Work: Today, I was at work training for a new position. The girl who's...

By _sourdiesel7 - 10/11/2016 23:39 - United States - Vienna

Today, I was at work training for a new position. The girl who's been training me since I started decided to share about one of her tribe's proud, sacred traditions of eating raw, human flesh. I have another month shadowing her before I can work independently. I'm beyond disturbed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 370

You deserved it 820

Work

Own it

Overreaching

Too real

By christacat - 28/09/2016 10:24 - United States - Delaware

Today, I have a speech impediment that's recently become more noticeable. My entire family has decided that the best way to go about handling it is to mock me whenever I try to say something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 990

You deserved it 921

By leopard - 01/06/2018 19:00

Today, I was finally confident enough to buzz half my hair off into the style I've wanted since I was young. Turns out that I have a particularly large and angry-looking skin problem across my scalp that may well have been there for years. It'll take months to grow back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 338

You deserved it 819

By Anonymous - 29/06/2019 01:00

Today, my son was crying and refusing to sleep in his room because a spider ran along the wall, and it's now hiding somewhere. He’s 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 626

You deserved it 382

By Cherrish it - 04/09/2012 04:24 - United States - Carmichael

Today, a girl told me she stopped eating cherries ever since her father choked on one when she was a kid. She later mentioned that she doesn't like to drive. I sarcastically asked, "Did your dad choke on a car too?" Nope, her two brothers died in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 585

You deserved it 58 739

Holy smokes

By Anonymous - 24/07/2021 18:01

Today, I’m down to my last, partially snapped cigarette. I carefully taped it back together, enough for at least half a smoke. I then snapped it completely while opening the door to go outside and smoke it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 289

You deserved it 1 111

By oink401 - 05/11/2011 15:40 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend came to my house crying because the guy who she has been cheating on me with doesn't want to be with her anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 843

You deserved it 4 355

By KilledTheMoment - 23/11/2014 06:10 - United States - Mundelein

Today, I spent nearly an hour helping a customer pick out an engagement ring. I rang him up, picked out a super cute box for the ring, and wished him luck. Later I realized I never put the ring inside the box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 004

You deserved it 17 796

By PityKitty - 24/12/2013 16:53

Today, I pretended to cry in front of my cat because she doesn't cuddle with me anymore. Yeah, I tried to guilt-trip my cat into loving me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 100

You deserved it 12 239

Questionable parenting

By Anonymous - 14/11/2021 05:00

Today, I found out my son is getting bullied. His stepdad doesn’t care, in fact he’s all for bullying because he thinks it will force my son to stop being smart, or "a dork" as he calls him, and fit in with the normal kids for a change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 101

You deserved it 148

By what434 - 08/03/2010 13:19 - United States

Today, I learned that you don't put your diamond earrings on over your bathroom sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 259

You deserved it 44 456

By Anonymous - 15/05/2009 22:38 - United States

Today, for my birthday, someone left a big bottle of mouth wash on my desk with a big bow on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 275

You deserved it 18 044

By Anonymous - 22/07/2012 19:25 - United States - Nixa

Today, after having taken hormone tablets to try to increase my cup size, I realized that I've basically reversed my menopause. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 850

You deserved it 33 746

By nana. - 15/02/2009 15:29 - Canada

Today, I was playing musical chairs at a family reunion. It's a well known fact that I'm competitive and tend to hip check people to get that last chair. It came down to me and The Nana. I won. The Nana has a broken hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 451

You deserved it 72 984

By Anonymous - 30/12/2014 01:07 - United States - Bend

Today, on my first ski run down a mountain, I dislocated my patella. Now I get to watch out of the window as my family builds a snowman and names it after me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 354

You deserved it 2 473

Fancy seeing you here!

By tryingnottocare - 06/08/2009 20:01 - United Kingdom

Today, after being supportive for nearly a year, my brother finally came out of the closet and introduced the family to his new boyfriend. His new boyfriend happens to be my ex-boyfriend. Guess I know why that didn't work out now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 582

You deserved it 4 590

Can't face it

By bearded lady - 08/06/2020 14:03

Today, thanks to all my medications, I've been growing thick, dark hair on my face. I decided to use hair removal cream instead of shaving. The cream removed every trace of hair, but also made my skin about 4 times lighter than the rest of my face. It's even more noticeable than the beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 229

By quackers - 08/07/2016 07:00 - United States - Columbus

Today, I found out that my favorite pizza place will no longer deliver to my area after dark because they've been robbed too many times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 793

