Work: Today, on my second day as a lifeguard, I locked myself out of...

By explosivepeach - 30/05/2015 01:34 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, on my second day as a lifeguard, I locked myself out of the pool. My angry guests and I had to wait for 45 minutes for my manager to arrive and unlock the gate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 579

You deserved it 5 872

Work

Wake up call

Leech

Rude awakening

By Ethan - 09/03/2009 13:35 - Australia

Today, I was having birthday dinner with my girlfriend and her parents, when her Dad asked what I got her she replied "He said he was going to give me a Pearl Necklace when we get home." I realized then that my girlfriend did not know what I meant by 'Pearl Necklace.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 086

You deserved it 94 967

By unfortunategeek - 23/12/2010 16:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to contact my birth mother, who abandoned me when I was three weeks old. After months of tracing, I finally plucked up the courage to call her. She told me to "f*ck off and die". FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 402

You deserved it 7 562

By Anonymous - 30/04/2016 01:09 - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, I gave my boss a report I wrote on my own time, full of suggestions on how to increase productivity and profits at our company. He said my ideas made "about as much sense as pistol-whipping a ghost" and that I was impressing no-one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 962

You deserved it 2 441

By Mikey - 28/04/2009 06:50 - United States

Today, I finally got cleared after my knee surgery and wanted to go salsa dancing with a girl I liked. So we went and I thought I would show off a little bit and try to dip her and kiss her. Turns out my knee isn't strong enough and now she won't talk to me after dropping her on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 449

You deserved it 46 248

By Sam l. - 10/11/2012 06:51 - United States

Today, my dog and I were sitting on the couch. I went to the bathroom, came back, and saw him walk over the remote, which caused the TV to change to the Hustler channel, just a few moments before my girlfriend walked through the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 083

You deserved it 3 633

By Noname - 29/01/2009 13:06 - United States

Today, I found an ad for my job at my company on an online job board. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 939

You deserved it 2 164

By Freelman - 06/05/2015 14:34 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I tried to write a bad review for the fast-food place at which I work part-time. My username made me anonymous, but I forgot to change my profile picture. Now my manager and coworkers won't even speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 200

You deserved it 44 255

By :| - 12/09/2013 22:27 - Sweden - V?llingby

Today, I realized that what I thought for years was my country's National Anthem, is actually the theme song of a TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 143

You deserved it 57 558

By burr415 - 20/04/2012 22:55 - Sweden - H?gersten

Today, my friend was waiting outside the store while I bought a newspaper. Through the window, I saw two guys getting physical with him, so I went outside and they took off. I muttered, "Yeah, I thought so." They then turned around and beat the crap out of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 610

You deserved it 26 293

By zyordz - 27/06/2009 04:12 - Peru

Today, I was working at a soup kitchen with people from my church. Seeing a rather disheveled couple, I told them the line started "over there". Only then did I realize that they were from my church, and were there to help serve soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 802

You deserved it 41 103

By Mortifiedcharityworker - 01/05/2014 20:10 - Austria

Today, I didn't pay enough attention while sending a music file to be used in a powerful video my class-mates and I made about the Syrian civil war. Instead of a moving classical track, viewers were shown graphic scenes of devastation to the tune of Gangnam Style. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 313

You deserved it 38 552

By gamer tag ID not recognised - 06/10/2018 03:00

Today, my husband is adamant he is not a cheater because "it only counts as cheating if you have sex with other women for free" so apparently 20-year-old male prostitutes don't count because they're not women and they cost money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 849

You deserved it 187

By Anonymous - 19/06/2011 05:01 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by putting a post-it note on my locker that said "consider yourself dumped". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 746

You deserved it 4 662

Unexpected

By kalazoo21 - 25/08/2009 12:54 - United States

Today, I quit my job that my girlfriend and I worked together at. Fellow employees are not allowed to date one another and I said it would be ok if I was the one to leave. When I got home to her and told her that I quit, she decided to break up with me. I now have no job and no girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 150

You deserved it 12 755

By cbarr98 - 06/06/2015 01:00 - United States - Orange City

Today, I lost all of my male friends at work. Why? The new girl has my same interests and a prettier face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 765

You deserved it 2 988

He protecc

By arianelagolden - 04/08/2016 07:27

Today, I saw our boss, visiting from the USA, press the button on the coffee machine, probably thinking a cup will drop automatically. I grab a cup in the cupboard and put it under the now pouring coffee. Next thing I knew, I'm lying on the floor, my boss's bodyguard on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 103

