By kalikanna - 07/07/2012 06:10 - United States - Piscataway

Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML
I agree, your life sucks 35 905
You deserved it 4 223

kalikanna tells us more.

kalikanna 0

Well how about this. This tool place in Florida, not new jersey. Yes there was a hole in the roof but he patched it up pretty quick. Yes my dad is a redneck and it was a brown recluse so it deserved to die. XD

Top comments

Elovena 9

Wow, at least you don't have to worry about a burglar. :)

Epic win. Easy. Your dad SHOT a SPIDER. That's actually impressive. Be proud.


Elovena 9

Wow, at least you don't have to worry about a burglar. :)

pheonix1212 0

If he got a 9mm for a spider.... Would he get a shoe for a burglar?

MrBrightside21 20

Well who is going to think OP's family is crazy when the zombie outbreak happens? That's right, none of us.

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Before a zombie apocalypse happened an outbreak would be necessary.

MrBrightside21 20

25 - Your parents couldn't afford your abortion.

jillybee101 7

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Well assuming he goes for the extreme, for the burlar he would bring out a tank, crash it through the side of the house, and shoot the cannon at him.

The irony in 92's comment is magnificent.

I think everyones knowledge is from pathetic and horribly written Zombie movies... Except Zombieland, now thats a good movie... Oh and Walking Dead, ******* awesome...

TheVelocirabbit 10

Well, they may all have been horribly written because the idea's wrong. I mean, most of them have been underground for a really long time, so they might just want some cookies to eat while they're in their coffin. You never know!

So how did this get away from what to use vs a burglar?

Because you still think that carrying a weapon is a safe way to deter burglars from coming in your house ? You're just taking the risk of getting shot.

Very true. Where else would they learn it? Personal experience?

180 oh geez. Another "guns are scary!" twit. Yes, statistically, you are more likely to injure yourself by owning a gun than using it to defend against an intruder. However, such injuries are rarely fatal, and, statistically, driving a car is more dangerous to the user than holding a gun, yet you likely risk your life daily for the mere convenience of getting places faster. If someone invades my home, I'd rather be armed than unarmed.

This FML is about a spider yet there are waaaaayyy too many of you now conversing on something that is naturally impossible. Do you honestly think zombies are an inevitability? From my stand point I bet you think the boogie man is going to get you too don't you? You're all pretty pathetic.

#180 And I'd just like to point out that you're French, therefore you are afraid of anything that would require violence. You wouldn't pick up a gun to save your family from someone who doesn't care if they all die, case in point, WWII.

202: You're making a weird comparison when you discuss guns vs cars; they both depend totally on the stats you use. Don't forget: - Guns are designed to injure and intended for killing, whereas cars kill only accidentally. - Most car accidents are also non-fatal, and many of them are fender-benders with no injuries at all. - Way more people drive on a daily basis than fire guns on a daily basis. Almost all of those people spend more time driving than actively handling weapons. Guns serve a purpose and when handled properly they can be very safe, but I think it's dishonest to say that guns are always safer than cars.

213: Counterpoints: the French Resistance, the French conquest of Europe, and the fact that France has nuclear weapons. You know the USA would still be part of Britain if not for America's French allies during the Revolutionary Wars, right? Ignorant twit.

217 the fact that France has nuclear weapons doesnt matter a single bit. Many countries have them and yes I know that the French allies helped us in the revo war, but they did not win the war for us did they? The fact of the matter is, when the country of France needed to stand up and fight, they didn't. That was my point and I'm sure the ******* communist FML staff are going to censor me for speaking my opinions as well as pure FACT again.

Only if you kill them is it illegal. At least where I live

ThisIsMyReign 4

Sounds like me in the future. **** those creepy arachnoids!

245 If someone is inside your house trespassing and you don't know for a fact that they are unarmed you have the right to shoot them. If you kill them you will probably face a lawsuit anyways but you haven't done anything illegal so unless you have an awful lawyer, you should be fine.

What if Justin Bieber was the criminal and got shot... Then would there be a higher charge for the shooter??? Lol just wondering and yeah I know you all are going to thumb me down but watevs

92 - You seem like such a fun person to have a conversation with.

274: You kill somebody and all that's on your mind is whether you'll get sued? You're ****** up.

