Transportation: Today, while driving through town, I was distracted by a pretty... - FML

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, while driving through town, I was distracted by a pretty girl walking on the nearby pavement and accidentally rear-ended the car in front of me. Not only did the pretty girl witness the crash and give a statement, it turned out she was a very feminine man. FML

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Walk on the wild side

Jealousy

Modern Family

By Bart - France - Lille

Today, our company was being visited by one of our biggest clients, a rich Japanese businessman. My boss wanted to honour him by welcoming him while wearing a kimono in the reception area of our building. The client was in a suit and tie, and I don't think he'll be back. FML

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By hobo - Canada - Chilliwack

Today, I woke up to "we're leaving". I'm now homeless because my Dad and his girlfriend got into an argument over toilet paper. FML

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By beforegirl - Australia

Today, I discovered I am the "before picture" in an internet weight loss advert. FML

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By LassieToe - Australia

Today, while on the train to university, I realized it was my stop and quickly stood up to get off. Or I would have, if my leg hadn't gone to sleep and caused me to fall, landing face first into the crotch of the old guy in front of me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Altamonte Springs

That was quick

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Spring Hill

Today, my new calculus teacher taught everything using nothing but soccer terms and analogies, just so the resident idiot meatheads would understand. I didn't learn a thing. FML

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By ellisp1

Today, my family was going to go out on a boat to celebrate Independence Day. We agreed we'd be at the marina by 11:45 AM. It's currently 1:45 PM and half of the family is still asleep while two are nursing hangovers. FML

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By yardswoman

Today, I was mowing my yard when I hit a small rock, which hit my shed. I got done mowing and realized that it wasn't a small rock, it was my son's toy plyers and it wasn't my shed, it was my car window, which had shattered on impact. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me via Twitter. FML

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By meranda_johnson - United States

Today, I have a cold. I can't begin to count how many times I've sneezed throughout the day, but I can count how many times I've sneezed so hard that I've peed myself: twice. Once while I was at work helping a customer, the other while sitting on the couch next to my boyfriend. FML

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By ladyofzanarkand - 10/6/2020 14:19

My cousin the shitgibbon

Today, my cousin posted an article on Facebook with the caption, "This warms my heart." The article was about a teenager who was bullied to suicide for being gay. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I started a sport journalism degree. I was the only female out of 60 students. The lecturer started talking about how we should all aspire to become sports editors of national newspapers. Later, he said women have no chance of ever becoming sports editors. FML

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By T_Willl

Today, a customer was rude to me, and I was rude back. He then asked for my manager, and I told him I was the store manager. He then identified himself as the corporate owner. FML

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By Casey - United States

Today, I realized it is now considered normal and routine that my boyfriend wets the bed after a night of drinking. FML

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By FANZZY - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML

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By looz - France

Today, I went out for a drink with my girlfriend. Everything was going smoothly until her phone rang, she took the call and cut whoever it was off quite quickly by saying "I can't talk right now, I'm in the middle of a break-up". I certainly wasn't aware. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Watford

Today, let's just say it's not always a good idea to storm into your mum's bedroom after hearing several loud slaps accompanied by yelps. What sounds like domestic violence might just be your mum and step-dad's foreplay. For Christ's sake, I need brain bleach. FML

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By Anonymous

Bad friends

Today, I was hanging with my friends when out of the blue, I got thirsty. Friends said there was Gatorade in the fridge. Being the trusting person I am, I took a drink, only to discover it was piss. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hackensack

Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML

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By Anonymous - United States - El Cajon

Today, I woke up to a small fire on my roof, burning up small twigs and branches. The cause? Last night, I threw a sparkling firecracker up very high, only to have it blown onto my roof by the wind. It's going to take $2,000 to fix the damage. FML

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By dumbbb - United States

Today, I tried to open the door with my mouth because my hands were full. I chipped a tooth. FML

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By Anonymous

Misunderstanding

Today, my boss sent me to remove a tree from a client's home. So I went and cut down the tree, only for my boss to show up an hour later, speechless. I was supposed to remove a sapling that had sprouted through the driveway tarmac, not the 100-year-old prizewinning Japanese cherry tree. FML

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By TJ - India

Today, my friend whacked me on the family jewels while I was washing my hands in the college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML

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By Msrebound

Today, even my 11-year-old noticed how much my boyfriend constantly reminisces about his ex-girlfriend. FML

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By Loveless - Canada

Today, I bought a dog to make me feel less lonely. He ran away. FML

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By StillBetterThanTwilight - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my boyfriend told me that he had once been possessed by demons, and that he now sleeps with a knife under his pillow for protection from, "The dark spirits that are feasting upon his soul." I'm not sure that I'll be sleeping over anytime soon. FML