You deserved it 1 188

By Anonymous - 20/02/2013 22:55 - United States - Ithaca

Today, I discovered that when you suddenly get channels that you didn't have before, it doesn't mean there was a glitch and you're getting free TV, it just means that your son called the cable company and had your plan changed so you get every conceivable channel at a hugely increased price. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 678

You deserved it 5 243

Too much of a good thing

By tryingtoberomantic - 28/09/2019 14:00 - Australia

Today, I took my boyfriend out to dinner to an expensive restaurant. He overate, and now I have to nurse him through food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 362

You deserved it 222

Cryptic reaction

By Anonymous - 30/08/2021 03:01

Today, I found out I’m pregnant with the man I’ve been in love with for almost a year. When I told him, he got down on one knee, cuddled my abdomen and said, "Get out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 158

Well done Cooper

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 02:02 - United States - Brush Prairie

Today, my phone chose not to deliver a message to my girlfriend. This isn't the first time either; It has a habit of failing to deliver or receive messages to/from her, making it look like I'm ignoring her by not responding. It only does this with her, none of my other contacts. My phone may be trying to sabotage my relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 131

By secret - 02/11/2010 19:11 - United States

Today, my fiancé told me it was a mistake to propose to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 651

You deserved it 5 407

By SuddenlyDogless - 22/02/2017 13:00 - Canada - Beachville

Today, my dog has very watery diarrhea. I laid down paper towels to soak it up, and went to get sanitary wipes for the rest of it. When I came back, my dog had dragged the paper towels up onto the sand coloured loveseat. Sand coloured no longer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 045

You deserved it 848

By daddyrobyn - 17/04/2017 04:00 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I met an important figure in my line of work who also happens to know my dad, Alan. Upon meeting said person, I let my social anxiety get the best of me and I greeted him by saying, "Hi! I'm your Alan!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 386

You deserved it 645

By tjcl - 28/11/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were gazing into each others' eyes in the moonlight after not having seen each other for a week. I thought he was going to say "I love you" and pull me in for a kiss. Instead, he said, "Since you can’t drive, we should get one of those two seater bicycles." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 243

You deserved it 9 443

By mindlost - 07/01/2010 02:58 - United States

Today, I had an argument over whether or not I should buy some flowers. With myself. Out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 239

You deserved it 29 394

Bureaucracy sucks

By Anonymous - 12/12/2021 01:57

Today, I got let go from work all because my work permit expired. I’ve been in the process of renewal with USCIS for over 10 months now, but things are delayed due to COVID. I showed them the notice of renewal, they said it wasn’t enough, “Rules are rules.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 95

By anonymous - 06/07/2016 13:53 - United States

Today, I got a question wrong on an exam. The question started with, "In your opinion..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 549

You deserved it 1 970

By TowelSmellsNice - 16/04/2010 12:34 - Malaysia

Today, I wrapped a towel around my waist so I could take a dump while using my laptop. I sat on the toilet seat and let a big load go. Turns out I forgot to unwrap the towel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 539

You deserved it 70 472

By tagteam - 05/07/2012 16:30 - United States - Worcester

Today, after backpacking acrossing Europe for a month, I picked up my dog from the doghouse. No one will listen to me or acknowledge the fact that he's now missing two toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 419

You deserved it 2 750

By i love stupid people - 14/07/2019 06:30

Today, I went on a 50 km bike ride with a friend. We stopped for a break halfway through, and locked our bikes up. When we returned, some guy had locked his bike to mine. We had to wait an hour for him to return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 942

You deserved it 108

Good start

By Paperboy - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Bosnia and Herzegovina - Ilijas

Today, the highlight of my day was when I found out that there was finally toilet paper in the cubicle at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 018

You deserved it 3 111

Bad timing

By Anna - 20/12/2020 05:02

Today, it's the first day of a long-needed vacation after weeks of stress and overtime. I'm having such intense period cramps, I'm bathed in sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 52

Stuck

By Anonymous - 02/05/2021 15:30 - Australia

Today, after my fiancé and I recently separated, their choice not mine, we decided to stay friends, and still live in the same house. Now I get the pleasure of listening to him flirt and have long conversations with some girl every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 867

By Derp-A-Herp - 27/05/2011 05:46 - United States

Today, my genius boyfriend was trying to remember a particular island in the Caribbean that was used by pirates in the past. I offered up Morocco. I heard him facepalm over the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 631

You deserved it 55 198

By imma ture - 10/08/2015 17:04

Today, I was involved in a debate. Things got out of control, insults were hurled, and by the end friends were lost. The subject of the debate? Whether snot has enough calories in it to be nutritional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 871

You deserved it 6 051

By Noname - 03/02/2009 20:25 - United States

Today, my 4 year old niece asked me why I didn't have a job or wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 668

