Today, my social awkwardness is so bad, I was actually proud of myself for managing to ask someone a question. FML
Today, I bought weed for the first time. The dealer was an undercover cop. FML
honeybadger123 tells us more.
yea it was purple haze
Today, I have two black eyes. The first one I got from the girl whose ass I mistakenly grabbed at a party last night. The other one I got from my girlfriend when I explained the first one. FML
Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML
Today, I got home late to find my dad outside mowing the lawn in the dark. I told him the neighbors were going to think he lost his marbles for mowing it at that time. He then informed me he wasn't mowing it, he was vacuuming it. FML
Today, the handle in the port-a-potty broke off, with me inside. FML
Today, like every day since my birth, my name is Spreme. Yeah, you probably have trouble pronouncing it correctly too. FML
Today, I was watching wrestling videos on YouTube, when my little brother walked in. Later, my little brother told my parents that I was watching naked men on my computer. They won't stop thinking that I was watching gay porn. FML
Today, I sat on the toilet and fell off as the broken toilet seat slid off. As I fell, I grabbed the light cord in an effort to stop myself, and pulled it out of the ceiling. Now I can't use the toilet, and have to shower in the dark. FML
Today, it was so cold that I had to put slippers over my slippers. FML
Today, in a large church youth group, we were told to write our current biggest trial on a piece of paper, crumple it up, and throw it in pile. I wrote "My mother's death and having to leave my friends and family." The one I picked up just said "math." FML
Today, my dad made me quit my online school classes and go back to public school, because apparently when I'm on the computer, it makes his video games lag. FML
Today, my dad was putting seasoning salt into his mashed potatoes, when the lid came off and poured a ton of salt into the pot. My parents hate wasting food, so we still had to eat it. I think my taste buds are broken. FML
deviable tells us more.
deviable 9
My dad is very sensitive about his cooking. If I'd refused he would have made my life harder for the next few days. I said I liked someone's steak a little better than his, and it was a year before he cooked another steak. We generally try not to hurt his feelings.
Today, I discovered my sister has a crystal meth problem when she set fire to our house. FML
Today, I took a major test, worth half my grade, not realizing that there were questions on the back of the sheet. FML
Today, I learned how much it hurts to put a mint up your nose. FML
Today, I woke up soaked in water. It seems at some point in the middle of the night, I woke up thirsty and opened the water bottle I keep on my nightstand. I managed to drink a little, but it seems I didn't manage to put the cap back on before losing consciousness again. FML
Today, I caught three kids setting fire to a bush. After chasing them off, I parked my bike by a house and went to get water. After I'd put the fire out, I walked back to my bike just in time to see the kids running off with it. FML
Today, while jogging, I realized my face jiggles more than my breasts. FML
Today, it's my 21st birthday. My parents' gift was a case of non-alcoholic beer, to "prepare" me for when I "turn 21." My parents can't even remember how old I am. FML
Today, I was attending my bachelor party. I watched a very attractive young girl dancing on a pole, giving me a seductive look. As she walked up to me, I realized it was my soon-to-be wife's younger sister. FML
Today, I scored the winning goal in my soccer tournament. For the other team. FML
XxFA1LxX tells us more.
XxFA1LxX 4
It was a deflection. It's not like I was stupid enough to purposely shoot on my own net.
Today, I watched Change-Up with my dad. He made us leave half-way through the movie, because he thought I was too young to watch a movie this explicit. I'm 25. FML
mimiani tells us more.
mimiani 7
I am a woman and it was really awkward watching it with my dad.
Today, I was over at a friend's house for a party. I was trying to strike up a conversation with one of my cute guy friends, so I showed him this funny picture of me that my friend took. His reply was "Hahahaa those Fatbooth pictures are hilarious!" It wasn't a Fatbooth picture. FML
Today, during my friend's group's science project presentation, the teacher yelled at me, "Stop making stupid faces at the presenters!" I was smiling. FML
Today, my girlfriend sent me a sexy picture of herself in my boxers. I thought it would be funny to take a picture of myself in the thong she left in my room and send it to her. She thought it would be funnier on Facebook. FML
Today, I was dared to walk home through a rough part of town. My rep hung in the balance, so I accepted. A kid kicked a football in my direction, so I kicked it back at him hard. It hit him in the nuts, and the next thing I know, I'm running for my life from three bald, shirtless, six-packed thugs. FML
Today, I went to see the latest Paranormal Activity movie with my mother. We were terrified and held hands at one point. The person sitting behind us thought it would be hilarious to abruptly scream into my mother's ear. She reacted by flailing and driving her arm straight into my face. FML
Today, for the first time in years, I broke down in tears, over a Hallmark commercial. FML
Today, my girlfriend thinks my house is filled with ghosts. She can only hear them when I fart. FML
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