FML : Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let...

72

See the top FMLs

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By ugh / Tuesday 3 September 2013 23:53 / United States - Lancaster

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Misaki18 | 17

#5658086 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 09:27

Was it a boy or a girl?

By HeyHeyFishFillet | 34

#5658087 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 09:29

Rule of life #562...Always make sure you're alone before you act like a complete weirdo.

Comments

By Jezzikah | 11

#5658081 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 09:27

Are you bonos mom? *hopes someone gets my South Park reference*

Reply

Rianokami | 22

#5658102 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 09:37

I got it. :)

Reply

Donnakar | 20

#5658115 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 09:43

Love it :)

Reply

Bob_Mooky | 9

#5658133 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 09:58

Lol I love that episode. I didn't expect Bono to actually BE the biggest crap O_O

Reply

Dreamcatcher1229 | 17

#5658143 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 10:12

Haha, one of my favorite episodes. :) OP, it sucks that your mom was there to hear you. I know we've all done random shit when we think no one is around, and it's so embarrassing to get caught. FYL, you just did something that's human nature, no worries. :)

Reply

christyxbee | 15

#5664138 - Sunday 8 September 2013 11:08

So... Did she scare the shit out if you then?

By Misaki18 | 17

#5658086 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 09:27

Was it a boy or a girl?

Reply

naznafeathers | 22

#5658434 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 03:23

OP should have said "no, but you can help me come up with a name!"

Reply

Calingaladha | 21

#5658971 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 10:00

"It's a bit early to start imposing roles on it."

Reply

Little4Bear | 10

#5659658 - Thursday 5 September 2013 08:10

OP gave birth to a piece of shit.

By HeyHeyFishFillet | 34

#5658087 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 09:29

Rule of life #562...Always make sure you're alone before you act like a complete weirdo.

Reply

cna1216 | 15

#5659270 - Thursday 5 September 2013 01:28

Shouldn't that be rule number one?

Reply

2116803 | 10

#5659493 - Thursday 5 September 2013 05:03

I dont think there should be any rules to life. If you want to make noises while pushing out your turd baby from your asshole, you have my full support

By Genuine_G | 8

#5658094 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 09:31

There's one for the story book.

Reply

Mister_Triangle | 21

#5658356 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 01:47

And the moral of the story? Slow and steady wins the... Wait, I fucked that up.

Reply

Mister_Triangle | 21

#5658357 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 01:47

And the moral of the story? Slow and steady wins the... Wait, I fucked that up.

Reply

ifavela89 | 13

#5658451 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 03:43

A mom that cares aww great grandchildren story later on

Reply

JtPv | 14

#5658528 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 04:29

33- Huh. A double post. Been a while since I've seen one of you.

By starile | 19

#5658100 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 09:35

"Yes, your first grandchild has no face! Or arms or legs! Hurry! What do I do??" That oughta do it.

Reply

Little4Bear | 10

#5659660 - Thursday 5 September 2013 08:11

"But it has your eyes!"

By theBadGuy37 | 9

#5658118 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 09:46

Congratulations!

By IvyOswin | 17

#5658124 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 09:52

I really want to know if you're male, that will make this so much funnier.

Reply

CptnHowdyy | 13

#5658979 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 10:06

Of course OP is a male. We don't poop.

By tyler384 | 6

#5658129 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 09:56

You must be able to entertain yourself for hours lol

By Bob_Mooky | 9

#5658130 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 09:56

Jeezus, don't push too hard. You'll give yourself a hemorrhoid.

Reply

martin8337 | 35

#5658828 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 07:41

Or tear a spincter.

By Fluffydemise | 18

#5658141 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 10:07

Take me too the hospital lady, gonna poo out a baby, pow pow pow! Have a sandwich, make a baby, have a pizza a make another three!

Reply

Fluffydemise | 18

#5658145 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 10:13

For anyone who misses the reference, a)you suck and b) look up weebl - babies :D

Reply

jayceejaco | 15

#5658405 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 02:52

Or you just failed at being funny

Similar

Today, I was at the hairdressers getting a trim. The lady doing my hair commented on how beautiful and luscious my hair was, which made me feel really...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Today, a coworker told me I was "fat shaming" them by discussing weight loss with other coworkers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Today, my girlfriend came home with a 48 inch fluorescent light bulb from the hardware store. I mentioned we needed a 24 inch bulb, to which she responds:...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

Today, I told my husband to deal with the very large spider in our kitchen. Rather than a newspaper or a slipper he went after it with an aerosol can and...

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

See all the Nearly FMLs

Loading data…

...but why?

Today, I got my period at school, so I went to the toilet to put in a tampon. Opening the packaging was really noisy, but I assumed the bathroom was empty....

Today, during a romantic shower with my girlfriend, I slipped, fell, and took the both the shower curtain and rod with me. My dignity hurts more than my...

See all the World FMLs

See all FML photos