Work: Today, I spilled hot coffee all over this man at work. I tried...

By Chan - United States

Today, I spilled hot coffee all over this man at work. I tried apologizing and saying it was an accident, but he then complained, which resulted in me being unemployed. The man I spilled coffee on was my uncle. FML

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35081

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Work

Family values

Zoomed out

At will

By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, the cockroach infestation at my house has gotten so bad that I can now tell the difference between male and female cockroaches. FML

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22537

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By Anonymous - United States - Salem

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

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45225

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By Marcilor001

Oops.

Today, I realized I have a weight problem. My brother excitedly showed me his new high-end scale and measured his weight, then our other brothers. I took one step on it and the screen read "E". It then shut off and hasn't turned on since. FML

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2583

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682

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By Anonymous - Sweden - Huddinge

Today, I realized why you should never wear a thong under yoga pants that are a couple of sizes too small. It's a weird thing, seeing your co-worker's anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27837

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3095

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By Anonymous

Today, the person who bullied me throughout my childhood eventually resulting in me going to therapy and switching schools became my boss. On top of that, he refers to me by the insulting nickname he called me during childhood. It's good to see that growing up hasn't changed him at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6008

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376

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By disgusted - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

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30767

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6472

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By theholt - United States

Today, I saw a man on the bus with the strangest band shirt I have ever seen. I could not help but stare at it and try and figure what the band was, until he turned to me and said "why not take a picture asshole?" then got off the bus. As he walked away I saw that he was missing an arm. FML

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30368

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By unemployed - United States - Modesto

Today, I walked out the back door of my place of employment and looked down to see a huge cockroach. This is quite a normal occurrence, so I thought nothing of it until I realized it was struggling to drag the corpse of one of its friends into the building. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11119

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By MitchFail - United States

Today, in the midst of foreplay, this girl tells me I am so hot, I respond "Ditto." She heatedly responds "I love ditto," to which I suavely reply "I didn't know you were into Pokémon. That may make you even sexier." She knows nothing about Pokémon, but I sure know how to kill the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20642

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By Animal_aide - Canada

Today, I got my car back from the repair shop. After paying $400 for them to fix the scratches on the driver's side door, some one decided to key both sides of my car while I was on my lunch break from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31921

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By Watchtower? More like fortress. - Norway - Oslo

Today, my dad saw on TV that in some parts of Africa, it's not uncommon for people to attach make-shift flamethrowers to their cars to defend against carjackers. He's now lost his mind and is forcing me to help him put one together to scare off Jehovah's Witnesses. FML

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22691

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2488

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at exactly midnight, I get a text from my boyfriend saying we were done. I had just seen him 4 hours ago when we were out celebrating my birthday, and asked why he didnt just tell me then. He replies 'I couldn't break up with you on your birthday but i wanted it to be over ASAP' FML

I agree, your life sucks

56627

You deserved it

3533

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By Anonymous - 10/10/2020 14:01

Mix and match

Today, as I was getting ready for church, I couldn't decide between my black or white shoes. I put one of each on, then my son started crying. Fast forward, I'm at church, I look down and I'm wearing one white shoe and one black shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

760

You deserved it

301

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a rubber band around my wrist for too long, and it ended up leaving faint red marks around my wrist. My mom saw them, thought they were scars, and is now convinced I'm a cutter, "like the ones I've seen on the news," and won't believe my story. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1526

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216

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By Countdown has begun

Today, my girlfriend took a crap in my swimming pool. Her excuse? She had to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1875

You deserved it

203

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By Creepster - United States

Today, I almost crashed my car because I was checking out an Old Navy mannequin wearing a bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7563

You deserved it

50778

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By CrappyValentine - Netherlands

Today, I tried convincing my Valentine-hating boyfriend to send me a card, by explaining how important it is to me. He finally agreed and sent me a card. I opened it up, and it wished me 'harmony and well-being on Lupercalia'. What is Lupercalia? It's an ancient Roman festival where men run down the street naked, whipping people with goat skins to encourage fertility. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11327

You deserved it

37777

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By Brenden - United States - Massillon

Today, my new neighbor moved in. Because she was fairly young, I offered to mow her grass whenever it needed cut. Her dad then tried to start a fight with me because he thought it was sexual come-on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43104

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6993

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2021 14:02

I'm not lovin' it

Today, at my new job at McDonald’s, they only had uniform pants in a size 36 or 56, nothing in between. I’m a size 40 so I squeezed into the 36. When I told my supervisor I couldn’t tuck my shirt into the pants like they asked, because I couldn’t close the top button, she told me to lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1081

You deserved it

152

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By Anonymous - United States - Murrieta

Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31475

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13788

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By dantheman - United States

