Today, I got an angry call to the phone shop where I work. The caller demanded that we give him his money back. His reason? He said he'd been tricked because his phone got ruined by water "even though he was using the waterproof application". FML
FML - The Follow-Up
OwlSaysBlimey tells us more.
I really didn't think this would be posted, but thanks for all the hilarious comments! Well, I think I ought to explain it a bit. This person is one of our usual customers and is infamous for being a total idiot. Although this isn't the first time he has complained to us, this is by far the stupidest complaint he's made. He's usually complaining about that the Internet's off and that he can't turn 3G on and so on. Anyway, he didn't get his money back and my boss told him to piss off, so we're all good :).
Today, I tried to storm out of the room during an argument, but walked face-first into our closed sliding glass door. My boyfriend laughed so hard that he had to sit down. Later, we noticed the nose mark I left. He won't let me clean it, because he wants to show it to everyone. FML
raz_berri93 tells us more.
I just wanted to clarify that later he felt bad and asked if I was fine, which I was. I also laughed at my clumsiness... I was even the one to close that door! Oops. I cleaned the mark (which he hasn't come home to see yet) and there is no violence... It's a funny story within our families now since I'm actually well known to be clumsy!
Today, during school, I passed out in the lunch line and hit my head on the metal rail as I fell. Rather than helping or expressing concern at all, my friends simply left my unconscious body on the floor. Why? They had to get to the lasagna before the cafeteria ran out of it. FML
_sempiternus tells us more.
For those of you that were wondering- yes, I'm alright. :) I'm anemic, and sometimes it catches up to me and I'll start to get lightheaded/faint. I hadn't been feeling well all day, and thought food might help... Guess I was a bit late. In regards to my 'friends', I suppose I used the term loosely. They aren't my closest friends by far, but I've known them for years. We were close enough that I ASSUMED the sight of me falling and bashing my head open would be more important than their need for dry, school-food lasagna. And, in response to one commenter, I didn't expect them to immediately transform into doctors. But it still doesn't feel too great when the people you call 'friends' step over you, sprawled on the ground and bleeding, in favor of food. And no, I don't speak to them anymore. We had a fall out shortly after this incident. Ah well, highschool is a joke anyways.
Today, while feeling sick, I decided to go to a furniture store to sit down for a few minutes. I'm now the proud owner of an expensive, vomit-stained recliner. FML
maxhhh tells us more.
maxhhh 18
OP here, just a bit of background to the story: I've had a sore throat for a few days, and I'm actually in the market for a recliner so I thought, "I'm not gonna let a sore throat hold me back from getting out!" As I was sitting down and feeling the chairs, I felt an overwhelming dizziness and nausea, and before I knew it, I puked all over myself and the seat of the recliner. Turns out I have a stomach bug now. FML x2... I am getting it cleaned though, so it should be good as new! I enjoyed the comments; Thanks a lot guys!!! :)
Today, I decided to make what I thought was a pretzel recipe. I ended up eating cooked, egg-coated play dough. Literally, homemade Play-Doh. FML
thecodecat tells us more.
thecodecat 24
I didn't know it was play dough. The recipes got switched. I only ate on bite then I realized what was wrong and threw them out.
Today, I let my sister hold my newborn daughter for the first time. I heard her mutter under her breath, "I could kill you so easily..." FML
emirie tells us more.
So just to clear things up, my sister isn't super crazy, although I was naturally alarmed. She's a little weird and creepy, and has no filter. Also, this happened a while ago (I had to say today, obviously), it just popped in my head the other day when the same sister told me she's pregnant. She has babysat, and has a step son as well.
Today, one of the special needs teens I work with confessed his love for me. It was cute until he put his erection on my leg and attempted to hump me. FML
BioChickthcfy tells us more.
All is well, he was reminded to have "nice hands" as well as other things. He lives at the facility I work at, but I will not be working with this youth anymore. Things escalated very quickly and in order for everyone to be safe and be able to learn in an apparently less tempting environment I will be in a different location.
Today, I donated blood. Afterwards, I regained consciousness on the floor with a half-eaten cookie in my mouth. FML
Haberdashing tells us more.
Haberdashing 13
Wow. This was my FML. It was my first time giving blood. I'd tried once before but my hemoglobin was too low. So I made sure to eat lots of iron rich foods the weeks before and was fine this time. Everything went really well. But when I got settled at the table with the snacks where they make you wait for 15 minutes I started to feel a bit dizzy. I fainted then. I'd been in the middle of eating my cookie, so it wasn't that odd. The wonderful people there caught me and lowered me to the floor, and I was only out for about 20 seconds. When I woke I was just really confused, and all I could really coherently think was "I have a half chewed cookie in my mouth," and I couldn't figure out how to swallow. They gave me juice and ice and I went back to my dorm to lay down until class. I think it actually went really well, and I'm excited to give blood in the future. I'll just have a larger breakfast and stay laying down for longer.
