The Top

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By mrosewrosem - 24/10/2018 15:30

Today, I had a lovely gluten-free pizza out at a local restaurant. After I'd finished, they informed me it wasn't in fact gluten-free. I am Celiac and this means I will be ill for the next six weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 762

You deserved it 358

Pay no mind

By Jlhfan90 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I've been a vegan for a year. It's also the day that I met my dad's new best friend, who happens to be a retired butcher. They tried to pull an intervention on me for not "being sensible" by eating meat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 221

You deserved it 19 469

By moosemay - 06/02/2016 11:42 - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, I heard a noise in my garage so I grabbed a baseball bat and went to look. The skunk I stirred was actually better armed than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 244

You deserved it 2 092

Sounds lovely

By theotherotherguy - 27/09/2012 05:22 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I started a job on a building site. Halfway through, I needed to use the toilet. One of the builders said there were two of them; one was "OK" and the other was "nasty." The first one I walked into had the foulest stench imaginable. Apparently, that was the "OK" one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 909

You deserved it 1 867

By herzausstein - 21/12/2009 22:36 - Belgium

Today, I took the train home. When seated, I suddenly noticed something wet on my seat. Without looking, I thought it was water since it was snowing outside. Guess again. It was vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 677

You deserved it 7 106

By cjbutterfly96 - 17/12/2015 15:54 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy for the second time, and he was helping me buy a Christmas present for my dad. I excused myself to go to the bathroom, and when I came out, he was gone. He left me alone and took my dad's present with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 490

You deserved it 2 273

He's got game

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 605

You deserved it 6 183

The customer is almost always annoying

By minimoonpie - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I was serving an incredibly rude woman at work. The ladder I had used to get her two pairs of shoes came crashing down, and hit my face and neck. She only bought one pair, and ten minutes later returned them after, complaining they were too expensive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 485

You deserved it 2 803

By nozVail - 20/11/2015 23:52 - United States

Today, I drove to my cousin's house so he could help me fix my broken tail light. On the way there, I got pulled over for having a broken tail light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 419

You deserved it 3 748

It's not what you think

By NotABeatenWoman - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Charleston

Today, I found out everyone in my neighborhood thinks that I'm a beaten woman due to the reoccurring ambulances in front of my house at night. My kid just chokes on everything, and they don't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 525

You deserved it 2 440

By anonymous - 02/09/2014 18:58 - United States - Wolcott

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She just grabbed the ring and said in a raspy voice, "My precious..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 799

You deserved it 9 667

Insurance is a racket

By Chriso - 17/11/2009 11:48 - Australia

Today, I was finally discharged from hospital after being in there for one month, I arrive home to find a letter from a debt collection agency for my unpaid car insurance premium, and another letter from my car insurer to say that they aren't covering my accident due to non payment of premium. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 467

You deserved it 3 969

Teambuilding

By Anonymous - 06/10/2015 19:58 - United States - Macomb

Today, I had to quickly back out of a Skype call between me and three coworkers because my fiancée came home from work in tears. When things had calmed down, I re-entered the call to find them unaware I had returned, saying how glad they were I had left because they all secretly despise me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 910

You deserved it 2 099

By Anonymous - 05/11/2009 00:40 - United States

Today, I stepped away from my desk for a few minutes only to return to find the general manager installing updates on my computer. This wouldn't have been an issue had I not pulled up a website explaining in great detail the effects and causes of vaginal yeast infections. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 967

You deserved it 30 769

By charishard - 04/05/2013 05:17 - United States - San Marcos

Today, I was checking out a customer who seemed quite friendly. As I finished, he reached slightly over the counter and I impulsively reached out and shook his hand. He gave me a dumbfounded look and said, "Can I have my change please?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 337

You deserved it 35 142

By jailey - 26/07/2016 02:26

Today, my friend decided that we should go clubbing together to "catch up". Her version of catching up is me standing beside her making out with some random dude in the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 667

You deserved it 1 299

By explosivepeach - 30/05/2015 01:34 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, on my second day as a lifeguard, I locked myself out of the pool. My angry guests and I had to wait for 45 minutes for my manager to arrive and unlock the gate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 654

You deserved it 5 919

I'm coming !

