Work: Today, I decided to clean my room, find a job and ask a girl... - FML

By Noname - Canada

Today, I decided to clean my room, find a job and ask a girl on a date. I ended up playing video games online. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11254

You deserved it

44924

Tweet

Share

Understandable

There's no helping some people

Last dates

By GOT not for me - 15/9/2020 14:01 - United States

Game of Thrones 2: Pig in the City

Today, I found out my ex lets our kids watch Game of Thrones during his weekend visits. Our kids are 8 and 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1222

You deserved it

158

Tweet

Share

By Liz - United States

Today, I took a bike ride to enjoy the weather and stopped for a break on the sidewalk of an overpass, taking in the view of the beautiful hills. I was approached by a cop, who said to me: "Ma'am, I know your life is crap right now, but I'm sure it'll get better. Please don't jump." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56345

You deserved it

5221

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/8/2020 08:01

Time to move out

Today, I'm spending $1,400 on rent each month to hear my upstairs neighbor walk from one end of their apartment to the other, and then back again. This occurs pretty much all day and all night. Yesterday I woke up at 3:30 a.m. from the banging of steps. My other neighbor played his music so loud, I felt it through the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1368

You deserved it

134

Tweet

Share

By senelbeat - United States

Today, I was talking to my mother about my sex life, telling her "if I want to have sex I'm going to have sex." She looked at me for a moment and said, "You're staying a virgin until you marry". She wasn't ordering me, she was informing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41116

You deserved it

8518

Tweet

Share

By moon_paw - United States

Today, I realized that I am dating a 25 year old man-child. He turns 13 whenever he sees my boobs, complete with big eyes and saying "honk honk" whenever he touches them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38948

You deserved it

10568

Tweet

Share

By Morgannaken - United States

Today, mum woke me up before seven in the morning on a Saturday so I could open my birthday gifts. I'm an insomniac and I had just fallen asleep. I wasn't even awake yet and she yelled at me to be more enthusiastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32541

You deserved it

4006

Tweet

Share

By Dinho - United States

Today, I was in a public bathroom, and a little boy walks in and he has an accident. He asked if I could help him clean it up. So I decided to help. I started to walk to him to assist him. That's when I walked straight into the pee and I slipped. My whole back was covered in pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50006

You deserved it

6639

Tweet

Share

By pocketrocket90 - Australia - Capalaba

Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML

I agree, your life sucks

55213

You deserved it

5298

Tweet

Share

By Andy - United States

Today, a mother and son were in my office. The kid wasn't feeling well and threw up. Mom covered his mouth with her hand, creating a vomit nozzle and covering me in puke. She yelled that I deserved to be sprayed on because I was not quick enough in getting a bucket for her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39258

You deserved it

2717

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/11/2020 11:01 - Slovakia - Senec

Whackjobs 'R Us

Today, I realised that 3/4 of my family are prone to believe conspiracies and are anti-Covid freaks. I want to keep our relationships, but every discussion ends in an argument about some conspiracy they believe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1006

You deserved it

144

Tweet

Share

By Shock91 - China - Beijing

Milky Milky

Today, the host family that I'm staying with in China gave me a small milk box to drink. It tasted a bit tangy and sour, but I thought that was probably just the taste of milk in China. Trying to be polite, I practically chugged the whole box. Later, I found out that it had expired 20 days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1429

You deserved it

312

Tweet

Share

By cap - United States - Manhattan

Last trip

Today, I had sex with my wife only to be told that the sex was horrible and to be given divorce papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2132

You deserved it

279

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, we had our busiest day at work all year with lots of angry people calling, and a co-worker called in sick. I went to my local game shop after work, exhausted and upset, and guess who was at his usual table running a Dungeons and Dragons group, apparently not too sick to go out. Yeah. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2929

You deserved it

181

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Her House, Her Rules.