Today, I asked a co-worker why he was wearing sandals, as they are not allowed under our strict dress code. He got extremely angry with me and stormed off. Ten minutes later, I got called into our boss' office. Apparently, he told her that I walked up to him and asked to suck his toes. FML
feetfreak tells us more.
Hi. This is the original poster. 1. I was not trying to boss him around or be a tattle-tale. We work at a warehouse store and his job requires him to regularly perform heavy lifting INDOORS and heavy lifting OUTDOORS when he has to help customers carry things to their cars and load them. The guy was relatively new, so I was concerned about his safety. I thought maybe he just left the house in a hurry and forgot that he was wearing sandals. I've accidentally almost left the house in my running sneakers only to quickly run back and change. 2. I wasn't trying to be nosy, I was just genuinely curious and was not going to report him or try and get him in trouble. I am not a narc. We were making what I thought was polite small talk. Guess I was wrong. 3. To the people telling me to mind my own business: if you had toilet paper stuck to your shoe or broccoli in your teeth, wouldn't you want someone to tell you so you don't walk around all day looking like a fool?
Today, a girl came up and hugged me. At first I was frightened, but then I asked who she was. Turns out she was the kid I babysat for 3 years. She cried when she realized I didn't remember her, then threw gravel in my face and ran away. FML
haleymcaldwell tells us more.
I babysat for her when she was 3-6 and it's been a long time, years. She looks incredibly different. She used to be blonde, for instance, and now has dark brown hair.
Today, my sister introduced our parents to her new boyfriend. He's my boyfriend, and he told me he was going to be out of state for a few weeks on business. FML
Alice99_fml tells us more.
I feel like my post didn't have enough information. No, my sister did not know we were together. I had not introduced him to my family yet. Yes, I did break up with him. No, I did not feel bad about it. Yes, my sister ended it with him after I told her what was going on.
Today, the day before I'm supposed to leave for a long-anticipated trip to Europe, my mother admitted that she's never paid for it. She only told me she did so I would stop hinting that I wanted to go. I gave up Christmas for this trip. FML
MyUsernameIsBest tells us more.
Hello all, OP here! :] I must say that I am so surprised that my late night ranting on FML made it on the site. XD Well I thought I'd elaborate a bit. x] First of all, it was a trip with my high school AP European History class to Italy and France. It was all planned out, everything was included in what we pay online, and I already had gotten my passport. I got a part time job early last year when I found out about it to help pay for the trip, and I earned almost $850 to put towards funding it, as well as earned my own spending money. I had to give her the money because the tickets were being paid for from her account. I have no clue what happened to the money I gave my mom for the trip, but for the record she was not supposed to pay for the entire trip. A few days after I gave her the money I had earned, she texted me while I was at school telling me that she had signed me up for the trip and that it was paid for, so I stopped reminding her about it. She had already told me that if I helped earn money for the trip I could go. Secondly, the "I gave up Christmas" part referred to the fact that I agreed with my parents that I would be willing to give up getting presents on Christmas this year and the last to somewhat make up for the money they were putting towards this trip. On Christmas last year I got nothing, but I was fine with it because I was expecting to be going on this trip. They didn't tell me then that I wasn't going, they just didn't get me anything and let me keep believing. Thirdly, by "hinting", I literally just meant occasionally hinting that I wanted to go on the trip. I left the brochure laying around, forwarded emails from my teacher about fundraising options, mentioned it when my mother asked about my day at school etc. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a dang coward about inconveniencing people, never asking for things, never getting in people's way and always trying to avoid causing them trouble.. But when I realized I really wanted to go on this trip, I went about hinting about it, I wouldn't say that I was pestering her all that much. x] I did remind her about paying, but only after she told me I could go if I got a job to help pay for it. :P On the bright side, at least I have the spending money I saved up. :P
Today, I was quizzing a girl at my college, and I noticed that when she answered a question, her ears wiggled. It was cute, so I pointed it out. She burst into tears, and the guy next to me said, "Way to make her feel insecure, douchebag." FML
Tao26 tells us more.
Today, after working all week on a group project, I realized I forgot to submit the assignment and missed the deadline. I now have to tell my group that we automatically failed. FML
lax52389 tells us more.
lax52389 4
FYI it was an honest mistake and the paper was only turned in 8 minutes late...after some frantic talks with my teacher she agreed not to penalize my group and just deduct points from me. Lesson learned!!
Today, after hours of organizing and spending around $300 for my three-year-old's birthday party, I realized I forgot to send out the invitations. FML
NiteShayd tells us more.
