Today, while driving through town, I was distracted by a pretty... - FML

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while driving through town, I was distracted by a pretty girl walking on the nearby pavement and accidentally rear-ended the car in front of me. Not only did the pretty girl witness the crash and give a statement, it turned out she was a very feminine man. FML

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Family values

Dangling modifier

Ghosted

By riappp - United States

Today, I farted in my cubicle thinking no one would smell it. Two seconds later, everyone came to my cubicle to wish me a happy birthday. FML

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By Anonymous

Sexy time

Today, I woke up to my balls being sucked on. Unfortunately, it was by a mosquito. I hate the summer. FML

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By TahRah - United States

Today, I went to get a sports physical at a hospital. My nurse was morbidly obese and unattractive. She told me she would go through the tests listed on the sheet. She did everything, including feeling my genitalia. When it was done, I read over the sheet. Genitalia wasn't a test listed. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Rockville Centre

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get blood taken. The nurse mentioned how pronounced and easy to see my veins are. I guess that explains why she missed five times in a row. I'm surprised my arm doesn't look like a heroin addict's right now. FML

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By Hungrey - United States

Today, I admitted to my parents that I have an eating disorder. Instead of trying to help, my mom stared at me and said, "Duh". FML

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By Lily - United States

Today, I came to school late because I had to drop off my daughter at school. When I got on campus, the security told me I was late but I said, "Oh no, I work here." and he said, "Oh like I haven't heard that one before." And he took me to detention. My boss, the Principal, had to bail me out. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to yet again explain to the guy I live with that just because you can't see dirt, it doesn't mean it's clean. And so letting his dog lick the plates is NOT the same thing as washing up. He won't listen to me, and he uses my plates. FML

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By Shawna - United States

Today, I got all dressed up for a New Year's party. When my parents and siblings left the house to their parties, I got undressed. I wasn't going to a party. I only got dressed up so my family would think I had plans. FML

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By comics over coatis

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me for starting to give him oral sex because I wasn't paying attention to the Marvel movie he was showing me. FML

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By MegaZeo - United States - Livermore

Today, I could not decide what was sadder: the fact that I have to work on New Year's Eve, or that fact that working on New Year's Eve is still the most exciting thing I've ever done for New Year's Eve. FML

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By thanksfamily - United States - Bethesda

Today, I got engaged. My family is already placing bets on how long it will take for my fiancée to "wise up and ditch" me. FML

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By do you want a bag - Canada - Surrey

Today, after 3 weeks of my new job, I'm already having work-related dreams. I'm having troubles differentiating between the 8 hour shifts in real life and the 8 hour shifts in my dream. I'm doubly exhausted. FML

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By Radioo - United States

Today, my rabbit died. He died a painful death from ingesting too much carpet. I now have no rabbit and a patchy carpet. FML

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By failallday - Australia - Brisbane

Today, one of my customer's pipes were blocked. As I went to unblock it, about a handful of used condoms collided with my face. I don't know if I should be disgusted by this or disgusted by my customer. FML

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By kingwalrus - United Kingdom

Today, my siblings overpowered me and duct taped me to a chair. Helpless, I had to wait until my dad got home so he could help me. Instead, the first thing he did was reach for his camera to take a picture. FML

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By Woody - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I went to take a dump at work, but the last person in the stall didn't flush. As I flushed for him, the shitty water splashed on my face. Some went in my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Bruno

Today, I told my boyfriend I was horny and was waiting for him at my place. 30 minutes later, he still hadn't arrived, so I called him and asked if he was coming. He replied "Already did, right into a kleenex." and hung up. FML

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By ParkingGuy - United States

Today, while working as a parking booth attendant I decided to be nice and offer a woman free parking. I said, "give me a high five and I'll give you free parking since I already did the paper work." She said, "I'd rather pay," with a really disgusted look. I also had to redo the paper work. FML

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By angryinlaws - Canada - Toronto

Today, after almost 2 days, I finally fell asleep, during my husband's vows, on our wedding day, in front of 250 guests. FML

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By pist

Today, I was lying in a lawn chair next to my wooden fence when a yellow liquid started spraying me. The neighbor's douchebag son was peeing through the small hole in the fence and soaked me. FML

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By LesboLover

Today, I found out that my crush is a lesbian. Everyone knew about it. Everyone also knew that I liked her. No one told me. FML

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By why me

Today, my girlfriend made me watch six hours of "Glee" with her. I don't know what I hate the most, the fact that I actually sat there and watched it or that I'm angry at Finn for breaking up with Rachel. FML

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By sickened - Philippines

Today, my friends and I went out drinking, and luckily enough, the guy I have had a crush on for four years now was there. I tried to get drunk so that I can make a move and blame it on the alcohol. I went in to whisper my confession in his ear... only to puke on him. FML

