Today, I was talking to my grandmother, who was lying down on... - FML

By Noname - Canada

Today, I was talking to my grandmother, who was lying down on the couch under a blanket watching TV. As I was leaving, I said "See you later Nana," and patted her on the shoulder. Her shoulder was soft, and moved more than I expected. It was her boob. I felt up my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53590

You deserved it

12875

Tweet

Share

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Instadrama

Rock, hard place

By needlessly hungry

Today, when I tried to give blood, I was turned down before I even made it through the information packet. Why? Because I had thought I was supposed to fast for 24 hours beforehand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

917

You deserved it

3331

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend got off for real for the first time during sex. Apparently, he's been faking it for the past two months. I didn't even know guys could do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19908

You deserved it

24886

Tweet

Share

By forgotten - United States - Folsom

Today, the kids on my cross country team were planning a big surprise party for one of the girls, whose birthday is in a few weeks. It's my birthday today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36133

You deserved it

2644

Tweet

Share

By benjamin03 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my mom continued her search for a special, super-healthy laundry detergent that she knows makes me break out in hives. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12322

You deserved it

951

Tweet

Share

By windskurfer - France

Today, I saw my dad help himself to a sex stamina drink. He and mom share the hotel bed next to mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21952

You deserved it

2396

Tweet

Share

By socialdisease - United States

Today, my house got egged. Why? As a joke, my friend bought me a doormat that says, "A Canadian Lives Here." I'm Canadian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29698

You deserved it

5059

Tweet

Share

By jdsksoapy - United States

Today, my parents punished me and made me wash my mouth out with soap for cursing. I'm almost 19. I said the word "hell". FML

I agree, your life sucks

210533

You deserved it

34888

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I drove six hours with a friend to see one of her favorite bands in concert. We were turned away at the door because the online site didn't say we had to be 21 to enter. I drove six hours back with nothing to show for it but an empty gas tank and useless tickets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43472

You deserved it

9382

Tweet

Share

By Really - United States - Butte

Today, I told my mother that, after years of cheating and abuse, I'm finally getting a divorce. Her reaction was deep concern that my husband might not want to "be friends" with the rest of the family any more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26238

You deserved it

1536

Tweet

Share

By Lars - United States

Today, I fell down the stairs twice. I fell from the top, stopped in the middle, stood up, stepped down one more step, tripped, and fell down the rest of the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34874

You deserved it

5823

Tweet

Share

By mavrick127 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I finally had the chance to have sex with my crush. Too bad I couldn't get an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13077

You deserved it

1743

Tweet

Share

By gabbykinz13 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16003

You deserved it

56976

Tweet

Share

By reluctant teacher - United States - Clarksville

School's out for summer, thank God!

Today, I had 15 teenagers literally laugh in my face when I asked them to be quiet. I'm a student teaching in a high school, which is the culmination of 2 years of my life and $20,000, and I might in fact actually hate doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1633

You deserved it

271

Tweet

Share

By Joshua - United States - Weatherford

Today, the woman I have been seeing said she couldn't see a future with me. This was all because I didn't text her back when I fell asleep after working a double night/morning shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13386

You deserved it

1197

Tweet

Share

By Mom2boysonly

Today, the AC broke in the car I bought brand new last August. My 3.5-year-old hates wind, even from the sunroof being open, and there's no fix for the "manufacturing defect" so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3082

You deserved it

352

Tweet

Share

By proteinboy - United States

Today, I waited for 20 minutes to get a cab outside grand central station in New York (it was raining). Finally, to my relief, I found a cab but when I got in I let a little fart slip. Two minutes later the cabby kicked me out of his cab because I stunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11670

You deserved it

30323

Tweet

Share

By Saucy - United States

Today, I got marinara sauce on my new white shirt. I went in my desk for my Tide-To-Go pen and started using it on the spot. Turns out orange highlighters look a lot like Tide-To-Go pens when you don't look closely enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19534

You deserved it

50456

Tweet

Share

By Broken - United Arab Emirates

Today, my fiancé invited his pregnant co-worker for dinner. After we finished eating, he sat down and explained to me that her kid is his and that he's been cheating on me with her for 5 months. She had a smile on her face during the entire thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

80950

You deserved it

4705

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I saw some friends' cars at a friend's house, but thought nothing about it. Then I found pictures on Facebook of the pool party they had as a going away party for my friend who is leaving the country for three months. I had no idea my friend was leaving and I was the only one not invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46409

You deserved it

5229

Tweet

Share

By wtf

Today, I came back to my boyfriend's house where I've been staying to find all my things thrown outside, ruined, including my entire CD collection, textbooks and clothes cut up. All because I had left my cell phone there and had got a text from a guy saying "Hi, how have you been?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

59094

You deserved it

8911

Tweet

Share

By BadTime - United States

Today, my wife tried to refill the windshield wiper fluid on her own. However, she poured it where the oil goes. Now the car is having major issues. Last week I lost my job, and I have no idea how much this is going to cost to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34134

You deserved it

3612

Tweet

Share

By freckle82 - Canada

Today, I woke up at 4:30am because I forgot to turn my Blackberry off 'loud'. I woke up to find an email from my ex-boyfriend's crazy mother who had sent me pictures of her son's wedding that had happened over the weekend. I am still single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58379

You deserved it

4497

Tweet

Share

By doomeddaddy - United States

Today, my son learned how to use the toilet for the first time. He was so excited he started peeing on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31164