NiteShayd 10
Let me clarify, since its very cold outside, I decided to rent a play area for my son and his friends. I was to send the invitations in his bag when he went to preschool, but I evidently forgot. The $300 was for everything, the cake, gifts, play area rental, food and a clown. I ended up making some last minute calls and quite a few people showed up.
Today, my girlfriend "got even" with me after an argument by telling people that I've been beating her. Three guys later came over to my place and beat the crap out of me. Her reaction: "I didn't think they'd take it so serious!" FML
JayDNut tells us more.
JayDNut 1
OP here. The argument was over where we'd spend Christmas (her family or mine) and I was adamant we'd spend it at mine after spending the previous at hers. No bones were broken (am missing a tooth, however) although I'm a maze of bruises and swelling. We're no longer together now. Thanks for all the supporting messages!
Today, I was escorted out of a grocery store for beating my boyfriend with a block of cheese. FML
cricketsins tells us more.
cricketsins 36
Let me give some details before the blasting gets too bad: "beating" was an exaggeration. I was not literally bludgeoning him with a block of cheese. I'm sure that somewhere, someone has done this. That person was not me. It all started because he and I were picking up a few items and he just *happened* to lead me to the cheese aisle in the deli. I love cheese; he knows this and was teasing me. So, one poke led to a pinch, and all of a sudden my cheese-rage took hold and I was swatting him with a block of cheese. It was all in good fun. We are always joking and wrestling around. While we have both seriously hurt one another while wrestling, it's always an accident.
Today, I was conducting surveys over the phone at work. As I called a new respondent, someone answered the phone, burped loudly, and hung up. This isn't the first time. I hate this job. FML
RidingCJ tells us more.
RidingCJ 17
OP here. First of all we are not telemarketers because we are not selling anything. Telemarketers are the ones who will not let you go and force you to buy things over the phone. Second of all, yeah I know those calls are annoying. We are all aware of that. Do you think we really like to do this?! I'm a full time college student and this is the only job that fits my schedule. Whenever a telemarketer or interviewer calls you, just say I'm NOT INTERESTED PLEASE TAKE MY NAME OFF YOUR LIST. and we won't call you again. It's simple. And please, no need to be rude.
Today, my brother and I got into an intense argument that ended up with us trading blows and having the cops called on us. Apparently I was "insulting his intelligence" by trying to explain that you don't make buttermilk by putting butter in milk. He's 18. FML
davincidasecond tells us more.
This is OP. So to clear things up, neither of us really got into to much trouble, we just got off with a warning. The argument started off with the buttermilk issue and then touched on other personal issues (that I won't disclose), which is why the argument got so heated. One thing led to another, I shoved him, he punched me, i retaliated, etc. and soon enough the cops knocked on our door because neighbors called about a noise disturbance, not because we started to get physical. We usually butt heads about stupid things but this is the only time it got so bad. I take 100% responsibility for what I did, yes, it was stupid, and I completely deserve it. He and I apologized to each other and put it behind us, even though I'm annoyed at the busted lip he gave me, lol.
Today, for the tenth time, my teacher made a misbehaving student sit next to me as punishment. He begged for detention instead. FML
WinkleBottom tells us more.
WinkleBottom 13
Breath or body odor isn't the issue. I'm just a quiet kid in a room of loud ones. I guess I'm boring, eh? Also, no, I do not stick my penis in fish tacos.
Today, I was at a family meeting about opening up a business. During it, I had an allergic reaction and my throat began to close. Nobody tried to help. In fact, pictures were taken. FML
cooney7 tells us more.
cooney7 3
My allergy is known to both me and the family and my epipen was on hand as it always is. I never knew that the food contained ingredients I am allergic and as I said, my throat started to close and I was struggling to breathe. The reason wasn't because they're laughing at me or anything like that, 'my face was a great shade of red for the company logo'. They did help me eventually by injecting me. Weird story, I know, but my family have a track record of being idiots.
Today, after being forced to take my little sister trick-or-treating, we had the cops called on us twice. She thought it would be funny to tell all the people giving out candy that I'd been following her around and that she had no idea who I was, and that she was scared of me. FML
PumaPounce tells us more.
PumaPounce 15
I had no idea she was doing this! My mom blamed me for not watching her closer. I thought she would know better since she's 14. Were both grounded though.
Today, I took my two and a half year-old son Trick or Treating for the first time in our new neighborhood. At the very first house, a girl told us we were too early and slammed the door in our face. My son cried. FML
Gtca tells us more.
Gtca 15
OP here! A lot of these comments are hilarious! Thanks for that and for those that showed us some support and sympathy. We started trick or treating at 5:15. Apparently trick or treating kicks up in our neighborhood around 6/6:30. Now I know. When I went trick or treating when I was younger, everyone started around 4 and people were prepared. Besides, how hard is it put some candy in a bowl? Also, some people commented about why a 2.5 year old needs candy, he doesn't, but we went for the experience. Luckily, we rebounded and had a fun Halloween after that incident.