OP, your old man is a legend. He should be honoured with a ticker-tape parade, and have a statue created in his honour

In Alabama, as long as its self defence and the person you kill is still inside the home after death it's legal. If they fall out side, say through the door your in trouble. Just drag the body in :)

330: Man laws like that are why people think Alabama is a hillbilly backwater. Wanna murder your business rival? Just invite him over for dinner then shoot him in your own home and say it was self-defense! You can't tell me that's not ****** up. Shooting people is always ****** up.

Its funny how many replies the hot chick got for posting something reeelated to the topic lol and now were talking about zombies and guns

Ok so I'm not entirely sure what you mean by this but I think your preaching gun control and I hate you for this. I'm from Alaska and how many break ins do you think there are...yah not many. You wouldn't wanna rob a house when you opened the door and you found yourself staring down the barrel of a Glock 10mm. And I know it's cliche but if we take away guns from the citizens only criminals will have guns but it's true. So compared to a security system or calling 911 what do u think is gonna work better a shotgun or calling the cops and having to wait even 5 minutes for them to respond is tht really worth the threat to your family

Thank you I'm glad someone's not an idiot

I did not say that guns are scary, I'm just saying that pulling out a gun is taking the risk that the intruder pulls out a bigger one. But you are jailed for ever in your vision "si tu veux la paix, prépare la guerre", so I don't even know why I bother answering your comment.

deransc 19

If someone breaks into my house I promise you I will fear for my family's safety and I will defend myself with my gun. Most likely to their end.

Remington1619 3

You cant tell me that if u needed to kill someone to save your life or your family you wouldnt do it!

MarisaCB 16

I didn't know epic wins could be defiant.

The space goes after the exclamation mark, okay? Go tell all your friends, too.

In some countries, you put a space before the exclamation mark... Are you going to correct people for saying colour instead of color, too?

151 I honestly don't think that's the case. It's also somehow "trendy" to do that, along with adding extra letters to words. Also, no, I know there's different ways to spell words depending on the country.

xtra lttrs to wrds? It seems to be quite the opposite lately...

#227 - How do you know that? It doesn't say so on her profile. And yes, some languages DO do that. French is one, and I'm pretty sure Italian does it as well.

They're just being annoying little grammar nazi's. For all we know it could've been autocorrected that way and he didn't proof read his post. Grammar nazi's totally disregard the fact that some people are dyslexic.

229, people may call me stupid (they probably will) but Italian and French are different languages so when translated they may have different spellings. I think the main language we're talking about is English UK and English US. Both have slightly different rules and although I spell it colour I wouldn't go correcting people on that spelling but when people use punctuation wrong and misuse their/they're/there that's when grammar Nazis are all up in their bums! 303, just because people misuse/misspell a word does not mean they're dyslexic and believe it or not there are SOME grammar Nazis out there that will correct without anger and just do it to help someone out. :)

Epic win. Easy. Your dad SHOT a SPIDER. That's actually impressive. Be proud.

Dr0reos 8

Yea now you don't have to worry about burglars or more importantly.THE COMING SPIDER UPRISING and the eventual extinction of the human race.

Psh! 9... Tell him to man up to a .357 or a .44, the latter of the two will add a skylight as he goes ape shit on the spider!

I cant believe nobody has commented about that Family Guy episode where Peter was shooting at a fly.

181, you keep your 357 and 44, I will stick to my nine. Who has more rounds and faster follow up shots. Max 8 shots from a 357. My 9mm holds 21. Handgun rounds are not nearly as powerful as you may think. .223 has about the same energy as a 500S&W.

I'm more intrigued that it's from new jersey. Is OPs dad a mob boss?

"Come into my home, will ya'?" I thought of that immediately, and wanted to post a link to the clip, but I couldn't find it. ;_;

Huh, you can't win and be crazy at the same time? Then what the heck is going on with Charlie Sheen?!

Charlie sheen isn't winning though. He's bi-winning so that means he can be crazy and a bi-winner. OP, I'd say your dad is crazy, but, also a very good shot. But the downside to him shooting it is there is now a hole in your house with spider guts in it. That'll be a bitch to clean.

Yes, you can. look at politics. crazy people win ALL the time! forget political parties, crazy politicians win all the time.

I mean, did it die? Because at least he killed it; it shouldn't matter how.

Inheritance 10

If he shot it, it's obviously dead.

hockeyoceancity 13

It could have been a big spider and only shot a leg off... You'll never know now.

"Did it die? Because at least he killed it." Your question is unnecessary.

