**** his life! At least you got your ******! And at least you have someone! I probably won't get laid until I'm 30, when I go buy me a hooker who turns out to be a man or a cop, and then I'll get nearly ass raped in prison, but I'll kill dat bitch wit ma shank, so I'll get sent to solitary confinement, where I'll be left to jack off till my escape from the dungeon in 1483, when the dragon eats me but I dont taste too good so he pukes me out, where I slay him and go save the princess, and you can figure out the rest from there... (; OH YEAHHHHH

nice life story lol

sounds like someone just finished a drug run ^^

That was brilliant.

Sean, lay off the acid.(:

Dudeee, I'm not trippin! it really happened.

you did a 50 sack weed didn't you? that's why your pupils are huge :/

why does weed make his pupils huge? WTF is wrong with your weed

free ****** yay!

then you **** the princess, but you suck at sex, so she dumps you and sucks the dead dragon's dick. Then you kill her and go back to jail. Then someone tries to assrape you. You don't have your shank so he succeeds. This makes you gay. You then turn into Brüno.

girls will never know the pain.... some girls think we fake it when we get hit. just no..... it's horrible the pain is

fml needs to add messaging in their apps.

20 - did you at least get your White Castle burgers?

I know I did...

Ouch

I once had a gf who did that. Fortunately I made sure my nuts were never in the way :-)

lots of girls...if the ****** is good enough!

not this girl i wouldnt want to hurt my bf

OP's face probably looked like 5's picture.

seriously...is she retarded????

she must of had a really good ****** aha. but how'd the shit did she kick him in the nuts if he was going down on her?

That's what I'm saying!! Maybe the bf is a midget and OP has reallllly long legs..

you're cute :]

yo

hey

woww ur so cute, litterally made this acount just so I can tell you that :)

69 DUDE! (I never thought I'd get to use that quote in this context)

excellent, dude.

I do and I thrust. I've basically punched my boyfriend in the nose with my pelvic bone.

wealllovetoast - #143 on my phone - she then would have kneed him in the face. there's no way she could kick him in the nuts, if his nuts were in his face, which they would be if they were in the 69 position.

definitely

Is using punctuation against your religion?

your last thought is why it is an FML you moron

^lmfao xD

in the family jewels? damn that's mah new word nigs

Oh good grief.

well not my fault if she cant control her body and ended up kicking him in the family jewels now is it? doesnt mean you should go around being an a$$ and calling people names does it **** face? hmmm #32

yah obviously you have to make sure that you watch out for those grammar police cuz theyre just everywhere looking for the absolute tiniest details to point out because they have to meet their quota of grammar infractions and they just keep looking and looking and you know I think it's better to call them punctuation police because that's alliteration so give it about 30-45 seconds and the PP will be on me for this purposely punctuation-less point

Firesetsboy, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly while expecting a different outcome.

first of all docbastard no one at all in this world is completely sane so if you think saying im insane is gonna hurt my feelings try again you re-re second of all stop being such a bit** to everyone because you think your superior to people because ill tell you straight up your not superior to me and that i can guarantee you so go get a life and f off

Omg if you can understand what they are trying to say who cares if they spell something wrong or miss punctuation grow up gorsh

106 I'm on you for that purposely punctuation-less point.

you're*

oops "******" not "organs"

haha win.

Masochistic couple? :P

yep

kiss it with your throat

#10. you're so ******* hot. your husband looks gay

Mr."69", I'm "101". That means I already know the basics.(:

21 with all due respect, when you insult my husband you are in fact insulting me because he is whom I chose to be with and I didn't pick the wrong man so.... Please think before you speak next time.

Danny, I have some advice for you. Hitting on a married woman with two kids by saying she's hot then saying her husband looks gay will probably NOT get you laid. That's free advice, and it's worth every penny. Dumbass.

doc wins! :]