Today, I just got a new assignment for the moving company I work for. Two weeks ago my fiancé dumped me and I moved out of the house. Almost all of the furniture was mine and it took forever. The new moving assignment I have is moving her new boyfriend into my old house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50216

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By AJShow80 - United States

Today , I won 20 dollars on a lotto scratch off. My friend, pissed, makes me split the money saying its collateral for the gas money used to get us there. He then uses his 10 dollars on a scratch off, and wins 500 dollars. The jackass wouldnt split it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

123010

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By Anonymous

Corolla Conspiracy

Today, I was talking to one of the advisors at my job about how almost everyone in the workplace who owns a Toyota has strangely been in some sort of car accident in the last year. I happen to have a Toyota. Guess who was rear-ended at an intersection after leaving work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3932

You deserved it

503

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By xharmonyx - United States

Today, I paid for someone else's pee so that I could pass my drug test. I didn't pass the drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9734

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Manhattan

Today, I went to the health department to get on some birth control. I left the health department without birth control, and with the news that I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50292

You deserved it

33809

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By AyoitsSteveo - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to bother my friend Emily. I kept punching her. She asked if I wanted to fight. I agreed because she's a 15 year old skinny girl and I'm 17 year old buff guy. She beat the crap out of me until I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21896

You deserved it

158929

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By anonymous - Austria - Vienna

Orwellian nightmare

Today, while reading "1984" on the train, a cute guy around my age and I got into a great a discussion about the book. Just when I thought he might ask for my number, he got up, patted me on the head and said it's so nice that kids my age still took interest in real literature. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40089

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Broseley

Today, my boyfriend's parents decided that I was untrustworthy and that if they ever saw him with me he'd be heavily punished. They're travelling hundreds of miles just to make sure he stays in the house and doesn't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18638

You deserved it

1527

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By Casper - United States

Today, a flight attendant asked me if I was airsick because I looked really pale. I told her that was my normal complexion but thanked her for her concern. She insisted "No, that can't be normal." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42062

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized my mom cares more about Kurt's bullying problem on Glee than she does for mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44923

You deserved it

4111

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By oopsydaddy

Today, my dad asked my help with a computer problem. Whenever he logged on Facebook, every single advertisement appeared to be hardcore porn. I had to awkwardly explain that these ads are based on his browsing habits. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2676

You deserved it

161

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By Anonymoose - United States - West Long Branch

Today, I found out I wasn't cool enough to be invited to a college party that happened last night. The one in charge of inviting people was my girlfriend of two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25165

You deserved it

2088

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By FueledByFate - United States - Phoenix

Today, I went to the doctor after being sick for weeks. I found out that I had bronchitis that then progressed to pneumonia. My girlfriend is hearing impaired, and when I can finally get words to come out when I speak, she can't understand them. I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21622

You deserved it

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By how many?!

Today, a woman contacted me because she thinks my daughter and her children are half siblings. I thought it was a scam until she sent me a picture of my estranged ex and her kids, who look almost identical to mine. I’m the eighth woman she's contacted so far, with who knows how many more to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2041

You deserved it

147

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By makeitstop - Canada

Today, at work, I was forced to listen to the Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers Christmas album on repeat for 8 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38484

You deserved it

4229

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By Chicagoillinois - United States - San Francisco

Today, my step-dad explained to me why he doesn't need to wash his body. He condescendingly said, "Well when you shampoo your hair, the soap runs down your body and cleans everything." He's 37 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33663

You deserved it

2881

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By Anonymous

Today, I nearly drowned. I was at a wave pool for the first time and stupidly swam out to the deep end. When the waves turned on, I discovered I can't swim in rough water. Despite my yelling, "Help!" and flailing around, the lifeguard paid me no attention. My friend had to save me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1852

You deserved it

480

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was locked out of my house. As I was about to knock on the window to ask my girlfriend to let me in, I saw her on the sofa, digging a huge booger out of her nose and eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36229

You deserved it

4629

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By jobless - United States

Today, I got an invitation to my "going away lunch" the company is throwing for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34594

You deserved it

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By MistofAvalon - 24/4/2020 14:00

Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

Today, my cat woke me up announcing he was hungry by standing on my bedside table. This placed him both next to and above my head. Did he do this by meowing? Nope. Did he do it by tapping me with his little paw? Not that either. He sneezed all over my face. FML

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1298

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Top comments

By ea49610 | 0

#3348492 - Monday 26 September 2011 8:51

Wow nice uncle you got

By flakitaa22 | 0

#3348489 - Monday 26 September 2011 8:51

Nice uncle you got there .

