The Top

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By Lola - 15/05/2017 21:00 - Uruguay

Today, I met my boyfriend's family. I thought everything was going well until I went to the bathroom and overheard his family tell him he could have found something better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 863

You deserved it 285

Family sticks together

By R we Hillbilliez? - 01/04/2021 00:30

Spicy

Today, I overheard my husband screaming and sobbing into the phone. Apparently, his mistress has been cheating on him with both his brother and their uncle. Who’s the woman in question? My much younger niece, who lives next door. I don’t even know where to begin to approach this dumpster fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 055

You deserved it 146

By ShameMonkey - 27/09/2016 10:15 - Australia - Glen Waverley

Today, while commuting to work on a peak hour train, I lost my balance and accidentally grabbed a bald mans head to steady myself. To make matters worse, the words "oh gosh, I'm so sorry. I thought you were a knob" came out of my mouth before I could think about what I was saying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 266

You deserved it 1 997

No future

By Bryan - 15/06/2021 16:00

Today, the love of my life said, "You’d make a great husband! Whoever marries you in the future is gonna be so happy!" We’ve been together for 4 years and was planning to propose on her birthday in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 125

The gift that keeps on giving!

By Anonymous - 27/12/2017 01:30 - United States - New Bremen

Today, for our Christmas gift exchange, we were supposed to all bring alcohol. I got a Crown Royal Apple box with a couple of positive pregnancy tests. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 615

You deserved it 531

By Anonymous - 25/01/2018 19:00 - United States - Papillion

Today, I was left at home alone while my friends went on a trip to Paris I paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 447

You deserved it 683

By Noname - 19/02/2009 06:51 - United States

Today, I decided to try this new cardio workout video I got. As I was obnoxiously bouncing around my room I heard a noise behind me. Turns out there were three boys outside my window watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 126

You deserved it 29 139

Jot that down

By Anonymous - 30/04/2020 02:00

Today, I wrote my phone number on a Post-it note and gave it to a cute girl at work. She immediately threw it away. In front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 481

You deserved it 1 039

Karma

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 06:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, my side chick decided to call my wife and inform her about the affair I was having, all because I slammed on the brakes in the car to avoid hitting a cat and made her spill her frozen yoghurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 233

You deserved it 4 484

BIKES!

By woxliuke - 05/05/2016 18:44 - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, my boyfriend and I went for a ride on bicycles. After a while, I couldn't see him ahead of me any more. I went back and forth for half an hour but could't find him, and started to think something happened. I went home to call him but saw his bike. Turns out my boyfriend is just an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 324

You deserved it 1 591

By fonsui - 02/02/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I was standing on a desk at work to run wiring in a suspended ceiling, since we have no ladder. My phone rang, I rushed to answer it, tripping and smashing my leg. It was my boss, calling to tell me he was bringing over a ladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 355

You deserved it 4 339

By cincity - 20/07/2018 15:00

Today, my fiancé forgot his wallet. He realized this once we were 5 hours away from home, before checking into a hotel, that had reservations under his name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 503

You deserved it 336

Remember me?

By calikola - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my grandmother, who has Alzheimer's and can't usually remember my name, had a sudden moment of clarity and asked me why I'm still not married yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 133

You deserved it 2 384

Good friend

By Lisa - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Spicy

Today, I slept with a friend who always bitches about how he can't keep a girlfriend. When he finished within 3 minutes, I understood why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 455

You deserved it 1 165

Fairytale ending

By Anonymous - 09/06/2020 17:00

Spicy

Today, as something cute to do, my boyfriend and I dressed as Snow White and the Prince so we could photograph the moment he kisses me and I wake up. He thought it would be funny to use his penis, so now there’s a picture of us dressed up with my dumb self kissing his penis with my eyes closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 892

You deserved it 1 409

Emergency haircut

By Anonymous - 26/06/2020 02:02

Today, I told off my crazy sister-in-law after she made my wife cry for putting on weight during lockdown. Then, as I was sleeping in my armchair, the crazy bitch snuck into the house and cut off every single one of my meter-long dreadlocks. Now I got a BALD HEAD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 545

You deserved it 402

Gentleman

By Screwed - 10/07/2024 16:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, a girl I’ve been fucking told me she’s pregnant after she told me she took the pill. What she really meant was, “Oh, that pill? That was Advil ‘cause I get headaches.” The bitch knows I have a wife and kids. She callously said, “Should've been more specific.” She can’t understand why I’m freaking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 2 051

Private freakouts

By Anonymous - 19/01/2022 23:02

Today, my son warned me that unless I get his older brother to stop picking on him, he’d do it himself. I didn’t take it seriously, until I got home from work to find he'd had beaten his brother unconscious. His justification was that he's warned me he’d "do it himself.“ FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 2 707

By UnicornCinnamon - 24/11/2018 03:00 - Romania - Cluj-napoca

Today, my mother called me while she was shopping to tell me that she found a unicorn onesie. When I asked her to buy one for me, she started to laugh and told me that they are for teens, not for "old goats" like me. I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 639