You deserved it

3205

Tweet

Share

By boringhusband - United States - Salisbury

Today, while at dinner with my wife, she asked me what was on my mind as I stared blankly at the window. "Nothing" was interpreted as, "We are boring, and can't stand each other." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10612

You deserved it

1480

Tweet

Share

By cutiekenz21 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother walked in on us having sex. He started crying and ran into the bathroom where my clothes were located, leaving me to deal with his mother. Naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45598

You deserved it

8331

Tweet

Share

By blech - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I witnessed my dad rummage through his nostrils, thoughtfully examine the contents, and flick them nonchalantly onto the carpet. All of this he did with the biggest demented grin on his face. Sadly, this has become a regular occurrence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26667

You deserved it

2524

Tweet

Share

By Nicholas Laughton

Today, I saw the girl I've been crushing hard on. I go up to talk to her, and I'm immediately greeted by, "I like girls." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4445

You deserved it

754

Tweet

Share

By Starfucks - United States - Bensalem

Today, I was in Starbucks with my daughter when she noticed a travel cup she liked. She picked one up and asked for it, but I said no because it was expensive. She angrily slammed it back into its stand and in the process, knocked over a display of ceramic mugs. I had to pay for each broken mug. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25530

You deserved it

4448

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wanted to impress my girlfriend with a cool fire breathing trick I learned online, and ended up burning half her room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11139

You deserved it

64069

Tweet

Share

By Tom - United States

Today, I'm flying out of the country in a few hours. A plane from the same airline just crashed into the Hudson River and is now floating in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26041

You deserved it

2663

Tweet

Share

By RAHrahRAH - Canada

Today, I went to my doctor to get my x-ray results. Turns out, I have a fractured spine and a chip of my spine has moved. Now I'm in a neck brace because my dad didn't think it was serious, and told me to "suck it up princess." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34317

You deserved it

2370

Tweet

Share

By xharuki - United States

Today, I was closing at work when someone came in ten minutes before close (2am) and placed a huge order. I couldn't turn him away because he's my manager from my other job. He was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32564

You deserved it

3503

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Remus

Today, my sister brought me coffee to my office. It was really nice so I made a status about it on Facebook. My boyfriend texted me soon after, freaking out because I never put anything on Facebook about him and how great he is. I'm basically dating a 14-year-old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44399

You deserved it

7164

Tweet

Share

By Halle - United States

Today, my immature step-father rubbed my head destroying the $300 hairdo that took two and a half hours to finish. Three minutes before my wedding ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62979

You deserved it

6656

Tweet

Share

By Olerbia - United States

Today, while working at Walmart, I was walking the sales floor and passed the end of an aisle. I saw a customer coming at me from the corner of my eye, so I jumped backwards. I hit a display case, and watched it topple over before turning to apologize to the customer. It was a ladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40016

You deserved it

9969

Tweet

Share

By TicketMePink - United States

Today, an officer ticketed me for texting while driving. Apparently, getting dumped costs $180. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8386

You deserved it

21024

Tweet

Share

By theboywithlonghair - United States

Today, I decided to go get my hair cut because it was getting a bit long. I told the lady that I wanted it way short and she replied "Why? You will look like a guy sweetie." I am a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45884

You deserved it

6878

Tweet

Share

By PineappleOfMyEye

Today, I work at a general store and a customer came in trying to bargain a set price of an item. The item? A 50 cent candy bar. He wanted it for 34 cents. This is not the first time he's done this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2121

You deserved it

115

Tweet

Share

By Abeille - Canada

Today, I thought I'd take my little sister to the park. After getting bored of playing on the climbers, she thought it would be funny to throw some mud at me; too bad mud wasn’t the only chunky brown stuff on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33836

You deserved it

3918

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, during our wedding, my wife tried to dodge The Kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56543

You deserved it

4118

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By EmilyMarie | 0

#30112 - Friday 13 March 2009 20:06

Whoops.

By hockeyplaya | 0

#30115 - Friday 13 March 2009 20:09

thats embarassing... hope she was asleep

COMMENTS

By EmilyMarie | 0

#30112 - Friday 13 March 2009 20:06

Whoops.

By hockeyplaya | 0

#30115 - Friday 13 March 2009 20:09

thats embarassing... hope she was asleep

By RPGod | 0

#30123 - Friday 13 March 2009 20:14

Ewwwwwwwww

By LittleMissMack | 0

#30131 - Friday 13 March 2009 20:17

Are you the same kid who had a wet dream while sitting next to his grandma?

FREUDDDDD!

By KenMcGormick | 0

#30141 - Friday 13 March 2009 20:19

did you vomit?

By faygo19 | 0

#30143 - Friday 13 March 2009 20:20

Seems like you are ok with it

Reply

CaiDog | 20

#5620137 - Friday 9 August 2013 18:15

Yeah, because people who are ok with something ususally make FMLs about it

By laurenbabyy | 0

#30146 - Friday 13 March 2009 20:21

you liked it.

By crazy_cat_lady | 0

#30162 - Friday 13 March 2009 20:27

Well.... how was it?

By TEAZO | 0

#30173 - Friday 13 March 2009 20:34

boobies.

haha old lady none the less lmao
gross,

By 122vanessa122 | 5

#30196 - Friday 13 March 2009 20:46

lmfao.
ewww :P