Your everyday life stories

By booearns - 17/04/2012 03:47 - United States

Today, I visited my doctor upon coming home from University. I found out that I'm severely allergic to our pet bunny, which has resulted in a rash taking over my body. She suggested that we get rid of the bunny. I told my mom. She told me to come home less often. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 951

You deserved it 3 181

By blueglover - 27/03/2012 07:40 - United States - Perris

Today, I made a new friend. He seemed pretty cool, until we came to the topic of religion and the ancient alien theory. I'm seemingly now friends with a guy who thinks alien Jesus raped an Earth woman, and we're the resulting cross-breed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 955

You deserved it 3 703

By Zak - 23/03/2012 23:10 - United States

Today, I've been sick with both a chest cold and a sore throat. As a result, I've also been dehydrated, causing me to have a headache. Whenever I cough, I feel like my throat is being ripped apart and my head is about to explode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 221

You deserved it 3 441

Hush

By bitchyhiccups - 19/03/2012 13:14 - United States - Tempe

Today, I got a horrible case of the hiccups while at my friend's mother's funeral, resulting in me squeaking loudly every five seconds during the eulogy. My friend glared daggers at me until I left the room, then later accused me of being an insensitive bitch for "trying to ruin the funeral." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 357

You deserved it 4 512

By Fairy31 - 01/03/2012 00:01 - United States

Today, the boy I tutor failed his math test. As a result, the family fired me. The boy failed because he forgot to write his name at the top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 149

You deserved it 2 302

By Anonymous - 06/02/2012 21:10 - United States

Today, I asked my professor what happened to the assignment I gave him several weeks ago. Turns out he lost it, and graded me zero as a result. Now if I want a mark, he says I'll have to hand-write it all over again, but that I "probably shouldn't bother," because it was "a bit shit, really." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 535

You deserved it 2 419

By superficialheart - 21/01/2012 11:59 - China

Today, while riding back from a weekend away with my boyfriend, we crashed his motorbike, resulting in us getting thrown over a barbed wire fence into a forest. I woke up in hospital. Apparently, in his adrenaline rush, he climbed back on his bike and continued his trip, forgetting all about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 442

You deserved it 3 261

By it'sabitwindy - 09/12/2011 06:05 - United States

Today, I added "a road sign" to my ever-growing list of "Things which have hit my car as a result of the wind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 559

You deserved it 3 165

By LuckyLoser9 - 03/11/2011 15:44 - United States

Today, I found out that absentmindedly correcting my boss's use of the word "whom" could result in my immediate termination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 783

You deserved it 8 996

By Missy - 19/10/2011 22:29 - Australia

Today, my parents had a fight as to which one of them is the most cultured. As a result, they've begun writing my chore lists in a variety of languages. If I don't do them, I'm grounded. I only speak English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 128

You deserved it 3 389

By Hoggiebear - 05/10/2011 16:08 - United States

Today, my friends learned that if you play "connect the dots" with the pimples on my back the resulting picture is a large penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 391

You deserved it 5 369

By Ramis182 - 03/10/2011 04:26 - United States

Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 754

You deserved it 6 027

By Chan - 26/09/2011 01:57 - United States

Today, I spilled hot coffee all over this man at work. I tried apologizing and saying it was an accident, but he then complained, which resulted in me being unemployed. The man I spilled coffee on was my uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 191

You deserved it 3 140

By AnDroidZ_BabY - 11/09/2011 04:47 - United States

Today, my mom and I had a fight in the car over who farted. The result? She wanted to smell my underwear when we got home, to prove it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 486

You deserved it 3 844

By whattalife - 02/09/2011 22:53 - United States

Today, out of sheer boredom, I took a career personality test. The "best match" for me was the position of funeral director. Not only do I have a promising future with death, I got genuinely excited at how accurate the result was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 421

You deserved it 5 063

By blah - 15/08/2011 16:22 - United States

Today, my daughter decided to come out to me by leaving a browser window open with the results page of an online "Are you lesbian?" quiz. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 148

You deserved it 10 437

By LuckySperm - 12/08/2011 13:14 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad told me that after my two older siblings were born, he got a vasectomy. However, something went wrong, and the vasectomy had failed, resulting in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 421

You deserved it 3 137

By Sharee K. - 08/08/2011 19:20 - United States

Today, while walking in the city with my little sister, she let go of my hand. Not wanting to lose her, I quickly tried to grab it back. That resulted in me grabbing some 50 year-old man's junk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 536

You deserved it 6 587

Face it!

