Work: Today, one of the special needs teens I work with confessed his...

By BioChickthcfy - United States - Edinburg

Today, one of the special needs teens I work with confessed his love for me. It was cute until he put his erection on my leg and attempted to hump me. FML

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BioChickthcfy tells us more :

All is well, he was reminded to have "nice hands" as well as other things. He lives at the facility I work at, but I will not be working with this youth anymore. Things escalated very quickly and in order for everyone to be safe and be able to learn in an apparently less tempting environment I will be in a different location.

Work

BO Central

And today, on Dr Phil…

Dangling modifier

By randa

Today, I told my boss I was too sick to come to work. He asked if I had a late night so I told him I stayed in. Apparently I ran into him at a bar last night and was too drunk to remember it. FML

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By phantomthelabrat - United States - Fargo

Today, I was assigned to be the one to teach Grandpa how to use his new smartphone. An hour in, and we're still going over volume controls. FML

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By sunny_funny - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, my car broke down. My colleague came to get me and then, later, my husband picked me up from work. We went to collect my abandoned car, but it was gone. It took 10 minutes of me panicking and thinking it had been stolen before he crumpled in laughter and told me he'd already collected it. FML

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By knzknz - Canada

Today, I was asked if my bellybutton was an 'innie' or an 'outtie.' My bellybutton has been hidden by fat for so long that I couldn't remember. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/5/2021 04:01

Conundrum

Today, my best friend is completely head-over-heels for his girlfriend, has been buying her very expensive stuff and gave her the ring of compromise after 4 years of relationship. The problem is, I just found out that the girlfriend has been sexting with someone else, and is sure to dump my friend for that guy. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 13:58

Bad timing

Today, my best friend's parents posted her wedding date on Facebook. My best friend got engaged a few months after I did. The only wedding plan I have come up with so far is a Fall 2022 wedding. My best friend is also planning a Fall 2022 wedding. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2021 18:30 - United States

Compassion? At school?

Today, my house caught fire right before I was supposed to present a school project. My teacher told me to, "just suck it up and do it anyway." FML

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By rj - United States - Goddard

Today, my wife told me she was pregnant. I don't remember having sex since last year. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Uithoorn

Today, my boyfriend thought it was a good show of etiquette to answer a text message from his ex, while he was still inside me. FML

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By 50sStyle - United States - Hartland

Today, during lunch, I choked on my food and possibly came close to death when my boyfriend's best friend performed the Heimlich Maneuver on me, potentially saving my life. My boyfriend then started arguing with me over letting his best friend touch my stomach. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2020 17:02

Mind your own beeswax

Today, I saw an employee showing off a picture on his phone. I couldn't quite see what it was and tried to inject myself in to the conversation. "Whatcha got there, a cow?" It wasn't. It was a photo of his wife, posing in her wedding dress for the first time since their wedding day several years and children ago. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Saint John

Today, I fell down the stairs while holding some dirty glasses from my room. I ended up pulling pieces of glass from my body. Meanwhile all my mom cares about is the fact that I broke three of her favorite glasses. FML

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By Anonymous

Keep schtum

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. Last week my coworker, who I sit next to 5 days a week, returned to work after bereavement maternity leave. FML

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By Anonymous - Poland

Today, I was at the Polish border when I found my passport was gone. I contacted the last place I stayed at and the owner said he would handle it. I reluctantly agreed as I was being charged international rates. Apparently, "taking care of it" means telling the embassy I'm retarded. FML

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By Anonymous

Hmmm, nutritious!

Today, I'm in the coronavirus-vulnerable group, so I asked my friend to go shopping for me because I'm in need of food and toilet paper. They came back with a bag of icing sugar, even though food and toilet paper were available in the shop. Forty minutes later, the shelves were stripped bare. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2021 17:01

Name thievery

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend used the baby name I wanted with the girlfriend he’s been dating for less than a year. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, my mother kicked me out of the house because her new boyfriend needs my room. Evidently he also needs my credit card, passport, and wallet too, because she kept all three, while tossing everything else out on the lawn. FML

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50972

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By Anonymous - Guam - Barrigada

Back and forth and back again

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me over a stupid argument, but after a long day we made up and got back together. Not long afterwards, my friend called, feeling guilty and confessing that he had sex with her after finding out she'd dumped me. FML

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By slukaa - United States

Today, for the first time in over a year, my mother actually called me. I excitedly picked up the phone. All I heard was rustling; her purse dialed me. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my wife stopped halfway through a blowjob to check a notification on her phone for a game. FML

