The Top

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By sleepy125 - 23/01/2009 19:13 - United States

Today, the first guy I've ever loved is going to a fancy dress party with my best friend. He did tell me he needed space to think about us this whole weekend. I guess I know what he's been thinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 279

You deserved it 2 102

By Bikeless - 20/08/2018 18:48

Today, four kids strolled into my building, asked the receptionist where the bikes were kept, and walked out with four bikes twice their size, including mine which had a flat tire. The receptionist waved them goodbye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 367

You deserved it 203

dino-rex tells us more.

dino-rex 16

Monday 20 August 2018 16:15

I did watch... the security footage afterwards. It was actually my residential building. It was Saturday, I was out of town, and when I got home, the management kindly informed us that the idiot receptionist did nothing but watch when the kids took the bikes. And when I say kids, I mean KIDS, they were no more than 12! They very obviously did not live there (residents all know where the bikes are because they are VERY visible), so my guess is that the receptionist (a guy, by the way) was actually in on the plan to steal the bikes. Sadly, there has been no action taken.

By blabla - 23/12/2008 08:57 - France

Today, I tested a new drug designed to fight headaches. It had quite an effect on me, more specifically side effects: nausea, dizzyness and diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 368

You deserved it 4 776

By Anonymous - 20/11/2018 17:35

Today, my best friend and my ex-boyfriend went on a business trip, got drunk, and ended up sleeping together. Now they want to start dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 864

You deserved it 358

Genetics failed me

By Anonymous - 02/02/2022 01:59

Today, more time goes by, more I’m going to have to accept that my 13 year-old sister is going to end up with size DD boobs, possibly even bigger, meanwhile I'm turning 25 this year and my boobs are stubbornly stuck at a B. Life ain’t fair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 440

By Toooldforthisshit - 09/12/2018 11:30 - United States - New London

Today, I found out the girl my boyfriend was seeing just before me is pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 120

You deserved it 266

By Anonymous - 01/03/2017 20:00

Today, our 2-year-old poured honey on our baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 955

You deserved it 421

Saving grace

By Fefrank - 25/03/2019 00:00

Today, I broke a bolt on my minivan trying to fix the timing belt myself to save money. I spent about 300 dollars in parts. I took the van to the shop and the total to fix it is going to be 1200 dollars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 649

You deserved it 1 010

By heymee - 02/09/2014 07:33 - France

Today, at the restaurant, my boyfriend told his parents that we were going to get married. They pretended not to hear and had a discussion about the contents of their plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 57

By oops... - 03/04/2017 17:57

Today, I found out that the odor-absorbing gel I found a few days ago, of which I'd thoroughly read the instructions for and thought was a deodorant, was actually a bathroom cleaner. I've been using it for the past 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 449

You deserved it 2 091

Congrats!

By Bobby - 29/05/2017 22:00

Today, I went to a bone and joint specialist because of excruciating back pain. Before the examination, the doctor told me that the possible reasons for the pain could be arthritis, sciatica, or scoliosis. After the examination, I found out that I have all three. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 840

You deserved it 250

By Anonymous - 07/06/2017 20:00 - United States - Coplay

Today, my neighbor let me know that they've been taking care of my cats while I was away, including letting them in and out of my house. I don't own a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 186

You deserved it 274

By Anonymous - 17/06/2017 22:00 - United States - Holland

Today, after an argument, my boyfriend called me a fart knocker and gave me a wedgie. Apparently, I'm dating an 10-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 616

You deserved it 1 065

By hail science! - 10/08/2019 16:00

Today, I got into a heated argument with my mom. Apparently, my seeking medicinal treatments for my cancer is blasphemous. According to her, I should just pray my cancer away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 588

You deserved it 124

Fire…?

