The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Busted

By faulty number - 28/01/2013 23:25 - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, I have been waiting for a call from a job I applied for. I soon got a text from my current boss, who doesn't know I'm job hunting, letting me know that the recruiter was trying to reach me. It turns out that the phone number on my resumé was wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 772

You deserved it 38 982

What the actual ****?

By samrodpuertorico - 13/02/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, I went to dinner with my friend and his family. I went to the men's room at the same time as his father, and as we peed next to each other in adjacent urinals the father looked over at me and said, "Don't worry, I've seen smaller." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 409

You deserved it 3 051

By john - 28/01/2009 23:02 - United States

Today, the girl who I have had a crush on for two years snuck up from behind me and gave me a hug. I farted very loud at the same exact time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 865

You deserved it 5 158

By me - 20/12/2010 02:26 - Bulgaria

Today, my roommate asked me to lock the door as we left our place. I told her to use my keys, because my hands were full. Afterwards, she and her boyfriend set off out of town for the next couple of days. She forgot to give me back my keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 101

You deserved it 5 654

By Disrespectful - 18/01/2017 09:01

Today, my boss fired me for "disrespecting" him after I told him to fuck off. This would be understandable, if I hadn't said it when he was at my house for dinner, harassing my wife with suggestive poses, heavily implied comments, and trying to put his hand on her crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 351

You deserved it 900

By retail can shart a cock - 09/01/2016 05:25 - United States

Today, a customer's credit card was declined. His totally reasonable reaction was to threaten to put a bullet in the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 899

You deserved it 1 307

By itsplashedeverywhere - 27/10/2015 18:59 - United States - Boulder

Today, I was unfortunate enough to discover what happens when you vomit mid-drink at a water fountain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 808

You deserved it 2 223

By Anonymous - 15/08/2015 15:20 - United States

Today, just as I was putting my contacts in, a gnat landed on it. Its guts got squished between my eyeball and the contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 842

You deserved it 1 944

By kwill256 - 15/09/2016 10:21 - Australia

Today, I had an argument with my partner, which resulted in us breaking up, and me leaving. I drove for half an hour before I realised I had left my handbag, purse, and licence at his place. I had to go ask for it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 298

You deserved it 3 056

Loofah

By Peter Parker - 30/08/2016 23:19 - United States - Redlands

Today, after a few days of getting what seemed like an odd, scattered rash every time I showered, I finally figured out the problem. It turns out I wasn't just allergic to all the different soap I tried. Apparently a family of very angry spiders have decided to make my loofah their new home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 295

You deserved it 1 889

Warning

By cricha4208 - 15/04/2014 14:01 - United States - Springfield

Today, I got a Facebook message from a cute guy I used to work with. He admitted to liking me, and when I asked why we never hung out, he told me that my dad, his boss at the time, threatened every guy I have ever worked with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 469

You deserved it 4 279

Awkward stares all round

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Southfield

Today, I found out it's possible to dislocate your jaw just by yawning. Now I'm in the ER, looking like a total psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 936

You deserved it 1 472

By Anonymous - 24/11/2013 23:19 - Canada - Surrey

Today, while riding the subway, I fell asleep. I awoke to find that someone had stolen my glasses. From off my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 228

You deserved it 7 817

By bad surprise - 26/01/2009 21:45 - United States

Today, I went to surprise my boyfriend in the shower. I opened the door and there was a giant shit in the toilet. I pretended I was looking for my hairbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 281

You deserved it 7 560

Smooth

By Anonymous - 20/01/2011 02:58 - United States

Today, I was in the cafeteria at a table near the guy I like. He was playing around with a ball with a couple of his friends. They dropped it, and it rolled over next to my foot. When I bent down to pick it up, I smashed my head against a chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 719

You deserved it 5 040

By fucked5waystofriday - 19/02/2016 19:51 - United States - Angola

Today, my boss told me to resign within the month, or he'll fire me and give me a bad reference. I talked to him about it again later on, this time with my phone recording everything, so I could take the proof to HR. I guess he knew, because he acted like he had no idea what I was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 700

You deserved it 1 929

By Username - 12/01/2010 04:03 - France

Today, I was nervous as hell for my driving test. The instructor told me to drive a straight line in reverse. I forgot to put the car in reverse from drive and drove straight into a parked vehicle. Which happened to be owned by the instructor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 054

You deserved it 28 923

By ishouldntdrink - 10/01/2010 15:11 - United States

Today, I read through my phone, hoping there weren't any drunk texts by me from the night before. Apparently I dirty texted everyone, even my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 921

