent hundreds of dollars on clothes, bedding and other things. After packing my entire closet and everything else I needed, I left only to have to head back home. My dad forgot to pay the first semesters tuition. He said "Oh well, you would have failed out anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56630

You deserved it

3868

Tweet

Share

By jakewr - United States

Today, I got more excited when two Kit-Kat bars fell at once in a vending machine than I did when I got married. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33262

You deserved it

19779

Tweet

Share

By DeannaMarie - United States

Today, I found out the gift card my friend gave me for Christmas actually has no money on it and was never purchased in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30219

You deserved it

2330

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

I agree, your life sucks

43263

You deserved it

4030

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw a news story about how wearing flip-flops is dangerous. I scoffed at the ridiculous study and went about my business. Three hours later I accidentally ripped off my toenail. While wearing flip-flops. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12975

You deserved it

22796

Tweet

Share

By thyisnothorses - United States - Scituate

Today, I was grounded by my mom because I had slept in past 11, when she wanted me to wake up at seven to do chores. According to her logic, I should have seen the note she left on the counter earlier this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32120

You deserved it

3065

Tweet

Share

By airbiscuit - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Sensitive

Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54922

You deserved it

6468

Tweet

Share

By stupid_airbag - Australia

Today, the air bag system in my car somehow malfunctioned, and the air bag inflated while I was driving, causing me to lose control and crash into a street light. I ended up with a badly bruised face because the air bag had already deflated by then. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28824

You deserved it

1748

Tweet

Share

By Moon_Glade

Today, at work, I have discovered the wonderful feeling of having a paper cut, with metal, under your nail, on all your nails. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3886

You deserved it

341

Tweet

Share

By thatsjustgreat - United States

Today, I was trying to be-friend a boy who was sitting alone. He had his gameboy nearly plastered to his eyes. I, cleverly, say to him, "Geeze don't put that thing so close, your eyes will fall out!" He took off his sunglasses, eyes going crooked, and said, "I'm legally blind." Insert foot here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28772

You deserved it

9153

Tweet

Share

By can't shut my mouth - United States - Houston

Manage your way out of that one

Today, after a string of crappy employees had come and gone over the month, I was joking to my manager that maybe we should move the "Now Hiring" sign further away from the trash can so we'd stop getting garbage hires. The new girl was right behind me. I'll be her trainer all week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6203

You deserved it

3566

Tweet

Share

By oh my soul

Today, it's been 1 month since I've accepted that I'm gay, 1 week since telling my strict, southern baptist, bible-thumping parents, 1 day since my mom stopped crying and my dad finally spoke to me, and 1 hour since discovering that I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5738

You deserved it

2006

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Checked out

Today, at work, an old lady was staring at my crotch a lot. I looked down, thinking maybe I had an open fly. I didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1305

You deserved it

149

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was having a driving lesson. I ended up driving so badly that my instructor asked me to stop the car. Not so he could explain my mistakes to me, but so he could get out and vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26207

You deserved it

18109

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/7/2020 17:01

Wow, thanks, I'm cured!

Today, my dad told me that I'm a weak and negative person because I suffer from depression and anxiety, then he told me to just snap out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1551

You deserved it

198

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Boyufd | 22

#7648232 - Friday 15 June 2018 2:14

that makes a lot of cents

By PenguinPal3017 | 19

#7648233 - Friday 15 June 2018 2:28

She's two months old, she doesn't need to be the victim of crime!

COMMENTS

By assassinmaster | 22

#7648224 - Friday 15 June 2018 1:46

Did she attempt to run away carrying the whole piggy bank in her arms?

By Boyufd | 22

#7648232 - Friday 15 June 2018 2:14

that makes a lot of cents

By PenguinPal3017 | 19

#7648233 - Friday 15 June 2018 2:28

She's two months old, she doesn't need to be the victim of crime!

By real life problems | 26

#7648235 - Friday 15 June 2018 2:33

Cocaine is a hell of a drug

By openawhole00 | 6

#7648240 - Friday 15 June 2018 2:51

.... and on the next Judge Judy

By RichardPencil | 29

#7648250 - Friday 15 June 2018 3:38

How do you counter such impeccable logic?

By Lobby_Bee | 17

#7648266 - Friday 15 June 2018 6:08

Just like how she doesn't need a hard slap to the face, but she is entitled to one.

By Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 | 20

#7648272 - Friday 15 June 2018 6:29

Tell her "But she will eventually..."

By Davros | 12

#7648298 - Friday 15 June 2018 7:39

Tell her if she needs money that bad and can take her teeth out she can make tens of dollars down on the corner

By thisisbutaname | 38

#7648386 - Friday 15 June 2018 11:39

That was her retirement fund. Need to start early, you know?

Reply

Lara Fraser | 7

#7648602 - Friday 15 June 2018 20:18

In this day and age, that's the truest thing to CE ever read.