Today, my grandma told me she likes to clean the house naked every day. I'm staying there all next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1501

You deserved it

133

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Frisco

Today, for the first time ever, one of my birthday wishes came true. I wished for my crush to come hang out with me, and she did. I wasted my birthday wish on an awkward silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12448

You deserved it

3156

Tweet

Share

By annonymous - China

Today, I had a softball team dinner, and I was sitting with a bunch of girls who were talking about how far they've gone with guys. One girl goes "I must be the least experienced one here, I've never even kissed a guy!" Surprised, I said "me too!" and high-fived her. She was joking. I wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70411

You deserved it

9818

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up and realized I have experienced my first "nocturnal emission". I am a 24 year old male who has been married for 3 months. Guess who isn't getting any. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20284

You deserved it

3068

Tweet

Share

By lambeaster - United States - Washington

Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21730

You deserved it

3676

Tweet

Share

By Mimi - United States - Vallejo

Today, my husband told me that he thinks I am getting a little heavy and may need to lay off the junk food. The ultrasound is hanging on our fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61664

You deserved it

5734

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I wanted to impress my girlfriend with a cool fire breathing trick I learned online, and ended up burning half her room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11141

You deserved it

64095

Tweet

Share

By arrestedgun - Canada

Today, I went to a dollar store with a couple friends to buy cap guns to play with. We were having a lot of fun with them, and took them onto a bus. 5 minutes later, three cops got on, handcuffed us, and sternly talked to us about the dangers of guns. We got arrested for toy guns. We are 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21342

You deserved it

58500

Tweet

Share

By ugh - South Africa - Durban

Today, as I was enjoying a nice fish salad, my father looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Ahh, salmon. The 'other' pink meat", then winked suggestively at my mother. I don't think I can ever eat fish again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64481

You deserved it

5153

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Charleston

Today, a guy beat the crap out of me for supposedly sleeping with his girlfriend. I didn't get a chance to tell him my brother lives with me and that he had the wrong guy. When my brother got home, he didn't ask if I was okay, but rather if the guy was coming back for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38751

You deserved it

2711

Tweet

Share

By Katsuria - 25/7/2020 14:01

Unreasonable

Today, my mother disowned me because I wouldn’t fill out her visa application for France so that she can see her boyfriend. The reason why I refused was because my husband and I are on our honeymoon, and would like to spend some time together. I guess that makes me a “useless” daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1455

You deserved it

119

Tweet

Share

By Bug5992 - United States - Kent

Today, I was getting intimate with my current bootycall when he thought it would be funny to make animal sounds. He "baa-ed" "moo-ed" and "gobbled" until losing his erection from intense laughter, leaving me there very confused and unsatisfied. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31737

You deserved it

10285

Tweet

Share

By fishruinsex

Today, I was messing around in my boyfriend's pants while watching TV. He was totally absorbed in the fishing show that was on. When the guy lost a fish, he got so disappointed that he became completely flaccid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34238

You deserved it

5976

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Netherlands - Bergeyk

Cheap-ass lying bro-bro!

Today, I found out my boyfriend is booking my dream vacation to Bali with his brothers, 6 months after he told me we couldn't go on vacation this year because he doesn’t have the money. They planned this within a week. I had been planning it with him for months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1902

You deserved it

166

Tweet

Share

By justmylife - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years called my house even though I was with him at the time. He needed to talk to my mom. He asked her to break up with me for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33631

You deserved it

3119

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got my yearbook for senior year in high school. I started what everyone does, which is count how many times I appear in the yearbook. I stopped when I found a prominent photo of me, picking my nose in class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18632

You deserved it

50336

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Call the FBI on her ass

Today, I got home from work to I find my cash box open and empty. My mom walked up and said, "If you have a lock that easy to pick, you don't deserve the money." There was 650 dollars in there. She refuses to give it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2163

You deserved it

158

Tweet

Share

By Chelsea - United States

Today, during some previews before the new Harry Potter movie, a guy stood up and led the audience in an enthusiastic and rather successful chant "H-A-R-R-Y!". Minutes later when I attempted to do the same thing, I was pelted with half-full bags of popcorn, freezing sodas, and booing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13179