Today, my grandma has been running around the neighborhood, dressed as Bobo the Evil Clown, chasing trick-or-treaters. All I've been able to do is chase after her, and apologize to the terrified children's families. FML
bobosgonnagetyou tells us more.
Hey FML, OP here! I created an account so I could answer some of your questions. First off, I live in Oregon. Secondly, I thought it was hilarious, although a tad creepy at times, but I just let her do her thing and didn't try to stop her. Most people thought it was great and took it really well. She had a blast doing it, and was simply pulling a prank, which is what Halloween is all about! :)
Today, I broke my tooth nearly in half. On a completely unrelated note, the Jew's Harp is my new least-favorite instrument. FML
Blaphlafagus tells us more.
Blaphlafagus 19
Kinda awkward that I play the saxophone as my main instrument... Ok story time, so I was sitting there in my Music Theory class just messing around because it was near the end of the period and one of my friends brought this instrument thing called a Jew's Harp or Jaw Harp. They said it plays by vibrating your teeth or something so, not thinking clearly, put it directly against my teeth and pulled the thing back really far and let it loose. I have no clue what I was thinking at the time. Luckily I'll go to the dentist on Monday and get it all nice and pretty again.
Today, I could think of more 'pros' than 'cons' for why I should start drinking again. FML
neonstarr tells us more.
neonstarr 15
Op here. Surprised this got posted. Sorry to burst some the bubbles but I'm not an alcoholic, I stopped drinking because of medical reasons, turns out I have gluten intolerance which caused damage to my gut, and by association killed my stomach lining and throat. Wasn't pleasant. Also I'm a chick. And since I'm better, I was weighing out pros and cons at 330am. If I ever do have a drinking problem Ill use some of the advice :)
Today, I found out my 13-year-old daughter thinks the showerhead got her pregnant. FML
catfan tells us more.
Hi this is OP. First off, my daughter is not pregnant. She has been going to school sex ed classes since she was 11, apparently they don't explain how someone gets pregnant in enough detail. She told me she's a virgin, though she thought she wasn't because she was "having sex" with the showerhead. Apparently one of her friends had told her masturbation counts as sex.
Today, I had a job interview that I was quite nervous about. During the interview, I struggled to get my words out and the interviewer angrily told me to, "Get on with it." I continued to struggle and was later kicked out for wasting their time. I have a stutter. FML
abcdefghijkl1233 tells us more.
Thank you for those of you who left kind comments, those of you who left comments of the other kind probably don't understand. I didn't fully expect my stutter to get in the way of the interview so much, but combined with my nervousness it gradually got worse throughout. After the way I was treated I realised it wasn't a place I would want to be at so I left without a fight. Also I'd like to thank you for the help methods some of you said, I've been trying to improve it and I'm definitely going to try them, thanks again :) In the future I will inform them beforehand! #8 Aha, good ol' game of Pictionary, never fails to start arguments!
Today, l grounded my 17-year-old son from his computer because of his terrible attitude towards his homework. As payback, he convinced my 5-year-old daughter that if she goes to sleep, she'll never wake up. I now have a hysterical and sleepless child to deal with. FML
PIGaming tells us more.
PIGaming 21
Hey all, im OP (although as my first time ever commenting, I hope this actually works!) Of course, in the end, my daughter fell asleep. although it was around 1am, a time I thought no five year old was physically capable of acheiving. You might say it was almost worse the next day, as she was very grumpy and tired! I forbid my son from attending a party (supposedly the 'party of the year'), and have spoken to his school who are arranging a meeting with him to discuss ways of bettering his homework skills and general motivation. Of course he probably despises of me, but I dont want him to look back on school like I have and regret he didn't work hard enough, let alone AT ALL. Thanks for all the comments, and hopefully I can interact more on this site with the community.
Today, the tickets I bought for my favorite band's concert arrived in the mail. The concert was last night. FML
MsConfusedd tells us more.
MsConfusedd 27
Although these posts certainly aMuse me, there's No Doubt I'm still pissed. The Postal Service in These United States is so bad even Twenty One Pilots couldn't get the tickets to my Neighbourhood on time. The Maine point is that my Simple Plan to see my favorite band was ruined by the Hooligans working as mail men. That's Sum 41 dollars wasted. I Solemnly Swear that this was my All Time Low and next time there's a concert I'll print tickets to make sure I can have Fun.. My tickets will be printed by the time I blink-182 times. Even though it Hurts that I missed my concert, thank you guys for making me LMFAO, this is the best comment thread ever!