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2030

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By kirstiexoxo - United States

Today, I had a package stolen from my porch. It was a shipment of customized M and M's for a Valentine's gift. I spent $60 for someone else to eat "I love you" messages. FML

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By Average Lover

Today, my wife and I decided to go to an adult store and buy some toys to spice up the bedroom a bit. She wanted to buy a double-edged dildo so "we can use it together". I'm a guy. FML

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By amythest - United Kingdom

Today, even though she can barely deal with raising kids, my 19-year-old sister announced her fourth pregnancy, by a fourth man, of yet another race. Why? Because she wants to "be like Angelina Jolie." I fear that social services may laugh at me if I tell them. FML

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By anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend was about to sneeze. To avoid getting his new tablet wet, he chose to sneeze right into my face instead. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Carbondale

Today, I was complimented by a stranger, who said I looked great in my outfit. I thanked her, and she immediately gave me a fist-bump. I stared curiously, and she explained: she was arguing with her friends about whether I'm a man or a woman. The pitch of my voice was the answer. FML

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By Bubba - United States

Today, I bought a fish bowl and a fish for $15. I brought him home and sat him on my desk. Everything was going well until the shelf gave out and his bowl slid off of the shelf... onto my $2,000 computer. The computer is fried and is not covered by the insurance, the fish is fine. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Aurora

Today, I found out that my husband is the biological father of my baby sister. FML

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By SierraDiaz2097 - United States - Vardaman

Today, I sneezed. My boyfriend told me to shut up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - International Falls

Today, I was sleeping in after working a graveyard shift. I awoke to my girlfriend sneaking her stuff out of the house. She planned on leaving her key on my pillow and taking off without any notice whatsoever. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/5/2021 05:02 - United States

I did a sex

Today, my girlfriend told me that last night after I got drunk, I passed out mid-pump while we were knocking boots. FML

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337

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By malcolmXXX - United States - Savannah

Today, a girl I've liked for the longest time kept asking me to reveal my "deepest secret" in exchange for hers. Thinking this was flirting, I told her my secret was that I liked her. Her secret was that she was a "lesbian and just had to tell somebody." FML

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By Jgfenix - United States - Aurora

Today, I was with my girlfriend at lunch when a group of guys came over. They started calling her a whore and a bunch of other shit, so I cussed them out. Turns out she was not only cheating on me, but all the other guys too. FML

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By not a phobe - 16/7/2020 08:02

Misunderstood

Today, my son told our whole family and all our friends that I kicked him out for being gay. I kicked him out because on more than one occasion he got drunk and sneaked random men in the house while he was supposed to be watching his younger siblings while I worked nights. They believed him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - South Salem

Today, my boyfriend proposed: he told me the feeling he gets from being in love with me is the best feeling in the world, even better than the feeling he gets when he poops. FML

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48805

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By Nathanael Johnson - Australia

Today, after a fun movie night, I found a note on my fridge saying, “It was delicious.” I don’t know what it is referring to, since nothing is missing and we didn’t eat anything during the movie. FML

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1336

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By assante2010 - United States

Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML

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58273

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By KL - Canada

Today, I was at a club with a friend. A cute guy kept smiling and looking over at me. He left his seat and went to the bar and brought back two drinks. He waved me over and then said, "Can you tell your hot friend that I bought her a drink?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Metairie

Today, I was walking to school with my earphones in, when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I was shocked, and whirled around to hit him in the crotch. I soon realized he was just trying to return the commuter pass I'd dropped at the station. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my dad came to visit me. By visit I mean he arrived, took a huge smelly dump and left. This is the first time I've seen my dad in months. FML

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By Anonymous

With any luck, it'll be canceled

Today, I found out that my friends finally scheduled their wedding. The entire friend group of the groom, which I am part of, is in the wedding. Except me. If I go I’ll have to watch my boyfriend, who is a groomsman, walk down the aisle with one of the bride’s friends on his arm while I sit alone. FML

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Top comments

By WhiteCrimson | 23

#5754241 - Thursday 14 November 2013 9:49

He must have thought about it hard and long to attempt to hump you. This gives hump day a whole new meaning lol. Happy hump day

By bookieworm | 4

#5754240 - Thursday 14 November 2013 9:47

Oh wow. You just made my day.

COMMENTS

By bookieworm | 4

#5754240 - Thursday 14 November 2013 9:47

Oh wow. You just made my day.

adyb | 12

#5754265 - Thursday 14 November 2013 10:27

And my nightmares O.O

RoboCunnilingus | 23

#5754280 - Thursday 14 November 2013 11:21

Why nightmares? Op knew he was a special needs teen. Now she knows what his special needs are.

underthesea12 | 24

#5754287 - Thursday 14 November 2013 12:07

well we can guess what one of his needs are!

