Transportation: Today, while driving through town, I was distracted by a pretty... - FML

By Anonymous - 20/07/2010 10:12 - United Kingdom

Today, while driving through town, I was distracted by a pretty girl walking on the nearby pavement and accidentally rear-ended the car in front of me. Not only did the pretty girl witness the crash and give a statement, it turned out she was a very feminine man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 880

You deserved it 49 552

Leave us alone

No Ragrets

It's complicated

By ChimerV - 15/11/2014 18:20 - France - Champenoux

Today, a customer limped over to me in one of the dishwasher aisles and asked if we sold dishwashers. I said yes and pointed at all the dishwashers. He looked around for a couple of seconds, belched, then said "Oh... right!" and walked off. No commission for me, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 422

You deserved it 4 128

By Anonymous - 31/10/2009 19:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a terrible stomach bug. I quickly jumped off the toilet and crouched over the bowl. I vomited with such force that I splashed the shitty water back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 683

You deserved it 6 717

By luciazee - 06/06/2013 20:51 - Peru - Lima

Today, after having spent years staying in school, working hard to achieve good grades, and avoiding all the bad kids, my mom accused me of having no direction in life and complained about how I haven't given her a grandchild yet. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 911

You deserved it 3 314

By oh gee - 02/05/2016 05:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend keeps requesting that I make eye contact when I give him blowjobs. He won't let up about it. I don't know how to break it to him that his penis is too small for me to suck and look upward at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 281

You deserved it 5 249

By ww2freak - 14/06/2012 01:17 - United States - Centreville

Today, I found out that if you whistle Christmas carols while shitting in a public bathroom, a little boy might just look under the stall to see if Santa is pooping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 904

You deserved it 27 277

By belladonna1025 - 29/12/2018 00:00

Today, I told a customer her total was $89.40. She put her leg up on the counter and dug a $100 bill out of her nasty sock. It was damp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 738

You deserved it 409

Relax

By Anonymoosey - 19/02/2012 23:47 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I found out that my favorite song since I was a small child is actually about anal sex and delaying an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 167

You deserved it 5 284

Too on the nose

By Anonymous - 19/07/2021 16:03

Today, my boyfriend was trying to describe his feelings. I asked him if he felt any emotions other than "anger." He went to get a beer and never came back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 318

Tonight, on Asshole Bosses…

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 22:00

Today, I went to pick up my last paycheck, since I was fired last week. My boss said he wasn't going to give it to me. I told him it's illegal not to, and he told me with a shit-eating grin, "What are you gonna do? Arrest me?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 903

You deserved it 107

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 20:55 - United States

Spicy

Today, I tried to email my Dad a picture of someone we knew that I'd found on the Internet. He called me later to inform me that I had actually sent him a picture of myself in a naughty school girl outfit that I'd taken for my husband. My mom was laughing her ass off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 531

You deserved it 43 511

By djangle - 02/11/2010 23:34 - United States

Today, my marriage counselor told me I have the communication skills of a Lou Gehrig's patient. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 219

You deserved it 17 028

By go snope yourself - 26/01/2013 21:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I was debating which hurts more: child-birth or a kick to the testicles. Some guy spouted the old urban legend that a nut-kick is 9000 "dels", and giving birth is 57, so I proved that no such measurement of pain exists. His comeback was to sucker-punch me to the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 180

You deserved it 8 757

By evil Santa - 25/12/2014 03:48 - United States - Solon

Today, I was mugged by a guy in a Santa suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 072

You deserved it 3 191

Not now, guys

By Sonofa - 17/05/2013 15:52 - Canada - Cold Lake

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 154

You deserved it 3 791

By proudparent - 07/12/2009 05:07 - Canada

Today, my 5 year old son asked me to explain how he was born. After I told him I had a C-Section, he went to school and told everyone he was born at sea. I found out when the teacher called me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 345

You deserved it 6 670

By Username - 17/05/2012 14:37 - Australia

Today, I was really stressed, so I tried to let it out by crying. It lasted about 30 seconds, and I was making fun of myself the whole time. Even my subconscious thinks I'm pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 710

You deserved it 5 225

America, fuck yeah

By BrazilianGal - 12/08/2021 02:01

Today, a lady at the clothing store told me to, “Stop speaking 'Mexicano', this is America!” when I was talking on the phone. I actually speak Portuguese. When I pointed this out, she verbally tortured me and threatened to, “Call the cops” if I didn’t leave her store for, “making her feel threatened.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 160

You deserved it 123

By looke27 - 13/11/2010 07:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought she was stronger than me so we arm wrestled. She won. I used both hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 225

You deserved it 37 440

By theropod - 15/11/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, at 2 in the morning, a noisy work crew started up in the parking lot next to my apartment. What were they doing at that ungodly hour? Installing a light that now shines right into my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 501