18 - Watch the movie 8-Legged Freaks and tell me you can shoot a spider with a 9nm and kill it.

alicexo_fml 8

Did the spider die after it got SHOT? Think about it...

I think "Did it die?" was rhetorical. And she then answered it by saying "Because at least he killed it; it shouldn't matter how." Still a stupid comment.

By that logic, why dont we nuke that spider nest in New York. It doesn't matter how we killed it, just that it's dead.

I hate guns so no. Not an epic win.

JustDerpin 11

well thats your opinion, I think its pretty epic

Hiimhaileypotter 52

11- I'm guessing you're one of those people who think guns kill people and that the 2nd Amendment should be done away with?

If gun retailers are responsible for killings... Spoons made me fat. Guns are the reason countries survive, they protect people. And they are hella fun to shoot.

melikeyturtles 3

We all know what our forefathers actually meant when they said the right to "bear arms". We can each own a bear's arm! Thanks Family Guy for keeping us informed.

As someone from the Netherlands (strict gun control) I can't really understand American fascination with firearms. Still I can certainly see why guns would be alluring, and whatever Americans do in America is none of my concern. However, firing a gun indoors (without a valid reason like a home invasion or something) just sounds plain dangerous to me, so I would opt for crazy over win.

APK2797 5

Its not guns that kill people, its people that kill people

hockeyoceancity 13

34- When the second amendment was made the guns were basically all one shot guns then you had to reload and the year was 1791. It's 2012 now ladies and gentlemen. We are the strongest country in the world. 2nd amendment was when we were still being attacked on our soil. We will never see war fought on our soil, maybe a bomb or two but never soldiers on our soil so to say you need an ak47 for "safety" is a bit overkill? Back when the amendment was made it was to fight off the people fighting us , we had militia back then. Times have changed... We don't need an assault rifle, a shotgun or pistol i understand but an automatic gun? Really? Unless you're a mafia/gang member i don't think you need that. This country is so stupid. When that bath salts "zombie" incident happened people honestly believed there were zombies. There were news shows being nervous about it! God damn if you believe zombies pick up your gun now and go unite with your other gun loving idiots and go on an island away from us all and prepare for your zombie attack.

xlasernoobsx 0

56- Wrong. It's lag that kills people.

Your grammar, not an epic win. Your hatred of guns means criminals must love you.

We don't need an assault rifle, a shotgun, or pistol I understand but an automatic? Are you for full automatic guns? For gun haters I dont care I won't protect you or feed you should anything ever happen. It's called being prepared and having an awareness of how things work. You assume all guns are dangerous. It's people who are idiots and criminals using guns that are dangerous. A gun is no more dangerous than a hammer, a knife, a car, a bat, or anything that can be used to harm people. If those who ha their face eaten off by bath salt lunatics had a gun it wouldn't have ended the way it did.

Absolutely correct! It's about time that amendment was amended

63- just throwing out automatic guns are illegal for civilians. You can get them but you have to have a lisence that cost about $800 a year. You have to carry it with you ever where you go and ATF keeps a good eye on you. I personally think guns are nessisary cause, yes you can get automatic weapons off the street, cause if some person comes to break into my house with I'm going to have a fighting chance. (I live in Louisiana so it's leagal to shoot a home invader if my life is in danger)

hockeyoceancity 13

76- I'm for shotguns and pistols ( No extended magazines no need for them) I'm against guns that are automatic or have a large clip of ammo. If you have someone break in all you need to do is get a shotgun and shoot once anyone with an IQ of 1 would run away from a shotgun. They are just trying to steal, not kill you ( unless you piss off the wrong person then that's your fault for being involved with people who are crazy) I'm done arguing on this topic though. If you honestly believe you need a gun that holds more then 30 bullets then you are stupid. Nothing will ever happen where you will need to pull out your assault rifle. You need a gun that kills (any gun) and a pistol or shotgun does what a assault rifle does. Kill. No need to buy such an overkill gun.

Fact is, the criminals that make everyone want guns to be illegal don't get their guns legally as it is. The crazy weird ass murders with guns would probably just happen some other way. I've avoided 2 muggings by having a gun (short chick = looks like easy target), so sorry, but I prefer not getting robbed and/or stabbed.

56-While that is a valid statement, the gun still helps. Really though, if you want to fix gun regulation in this country you need to first get lobbyists out of Washington, because the NRA is not going to let anyone touch their guns. I personally don't mind if people own guns, there just needs to be stricter laws and more thorough background checks on who buys them. I know you guys said that a lot of the criminals get them illegally and bypass what little system we have but we have to start somewhere with this problem. If we can't control how they are legally obtained we will never be able to stop the illegal ones.

