Today, I spilled hot coffee all over this man at work. I tried...

By Chan - 26/9/2011 01:57 - United States

Today, I spilled hot coffee all over this man at work. I tried apologizing and saying it was an accident, but he then complained, which resulted in me being unemployed. The man I spilled coffee on was my uncle. FML

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Work

Social distancing gone wrong

Tense

A beautiful truck decoration

By unforgettablee - 29/4/2013 07:08 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was getting into the mood with my boyfriend. Ten minutes into it, I told him to "teach me a lesson." His response: "I ain't no teacher." FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2020 05:03

That he's a dumbass?

Today, I was told by my boyfriend of 12 years that he wants to break up. He wants to be free to follow his "MGTOW beliefs." I had to look up what it meant. What am I supposed to tell our 2 little boys? FML

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By bakedplum - 1/11/2011 17:52 - United States

Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML

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By mpsteve137 - 30/6/2012 06:21 - United States - Acworth

Apologetic

Today, I realized I say "sorry" more than anything else during sex with my girlfriend. FML

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By Kaboom - 21/4/2009 12:52 - Canada

Today, I went out for a smoke break. A homeless person walks up to me and asks for a cig. As I pull out my pack he says "Oh... Menthols... no I don't smoke that cheap shit". I was called cheap by a hobo. FML

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By Ali - 5/3/2017 22:30 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, my father cut my hair for the first time. Now, I always have to wear a cap when I go outside. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/6/2013 00:02 - Guatemala - Guatemala City

Today, I was sending some dirty texts to my boyfriend, when I heard a knocking sound coming through the wall. I sat there for ten minutes before I realized I was listening to my mom and her boyfriend having sex. FML

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By Adam - 16/3/2010 20:51 - United States

Today, I woke up to go pee and my cat followed me into the bathroom as usual. Then, in a not so usual fashion, she tried to jump from the sink to the top of the toilet, missed, and fell into the bowl while I was peeing. I'm scratched in a bad place, I have urine to clean up off the bathroom floor, and a traumatized cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/7/2015 22:43 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I went to put a lasagna in the oven for dinner. I was greeted by a revolting scent of a chicken-soup and biscuits boxed dinner. The fridge apparently was too full for my brother to put it away inside, so he covered it up and forgot about it in the oven. We made that dinner two weeks ago. FML.

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By murphyslaw948 - 27/11/2019 05:00

Murphy's law

Today, I fall for a guy after 3 years of being celibate, after he shows all the signs of being into me. Turns out, he likes my best friend who is dating another guy I liked and was just using me to compensate for her unavailability. Guess I am really a walking, talking example of Murphy's law. FML

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By googly191 - 19/12/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, it's my birthday, and apparently my family forgot it. But one person didn't forget. My dog gave me a little present in my new shoes I bought for myself. FML

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By deadbunnies - 31/7/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, I texted the man I'm dating, told him I was having a terrible day and asked him to say something to cheer me up. His response? "Did you know that rabbits shriek when they're killed?" I'm still having a terrible day, and now I can't stop thinking about dying, shrieking bunnies. FML

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By Tommy - 6/3/2012 18:55 - United States

Today, I approached the girl I like, hoping to ask her out. Just as I strode up to her, she excused herself as quickly as she could. I then realized I'd forgotten to zip up my pants after going to the bathroom minutes before. FML

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By englishfail - 15/1/2010 17:39 - United States

Today, I was teaching a class and my student pointed out that I used the wrong "your" while writing on the board. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/1/2015 10:51 - United Kingdom - Addlestone

Today, I received a panicked email from one of my university students on my course on Russian history, stating that he'd "always thought Stalin was fake, like the moon landing". FML

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By The_FN_Gunny - 29/10/2013 22:31 - United States - Smyrna

Today, I was wearing a letterman jacket that had my school name and "Okinawa Japan" on the back. A high school kid walks up to me and says, "I can't forgive you people for bombing Pearl Harbor." I'm black. FML

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By Erin - 15/1/2009 15:05 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in English and drooled on my test. Evidently everyone noticed. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2015 20:33 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, after saying I'd edit and revise a coworker's report so he could go home and spend his anniversary with his wife, he sent me a file. Upon opening it, it was pictures of men wearing strange fetish gear while being dominated. He has yet to send me the correct file and I'm scared to ask. FML

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By Wow - 11/4/2013 12:52 - United States

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML

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By Kristen Duncan - 1/8/2017 20:00 - United States - Spokane