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By ko

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd come over and help me move a heavy dresser so I could paint the wall behind it. After an hour of waiting for him, I decided to move it myself. He finally arrived, not ten minutes after I broke my toe when I accidentally dropped the dresser on it. FML

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By some band player - United States - Highland Park

Today, I had a music duet in front of a crowd and 3 judges. I play tuba and my partner plays the saxophone. He burst out laughing in the middle of it because one note that I played sounded like a fart. FML

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By wallet? GONE - United States - Pueblo

Today, I was mugged by a street preacher. The same one who'd earlier in the day screamed at me for being an evil sinner. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, it's been five days since I started my new job in a new town, just signed a lease on my new apartment too. Now I find out the company's closing down, and since I'm still on probation, I'm told I'm not entitled to any kind of severance. FML

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By Links - United States

Today, a McDonald's employee had to correct my math after counting out $2.37 in change. I'm in AP Calculus and am currently learning how to find the derivative of an inverse of a logarithm. FML

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By Blanche Dubois - United States - Birmingham

Today, after finally breaking my addiction to sleeping pills, right as I was drifting off to sleep at my first decent drug-free time in over 4 years... I got the hiccups. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Spring

Today, my fiancé's mom was driving me to the store to pick up my wedding dress. A few minutes into the drive, she said the car's tank was nearly out of "Jews" and that she'd have to give it "a whole lotta gas", then chuckled to herself. She's well aware that I'm Jewish. FML

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By MeanMother - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I realized just how much of a bitch I am when I grounded my son for not telling me what he got me for my birthday. FML

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By forever alone - United States - Pawling

Today, I was video chatting my boyfriend. As we were talking, he answered a phone call. I sat there the whole time as he planned a date with some other girl over the phone. FML

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By evanescence - United States

Today, the hottest girl in the entire freshman class was telling her friend she was going to Florida for spring break. She said she would be in the same city I would and I couldnt help but say, "Oh, cool! Maybe I'll see you there!" She simply looked at me and said, "I hope not." FML

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By AloisTrancy

Corporate logic

Today, I was called into the office and suspended due to allegations made by a coworker of poor work performance. Yesterday, I received a certificate praising my work performance. I might be dismissed at any moment. FML

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By [SiMON] - France

Today, I invited a girl I really like to spend the afternoon at my place. Everything went great... with my sister. They became really good friends, and me, well, I tried to alleviate my boredom in front of my computer. FML

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By xoVioLoveox - United States

Today, I was babysitting an eleven year old boy. He decided we should play with nerf guns with velcro tips. I shot him in the crotch accidentally, and the dart stuck on his pants wiggling for about a full minute before his dad walked in to find us both staring at his son's crotch, giggling. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a coworker asked me why this week's report was not uploaded to the server. I've been writing these reports once a week for a year and they take a whole day to write. Upload them to what server? FML

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Top comments

By perdix | 29

#1113977 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:14

Maybe the pretty dude will let you rear-end him.

By Stfu_bitch | 0

#1113880 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 15:55

What the FUCK??

COMMENTS

By Stfu_bitch | 0

#1113880 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 15:55

What the FUCK??

Reply

w00ble | 0

#1113904 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 15:58

Hahahaha

This is one of my favorite FMLs!!

Reply

40ozToFreedom | 0

#1113928 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:02

so you're gay? haha fyl

Reply

dancingxthexmoon | 0

#1113980 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:14

haha lol :)

Reply

pertained | 12

#1114035 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:24

makes for a cute yaoi :DD

Reply

Chickenfoot117 | 6

#1114085 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:37

Were you paying attention to the road, or were you looking at the "woman" in the red dress.

Reply

thegirlnextdoorr | 0

#1114094 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:38

OP- Ouch, at least you didn't hit on her? FYL...

Reply

dancingxthexmoon | 0

#1114097 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:39

26- isn't yaoi the jap word for boy love / gay manga?
I have a cousin who obsessively watches that stuff. :/

Reply

Chickenfoot117 | 6

#1114115 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:42

Right.... your cousin.... because he would tell you he watches yaoi face to face.... How the hell did I get into this conversation.

Reply

mak3_1t_ra1n | 0

#1114129 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:45

sounds like someones repressed homosexual feelings are being unearthed

Reply

Dodlaf_fml | 4

#1114165 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:51

me too..but that always happens.

Reply

zackk5 | 0

#1114174 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:52

hey look I can reply to the first comment too!

Reply

marinus_fml | 19

#1114180 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:53

it could have been worse...
it could have been and old man without teeth haha!

