Black Friday

Today, the mall I work at started playing Christmas songs on repeat. It's the beginning of November. FML

Today, I bought stamps to send a letter. For some unknown reason, instead of putting the stamp on the letter, I posted the letter and the stamp booklet into the postbox. FML

Today, I went shopping on my only day off. The only aisle open was self-checkout. I'm a cashier. FML

Today, I was out shopping with my son and unbeknownst to me, he had secretly added a bunch of expensive games he wanted to the trolley. I was too embarrassed at the till to make a fuss as there was a huge line behind me. I watched as my normal £50 shopping bill climbed to over £400. FML

Today, as I turned to face the cashier at the supermarket, I managed to knock over an entire display of gift cards with my backpack. FML

Today, it's the day before my friends' wedding. My dress has not yet been shipped from the online shop where I ordered it three weeks ago, the hand-crafted gift that was ordered last month is trapped at customs and my cats have just managed to open the drawer and eat the wedding card. FML

Today, I noticed that even though I got all my Christmas shopping done a month earlier than usual, I forgot to put anything in the mail. FML

Today, I came home after doing some Black Friday shopping for Christmas presents. I told my husband I got the must-have toy our daughter has been dying for. As soon as I said it, I heard squealing and turned around to see her standing right behind me. There goes the surprise. FML

Today, I spent all day making preparations and buying food for my upcoming birthday. It's not for a party, though - none of my friends wanted to come. I'm preparing for the launch of the new World of Warcraft expansion. FML

Today, my manager made everyone put up Christmas decorations around the store. As well as this, we're going to have Christmas music playing on repeat all the way through to January. It's not even September yet. FML

Buzzwords

Today, my store manager thought that it would improve morale to talk in hashtags. FML

Today, my husband called me from the store, trying to decide whether or not to buy the new games console he's been wanting. I'd already purchased one and hid it, ready for Christmas Day. I couldn't talk him into not buying himself one. There goes a $500 surprise. FML

Today, I discovered my mom has been using my credit card to buy everyone's Christmas presents. FML

Today, I had to bail my husband out of jail. It turns out that in the Black Friday rush, he beat a guy up just so he could get his hands on the last of a heavily-discounted item. The item in question: a toaster. FML

Today, my dad is forcing me to go shopping with him tomorrow for Black Friday, because he's convinced that my martial arts classes will come in handy when people "inevitably" try to beat the shit out of us in the rush for cheap stuff. FML

Today, with my name sounding vaguely like 'Turkey' and being in the phonebook for business purposes, people keep calling, offering to stuff me for Thanksgiving. FML

Today, I was buying condoms but was a little embarrassed so I went to the self-check. I scanned the condoms, then a magazine and tried to put the condoms under the magazines to hide them. The store guy saw me, thought I was shoplifting and I was kicked out of the store. FML

Today, at the supermarket, a man collapsed. I gave CPR while the cashier called for help. During this, the other patrons were complaining that no other register was open. Once the ambulance arrived, I returned to my cart to find items removed and 40 dollars taken from my purse. FML

Today, I went out and bought a copy of Black Ops 2. I got home and opened the case, only to see the game disk was missing. When I went back to the store to complain, the guy at the desk accused me of trying to pull an old scam on him. FML

Too late

Today, I finally bought the expensive but beautifully stylish dress I've been eyeing for ages online. Ten minutes later, I went back to check the shoes the model was wearing so I could coordinate my outfit. The dress had been reduced to half price. FML

Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when I saw a really good deal on some bacon. Before I could take any, a huge-ass woman stormed over, kicked my cart down the aisle, and snatched every single packet for herself. And I actually got upset over this. FML

Today, the vibrator I ordered online was delivered. I'd paid extra to make sure it would be here before the weekend, so I could sneak it into my room while everyone was gone. My dad decided to stay home all day and answer the door ahead of me. FML

Today, my landlord came and beat on my door demanding the rent check. I just got home from a trip and my wife was supposed to pay it while I was away. What happened to the money? Black Friday. FML

Today, at the Black Friday Sale, a fully grown man hit my 5 year old daughter for an Xbox. In anger, I punched the guy and gave him a bloody nose. I'm now banned from Best Buy, and my daughter has a concussion. FML

Today, my boyfriend went and bought Skyrim, Modern Warfare 3 and renewed his WoW subscription. Looks like I won't be getting laid for a month or two. FML

Today, I excitedly checked the mail to see if my Halloween costume finally arrived. It didn't. I live in an isolated city, so finding a costume by any other means than the Internet was impossible. I spent over $100 for a costume that I won't even get to wear this year. FML

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating right after I maxed out my credit card buying him everything on his Christmas list. FML

Today, I camped outside of a Best Buy to guarantee I'd get a cheap Blu Ray player. My friend who got there five minutes after they opened also managed to get one. FML

Today, it's Black Friday. I got sucker-punched by some woman over a ten dollar griddle. FML

Back and forth

Today, I went to the new Walmart to buy a space heater. After dodging cones in the parking lot and trying to open several doors while employees looked on, I checked the sign, which said "24 hours." I then realized it stated that the grand opening is tomorrow. I'm now sitting in my apartment, shivering. FML