By cricketsins - 08/11/2013 03:33 - United States - Smyrna

Today, I was escorted out of a grocery store for beating my boyfriend with a block of cheese. FML
I agree, your life sucks 20 608
You deserved it 73 605

cricketsins tells us more.

Let me give some details before the blasting gets too bad: "beating" was an exaggeration. I was not literally bludgeoning him with a block of cheese. I'm sure that somewhere, someone has done this. That person was not me. It all started because he and I were picking up a few items and he just *happened* to lead me to the cheese aisle in the deli. I love cheese; he knows this and was teasing me. So, one poke led to a pinch, and all of a sudden my cheese-rage took hold and I was swatting him with a block of cheese. It was all in good fun. We are always joking and wrestling around. While we have both seriously hurt one another while wrestling, it's always an accident.

Top comments

Excuse me, ma'am, no--please stop hitting him with the chee--ma'am, plea--o-okay it's time for you two to go


Excuse me, ma'am, no--please stop hitting him with the chee--ma'am, plea--o-okay it's time for you two to go

Imagine when the other shoppers called someone to break up the fight. "You're gonna have to call security. There's a woman beating the shit out of a man with a block of cheese. Please help him before it's too late."

this inspired me to beat my brother with cheese, unfortunately i only have shredded cheese

AntiPrude 26

@37 Maybe YOU should get shredded, brah. Then you don't need a block of cheese to beat your brother. lol

Brings new meaning to the old phrase "Give him da cheese!". I bet OP got him gouda.

This is by far the best thing I have read.

dca101 23

why cheese? lol probably one of the silliest YDIs I've seen.

It actually frustrates me that people think this is hilarious, but I bet if it was a guy assaulting a girl with a block of cheese it would be abominable. Abuse is not okay, ever

shawnasays 6

i wouldn't call that abuse, exactly. i taped my ex boyfriend together once. well enough that i had to UNtape him as well. and that was all in good fun. maybe they have a silly relationship...

She was hitting him with CHEESE. I don't think it was very ferocious. It sounds like they were just goofing around, and I don't think we should take "beating the shit out of" too literally. I hope you can see the difference between play fighting with cheese and abuse.

Thank you, dear commentator, for applying the appropriate humor to this story!

#186 Depends on the situation. My partner does that to me. He picks random item we will buy and gently slaps me saying "cheese/ham slap!". It doesn't hurt and I know it's a joke and/or to annoy me.

Well did he deserve it? Or are you getting the big fat YDI

Why would anybody deserve to get beat up? man or woman, NOBODY deserves to get beat up, no matter if it was cheese or baseball bat.

If someone is trying to steal a little kid I'm pretty sure they deserve to get a punch in the face.

What does "trying to steal little kid" mean? somebody drove a van next to a playground? talks with a child? those are not "trying" to steal. Or is it when he actually touches that kid and graps him? Unless you are next to that person, you wont even have a chance to hit him. But even then, you can understand that situation wrong. What if that person is that childs parent, and that child just simply dont want to leave his/hers magical playround. And so, that parent has to carry his crying child away. Would you go there and hit that person? asking whats going on dont really matter in that situation since anybody can lie and tell you they are the parent. So you think its okay to just hit random person without even knowing if that person is even doing something wrong. Self-defense and defending others is the only reason to ever hurt other person. ANY other reason? and it just your "revenge", not the right thing to do. We have laws and court system for that, if somebody did something so bad you feel the need to hurt him, call the cops, they will do their jobs and that person will get his punisment, IF he deserves it. You are not the person who decides who deserves what, its just your opinion and mostly your feelings that say so.

#62: If someone tries to steal a child, you'd better believe that I would defend the young ones. What parent leaves their young children unattended at a park? Answer: no one. If I feel like my child is threatened or if someone else's child is in danger, you'd better believe I'd step up. There are stories everywhere of parents taking the initiative and saving children from potential child abusers. Sometimes calling the police means help arrives too late. It would stay with me for the rest of my life if I stood back and called police rather than engaging the person trying to steal a child and assessing the situation. Most children can recognize family, so it's easy to determine if the child belongs with the adult. If I have doubts, I will call and wait for the police until that person makes a move. It's called being a responsible citizen. See, I can write books too.

Lemurcat 12

#62: You said, at the beginning of your last paragraph that self defense and defending others is the only reason to hurt another person. And yet you go on and argue not to defend children because we don't know if said potential kidnapper is their parent or not? I am thoroughly confused. Because I've seen every type of child's reaction (I was a baby sitter) when they are with someone they know and trust and they just don't want to leave the park. They act defiant and moody and sometimes they yell, but it's a defiant and sometimes angry yell. When a child is being grabbed by a stranger and being either carried or dragged away, they show fear. And who the hell wouldn't? Children are expressive and it's easy to tell if they're being brats or crying for help. And police? Honey, if someone is in the middle or mugging a person or kidnapping a child, I'm not going to wait for the police, who won't get there until everything is said and done. Yeah there are laws, but not everyone follows them. And sometimes when someone breaks laws to hurt other people, you need to do what you can to stop them. It's called being a good person. Also, what if some kid is being bullied? The police won't rush over just because Billy pushed Jack to the ground and called him a "pussy" Do we just turn a blind eye because the police aren't coming? Yeah, if you see someone breaking the law and/or hurting someone, take note of what they look like, remember their liscense plate, the car/motorcycle they were driving and report it to the police so they can find the douchebag. But while that asshole is robbing the cashier, you need to step up and hit that ****** over the head with the heaviest thing you can find. Because the cops only show up on time in children's TV shows.