Reply

scrapytiger3 | 0

#1114252 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 17:06

was it lady gaga?

Reply

Granddragon | 0

#1114348 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 17:29

I'll bet he's team Edward.

Reply

Trupe | 3

#1114353 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 17:29

That's a funny story to tell your friends haha. "Yeah I crashed my car eyeing up a really cute dude. But not in a gay way."

Reply

suppressed08 | 2

#1114360 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 17:31

epic :)

Reply

VegasSkiess | 0

#1114390 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 17:41

60- lol, win:)

Reply

gabbster95 | 0

#1114393 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 17:42

aren't really feminine men that aren't gay called metro sexual?

Reply

DarkHelmet | 10

#1114476 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:00

Metro Sexual is about 3 millimeters from gay on the sex classification scale so that pretty much ='s GAY!!

Reply

myschyveus | 0

#1114479 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:04

38 he or she didn't specify a sex for their cousin or themselves if I recall. so yeah, you're going on assumptions here kid.

Reply

the_flirtt | 0

#1114536 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:21

hah wow fyl op

Reply

yzaldana | 0

#1114577 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:29

#33 The Matrix, alright :D

Reply

megiscool123 | 0

#1114586 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:30

hahahahaha!!!!

Reply

OhWowFYLindeed | 0

#1114593 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:36

Pwned, times two! :D

Reply

JohnGraveline | 0

#1114626 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:48

butkiss, OP. Butt-Kiss!

Reply

mcmackiee | 0

#1114629 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:49

I've totally done that before. it makes your day just ten times worse!

Reply

xdanifyx | 0

#1114632 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:50

yuck nasssssty

Reply

PentiumBawls8 | 0

#1114640 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:55

Would be comical if his insurance company made him fill out a "No Homo" form.

Reply

cantfightfate | 0

#1114661 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 19:02

hahahha!! best fml i've read in a while!

Reply

greatvoyage53 | 0

#1114669 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 19:06

mine to #8

Reply

youngrob | 0

#1115071 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 20:23

damn op that blows, 90.. best pic iv seen um awhile

Reply

jdawgg92 | 1

#1115211 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 21:06

haha. just like that Progressive insurance commercial

Reply

TheIrishJaneDoe | 8

#1115245 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 21:17

66: That depends on your definition of feminine. Metrosexuals are typically quite concerned with their looks, and pay lots of attention to style and grooming. Sometimes it includes their hobbies and interests too, like a concern for the style of their atmosphere, eg their home's decor.

Reply

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1115381 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 21:55

49 win

Reply

rallets | 22

#1115557 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 22:42

dude looks like a lady, yeah! yeah!

Reply

pertained | 12

#1116821 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 1:25

36- is your cousin a guy or a girl? Yaois are good in moderation, as long as they're not hardcore...eugh..

Reply

lol523 | 0

#1117737 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 5:04

lol @ 49 WIN!

Reply

gasbreakdipdip | 0

#1118217 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 7:03

it's a trap

Reply

immazombeastxD | 0

#1118452 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 8:21

Omnomnom that puss...er CACK

Reply

danyfuckinheatle | 0

#1118495 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 8:40

I'm so gay dude.

Reply

Turfin | 0

#1169042 - Sunday 1 August 2010 3:33

effeminate to be specific

By HaxivX | 0

#1113886 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 15:56

Fuck man, gay is the way.

Reply

DarkHelmet | 10

#1113945 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:06

wow dude you crashed your car staring down a man. That is so GAY!!! 

Reply

ruby29 | 0

#1114082 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:35

Well did you still like shim.?

By steelersfan32 | 0

#1113888 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 15:56

wow that is a fail!

Reply

Turfin | 0

#1114240 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 17:04

made me shit my pants lol

By FrenchToast94 | 0

#1113892 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 15:57

wow! fail on your part buddy

Reply

DamionDude | 0

#1116504 - Wednesday 21 July 2010 0:08

Sounds like the SA commerical

By yagurlteeteexoxo | 0

#1113898 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 15:58

damn op that's sad.

By blaire_isabella | 0

#1113914 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:01

Lol. that sounds like you saw a Bill Kaulitz...

By wowthatshorrible_fml | 0

#1113929 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:02

hey today you learned you liked feminine dudes, learn something new everyday

Reply

yolandamigoyo15 | 0

#2378916 - Wednesday 20 April 2011 18:03

hahaha

By sheribb | 5

#1113931 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:03

hahahaha damn!!!

By uatsdrummer | 0

#1113934 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:03

Hahaha that sucks

By melmosuzanne | 0

#1113938 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:04

how sexy:)