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By Unhappymothersday - United States - Raleigh

Today, I woke up to the sound of my car being stolen. FML

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By footinmouth - United States

Today, I was hitting on a girl that was getting ready to walk into the same class as I. We were waiting outside the room, and I told her that I heard the Professor for the course was a total bitch. We walked into the room. I sat down in a desk. She stood behind the podium. FML

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By thinner than you - United States - Hillsborough

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm now about 15 pounds overweight. When I called him a hypocrite as he's over 40 pounds overweight, he said that his weight didn't matter because "it's the girl's job to look hot." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, during dinner, my family had a discussion about the color of poop. FML

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By carla - France

Odorama

Today, as I came out of some changing rooms in a clothes shop, I gave back all the stuff I'd tried on to a saleswoman. I then walk off, make it about a couple of yards, change my mind and decide to purchase one of the items I'd tried. When I get back, the saleswoman was spraying the changing room I'd used with deodorant. FML

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By Moanie - United States

Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML

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By Sleeeeeep - France

Today, I had to tell my doctor the real reason why I can't sleep at night for him to prescribe me anymore Ambien: I still have the irrational fear that there are monsters in the closet. I'm 22. FML

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By santabelly

Today, I was trying to use the video editing software on my computer for a group project. It then wanted me to purchase another program that cost over $130. One of my teammates told me to buy it, because, "I could afford to skip a few lunches." FML

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By WhereIsIt? - 25/9/2020 22:01 - Australia - North Lakes

Frustration

Today, I came home from a nine-hour shift and all I want is to sit down with a glass of Baileys. I can't find the key to the liquor cabinet. FML

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By PillPopperApparently

Today, after constantly shaming me for my ADHD and anti-anxiety pills, my family finally convinced me to drop $250 on their trusted psychiatrist friend because they thought he’d talk me out of taking them. He recommended higher doses of everything. FML

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By mateyouremental - United Kingdom - London

Today, I baked some regular brownies for my friend. Just to mess with him, after he ate some, I said they had weed in them. He trashed my room in anger, and still won't believe me when I tell him that I didn't actually slip him any drugs. FML

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By FreakinthePink

Today, I walked into my room to find my roommate's boyfriend trying on one of my pink, lacy bras. My roommate then yelled at me for coming home early. FML

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By FMJoblessL - United States

Today, I am jobless after graduation. Ironic, since when I started college with my education degree, I was congratulated, told of the teacher shortage in my state, and how quickly I would be able to find a job. Three years in, the economy tanks, and the state issues a teacher hiring freeze. FML

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By quarantine hell - 31/3/2020 17:00

Quid pro quo

Today, I called my sister and asked if she could watch my baby while I went to the store for desperately needed groceries and supplies. She refused, despite the fact that she's randomly dropped off her three rambunctious boys more times than I could count so she could go clubbing. FML

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By Brinty - Australia

Today, I found out that whenever a mistake is made at my work, my boss assumes that it was me, unless indicated otherwise, but he has never said anything to me about it because of my 'learning disorder'. I don't have a learning disorder. FML

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By dear god help me. - United States - Ewa Beach

Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML

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By juliasaman - United States

Today, I went to the doctors and was told I would need an inhaler. My mom came back from the pharmacy and told me the copay of $35 dollars was way too expensive, so she is making me use my cat's old inhaler. My mom values my cat's ability to breathe more then my own. FML

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Top comments

By perdix | 29

#1113977 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:14

Maybe the pretty dude will let you rear-end him.

By Stfu_bitch | 0

#1113880 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 15:55

What the FUCK??

COMMENTS

By Stfu_bitch | 0

#1113880 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 15:55

What the FUCK??

Reply

w00ble | 0

#1113904 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 15:58

Hahahaha

This is one of my favorite FMLs!!

Reply

40ozToFreedom | 0

#1113928 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:02

so you're gay? haha fyl

Reply

dancingxthexmoon | 0

#1113980 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:14

haha lol :)

Reply

pertained | 12

#1114035 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:24

makes for a cute yaoi :DD

Reply

Chickenfoot117 | 6

#1114085 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:37

Were you paying attention to the road, or were you looking at the "woman" in the red dress.

Reply

thegirlnextdoorr | 0

#1114094 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:38

OP- Ouch, at least you didn't hit on her? FYL...

Reply

dancingxthexmoon | 0

#1114097 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:39

26- isn't yaoi the jap word for boy love / gay manga?
I have a cousin who obsessively watches that stuff. :/

Reply

Chickenfoot117 | 6

#1114115 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:42

Right.... your cousin.... because he would tell you he watches yaoi face to face.... How the hell did I get into this conversation.

Reply

mak3_1t_ra1n | 0

#1114129 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:45

sounds like someones repressed homosexual feelings are being unearthed

Reply

Dodlaf_fml | 4

#1114165 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:51

me too..but that always happens.