By ally - 03/02/2009 19:34 - United States

Today, I was having sex with a guy that I just met, and when I thought he was about to orgasm, he actually had an asthma attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 269

You deserved it 8 532

By Bear - 01/02/2009 17:38 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my Mum and Dad having sex and didn't even realize what they were doing until she shouted at him to go harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 485

You deserved it 6 017

It's a match!

By Noname - 30/01/2009 22:08 - United States

Today, I went out to eat with my aunt and uncle, I barely looked at the male waiter because I'm a shy person. Then my uncle said, "YOU SHOULD TAKE OUT MY NIECE! She's never dated in her life." I'm 19 and my matchmaker is my uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 750

You deserved it 3 354

Long goodbye

By Kali - 04/03/2015 00:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got a call from a potential employer. They spent five minutes explaining job duties and I listened with anticipation. Then they spent five minutes explaining why I wasn't the right person for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 194

You deserved it 2 295

Dingus friends

By Anonymous - 25/02/2015 11:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I was telling my friends that I'd gotten a paid position to cover a worker's bereavement leave for the next three weeks. They then called me an insensitive bitch for "profiting from someone else's misfortune." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 656

You deserved it 2 859

Group discussion

By ThatSped - 18/02/2016 03:22 - Canada - Moncton

Today, during class, a girl had suggested how I, a 16 year-old guy, would be a high maintenance girlfriend. We sat and debated this, allowing for other people to listen in and agree with her, and eventually the entire class agreed with her. Even the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 979

You deserved it 4 936

By socianx - 18/08/2013 21:23 - Albania

Today, I was to give a business report to several important shareholders. Right at the start, I broke into a coughing fit, then got so nervous that I froze up. When I tried to excuse myself, I tripped over my own feet. I'm now facing demotion for making the company look bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 182

You deserved it 5 673

By Anonymous - 06/09/2012 02:02 - United States

Today, I received the "employee of the month" title from the job I was fired from last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 046

You deserved it 1 836

Stuck on ugly

By bleh - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my parents took me to a specialist when I was a baby because they thought I had a facial deformity. It turns out I'm just ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 946

You deserved it 3 252

By crushedsoul - 05/11/2015 21:34 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I attended my school's special invitation-only awards ceremony, relieved that I was getting a much-needed scholarship. I watched all my friends go up and win scholarships. In the end, I only got a certificate for doing well on the PSAT. My whole family showed up for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 010

You deserved it 1 994

It never rains, it pours

By jaeilssanguh - 26/11/2009 18:49 - United States

Today, I was walking in rain. I had my hands in my pants pockets, so that the front of the jacket was pointing down. Halfway to Taco Bell, my crotch felt exceptionally wet. I looked down to see a wet spot. The rain on my jacket was channeled to my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 093

You deserved it 6 172

By Amithatevil - 29/08/2014 12:35 - Japan - Kawasaki

Today, my brother told my 3 year-old son that cool kids call their parents by their real names. This wouldn't be half as bad if he hadn't also convinced my son that my real name was Satan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 794

You deserved it 4 211

Ambien dissociation

By Anonymous - 24/11/2009 12:53 - United States

Today, I woke up after taking a sleeping pill for the first time. I started in on a number of chores, including paying bills, when I noticed a new charge on my online credit card bill from 1am. I bought $120 worth of meat from an infomercial. It's non-refundable. I'm vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 183

You deserved it 12 217

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The Top

Today, I worked up the confidence to go to the mall alone for the first time since being confined to a wheelchair. It didn't even take 20 minutes before some teenager grabbed my wheelchair and tried to race me around, all while his friends watched and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 919

You deserved it 1 718

Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 805

You deserved it 3 487

Today, I changed my teacher's PowerPoint picture to me making a funny face. He saw it and changed it to a picture of him, with a middle finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 166

You deserved it 50 887

Today, my boss gave me a new assignment at work: go online and look for my own replacement, then interview him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 823

You deserved it 2 223

Today, about a minute after telling my son not to pick his nose, he caught me picking mine. This has led to a cascade of, "Why should I follow dad's rules when even dad doesn’t follow dad rules?" He now questions everything I tell him, and is breaking every rule in the book to make his point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 1 542

Today, I bought the girl I like concert tickets for our favorite artist, who is usually never in our town, for her birthday. She said, “No thanks, I have to work that day.” She works Monday-Friday. The concert is on Saturday. When I mentioned this, she asked me, “So, what did you think of the Super Bowl halftime show?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 250