COMMENTS

By flakitaa22 | 0

#3348489 - Monday 26 September 2011 8:51

Nice uncle you got there .

ea49610 | 0

#3348499 - Monday 26 September 2011 8:53

Nooo u took my comment ;(

nater535 | 7

#3348513 - Monday 26 September 2011 8:57

Family connections for the lose?

cruxx | 0

#3348558 - Monday 26 September 2011 9:11

And you got fired for that...? -____-

LiyIa_fml | 8

#3348579 - Monday 26 September 2011 9:20

Go to your uncles works and get him fired... :)

YourEvilHero | 12

#3348610 - Monday 26 September 2011 9:31

am I the only one who thinks she shouldn't have been fired over this

Gema2dicks | 0

#3348623 - Monday 26 September 2011 9:37

What a douchebag.

slick5880 | 22

#3348660 - Monday 26 September 2011 10:01

Oh so this is what family is for? I must have been confused.

Jovecove | 13

#3348689 - Monday 26 September 2011 10:24

What a fucker.

HarveyMalone | 0

#3348719 - Monday 26 September 2011 11:00

Uncle Fucker...

a_nutritionist | 10

#3348741 - Monday 26 September 2011 11:35

this is when you unload every single bit of shit you can on your uncle. youre in his social network, start meddling and have some fun.

by the way, people dont get fired for making one clumsy accident, you were probably just a shit employee.

SCREAM4meeee | 0

#3348768 - Monday 26 September 2011 11:43

what an influential uncle!

RacistPancake | 6

#3349192 - Monday 26 September 2011 13:55

51 I lol'd

bfsd42 | 20

#3350399 - Monday 26 September 2011 17:43

70, If everyone who lol'd decided to tell the fml world about their chuckles, imagine how much more fun these comments would be. (sarcasm) Please keep your lol's to yourself.

agentx52 | 13

#3353966 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 6:18

He could have been new to the place.

By ea49610 | 0

#3348492 - Monday 26 September 2011 8:51

Wow nice uncle you got

xlord | 27

#3348567 - Monday 26 September 2011 9:16

Sorry man you were 10 seconds to late. Now it just looks like you stole 1s comment

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#3348578 - Monday 26 September 2011 9:20

PLAYJERISM!

ea49610 | 0

#3348640 - Monday 26 September 2011 9:52

I know rite after i sent it i saw the first comment and i was like fuuuuuuck

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#3348643 - Monday 26 September 2011 9:54

I'll give you a thumbs up for it anyways. :)

False_Stupidity | 41

#3348720 - Monday 26 September 2011 11:01

Note you have more +thumbs than #1, it must be the wow factor :)

RetardedBullFrog | 4

#3350475 - Monday 26 September 2011 18:10

Well, he did said wow

By jellitonoctopus | 19

#3348493 - Monday 26 September 2011 8:52

You would think a family member would try to stick up for you huh?

36AngryPandas | 1

#3348673 - Monday 26 September 2011 10:09

trust no one... that's the first thing you learn as a Panda

slushpup9696 | 12

#3348752 - Monday 26 September 2011 11:39

What is the second thing?

a_nutritionist | 10

#3348789 - Monday 26 September 2011 11:56

@55 dont shit where you eat.

THE_A_TEEN | 27

#3348985 - Monday 26 September 2011 12:32

Kill any chinamen before they kill you for kung pou panda?

By ariannaimelda | 7

#3348494 - Monday 26 September 2011 8:52

That's awful, especially coming from family. FYL :(

By sparklybetty | 0

#3348503 - Monday 26 September 2011 8:54

never trust your family members, they usually want to be better than you

22cute | 17

#3348948 - Monday 26 September 2011 12:21

Wow, that's really sad.
I'm sorry life has taught you that.

WiderWille | 11

#3349127 - Monday 26 September 2011 13:19

I'm sorry that you still believe in unicorns

By Melisso | 4

#3348505 - Monday 26 September 2011 8:54

What an ass.

mynameis1339 | 0

#3348906 - Monday 26 September 2011 12:15

hole

kool_girl_123 | 9

#5211804 - Monday 3 December 2012 23:00

Lol

By BeatlesObsessed | 12

#3348510 - Monday 26 September 2011 8:56

He probably has a "hot" temper...no? Okay. :(

TPendleton218 | 2

#3354064 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 6:57

lol :)

By JojoChuo | 8

#3348518 - Monday 26 September 2011 8:57

Wow, that is uncalled for, especially from a family member.

By megapeyt | 17

#3348519 - Monday 26 September 2011 8:58

What a prick

By levijase | 0

#3348540 - Monday 26 September 2011 9:02

Ohhh YDI

THE_A_TEEN | 27

#3348588 - Monday 26 September 2011 9:23

How the fuck he/she deserve's it, self righteous prick?

slushpup9696 | 12

#3348765 - Monday 26 September 2011 11:41

Your face matches your comment!

bfsd42 | 20

#3350383 - Monday 26 September 2011 17:38

Go on #24, feed the troll. And calm down too. Everyone is entitled to their opinion.