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Time to go topless I guess...

By aubrey - 14/10/2017 01:30

Today, I accidentally gave myself a chemical burn. It hurts like hell and I've been told all I can do is wait it out for a few days. The worst part? It's from a reaction to a cream I used all over my chest. I can't wear a shirt without being in immense pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 232

You deserved it 336

Leg day

By Anonymous - 24/09/2019 02:06

Today, after waiting a year, I asked a coworker who I like to work out at the gym with me. She said yes. I figured this would be the perfect place to show off my body and impress her. In every exercise we did, she lifted more weights than I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 2 817

Classy.

By klifestyle2012 - 12/11/2017 19:00

Today, I came home to find my brother making out with my girlfriend while taking a selfie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 175

You deserved it 344

By emayc - 22/11/2017 06:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home from an overnight trip to find my room a complete mess. My coked up housemate had invited strangers to stay over when they told her they didn't have place to sleep. They stole my money, speakers, Polaroid camera, and passport. They left a packet of biscuits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 691

You deserved it 399

By LacrosseFAIL - 16/07/2016 22:33 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, after a long day at work, I walked into my room with the lights off and jumped on my bed. At least I would've if I haven't rearranged my room and instead face-planted onto my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 112

You deserved it 4 823

BURN

By Anonymous - 14/01/2018 15:00

Today, at work, I cashed out a sweet old lady. As I handed her the bag, she looked at me kindly and said, "Don’t worry sweetie. It'll get better," to which I responded, "What will get better?" She smiled at me and said, "Your face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 772

You deserved it 377

By Jfly25 - 23/01/2018 01:30

Today, while on my way to work, I had a tire blowout. I got the car towed and borrowed my mom’s so that I could still get to work. Her car seized and died on the expressway ramp. It’s not in any tow truck’s jurisdiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 081

You deserved it 322

No chance

By Anonymous - 21/02/2020 20:00

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me over late at night. I got excited, assuming she finally wanted sex. No, she just wanted me to make her mac and cheese and talk to her because she was ‘restless’. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 563

You deserved it 925

By Heatherrolstonn - 29/05/2016 20:13 - United States - Suwanee

Today, I received an email asking for a Skype interview at 11 am sharp. I waited for half an hour. He never even accepted my contact request. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 891

You deserved it 944

By clementine8 - 14/02/2009 06:23 - United States

Today, my Mom came to pay me a short visit at college. She handed me some flowers, which were a Valentine's Day gift, because she "figured I wouldn't be getting any from anyone else this year." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 544

You deserved it 2 806

By RubyRed213 - 30/05/2018 05:00

Today, I found out that my parents are extremely active swingers by finding their online profile with photos of my mom with a dildo. I guess those out-of-town trips weren't just holidays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 370

You deserved it 438

By Flavorite - 10/02/2009 19:35 - United States

Today, my boss asked me to pick up an extra shift. I said I couldn't because I have a date. He told me I didn't need to lie and to just say no next time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 597

You deserved it 2 853

By raiden - 17/08/2018 20:30

Today, it's my first day of high school. It's also my first day of a three-day in-school suspension. The reason? I sat next to a girl and she immediately got up and told the teacher that she didn't "feel safe". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 974

You deserved it 228

Shocking reaction

By Anonymous - 01/07/2020 14:00

Today, I was replacing some outlets for work and I got surprise-electrified. I threw my wire strippers in the air while yelling, "Oh fuck me." The homeowner and his 2 kids were standing 3 feet away. He was not happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 352

You deserved it 682

Catching flak

By Argh - 24/11/2018 12:00 - United States - Longview

Today, my boss reached a new low when, after three software upgrades, she refused to let me update the user manual that I wrote a year ago. She has also cancelled the training sessions I set up to help people learn the new software. People are asking me why I'm not doing my job anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 363

You deserved it 197

By BeastieHouse - 14/02/2019 00:00

Today, I dropped a brand new jar of molasses into the corner of my completely white kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 810

You deserved it 473

By Anon - 17/03/2017 18:00 - Australia

Today, arriving home with my boyfriend after a night away, we opened our bedroom door to find his younger brother and a girl naked in our bed. She looked at me, looked at him and said, "Ew. Who's that?" She then asked for a pair of socks, because she had, "rank feet". FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 407