Today, I just drank a sip of beer and felt something so I spit it out... It was an earwig. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2013 00:13 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to the funeral of my friend's brother. It was the first funeral I'd gone to, and I was really nervous. When the service finished, everyone went to pay their respects to the family. After I paid mine, they said, "Thank you for coming." I instictively replied, "My pleasure." FML

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By hikingtospace - 4/10/2016 15:25 - United States - Hilliard

Today, after laying down to sleep, my boyfriend seemed like he was having trouble trying to say something. After asking what was wrong a couple of times, he said, "I don't want to do this anymore" and got up and left. I had planned on telling him I love him. Saved myself some embarrassment I guess. FML

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By Ab - 10/2/2009 01:50 - United States

Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/2/2011 17:22 - Canada

Today, I cried harder than I have in years. I was babysitting, and watching Pokémon to pass the time. It was the episode where Ash, Dawn, and Brock on the show went their separate ways, and may never be together again. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2011 13:55 - Australia

Today, my boss and I were preparing a lunch order for a nearby real-estate agency. I noticed that the order was riddled with spelling mistakes, so I laughed and mocked the realtors calling them stupid and incompetent. My boss then pointed out that the order was written in his handwriting. FML

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By mellbelle32 - 11/7/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, my visiting cousin was driving me to pick-up and pay for my wedding cake at the bakery. The cops pulled him over for speeding and as it turns out his license was expired. I ended up having to use my wedding cake money to bail him out of jail. FML

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By college student - 23/11/2014 18:22 - United States - Oxford

Today, I woke up with a vicious hangover. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to dozens of cans strewn all over the floor. I don't remember buying half the store's supply of pork and beans. FML

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By zstarr - 14/7/2012 11:15 - United States - Rome

Today, I realized my boyfriend uses sex as a way to get me to stop talking. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2014 04:47 - United States - Olive Branch

Today, I was talking to my brother about how careless people are. Minutes later, I shocked myself with my dog's shock-collar. FML

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By sammyducks227 - 8/11/2013 07:49 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I've invited friends and family to my birthday party. I've also come home to find that my parents didn't pay the water bill. I either have to tell everyone I know that they are uninvited or not to take dumps in my house. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/6/2019 00:01

Today, my 5-year-old figured out that if he has a mouthful of milk and he blows really hard, he can blow the milk out of his nose like twin fire hoses. I’ve washed the carpet twice in the past day, and my house still stinks of rotten dairy. FML

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By Pepe - 16/11/2008 05:54 - France

Today, my girlfriend said to me, "You know, you only have to wash 3 times a week to be clean." FML

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By SkinsCastSelection - 17/1/2011 22:50 - France

Today, at the supermarket, my mother stopped in the middle of a lane and imitated a gorilla as a way of asking me from far away if I wanted any bananas. FML

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By effme - 1/6/2010 06:05 - United States

Today, I spent ages applying for a scholarship on-line. I found out on the very last page that I do not meet the qualifications for it. FML

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By sadsexer23 - 16/2/2010 03:10 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML

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By Anonymous - 12/2/2012 04:25 - United States

Today, after parking my car, I was informed by an incredibly hot girl that my tail light was faulty. I tried hitting it to make it work again. Guess who has 5 stitches and a smashed tail light? FML

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By FlyLikeABird - 16/11/2014 08:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML

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By howniceofyou - 1/8/2011 18:12 - Canada

Today, I was at a pool party with some friends. They grabbed and lifted me in the air, about to throw me in the pool. My iPhone was in my pocket, so I screamed "MY PHONE!" They paused so I could gently throw it onto a deck chair. It bounced, hit the concrete, and cracked its screen. FML

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By ItHurtsLIkeHell - 1/3/2010 09:13 - Malaysia

Today, I learnt that if you accidentally sit on a hamster, instead of dying, it bites your testicles. FML

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By lexiiiiiiweee - 19/2/2010 22:00 - United States

Today, I went bowling with my friends. As I was about to take my turn, my friend came up behind me and yelled in my ear, "Don't mess up!" Startled, I dropped the ball on my foot. FML

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Top comments

By ea49610 | 0

#3348492 - Monday 26 September 2011 8:51

Wow nice uncle you got

By flakitaa22 | 0

#3348489 - Monday 26 September 2011 8:51

Nice uncle you got there .

COMMENTS

By flakitaa22 | 0

#3348489 - Monday 26 September 2011 8:51

Nice uncle you got there .

ea49610 | 0

#3348499 - Monday 26 September 2011 8:53

Nooo u took my comment ;(

nater535 | 7

#3348513 - Monday 26 September 2011 8:57

Family connections for the lose?

cruxx | 0

#3348558 - Monday 26 September 2011 9:11

And you got fired for that...? -____-

LiyIa_fml | 8

#3348579 - Monday 26 September 2011 9:20

Go to your uncles works and get him fired... :)

YourEvilHero | 12

#3348610 - Monday 26 September 2011 9:31

am I the only one who thinks she shouldn't have been fired over this

Gema2dicks | 0

#3348623 - Monday 26 September 2011 9:37

What a douchebag.

slick5880 | 22

#3348660 - Monday 26 September 2011 10:01

Oh so this is what family is for? I must have been confused.