Reply

zackk5 | 0

#1114174 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:52

hey look I can reply to the first comment too!

Reply

marinus_fml | 19

#1114180 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:53

it could have been worse...
it could have been and old man without teeth haha!

Reply

scrapytiger3 | 0

#1114252 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 17:06

was it lady gaga?

Reply

Granddragon | 0

#1114348 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 17:29

I'll bet he's team Edward.

Reply

Trupe | 3

#1114353 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 17:29

That's a funny story to tell your friends haha. "Yeah I crashed my car eyeing up a really cute dude. But not in a gay way."

Reply

suppressed08 | 2

#1114360 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 17:31

epic :)

Reply

VegasSkiess | 0

#1114390 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 17:41

60- lol, win:)

Reply

gabbster95 | 0

#1114393 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 17:42

aren't really feminine men that aren't gay called metro sexual?

Reply

DarkHelmet | 10

#1114476 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:00

Metro Sexual is about 3 millimeters from gay on the sex classification scale so that pretty much ='s GAY!!

Reply

myschyveus | 0

#1114479 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:04

38 he or she didn't specify a sex for their cousin or themselves if I recall. so yeah, you're going on assumptions here kid.

Reply

the_flirtt | 0

#1114536 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:21

hah wow fyl op

Reply

yzaldana | 0

#1114577 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:29

#33 The Matrix, alright :D

Reply

megiscool123 | 0

#1114586 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:30

hahahahaha!!!!

Reply

OhWowFYLindeed | 0

#1114593 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:36

Pwned, times two! :D

Reply

JohnGraveline | 0

#1114626 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:48

butkiss, OP. Butt-Kiss!

Reply

mcmackiee | 0

#1114629 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:49

I've totally done that before. it makes your day just ten times worse!

Reply

xdanifyx | 0

#1114632 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:50

yuck nasssssty

Reply

PentiumBawls8 | 0

#1114640 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:55

Would be comical if his insurance company made him fill out a "No Homo" form.

Reply

cantfightfate | 0

#1114661 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 19:02

hahahha!! best fml i've read in a while!

Reply

greatvoyage53 | 0

#1114669 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 19:06

mine to #8

Reply

youngrob | 0

#1115071 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 20:23

damn op that blows, 90.. best pic iv seen um awhile

Reply

jdawgg92 | 1

#1115211 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 21:06

haha. just like that Progressive insurance commercial

Reply

TheIrishJaneDoe | 8

#1115245 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 21:17

66: That depends on your definition of feminine. Metrosexuals are typically quite concerned with their looks, and pay lots of attention to style and grooming. Sometimes it includes their hobbies and interests too, like a concern for the style of their atmosphere, eg their home's decor.

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1115381 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 21:55

49 win

Reply

rallets | 22

#1115557 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 22:42

dude looks like a lady, yeah! yeah!

Reply

pertained | 12

#1116821 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 1:25

36- is your cousin a guy or a girl? Yaois are good in moderation, as long as they're not hardcore...eugh..

Reply

lol523 | 0

#1117737 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 5:04

lol @ 49 WIN!

Reply

gasbreakdipdip | 0

#1118217 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 7:03

it's a trap

Reply

immazombeastxD | 0

#1118452 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 8:21

Omnomnom that puss...er CACK

Reply

danyfuckinheatle | 0

#1118495 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 8:40

I'm so gay dude.

Reply

Turfin | 0

#1169042 - Sunday 1 August 2010 3:33

effeminate to be specific

By HaxivX | 0

#1113886 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 15:56

Fuck man, gay is the way.

Reply

DarkHelmet | 10

#1113945 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:06

wow dude you crashed your car staring down a man. That is so GAY!!! 

Reply

ruby29 | 0

#1114082 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:35

Well did you still like shim.?

By steelersfan32 | 0

#1113888 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 15:56

wow that is a fail!

Reply

Turfin | 0

#1114240 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 17:04

made me shit my pants lol

By FrenchToast94 | 0

#1113892 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 15:57

wow! fail on your part buddy

Reply

DamionDude | 0

#1116504 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 0:08

Sounds like the SA commerical

By yagurlteeteexoxo | 0

#1113898 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 15:58

damn op that's sad.

By blaire_isabella | 0

#1113914 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:01

Lol. that sounds like you saw a Bill Kaulitz...

By wowthatshorrible_fml | 0

#1113929 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:02

hey today you learned you liked feminine dudes, learn something new everyday

Reply

yolandamigoyo15 | 0

#2378916 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 18:03

hahaha

By sheribb | 5

#1113931 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:03

hahahaha damn!!!

By uatsdrummer | 0

#1113934 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:03

Hahaha that sucks

By melmosuzanne | 0

#1113938 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:04

how sexy:)