You deserved it 433

By not my fault you’re a vapid idiot - 01/04/2019 16:00 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my coworker told everyone on staff that I’m a stuck up bitch because I stared blankly at her when she tried to talk to me. I tried to listen, but I zoned out after she rambled on endlessly about the Kardashians and Kanye West. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 429

You deserved it 215

By anonymous - 28/12/2016 05:07 - United States

Today, while hiking in the mountains in North Carolina, I finally got to the deer I had been tracking for almost an hour. I was watching it from about 10 feet away, and enjoying every moment. Within a few seconds, my niece yelled from across the river to ask if I had found it. It ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 601

You deserved it 1 010

Haute cuisine

By mynameissecretlyjeff - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my brother put a mac-n-cheese cup in the microwave without any water. My entire house smells like burned cardboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 738

You deserved it 448

#MentalHealthAwarenessWeek

By a816090 - 15/05/2019 04:30

Today, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I have no idea if when I feel an emotion if it's me or my disorder. I'm my brain's bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 816

You deserved it 187

By YoshiSqu4d - 22/05/2019 04:00

Today, my father told me I was becoming violent because of the video games I play. I was playing Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 740

You deserved it 232

By jack - 28/05/2019 12:00

Today, I asked my new girlfriend if she was feeling alright, since she is on her period for the first time since we started dating. I got an empty cereal bowl thrown at my head. Question asked and answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 973

You deserved it 394

By Anonymous - 02/06/2019 22:00

Today, I let my 19-year-old son drive my Lexus to his date. At 11:00 p.m., I watched him pull into the driveway with a broken taillight, marks and scratches all over the car, the front bumper missing, and him being nearly passed out because he's so drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 077

You deserved it 1 657

By chachichou - 08/12/2016 03:05 - France - Strasbourg

Today, at 4 a.m., I woke up so I could check out the blood moon. It looked magnificent, so I took a few photos and went back to bed. When I later got up, I noticed the orange street light outside. I’d been admiring a street lamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 415

Love isn't…

By bruh - 20/07/2019 06:20

Today, I found out my boyfriend made a move to hook up with my best friend. She was about to reciprocate, only for him to suddenly tell her that she’s a horrible friend, and then he told me about it. I’m not sure if I should be picking sides here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 755

You deserved it 225

Time to GTFO

By Anonymous - 06/10/2023 12:30

Today, my girlfriend cheated on me, and for the second time in two days. She has now cheated a total of 7 times in the space of 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 1 167

By severely late.... again! - 26/10/2017 22:56

Today, as I got on the bus to commute to work, its front right tire exploded. Everyone, including the driver, glared at me while getting off. The next bus arrives in 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 999

You deserved it 273

Christmas Chaos

By shaggyberaddy - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I spent 15 minutes trying to get my cat out of our seven-foot Christmas tree. Once he was done, he tore about the house and broke the nativity scene, beheading baby Jesus and a wise man in the process. The tree is fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 828

You deserved it 1 061

Who's the worst?

By good mom - 06/11/2019 04:00 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, despite the fact that I own my home, car and have a career, I was once again told that I’ve shamed my family by being a single mom. Meanwhile, my brother has four kids with three different women and constantly hits up every family member for money. He gets nothing but just support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 276

You deserved it 197

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The Top

Today, I've had more crushes on fictional characters than actual people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 429

You deserved it 2 606

Today, while bussing at my restaurant job, I felt a cold, wet animal slither down my leg. I started shrieking loudly and dancing dementedly to get it off, and everyone in the restaurant turned to stare. Then I realized there was a hole in my pocket and some quarters had slid out down my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 048

You deserved it 8 268

Today, I met an old friend, with whom I have a complicated history and we hooked up. He came before we even started. In his sleep, he pushed me out of the bed. When I woke up, he had peed himself in his sleep. Glad I let that ship sail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 920

You deserved it 25 083

Today, while making a move in a board game that helped my boyfriend win, he got all excited and said "I love you, babe." I smiled until I realized this was the first time he told me that other than when he wants a blow-job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 906

You deserved it 6 326

Today, at my job, I was so tired and aggravated that I accidentally mumbled, "I need a drink." One of the patients I was taking care of heard me and said, "Me too." I work at an addiction rehab facility. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 927

You deserved it 2 937

Today, I watched as my girlfriend painfully plucked her eyebrows for half an hour. She is willing to do this, but not shave her armpits on a regular basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 620

You deserved it 1 132