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Wednesday 17 April 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's a lesbian. And that she could only stay with me because I had a "girly face and voice". She also admitted to having a crush on my sister. FML

#20600192
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53670) - you deserved it (4549)

On 04/17/2013 at 7:01pm - love - by wut... (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I went on my first date. Everything went great until I went to brush my date's hair over her ear like they do in the movies. I poked her dead in the eye. FML

#20606348
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40399) - you deserved it (13775)

On 04/19/2013 at 10:55pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I left my son with my husband while I went to the store. Ten minutes later, my dog was missing a large patch of fur, and neither of them can stop laughing. FML

#20599149
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37534) - you deserved it (7328)

On 04/17/2013 at 11:14am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I posted a video of a dance I choreographed on Facebook. I got a notification a few hours later telling me that my grandpa had also shared it. His caption? "My granddaughter dances like a gay baboon and this dance sucks balls. Throw grapes at her." Thanks grandpa. FML

#20604301
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45821) - you deserved it (8940)

On 04/19/2013 at 3:27am - misc - by thanks gramps - Canada (Yukon Territory)

Today, it wasn't until I heard something fly off the roof of my car and hit the trunk, then asphalt, that I remembered where I left my phone while unlocking the car door. FML

#20598583
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25729) - you deserved it (31586)

On 04/17/2013 at 1:51am - money - by Anonymous -

Today, I found a pound of cooked bacon in the dryer. When I asked my roommate about it, he confessed; his excuse was that he wanted to dry up the grease before eating it. FML

Today, I found out that I am allergic to one of the preservatives that they put in aloe. I found this out after I put some on a severe sunburn I have. Not only am I sunburned, but now I am severely itchy as well. FML

#20613229
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41899) - you deserved it (3586)

On 04/22/2013 at 2:42pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today my ex-boyfriend accepted my mother's offer to have his wedding in our backyard. FML

#20616531
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44462) - you deserved it (3437)

On 04/23/2013 at 7:04pm - love - by traitor (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was riding my bike home from the store. Wanting to impress some passers-by, I tried to do a trick on a sharp turn. I hit a pole with my balls. As I was lying on the ground in agony, a guy pulled over, took a picture, and took off laughing. FML

#20602636
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22735) - you deserved it (44910)

On 04/18/2013 at 5:02pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Bulgaria (Sofiya)

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by egging by some bastard riding a segway. He still got away. FML

#20606053
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35428) - you deserved it (7855)

On 04/19/2013 at 9:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand

Today, I had a job interview with a man that I got drunk with at a bar on Saturday night. He spent an hour telling me things I did that I don't even remember. FML

#20599168
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35857) - you deserved it (19281)

On 04/17/2013 at 11:25am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my crew was called out to do some house maintenance. We were nearly done, when someone had the goddamned fucking brilliant idea of washing plaster off their hands in the kitchen sink, which clogged the pipes. Instead of getting paid, we now owe for damages. FML

#20607182
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36544) - you deserved it (4313)

On 04/20/2013 at 10:26am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard the guy I like talking to one of his friends about me. His friend asked if he and I were dating, to which he replied, "No way, dude. I have standards." FML

#20608351
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44670) - you deserved it (3745)

On 04/20/2013 at 7:08pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)



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