You deserved it 1 336

By My_Cow_kiM - 28/04/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, I told my mom I'm severely allergic to my cat and that the doctor told me it would be best to get rid of the cat. Somewhat jokingly, I told her it was either me or the cat. She chose the cat. She was serious too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 393

You deserved it 5 585

By Anonymous - 27/04/2012 15:24 - United States

Today, I found out the guy I've been crushing on for many years thinks he's a werewolf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 808

You deserved it 4 820

The Times They Are a-Changin'

By Jobless - 28/03/2020 14:00

Today, I woke up early, felt very energetic, decided to run a couple of miles and bought muffins for my colleagues on my way to the office. Then my boss told me they're shutting us down. At the end of a day that started really great, I'm jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 592

You deserved it 116

By Rachel - 01/03/2012 21:43 - United States

Today, I joined a new choir. My director asked me if my best friend was actually my girlfriend. Taken aback, I said no, I was not a lesbian. He then asked me to clarify my gender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 128

You deserved it 4 819

Tourism

By Jaymail - 11/10/2020 10:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was stuck in backed up traffic because of construction for so long that my phone actually listed where I was stuck in traffic as a place I visited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 58

By Anonymous - 05/01/2011 18:35 - United States

Today, I was driving back from school 100 miles away from my home with my fiancé and dog. While stopping for gas, we accidentally left our car keys and cell phones in the car. The dog sat on one of the keys and engaged the locks. We were locked out of the car until the tow truck arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 824

You deserved it 21 582

By pantsareathing - 13/06/2015 17:10 - Canada - Elliot Lake

Today, my dad has apparently decided that it's too much of a bother to put clothes on when he gets out of bed. He's been walking around in his tighty-whiteys for hours now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 422

You deserved it 2 442

By Anonymous - 06/12/2010 14:51 - Canada

Today, I hit a patch of black ice and totaled my car. The car is a month old. For the next 5 years I'll be paying for a car I can't drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 355

You deserved it 8 627

By S to the HIT - 08/04/2015 16:08 - United States

Today, at a mind-numbingly boring support session, everyone was talking about their hardships. One guy was talking about losing his leg in a car accident. I was half-asleep and asked without thinking, "Did you ever find it?" I almost shat my pants at the roomful of death glares that followed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 831

You deserved it 35 656

By Spockx - 06/08/2012 11:20 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 300

You deserved it 2 856

By Teiu88 - 20/10/2013 14:34 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I realized how bad my OCD is when I accidentally got a paper cut and I was annoyed by the fact that the cut wasn't in a straight line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 633

You deserved it 6 883

By Anonymous - 28/12/2009 12:08 - United States

Today, I came home from a year long backpacking trip in Europe. During my absence my parents divorced, dad took the house and most of the money, sister is seven months pregnant, brother was arrested for statutory rape, and my mom pawned all my stuff to buy booze to "cope." Oh, and my fish died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95 249

You deserved it 5 477

By mybad7 - 15/09/2009 08:13 - Australia

Today, I finally decided to sleep with my boyfriend. It was my first time and I was really nervous so when he was being all romantic with candles and wine I went a bit overboard and drank too much. I passed out. I woke up a few hours later, still a virgin and in a puddle of my own wee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 896

You deserved it 34 411

By weirdlove - 23/01/2010 08:38 - Australia

Today, while my boyfriend and I were eating an icecream, he put his arm around me and began leaning in for what I thought was a kiss. Instead, he grabbed and began jiggling my stomach fat, along with making raspberry sounds. Once he was done, he did the same to my thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 553

You deserved it 7 964

By IssacB - 17/07/2015 17:56 - United States

Today, I came home after just 3 weeks of being away. It seems like my pool now has its own mini-ecosystem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 793

You deserved it 5 472

By BeastieHouse - 14/02/2019 00:00

Today, I dropped a brand new jar of molasses into the corner of my completely white kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 725

You deserved it 442

By married an old man - 05/03/2013 17:57 - United States - Rancho Mirage

Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up. When I started kissing and trying to undress him, he pushed me off, saying "What're you doing? Jeopardy's about to start." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 943

You deserved it 6 692

It's all too much

By Ken Solo - 16/10/2021 14:00

Today, I had a coworker shout profanities at me and say he was going to punch me in the face. HR tells me they have a no tolerance policy, and I needed to stop being passive aggressive. He's the active aggressor with anger problems, but who isn't being reprimand, FML