By MooCow - 13/07/2011 03:13 - United States

Today, my best friend told me to face my fear of cows and hop over the fence in with them. This resulted in me being chased by a raging cow, and thrusting myself head first over a fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 598

You deserved it 15 791

By Tori Pearson - 27/06/2011 04:21 - Canada

Today, I went camping. My tent is flooded, a raccoon ate all my food, I lost the anchor to my boat which as a result is now across the lake. Three more days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 748

You deserved it 6 892

Slippin'

By kerdersty - 30/05/2011 03:27 - Canada

Today, I was snowboarding when a skier cut me off, resulting in me colliding with a 12 year-old girl. The girl was totally fine, and I was alright except for a slight nose bleed. I apologized to the girl, then her mom hit me over the back with a ski pole as I snowboarded away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 612

You deserved it 3 784

Heat of the moment

By SkyDiver - 20/05/2011 07:46

Today, I tore up my airborne academy admission documents because my lab results weren't good enough. A few hours later, they called me to apologize for the misunderstanding, mine turned out to be perfect and they'd accepted me. They need me tomorrow with all the documents to finalize the admission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 216

You deserved it 42 822

By Anonymous - 11/05/2011 17:32 - Canada

Today, I found out I was born as a result of someone switching my mom's birth control pills with Tic Tacs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 141

You deserved it 4 221

By JJMan217 - 29/03/2011 06:28 - Canada

Today, I found out that using a certain hand sanitizer as masturbation lube will put you in the hospital and result in having to wear an adult diaper for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 324

You deserved it 76 949

By thestudent - 18/02/2011 09:30 - Philippines

Today, my math teacher brought his laptop to tally up all our scores for our report card. He then displayed the results on a big screen in front of the whole class. The ones who failed were marked yellow. I was the only one marked yellow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 677

You deserved it 20 999

By Anonymous - 11/02/2011 18:15 - United States

Today, I realized that as a result of working in an office which has an oddly-placed window, the direct sunlight has caused the left side of my face to become significantly darker than the right. Just call me Harvey Dent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 861

You deserved it 3 831

By fail - 16/01/2011 01:50 - Canada

Today, I decided to play a friendly game of Clue with my family. This resulted in one kid crying, one dad with a broken nose, two broken plates and a trip to Walmart to get a new Clue game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 343

You deserved it 4 133

By Anonymous - 11/01/2011 17:59 - United States

Today, a month after my 21st birthday, I received my health exam results. I don't remember the night of the birthday because I was hammered. However, I called my friend and it's now clear that the stripper they paid to have her way with me, had Chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 394

You deserved it 35 723

By Anonymous - 29/11/2010 03:16 - United States

Today, we were practicing figure drawing in art class. Our regular model didn't show up, so our teacher pulled someone out of study hall. And who did she pick? My ex-boyfriend, who stalked me after our breakup, which resulted in a nervous breakdown that put me in therapy. It was a long class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 848

You deserved it 3 326

By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 02:02 - United States

Today, my wife and I had one of the biggest arguments we've ever had, which resulted in her leaving, going to her parents' house and calling me twice, screaming and sobbing. The argument was over a seven dollar bottle of wine. Apparently, she was "saving it for a special occasion." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 341

You deserved it 5 249

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I helped my buddy write a sweet love letter to his girlfriend. After reading it, she dumped him for being an "Edward Cullen wannabe", and when my girlfriend found out, she dumped me for "cheating" on her by writing the letter in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 546

You deserved it 6 290

Today, my sister bought my five year-old son a giant ant farm for his birthday. We set it in the living room on a table. I went into the kitchen for a minute, and when I walked back in to the living room, my son was holding the empty case over his head, smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 173

You deserved it 7 970

The Top

Today, I decided to clean my room, find a job and ask a girl on a date. I ended up playing video games online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 290

You deserved it 45 055

Today, at work a woman came up to the check out counter and when I greeted her she said "oh honey, you are so beautiful!" I immediately smiled and thanked her, then she looked at me and said "oh, not you." and then pointed to her ear. She was on her bluetooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 931

You deserved it 6 749

Today, Amazon didn't deliver the present I bought my mother for Mothering Sunday, so she called me an 'Ungrateful bastard.' And about half an hour ago, I cut my thumb whilst making her lunch. She said, 'You're doing this on purpose so I feel sorry for you. Well I don't.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 783

You deserved it 3 736

Today, and since forever, my boyfriend has a twin brother. His girlfriend is now pregnant and he was ecstatic. I'm also pregnant but my boyfriend is acting like it’s the end of the world, and has been either drunk or hungover since I told him. So much for twins being alike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 341

Today, I was having a pretty good day, then I showed up to work for my night shift. I get here, and I’m put on the worst check stand, have to work with the most annoying person on the planet, and I forgot both my dinner and my AirPods at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 243

Today, a customer handed me a 100 dollar bill. He then told me that it was my tip for doing a good job. He snatched it away just as I touched it, laughed, and said, "Just kidding." He then took his money and left the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 168

You deserved it 2 427