You deserved it 2 046

By saywhat - 26/11/2010 03:28 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house for dinner with his family. His mom cooked up a steak dinner, except that I'm a vegan, but trying to be a good girlfriend, I forced it down. Upon his mother finding out I was a vegan, she called me "disloyal to my beliefs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 224

You deserved it 39 619

By Anonymous - 14/07/2014 09:56 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my wooden floor gave me a splinter on the bottom of my foot. I don't have the flexibility nor the eyesight to find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 272

You deserved it 7 037

By Anonymous - 07/02/2013 06:20 - United States - Vancouver

Today, my manager asked me for the password to my Internet so she could Skype family since she can't pay her bill. This is the same woman who just a week ago tried to evict me because my rent was an hour late. Trying to be the bigger person, I gave her the password. She changed my password. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 362

You deserved it 18 125

Hands-on

By poolgirl789 - 03/09/2013 06:30 - United Kingdom - Bradford

Spicy

Today, I had to feed an elderly man in the care home in which I work while he was whacking off. Our work policy states that I have to pretend not to notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 637

You deserved it 4 736

By gaga - 22/05/2012 07:34 - United States - San Jose

Today, after spending about 5 grand on my home studio over the past year, I realized I have no musical talent whatsoever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 949

You deserved it 38 959

The magic of love

By robot lady - 23/09/2020 23:01

Today, I learned just how “old fashioned” my girlfriend is when we talked about marriage. She said it should be approached as a logically as possible and that I make an ideal partner, based on my ability to provide. And while she sees sex as uninteresting, it is a wifely duty she’s willing to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 295

You deserved it 183

By ellieowenie - 29/07/2012 08:11 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 674

You deserved it 3 410

By Anonymous - 16/10/2014 17:07 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, my father described me as "the sort of sucker women marry then cheat on all the time." My mother agreed with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 188

You deserved it 3 594

By Username - 15/06/2011 05:07 - United States

Today, a car hit me while I was in a crosswalk. The driver jumped out of her car and stepped over me to check her car for damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 107

You deserved it 3 108

By Anonymous - 27/11/2015 12:50 - United States - Ontario

Today, I spent half an hour trying to convince my husband not to re-enact a video he saw online of a guy tying some rope to a running chainsaw, then swinging it around his head. He finally agreed not to do something so stupid. A few hours later, he did it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 737

You deserved it 2 608

By ravlol - 25/11/2011 18:08 - United States

Today, my friends and I were going to do an ugly sweater photo shoot. When we met up, one of them was wearing a sweater I gave on her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 371

You deserved it 10 538

Run away time!

By CreepedOut - 09/03/2010 06:31 - United States

Today, I walked into a subway car which was empty except for this sleeping hobo. Three stops later, the guy wakes up and starts peeing in the corner. I ignore it thinking he'll go back to sleep. Silly me, I didn't realize that he would start running towards me, still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 987

You deserved it 2 794

Let 'em in

By Muhd Hazrie - 05/08/2021 18:01

Today, my family decided that we should have our breakfast at a hawker centre, so I passed my house key to my sister as she carries a bag with her. After our meal, she said she was meeting her friend, so we went back home instead, only to realize that the door was locked and my sister had the key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 264

You deserved it 716

By Anonymous - 07/02/2011 21:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the phone to a guy I really like from work. We'd been talking for about 2 minutes, when he said he was getting another call, and put me on hold. I was so excited to be on the phone with him, it took me a whole 15 minutes to realise he had actually just hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 199

You deserved it 7 372

By Creeped Out - 29/05/2017 18:00

Today, I went to the grocery store. As I was checking out, I went to grab the same item that the cashier was reaching for. He brushed my hand. He then both watched me creepily and asked my what lotion I used to make my hands so soft. When I left, he said, "I'll dream of you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 115

You deserved it 377

By thatguy - 25/06/2011 07:47 - Canada

Today, my mom got drunk and told me to leave the house because "I've been mooching off her for too long". I'm 14 and now am sleeping at my friends house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 641

You deserved it 2 973

By loser - 09/11/2012 16:07 - United States - Washington

Today, after dealing with infidelity in my marriage, I found myself looking for advice. This led me to the comments section of a tabloid article talking about Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson. I'm a 30-year-old man taking marriage advice from a bunch of vampire-obsessed tweens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 519

You deserved it 5 986

Turn of phrase

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 16:59 - Australia - Boya

Today, my son was at a birthday party. After eating a plate of cake, he loudly asked the birthday boy's mum if he could have sloppy seconds. I don't know where he heard that phrase, but the other kids' parents shot me very dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 873

You deserved it 3 286

Lovely Rita

By Greg - 29/08/2020 05:01

Today, I went to lunch with a friend in her car. I told her to park in a lot that had signs warning that we'd be towed, saying, "They never tow anyone from here. In fact, if you get towed, I'll pay for it." When we returned, her car was gone. I had to pay $145 in cash to get it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 422

You deserved it 3 464

By Anonymous - 15/05/2019 03:10

Today, I was playing beer pong at a party and managed to get the ball in a cup. I jumped a little bit in excitement and somehow managed to fracture my foot while doing so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 425

You deserved it 332

By fuckingtrollingskankwhoreshitwankcuntfuck - 13/07/2013 17:33 - United States - Enfield

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when a girl came out of nowhere, screaming at me for cheating on her, and saying she was dumping me. I've never seen her before, and she was almost grinning during her little act, but my girlfriend believed it, and I'm now single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 223

You deserved it 4 131

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Top comments

perdix 29

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:14

Maybe the pretty dude will let you rear-end him.

