FML : Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let...

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Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

You deserved it

By ugh / Tuesday 3 September 2013 23:53 / United States - Lancaster

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Top comments

By Misaki18 | 17

#5658086 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 9:27

Was it a boy or a girl?

By HeyHeyFishFillet | 34

#5658087 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 9:29

Rule of life #562...Always make sure you're alone before you act like a complete weirdo.

Comments

By Jezzikah | 11

#5658081 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 9:27

Are you bonos mom? *hopes someone gets my South Park reference*

Reply

Rianokami | 22

#5658102 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 9:37

I got it. :)

Reply

Donnakar | 20

#5658115 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 9:43

Love it :)

Reply

Bob_Mooky | 9

#5658133 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 9:58

Lol I love that episode. I didn't expect Bono to actually BE the biggest crap O_O

Reply

Dreamcatcher1229 | 17

#5658143 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 10:12

Haha, one of my favorite episodes. :) OP, it sucks that your mom was there to hear you. I know we've all done random shit when we think no one is around, and it's so embarrassing to get caught. FYL, you just did something that's human nature, no worries. :)

Reply

christyxbee | 15

#5664138 - Sunday 8 September 2013 11:08

So... Did she scare the shit out if you then?

By Misaki18 | 17

#5658086 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 9:27

Was it a boy or a girl?

Reply

naznafeathers | 22

#5658434 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 15:23

OP should have said "no, but you can help me come up with a name!"

Reply

Calingaladha | 21

#5658971 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 22:00

"It's a bit early to start imposing roles on it."

Reply

Little4Bear | 10

#5659658 - Thursday 5 September 2013 8:10

OP gave birth to a piece of shit.

By HeyHeyFishFillet | 34

#5658087 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 9:29

Rule of life #562...Always make sure you're alone before you act like a complete weirdo.

Reply

cna1216 | 15

#5659270 - Thursday 5 September 2013 1:28

Shouldn't that be rule number one?

Reply

2116803 | 10

#5659493 - Thursday 5 September 2013 5:03

I dont think there should be any rules to life. If you want to make noises while pushing out your turd baby from your asshole, you have my full support

By Genuine_G | 8

#5658094 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 9:31

There's one for the story book.

Reply

Mister_Triangle | 21

#5658356 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 13:47

And the moral of the story? Slow and steady wins the... Wait, I fucked that up.

Reply

Mister_Triangle | 21

#5658357 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 13:47

And the moral of the story? Slow and steady wins the... Wait, I fucked that up.

Reply

ifavela89 | 13

#5658451 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 15:43

A mom that cares aww great grandchildren story later on

Reply

JtPv | 14

#5658528 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 16:29

33- Huh. A double post. Been a while since I've seen one of you.

By starile | 19

#5658100 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 9:35

"Yes, your first grandchild has no face! Or arms or legs! Hurry! What do I do??" That oughta do it.

Reply

Little4Bear | 10

#5659660 - Thursday 5 September 2013 8:11

"But it has your eyes!"

By theBadGuy37 | 9

#5658118 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 9:46

Congratulations!

By IvyOswin | 17

#5658124 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 9:52

I really want to know if you're male, that will make this so much funnier.

Reply

CptnHowdyy | 13

#5658979 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 22:06

Of course OP is a male.

We don't poop.

By tyler384 | 6

#5658129 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 9:56

You must be able to entertain yourself for hours lol

By Bob_Mooky | 9

#5658130 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 9:56

Jeezus, don't push too hard. You'll give yourself a hemorrhoid.

Reply

martin8337 | 35

#5658828 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 19:41

Or tear a spincter.

By Fluffydemise | 18

#5658141 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 10:07

Take me too the hospital lady, gonna poo out a baby, pow pow pow!

Have a sandwich, make a baby, have a pizza a make another three!

Reply

Fluffydemise | 18

#5658145 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 10:13

For anyone who misses the reference, a)you suck and b) look up weebl - babies :D

Reply

jayceejaco | 15

#5658405 - Wednesday 4 September 2013 14:52

Or you just failed at being funny

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