You deserved it 7 765

Sounds like a keeper, actually

By Anonymous - 16/04/2021 17:30 - United States - Chicago

Today, my roommate walked in on me going down on my girlfriend in our shared living area. She was embarrassed for about 20 seconds, then pushed my head back down and told me to keep going until he comes back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 1 205

By Nicos - 25/12/2008 06:07 - France

Today, feeling romantic and overwhelmed with love, I told my fiancée: "I don't know what I'd do without you." She replied: "Well, you'd wank". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 867

You deserved it 6 204

By FirmlyInEngland - 17/09/2009 09:23 - United Kingdom

Today, the boy I have crush on at school announced that his family were moving to Australia. My friend thought that it would be funny to spread a rumour that I was moving too, in order to follow him. Everyone has heard it, and unfortunately everyone believes it, including him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 152

You deserved it 5 536

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

RememberSchlitz 9

Send a private message

Saturday 19 November 2016 13:05

My tribe has a proud sacred tradition of not being cannibals. Yours too? Yours? You too. Amazing. Everybody in this place is from a tribe that doesn't walk around eating other tribes. Except you, Marge.

cocacola999 27

Send a private message

Saturday 19 November 2016 13:14

Could also be a case of seeing how gullible the "new guy/girl" is. Or she doesn't want to train a new employee and has decided to mess with OP until OP asks for a new person to shadow.

rhyspiecesno8 18

Send a private message

Saturday 19 November 2016 13:04

If she ever says she's hungry and wants you to bring her food just run…

Rawrshi 25

Saturday 19 November 2016 17:11

Don't run. You'll trigger her hunting instinct.

RememberSchlitz 9

Send a private message

Saturday 19 November 2016 13:05

Rawrshi 25

Saturday 19 November 2016 17:09

"My stomach was making the rumblies that only hands could satisfy."

TheNewGuy03 28

Send a private message

Saturday 19 November 2016 17:52

Carrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrllllllllllllllll.

BestOrginalName 22

Send a private message

Saturday 19 November 2016 18:14

I think he says it more like "CAAARRROOOLL."

Thorny1503 4

Send a private message

Sunday 20 November 2016 12:51

It's more like CCOORRAALLL

cocacola999 27

Send a private message

Saturday 19 November 2016 13:14

Could also be a case of seeing how gullible the "new guy/girl" is. Or she doesn't want to train a new employee and has decided to mess with OP until OP asks for a new person to shadow.

hpandher 16

Send a private message

Saturday 19 November 2016 13:28

I guess she's from District 9... or more likely she's just kidding

Yudith_fml 6

Send a private message

Saturday 19 November 2016 14:08

Don't worry; most cannibal tribes only eat a tiny bit of recently deceased family members or buy Gerber's baby food when they get the urge. If she asks for a snack, bring her one or two with the baby's image proeminently displayed.

StoneColdShaky 7

Send a private message

Saturday 19 November 2016 16:11

I didn't realize Gerber made human flesh baby food...

Dat_Class_Tho 26

Send a private message

Saturday 19 November 2016 20:27

#15, a lot of 3rd world countries with low literacy rates have a general practice of making product labels with pictures of the product's contents. That way you can know what's inside without the use of reading skills. So when big western brands like Gerber come in and sell jars with pictures of chubby faced infants on the front, the locals freak out because it looks like Gerber is trying to say the product is made out of babies.

Historychik 3

Send a private message

Thursday 24 November 2016 8:09

I'm guessing you're also a cultural anthropologist.

cuz803 43

Send a private message

Saturday 19 November 2016 14:27

I think her favorite restaurant is the morgue

domolovesyoshi 33

Send a private message

Saturday 19 November 2016 16:52

Now I want to open a restaurant called the morgue.

cuz803 43

Send a private message

Saturday 19 November 2016 23:35

Same. We can make it a successful 5 star restaurant too

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Saturday 19 November 2016 14:28

Keep your fingers and toes away from her mouth!

Moerighan 23

Send a private message

Saturday 19 November 2016 14:38

She's probably just fucking with you and if not, it's probably an ancient tradition no longer practiced. Pretty sure that's a crime.

Mynxie 26

Send a private message

Saturday 19 November 2016 14:45

Ummmm........ isn't it illegal to have human flesh? Tribal tradition or not, cannibalism is illegal in America.

InfiniteSunshine 32

Send a private message

Saturday 19 November 2016 17:03

Believe it or not, no, there are no laws against cannibalism itself. There is no law outlining specifically "the act of cannibalism is illegal." However, when cannibalism is committed, it's charged with other things, desecration of a corpse, and usually murder, because that often accompanies cannibalism.