You deserved it 671

By SenorPoopypants - 08/01/2017 19:23

Today, I shat myself during a job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 699

You deserved it 998

Practical

By Anonymous - 14/10/2020 14:01 - Canada - Fredericton

Spicy

Today, my 27-year-old boyfriend told me he hides our condoms in his Poké Ball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 525

By Anonymous - 07/12/2018 22:00 - United States - Zephyrhills

Today, my mom wanted me to pick up my cousin from work immediately. I'm in my shirt and underwear with no other clothes and I'm also too young to drive. She said "He won't mind, and just take my drivers license, they'll never know!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 932

You deserved it 204

That's nice, but…

By Anonymous - 26/04/2023 18:00

Today, my husband announced the reason he had been working since much is because he had secretly paid off my tens of thousands of student loans. I then had to tell him I'm leaving him for his best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 2 624

By Brokebitch2017 - 27/02/2017 22:00

Today, I finally got my phone and internet services reinstated after a billing mishap. During the week that I was without service, I had 3 requests for interviews and a position offer. None of those opportunities are still available. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 402

You deserved it 829

You chose, you lose

By Momtobe2007 - 24/05/2023 22:00

Today, my parents told me that since I'm old enough to want to keep my baby, I have 30 days to find a place to live. I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 1 456

By Growlithe1395 - 11/03/2017 16:00

Today, I finally got my hands on a Nintendo Switch. While unboxing it, I left the room to get a pair of scissors. When I came back, most of the box contents were missing and my little brother was standing there. It has been about 5 hours and I still haven't been able to find anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 660

You deserved it 643

By GirlyClaire - 29/03/2013 11:37 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, after spending months comparing the previous weather forecasts to work out the exact date, and after travelling 12000 km by plane to see the cherry blossoms in bloom in Japan, I learned that this year, they bloomed 10 days earlier than expected. And to top it off, it turns out I’m allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 637

You deserved it 83

By nixwolfwood - 19/12/2016 21:14

Today, I woke up to a fog. Literally. A pipe burst in my apartment and scalding water was everywhere. To make matters worse, when I called maintenance he told me he'd come by later, hung up on me, and turned his phone off. He did eventually show up, but it was 5 hours later, well after I'd paid a plumber $200. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 516

You deserved it 536

By PJSandWitch - 18/12/2016 14:49 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, I woke up super early to get ready for a wedding an hour away. I'm a bridesmaid, and also 8 months pregnant. The dress that fit me perfectly 3 days ago won't fit anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 688

You deserved it 721

PJSandWitch tells us more.

PJSandWitch 3

Friday 23 December 2016 19:47

OP here! Happy it got posted! It wasn't a custom made dress, most brides in Brazil prefer that the bridesmaids are not all matching. I had a really hard time finding something that I could wear, and that dress was the only formal dress with belly space I could find. I tried it on with a pillow when I bought it a few months ago! 3 days before it fit perfectly, I was shocked how bigger I had gotten in just 3 days! In the end I made it work, just couldn't breath so easily. After the ceremony, I opened the zipper a little and put a jacket on, so I was comfortable!

Potterheads

By collegestudent - 01/06/2019 12:00

Today, I was reading the seventh Harry Potter book at an airport. A woman asked me what I was reading, so I told her. She said, "Oh, so you have children?" Since I'm in my early twenties, I was taken aback and said no. She replied slower and louder, "Oh, so you have a childlike mind?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 158

You deserved it 375

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The Top

Today, my mom talked about how it's interesting how there's so many different size of penises. She also told me that since she's doing hormone therapy she's able to orgasm a LOT more. We were stuck in stop and go traffic for three hours. When I turned on the radio, she turned it off and talked more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 310

You deserved it 5 530

Today, I was chosen out of 64 women to model for the catalog of a new clothing store. Just when my self-confidence took a dramatic boost, I looked at the evaluation sheet. I was picked due to attributes such as my "extra large figure and average face" to make below average women feel beautiful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 534

You deserved it 4 656

Random

Today, I sharted during my wedding vows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 755

You deserved it 5 138

Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 716

You deserved it 42 235

Today, I was at a pet store cuddling an apparently overaggressive chinchilla when it decided to bite me and run out of my hands. It is now nowhere to be found and I have to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 479

You deserved it 10 047

Today, I scripted-planned and went to quit my job. Instead, I somehow ended up an emotional crying mess during the conversation with my manager - who recommended I get counseling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 943

Today, I was sent to the counsellor, who had already informed the cops, because I refused to take off my wristbands. They thought I had cut my wrists. I was trying to hide handcuff marks from kinky sex, and had to explain it to the cops, counsellor, college professors and two of my classmates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 249

You deserved it 604

Today, I overheard my husband admitting that he doesn’t wash his hands after having diarrhea. I had no prior knowledge of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 670

You deserved it 108