So. Who took the time to read those 2 really long comments? Is there an easier way to sum them up without matching the length of a Harry Potter book?

Lemurcat 12

I only matched the Harry Potter books? Darn, I was aiming for matching the length of the entire encyclopedia (let me know if I spelled that wrong) from book A-B to Y-Z.

#62 started an all out ******* comment war.

88- You're comparing those two FML comments to Harry Potter books? It took me two minutes to read them both – if that. Just how much of a lazy piece of shit are you?

I know plenty of parents that do that leave their child alone in their playground. That playground happens to be next most of their home (next to mine also). I have walked past daycare center where there was many kids playing in their yard, and some parent seriously stopped me and started asking questions that what i was doing there. When my answer was "i'm just walking" and continued. When i came back, there were cops there who questioned me a long time, wanted me to go with them to police station for more questioning. Some parents are really damn paranoid about these things. Sometimes those kids even start asking just some random questions when you walk past them, and if you stop to talk to them, those adults that are with them in the yard come and "intervene" and give you that dirty look, and ask again what you doing here. I understand completely that they do their job and same goes to parents, but unless you know those people, you just never know. My calling the police comment wasnt about what you made it sound to be. It was about taking the law in your own hand, meaning doing something AFTER somebody has done something. Self-defense and defending others is always the right choice, but going after somebody AFTER they do something? that just makes you equally as bad. When somebody is being a bully, its not a police matter, seriously.. Also, if somebody is kidnapping somebody, most of the time they are armed. So.. you see a man coming with a gun to kidnap some person (child, teen, adult, does it matter?), you would be that hero who saves the day even if he gets shot in the process? Good for you, but i wouldn't risk my life unless its family. #82 you said this: Yeah, if you see someone breaking the law and/or hurting someone, take note of what they look like, remember their liscense plate, the car/motorcycle they were driving and report it to the police so they can find the douchebag. But while that asshole is robbing the cashier, you need to step up and hit that ****** over the head with the heaviest thing you can find. Depend on the law they are breaking. If i see somebody with a gun robbing somebody, i wont risk my life unless i have a gun also. Also being "internet tough guy" is not a new trend, most people do that, but most people dont know how to react when that situation really comes up. But think about this. Is your life more important to you than somebodys elses? Are you really willing to take a risk and throw it away? There are many people who are in jail only because they overdid their "defense" thing. Laws differe from coutry to country, so maybe in your state you can use even a deadly force, but i know that in my country we cant. We can only counter with equal force than they use. So i cant use knife against unarmed man, or gun against knife. It might suck, but its the law here. So if i were to hit robber with heaviest thing i can find, i would be next to him in jail. Now wasnt that a good choice to make? So sometimes it might be better for YOU to just take not what they look like, ETC. Since you have to live with what ever happens next. I have never called the police tho, i have never had to, but like i said, it would differ from case to case, you just cannot give one answer for this.

dca101 23

you people are analyzing this too hard and caring too much **** you for your walls of text

emirie 21

Welshite- the difference between your book and naketatans book is I can follow what you're saying, but his is nonsense. Naketatan- are there cliff notes to your ranting?

Naketatan where do twats like you spring up from?

michaelaranda 28

please stop 115. your opinion is poorly written and unnecessessarily long. please stop

CrazyGirlfriend 21

going back on topic of the original comment made.. I need more information before I say YDI was they playing around and she was "beating" him with some cheese and others took it too seriously? or was she actually beating him with it and others stepped in... my bf and I play around like that in public (never with the products though) and we both act like we arent seriously hurting each other when we know we arent.

8313girl 28

I love what you said too #67. Let's all just pray that 62 isn't around when some evil asshole starts grabbing kids out the park.

CaiDog 20

Am I reading fml comments, or english papers?

Man this whole thread was a waste of time and bandwidth. Smdh.

He probably made a really bad comparison....

He's probably not giving up the cheddar.

I was thinking that maybe he was being a Muenster and denied her the sausage, but didn't want to be that person who jumps to conclusions.

JMichael 25

I also would like to know why he deserved a block of cheddar to the head.

#80, i think you missed the jokes in these comments...

CAERPHILLY. don't make too many cheese puns.

savysnugglebear 10
AntiPrude 26

you know, for an anti prude you're kind of a dick haha

AliceLockehart 18

Well I hope you won't dairy to try it again. I can't imagine it would have been very pleasant for him.

Above: A textbook example of someone trying to hard on a pun for FML.

CommonSenseKarma 17

Cheese is definitely a good bludgeoning tool.

If she got to hit him with a block of cheese, I hope he at least got to defend himself with a bag of shredded cheese.

nnnope 26

well, what did you expect? I wanna know what led up to this. we need details


I bet he told you he likes extra cheese on his sandwiches. Not much of an fml if you feel entitled to be physically abusive. Poor guy