You deserved it 39 329

By I don't want to be here anymore - 03/11/2014 21:16 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I realized I need a new job. This happened when I was seriously considering ways to break my leg so I could stay at home for a day and not have to deal with my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 806

You deserved it 3 298

By grossedout - 01/11/2014 00:39

Today, I was walking back to my dorm with my boyfriend. He was being really sweet as he held my hand. We were about to kiss goodnight and as he pushed some hair out of my face he said, "Can we hurry it up? I'm about to rip one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 056

You deserved it 3 728

This is mine

By Anonymous - 03/09/2014 23:13 - United States - Santa Ana

Today, I bought a new beanbag chair. My cat thought it was a great scratcher and I now have thousands of tiny plastic balls around the house. He decided those looked yummy, and now the scent of vomit and plastic is awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 465

You deserved it 5 680

Good one, thanks

By Skidaddle123 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to switch my glass of Coke with a glass of pure vinegar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 535

You deserved it 9 894

By hanmart - 15/11/2009 05:12 - United States

Today, I found out that my coworker shared a laugh with the boss about setting the office desk on fire (which he actually did), while ten minutes later I was threatened with being fired because I made paper snowflakes and hung a few of them next to the computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 498

You deserved it 2 650

Game of Nope

By no no no - 24/07/2017 05:00 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, while watching Game of Thrones, my boyfriend remarked that he doesn't think that "sibling incest is a big deal" and doesn't "get why it's illegal." He has 2 sisters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 036

You deserved it 607

By pi_power_15 - 11/08/2015 03:25 - United States - Spring Grove

Today, my football practice ended early due to severe weather. Not only had I misplaced my phone earlier in the day, both my parents thought the other had picked me up. I was in the rain for an hour and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 753

You deserved it 2 829

By not telling you my name - 07/08/2015 15:16 - United States - Elkhart

Today, I went to take a dump at work. The silence in the room was deafening, and I ended up singing to myself. After I proudly finished, there was a short silence, followed by a coworker in the next stall saying, "Um... don't quit the day job, Rick." I'll never live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 650

You deserved it 5 833

Yummy

By Sisi - 29/08/2016 16:49 - United States - Mesa

Today, my roommate left a bomb looking package of cookies on the kitchen counter. My sweet tooth got the best of me and I made that split second decision of, "Oh, I'll just have one." Halfway through it, I noticed the fine print, "For dogs" on the package. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 523

You deserved it 11 371

Get in there!

By Scared4Lf - 19/08/2016 18:10 - United States - Lamoure

Today, I was awoken by my grandparents making love, as they shook the camper in which my cousin and I were sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 985

You deserved it 1 557

By thankyouforcalling - 01/06/2015 22:46 - United States - Bremerton

Today, the phone lines at work have been cutting out in the middle of calls. I'm a receptionist at an animal hospital. I now have less than two minutes to figure out what's wrong with a client's pet and how best to schedule them before I become "That rude bitch who hung up on me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 347

You deserved it 2 118

Brutally honest

By Anonymous - 12/09/2009 07:25 - Australia

Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 989

You deserved it 2 930

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Relatable Mental health Work Exhausted Health Embarrassing Teenagers School Miscellaneous Art Painting Cute Awkward Kids Clumsy Love Dating Transportation Cars Painful Delivery Annoying Gross Video games Gamers Family Cops Mysterious Poopoo peepee Food

The Top

Today, I threw a bonfire for my birthday. My boyfriend managed to set my leg on fire by throwing his liquor bottle into the fire. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 307

You deserved it 2 736

Today, a male employee at a shoe shop helped me try on shoes. Once I found a pair, I went to pay for them. I was telling the cashier about how great of an employee he was when she told me there were no male employees. A guy with a foot fetish helped me find shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 742

You deserved it 4 603

Today, I was sitting on the bus on my commute to work, when I nodded off on the charming young man next to me. Something cold and wet touched me, and I looked down to see a small pool of my saliva collecting on my chest. The man thought this was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 495

You deserved it 5 330

Today, I woke up to my disabled mother screaming for me. Fearing the worst, I hopped out of bed only to find that she was yelling because her cat had brought a field mouse inside as a gift. The problem? It was still alive. I had to get it from him and throw it outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 592

You deserved it 259

Today, I brought home my new boyfriend, who happens to have an eyepatch. Despite repeatedly telling them not to, even threatening punishment, my daughters, ages 9 and 11, would not stop calling him "Cyclops." He’s mad at me for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 375

Today, I shared my opinions on ICE's recent murder of a mother on my TikTok, and shared it on my Bluesky account. I was still logged in to my work's Bluesky. A bunch of scummy bigot cavemen called my boss and complained, and the spineless fuckwit fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 890