JMichael | 25

#5754295 - Thursday 14 November 2013 12:17

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

CobraLazerFace | 21

#5754359 - Thursday 14 November 2013 13:39

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

spoo | 24

#5754779 - Thursday 14 November 2013 22:38

I want sound effects :o

TheTacoMan | 24

#5755535 - Friday 15 November 2013 14:41

Okay 32 ill just let a random teen rape me....

By WhiteCrimson | 23

#5754241 - Thursday 14 November 2013 9:49

He must have thought about it hard and long to attempt to hump you. This gives hump day a whole new meaning lol. Happy hump day

whiteboy896 | 9

#5754279 - Thursday 14 November 2013 11:19

Everyone needs some lovin!

BradTheBrony | 19

#5754311 - Thursday 14 November 2013 12:35

This kid especially needs some lovin'.
Get it?
eSPECIALly NEEDS?
Okay I'm leaving now

By daniel_dd31 | 13

#5754242 - Thursday 14 November 2013 9:50

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

SimplyBird | 9

#5754414 - Thursday 14 November 2013 15:22

Not the best choice of words there.

\ | 28

#5754647 - Thursday 14 November 2013 19:41

Hey, what about "God gives special children to special people?"

laden_swallow09 | 34

#5754679 - Thursday 14 November 2013 20:08

61- Well? What about it?

cassbird09 | 12

#5754808 - Thursday 14 November 2013 23:16

This shouldn't be marked down. I agree with what you said. I think special need workers are amazing.

daniel_dd31 | 13

#5754903 - Friday 15 November 2013 1:45

84- finally someone understands what I'm saying.

By jaimie652 | 12

#5754243 - Thursday 14 November 2013 9:51

thats not funny idk why you said OP made your day its like your making front of special needs people...

mn_shr | 22

#5754245 - Thursday 14 November 2013 9:53

Making fun? I don't think he was

Ambient25 | 24

#5754255 - Thursday 14 November 2013 10:07

Woah calm down #4 I don't think he meant it like that...

By logic368 | 8

#5754244 - Thursday 14 November 2013 9:51

That escalated quickly...

DraconicFeline | 31

#5754541 - Thursday 14 November 2013 18:38

When did this meme become appropriate to use again?

laden_swallow09 | 34

#5754687 - Thursday 14 November 2013 20:16

It's like fucking on the first date. Kid put his raging bone on her leg and tried humping her. She was unaware of his romantic feelings for her, let alone had any feelings for him.

Wouldn't be my first choice for a reference here, but still appropriate.

noobienick | 19

#5756079 - Saturday 16 November 2013 2:59

That's not the only thing that escalated quickly.

By raytyler26 | 16

#5754246 - Thursday 14 November 2013 9:54

This comment thread is gonna get real fucked up over the next few days.

By Cupcake_kid | 5

#5754247 - Thursday 14 November 2013 9:54

that's gross.

cakefete2 | 30

#5754466 - Thursday 14 November 2013 16:38

As if the job wasn't *clears throat* hard enough.

By klol_fml | 11

#5754248 - Thursday 14 November 2013 9:56

So.. how big was his hump?

Rainhawk94 | 27

#5754370 - Thursday 14 November 2013 13:58

Kinda creepy don't ya think

mFUNdo21 | 17

#5754794 - Thursday 14 November 2013 22:53

*pedobear detected*

By paleriderdeath | 8

#5754250 - Thursday 14 November 2013 9:57

haha

ImAFaker | 29

#5754912 - Friday 15 November 2013 2:17

Nice comment. Where'd you get it? The... toilet store?

By IndieParadise | 4

#5754251 - Thursday 14 November 2013 9:58

Working with special needs teens is sometimes hard and in this particular situation, weird. They're also really sweet to take care of and I respect you for your enduring work. (Unrelated to your FML but I just wanted to let you know you are an amazing person (:)
Let's just hope it doesn't happen again^^

HanBroman | 20

#5754807 - Thursday 14 November 2013 23:13

I agree; we have a special needs department at my school and there are a couple of boys constantly getting suspended for this kind of thing. It's an issue that comes up a lot, as some of these kids have no idea what's going on with their bodies and also have no boundaries. others think its a game. mostly they touch other students. I've always wanted to work with special needs teens but I don't know how I'd deal with this kind of thing.