I agree, your life sucks 902

You deserved it 89

By Anonymous - 27/05/2011 15:44 - Romania

Today, I overheard a conversation between my boyfriend and his best friend about how to shave one's nuts completely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 756

You deserved it 9 106

By spanishsucks - 01/04/2012 03:01 - United States - Livingston

Today, I introduced my mother to my new girlfriend. My mom made a very nasty comment about her in Spanish, not realizing that my girlfriend teaches Spanish at the local school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 202

You deserved it 2 861

By littlebigbrother - 23/05/2012 06:13 - Japan

Today, we got a call that my brother stuck a rock up his nose and couldn't get it out. My mom had to pick him up and take him to the hospital. My brother is 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 329

You deserved it 2 129

By Myballshurt - 03/08/2013 04:31 - United States - Harrisburg

Today, I learned a few things. One: friends are assholes. Two: under no circumstance do you close your eyes when they ask you to. Three: getting kicked in the balls hurts a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 370

You deserved it 22 099

Smoke signals

By rejected - 06/10/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, I texted my boyfriend, who's on vacation halfway across the world, but he didn't respond. I mentioned it to my younger sister who said, "It probably just takes a while for the text to get all the way there." My mom piped up, "Don't be dumb sweetie, he's just ignoring her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 528

You deserved it 205

By Tgreject - 16/08/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, I was planning on asking out a girl I've been really close to for a few months now. I was with her when I got a forward text from my friend. It was from the girl and it said "noooo tell him not to ask me out I don't like him." I got rejected via forward text before I told her how I felt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 412

You deserved it 3 144

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Top comments

Steve95401 49

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Saturday 30 May 2015 15:17

Did you get to have a third day on the job?

_kyleG_ 34

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Saturday 30 May 2015 15:09

The key to these things is to stay optimistic... And maybe attach the key to your person from now on.

ilKio 15

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Saturday 30 May 2015 14:54

At least they didn't drown!

asgartner 6

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Saturday 30 May 2015 20:12

I love this comment

sonasonic 34

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Sunday 31 May 2015 14:07

OP's self-confidence apparently sunk like a rock right about then.

MidnaLink 33

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Saturday 30 May 2015 14:55

Shouldn't you be carrying your own key set?

cheeeksss 29

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Saturday 30 May 2015 15:05

What I was thinking. And if it's second day on the job, why is he working by himself? Usually for any job, someone is with you for the first few days right?

Wolverine33 17

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Sunday 31 May 2015 18:17

I'm a lifeguard and we don't have our own set of keys, there is a lockbox with the keys in it and we have the code to the box. Although, I don't know why he was by himself, we always have two lifeguards at a time at the pools.

feven 32

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Saturday 30 May 2015 14:56

Well done *slow clap*

jasminexxxx 17

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Saturday 30 May 2015 14:56

You were the one who needed saving here, from your angry customers

Welshite 39

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Saturday 30 May 2015 14:57

Should have used that time to practice "saving" all the cute girls/guys in the group. Nothing beats practical application of lifesaving techniques.

devildog562 33

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Saturday 30 May 2015 17:41

"Emergancy mouth to mouth resuscitation drill." "Pretty lady in the back there , please come forward and let me out some life into you." Not sure it would go over well but I guess you never know .

Zebediabolical 39

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Saturday 30 May 2015 18:07

I used to have a fake MedicAlert style ID bracelet that read 'REQUIRES FREQUENT MOUTH TO GENITAL RESUSCITATION'. I never quite had the nerve to go fall down and start convulsing at the nursing school though.

cooltatgar 30

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Saturday 30 May 2015 14:57

"Beloved guests, this is to announce that you've jyst won an extra 45mins of swimming time ... for free"

RuBloKon 15

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Saturday 30 May 2015 15:02

Did you thank your manager and tell her she was a life saver?

feven 32

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Saturday 30 May 2015 15:07

Stay optimistic OP. It's only the second day

lexiieeex3 32

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Saturday 30 May 2015 15:36

Why would you comment two completely different things on the same post...

Reider022 16

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Saturday 30 May 2015 15:38

Trying to get likes now after clearly failing to impress with the first comment.

lexiieeex3 32

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Saturday 30 May 2015 15:40

Pathetic.

devildog562 33

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Saturday 30 May 2015 17:36

So one can comment more then once now ? Calling someone pathetic because they post their opinion or ideas instead of coming up with an original and meaningful comment is redundant in my most humble of opinions . It's ops fault for locking themselves out , but accidents happen to everyone. That awkward moment were you are stuck in front of a group of people with no good news to deliver and the centre of attention on you sucks.