You deserved it

84997

Tweet

Share

By Jeepers - United Kingdom

Today, after playing in an online casino, I won £200. Being pretty tight for cash at the moment I was pretty excited. I then tried to withdraw it to be told that I can't have a penny of it because I didn't register my card details first. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19068

You deserved it

41754

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33226

You deserved it

3826

Tweet

Share

By Deadpool434 - Ireland - Dublin

Well played

Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times' sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent." I got pranked by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33537

You deserved it

8656

Tweet

Share

By damnit - Canada

Today, my boyfriend called and told me he had a surprise for me and to meet up with him to find out. The big surprise was a consultation with a plastic surgeon for rhinoplasty surgery. I never disliked my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29930

You deserved it

2563

Tweet

Share

By … - United States

Today, after three months of them dating, I finally met the guy my best friend claims she's in love with. To my horror, she's dating the douchebag that I had a one-night stand with a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40267

You deserved it

6928

Tweet

Share

By Ondskansgris - Sweden

Today, I turned 22, without anyone wishing me a happy birthday. In fact, the only phone call I received all day was from my brother. He wanted to borrow money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

134922

You deserved it

7436

Tweet

Share

By notthebesttime

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He decided that the best time would be while I was giving him a blowjob. He then seemed confused as to why I didn't finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39621

You deserved it

3705

Tweet

Share

By mmromig - United States

Today, my therapist told me that I need to do something different with my hair. Then I paid her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27398

You deserved it

5557

Tweet

Share

By Dandy

Today, after having given up video games for two weeks to focus on school, I finished my last exam of the semester and finally became free. I got home to find that Steam is down worldwide. I just received an email saying every game on my wish list is on sale, but I can't log in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7168

You deserved it

784

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Derzimma | 2

#6443 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 16:08

Happened to me the other day.

By rxxk | 0

#57056 - Wednesday 25 March 2009 4:35

That's sorta what I did today. I planned on studying for my test tomorrow, finish my homework due tomorrow, and make an outline for my website idea. I ended up reading Fmylife for 6 hours straight.

COMMENTS

By Derzimma | 2

#6443 - Tuesday 24 February 2009 16:08

Happened to me the other day.

Reply

Boomi | 38

#6687511 - Sunday 11 September 2016 9:04

When you don't feel like doing what you intended.

By RavensRule97 | 0

#43724 - Thursday 19 March 2009 23:48

Epic Phail.

Reply

codyFML | 0

#2821319 - Tuesday 5 July 2011 0:24

at least he can spell

Reply

Star928 | 7

#5064715 - Sunday 21 October 2012 7:41

Epic Quail. Epic Phail. Epic Tale. Epic Male. Epi--- i think you get the point.

By CatalystSwitch | 0

#44328 - Friday 20 March 2009 4:16

One step at a time.

By AreYouSure_fml | 0

#49395 - Sunday 22 March 2009 5:44

Happens to me everyday. My life sucks.

By rxxk | 0

#57056 - Wednesday 25 March 2009 4:35

That's sorta what I did today. I planned on studying for my test tomorrow, finish my homework due tomorrow, and make an outline for my website idea. I ended up reading Fmylife for 6 hours straight.

By SiLveRStaRLIGHT | 0

#63260 - Friday 27 March 2009 21:52

Good substitute.

I do that a lot too. Haaaah...
That's so sad.

By Fields4mint | 0

#75484 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 22:54

I don't think it can really be FML if you -choose- not to do something in lieu of another thing. That's just laziness speaking.

By featherhead | 0

#83169 - Sunday 5 April 2009 1:38

i do the same things xd

Reply

Diannaa | 0

#817799 - Tuesday 2 February 2010 5:22

lol I do things similar to that alot. Yay for procrastination 

Reply

iluvcupkakes | 0

#3679841 - Sunday 4 December 2011 5:48

But you also go on fml

By omfgwtfbbq_fml | 0

#187739 - Monday 11 May 2009 7:12

At least you're planning to do something more.
That's a big step.

By maggotface | 0

#207737 - Monday 18 May 2009 3:48

i dont understand why this is on fml, it's just you being lazy...