Jovecove | 13

#3348689 - Monday 26 September 2011 10:24

What a fucker.

HarveyMalone | 0

#3348719 - Monday 26 September 2011 11:00

Uncle Fucker...

a_nutritionist | 10

#3348741 - Monday 26 September 2011 11:35

this is when you unload every single bit of shit you can on your uncle. youre in his social network, start meddling and have some fun.

by the way, people dont get fired for making one clumsy accident, you were probably just a shit employee.

SCREAM4meeee | 0

#3348768 - Monday 26 September 2011 11:43

what an influential uncle!

RacistPancake | 6

#3349192 - Monday 26 September 2011 13:55

51 I lol'd

bfsd42 | 20

#3350399 - Monday 26 September 2011 17:43

70, If everyone who lol'd decided to tell the fml world about their chuckles, imagine how much more fun these comments would be. (sarcasm) Please keep your lol's to yourself.

agentx52 | 13

#3353966 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 6:18

He could have been new to the place.

By ea49610 | 0

#3348492 - Monday 26 September 2011 8:51

Wow nice uncle you got

xlord | 27

#3348567 - Monday 26 September 2011 9:16

Sorry man you were 10 seconds to late. Now it just looks like you stole 1s comment

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#3348578 - Monday 26 September 2011 9:20

PLAYJERISM!

ea49610 | 0

#3348640 - Monday 26 September 2011 9:52

I know rite after i sent it i saw the first comment and i was like fuuuuuuck

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#3348643 - Monday 26 September 2011 9:54

I'll give you a thumbs up for it anyways. :)

False_Stupidity | 41

#3348720 - Monday 26 September 2011 11:01

Note you have more +thumbs than #1, it must be the wow factor :)

RetardedBullFrog | 4

#3350475 - Monday 26 September 2011 18:10

Well, he did said wow

By jellitonoctopus | 19

#3348493 - Monday 26 September 2011 8:52

You would think a family member would try to stick up for you huh?

36AngryPandas | 1

#3348673 - Monday 26 September 2011 10:09

trust no one... that's the first thing you learn as a Panda

slushpup9696 | 12

#3348752 - Monday 26 September 2011 11:39

What is the second thing?

a_nutritionist | 10

#3348789 - Monday 26 September 2011 11:56

@55 dont shit where you eat.

THE_A_TEEN | 27

#3348985 - Monday 26 September 2011 12:32

Kill any chinamen before they kill you for kung pou panda?

By ariannaimelda | 7

#3348494 - Monday 26 September 2011 8:52

That's awful, especially coming from family. FYL :(

By sparklybetty | 0

#3348503 - Monday 26 September 2011 8:54

never trust your family members, they usually want to be better than you

22cute | 17

#3348948 - Monday 26 September 2011 12:21

Wow, that's really sad.
I'm sorry life has taught you that.

WiderWille | 11

#3349127 - Monday 26 September 2011 13:19

I'm sorry that you still believe in unicorns

By Melisso | 4

#3348505 - Monday 26 September 2011 8:54

What an ass.

mynameis1339 | 0

#3348906 - Monday 26 September 2011 12:15

hole

kool_girl_123 | 9

#5211804 - Monday 3 December 2012 23:00

Lol

By BeatlesObsessed | 12

#3348510 - Monday 26 September 2011 8:56

He probably has a "hot" temper...no? Okay. :(

TPendleton218 | 2

#3354064 - Tuesday 27 September 2011 6:57

lol :)

By JojoChuo | 8

#3348518 - Monday 26 September 2011 8:57

Wow, that is uncalled for, especially from a family member.

By megapeyt | 17

#3348519 - Monday 26 September 2011 8:58

What a prick

By levijase | 0

#3348540 - Monday 26 September 2011 9:02

Ohhh YDI

THE_A_TEEN | 27

#3348588 - Monday 26 September 2011 9:23

How the fuck he/she deserve's it, self righteous prick?

slushpup9696 | 12

#3348765 - Monday 26 September 2011 11:41

Your face matches your comment!

bfsd42 | 20

#3350383 - Monday 26 September 2011 17:38

Go on #24, feed the troll. And calm down too. Everyone is entitled to their opinion.