TheSnakeDoctor20 17

Have you guys forgotten why a lot of people use guns? Hunting is extremely important, especially for people where I live. I agree full auto weapons are not necessary, but a lot are. Also, you can make a gun automatic, perfectly legally without the ATF knowing of you buy a bump fire stock for a semi AR or AK.

lamort_fml 4

The united states' obsession with guns is absolutely ridiculous and there is no way to justify it. There are more guns than PEOPLE. We have WAY more annual gun crimes than other nations based on population. You can toot your 2nd amendment all you want; gun rights is just another corporate welfare scheme worth billions to gun makers and that's why so much money is invested in the NRA and gun rights groups.

darthzerg 7
lamort_fml 4

Stop clinging to your guns like a ******* religion.

Drizzelhell 3

Guns don't kill people, people with guns kill people. Someone has to be there to pull the trigger, and regardless if there where no guns theres knives, swords, your own two hands, and many other things to use. So as long as man walks the earth there will be some form of weapon to make it easier to wipe out the enemy.

TheSnakeDoctor20 17

Are you forgetting that some people actually need guns? I don't support the NRA but people like myself still need them.

Ooh, this is getting heated. But you know what? If I want a gun, it's my right to buy one. And I don't know where this argument about fully automatic weapons came from. Nowhere in the story is that mentioned. So yes, if I want a handgun or a shotgun, I will exercise my right to buy one LEGALLY. Don't like it? Well, that's your right, too, but frankly, I don't give a shit. And yes, I have the right to say that.

TheDrifter 23

The second amendment was actually written to keep fools like you from using government to strip rights from the people. It is for defence of the people not from invading nations, but despots in charge of their own. With a nod to the fact they make hunting easier.

Do you know why Hitler was afraid to attack the continental United States? It's because he knew that he would be fighting against an entire armed nation. Besides that the people who commit those gun crimes are going to get guns and commit those crimes anyways. They are criminals, it is what they do. Having guns in the hands of good citizens is only a benefit.

63, just a quick comment. The right to have fire arms was also so we could fight government if need be.

"Laws that forbid the carrying of arms... disarm only those who are neither inclined nor determined to commit crimes... Such laws make things worse for the assaulted and better for the assailants; they serve rather to encourage than to prevent homicides, for an unarmed man may be attacked with greater confidence than an armed man" - Thomas Jefferson

116-It is illegal to turn any semi automatic firearm in to an automatic weapon in America. I understand what you mean, anyone can do it but if the government were to find out you wouldn't get just a slap on the wrist. I do agree with you about people who use guns to hunt, that's completely understandable but people need to be screened before they can just walk out of a store with a shotgun.

alisidewinder 9

For a full auto, you must sign your rights away.

TheSnakeDoctor20 17

Actually 150, there's a new stock, that goes off of your weapon's bump fire and makes your gun automatic, and it is legal in the US

160-Hm well I guess I'll look into it, you're probably more up to date on these things then I am. I tend to follow debates such as gun control and abortion less and less as time goes on, they're all trivial in the grand scheme of things. The more divided the people are the easier they are to control and these petty arguments are no exception.

45 is right, it is reckless. But americans "live free" and the founding fathers gave us the right to own such items to protect ourselves, land and families. Unless you live here, I could see why you don't understand. However he is one of the few who provided his point of view without trolling, to that I tip my hat to you sir.

Well here's someone who won't survive the upcoming zombie outbreak.

It is a pity that most of american need to wear a gun to feel " tough men" What if wearing weapons was legal in all these countries that YOU invade ? Weapon is for weaks

Us crazy people find the strangest ways to do simple things...

OhDearBetrayal 25

32- One does not simply kill a spider.

kriz_allizwell 6

good thing youre not luke skywalker "omg my father pulled a lightsaber and zapped a spider drone" " you will never know the power of the dark side"

DeadxManxWalking 27

**** the spider's life. Pretty accurate of your dad though, so epic win.

coolbrony12 3

So what should the spider say? Today I got shot by a 9mm and died. FML

KiddNYC1O 20

The spider would say: Today, I was shot in my bulging booty. I'm still alive but the pain is excruciating. FML

Or- "Today, I am a spider and therefore cannot type. FML"