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 15:55

What the FUCK??

Comments

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 15:55

What the FUCK??

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 15:58

Hahahaha This is one of my favorite FMLs!!

40ozToFreedom 0

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:02

so you're gay? haha fyl

dancingxthexmoon 0

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:14

haha lol :)

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:24

makes for a cute yaoi :DD

Chickenfoot117 6

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:37

Were you paying attention to the road, or were you looking at the "woman" in the red dress.

thegirlnextdoorr 0

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:38

OP- Ouch, at least you didn't hit on her? FYL...

dancingxthexmoon 0

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:39

26- isn't yaoi the jap word for boy love / gay manga? I have a cousin who obsessively watches that stuff. :/

Chickenfoot117 6

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:42

Right.... your cousin.... because he would tell you he watches yaoi face to face.... How the hell did I get into this conversation.

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:45

sounds like someones repressed homosexual feelings are being unearthed

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:51

me too..but that always happens.

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:52

hey look I can reply to the first comment too!

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:53

it could have been worse... it could have been and old man without teeth haha!

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 17:06

was it lady gaga?

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 17:29

I'll bet he's team Edward.

Trupe 3

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 17:29

That's a funny story to tell your friends haha. "Yeah I crashed my car eyeing up a really cute dude. But not in a gay way."

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 17:31

epic :)

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 17:41

60- lol, win:)

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 17:42

aren't really feminine men that aren't gay called metro sexual?

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:00

Metro Sexual is about 3 millimeters from gay on the sex classification scale so that pretty much ='s GAY!!

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:04

38 he or she didn't specify a sex for their cousin or themselves if I recall. so yeah, you're going on assumptions here kid.

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:21

hah wow fyl op

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:29

#33 The Matrix, alright :D

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:30

hahahahaha!!!!

OhWowFYLindeed 0

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:36

Pwned, times two! :D

JohnGraveline 0

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:48

butkiss, OP. Butt-Kiss!

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:49

I've totally done that before. it makes your day just ten times worse!

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:50

yuck nasssssty

PentiumBawls8 0

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 18:55

Would be comical if his insurance company made him fill out a "No Homo" form.

cantfightfate 0

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 19:02

hahahha!! best fml i've read in a while!

greatvoyage53 0

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 19:06

mine to #8

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 20:23

damn op that blows, 90.. best pic iv seen um awhile

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 21:06

haha. just like that Progressive insurance commercial

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 21:17

66: That depends on your definition of feminine. Metrosexuals are typically quite concerned with their looks, and pay lots of attention to style and grooming. Sometimes it includes their hobbies and interests too, like a concern for the style of their atmosphere, eg their home's decor.

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 21:55

49 win

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 22:42

dude looks like a lady, yeah! yeah!

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Wednesday 21 July 2010 1:25

36- is your cousin a guy or a girl? Yaois are good in moderation, as long as they're not hardcore...eugh..

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Wednesday 21 July 2010 5:04

lol @ 49 WIN!

gasbreakdipdip 0

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Wednesday 21 July 2010 7:03

it's a trap

immazombeastxD 0

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Wednesday 21 July 2010 8:21

Omnomnom that puss...er CACK

danyfuckinheatle 0

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Wednesday 21 July 2010 8:40

I'm so gay dude.

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Sunday 1 August 2010 3:33

effeminate to be specific

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 15:56

Fuck man, gay is the way.

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:06

wow dude you crashed your car staring down a man. That is so GAY!!! 

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:35

Well did you still like shim.?

steelersfan32 0

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 15:56

wow that is a fail!

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 17:04

made me shit my pants lol

FrenchToast94 0

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 15:57

wow! fail on your part buddy

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Wednesday 21 July 2010 0:08

Sounds like the SA commerical

yagurlteeteexoxo 0

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 15:58

damn op that's sad.

blaire_isabella 0

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:01

Lol. that sounds like you saw a Bill Kaulitz...

wowthatshorrible_fml 0

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:02

hey today you learned you liked feminine dudes, learn something new everyday

yolandamigoyo15 0

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Wednesday 20 April 2011 18:03

hahaha

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:03

hahahaha damn!!!

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:03

Hahaha that sucks

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Tuesday 20 July 2010 16:04

how sexy:)

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 109

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 203

You deserved it 291