By Ashley - 14/10/2019 22:00

Today, two out of our three smoke detectors were going off. My grandpa won't call the fire department because he thinks our house will be condemned. The alarms are still going off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 537

You deserved it 169

Support

By Me. - 15/12/2023 23:00 - United States

Today, during my weekly search through my daughter’s phone, I found out she joined a number of Facebook groups I didn’t know about. They were all about surviving toxic and abusive mothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 2 020

By abygalee - 10/07/2016 20:42 - United States - Akron

Today, my mom hadn't talked to me for 5 days, so worried sick I called my grandpa. She's been in jail, and no one cared to inform me. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 029

You deserved it 723

By Katxx93 - 01/01/2018 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was so tired I somehow managed to use black false eyelash glue instead of my liquid eyeliner. Every time I sneeze my eyes become glued shut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 176

You deserved it 2 573

Fortunately, she's gone

By IGotFinessed - 14/11/2019 14:00 - United States - New Fairfield

Today, I just realized that my ex-girlfriend has been using my credit card to buy condoms, beer, and dildos just to piss me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 940

You deserved it 605

By Lovers lost... - 24/03/2018 19:00

Today, my crush won the bet that I made with him yesterday. The bet? That he couldn't land a date by the end of the day. Not only am I down $10, but a possible boyfriend too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 953

You deserved it 4 886

By Sleepmonster - 11/05/2018 03:00 - Australia - Saint Kilda

Today, I tried contacting my doctor about the “side effect free" medication and diet he'd prescribed for my health issues. I've been sleeping 14 hours a night with naps in between since starting it. I have a full time course load plus work and I can't stay awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 799

You deserved it 264

By Husband to be....maybe - 09/06/2018 09:00

Today, I found out I was allergic to bees, the hard way, at my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 434

You deserved it 246

Bitter

By superb12345 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Cascade

Today, my parents posted nasty comments about each other on Facebook. I think they might secretly be 12 year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 734

You deserved it 1 014

Sociopathic method

By Anonymous - 27/08/2021 18:01

Today, it seemed like my new boyfriend worked wonders training my puppy. Now she listens, doesn’t bark and doesn’t chew everything to bits anymore. I was very impressed, until my boyfriend told me beating a dog until it behaves works every time. My dog isn’t trained; she’s too terrified to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 394

You deserved it 188

By SadOldBag - 23/08/2018 21:30 - United States - Estero

Today, I received the gifts of my period, diarrhea, severe dizziness and double vision, and an ant infestation in my home. These were followed by the glaring absence of any gifts from my husband. Happy 40th to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 241

You deserved it 244

More proof the system is broken

By Anonymous - 27/06/2020 20:04

Today, my younger sister, who lives at home and worked 1 day a week at the gym, got her unemployment card. I work at a hospital, on the frontlines, with COVID-19 patients. I don't get hazard pay. She now makes more than me in a week by sitting at home watching Netflix, while I risk my life every day to help people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 514

You deserved it 254

Blind love

By sorry - 25/11/2019 01:00 - United States - Columbus

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I slightly hesitated when she asked if she was beautiful. I am blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 610

You deserved it 226

By why - 04/10/2018 07:30 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend convinced my current boyfriend to break up with me because, "Bros before hoes." They met for the first time last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 379

You deserved it 414

Thanks, I guess…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk from town, busted the toilet door open crying, and proposed to me with a ring and all. I was literally mid-shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 600

You deserved it 359

By Anonymous - 28/01/2017 02:00

Today, we found out the god-awful smell in our truck was actually coming from the whole uncooked chicken I thought the store forgot to ring up over two weeks ago. It had fallen out of the bag and under the passenger seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 956

You deserved it 1 938

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I was on a date, when I suddenly choked on my own saliva and coughed so hard that I passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 280

You deserved it 5 166

Today, I got stuck in an elevator with my boss and two other coworkers. To lighten the mood, I tried telling a joke. I forgot the punchline halfway through and ended up awkwardly trailing off. We still had 20 minutes to go before maintenance rescued us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 236

Today, I was starting my new job in the city. A man with a torn suit on came up to me and asks me for spare change. In a hurry to catch a taxi, I declined and rushed to catch one. At the office, my boss was late. About an hour later, I found out the man in the suit was my boss. He was attacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 054

You deserved it 630

Today, I walked in on my mom trying to wax her butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 117

You deserved it 6 648

Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter decided that daddy needed an ear cleaning. With all the grace of toddler-hood, she stabbed me in the eardrum with a Q-tip. Now I can't hear her coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 112

You deserved it 2 378

Today, my girlfriend of two and half years broke up with me because I'm no longer able to give her the physical attention she needs. I live 4 hours away and we have been this way for almost a year. She found another guy to do it behind my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 170

You deserved it 331