Today, I sat on the toilet and fell off as the broken toilet...

By Sack - 10/11/2011 11:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I sat on the toilet and fell off as the broken toilet seat slid off. As I fell, I grabbed the light cord in an effort to stop myself, and pulled it out of the ceiling. Now I can't use the toilet, and have to shower in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27343

You deserved it

6053

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Does it taste good?

This is us

You snooze, you lose

By Anonymous - 17/9/2011 08:17 - South Africa

Today, my girlfriend gave me a speech on me "not being manly enough". I started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20250

You deserved it

51799

Favorite

By whereismyring - 28/3/2016 00:47 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my ex-boyfriend announced he was engaged. We broke up last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24475

You deserved it

1690

Favorite

By Krissy. - 31/3/2009 07:04 - United States

Today, my dad and I were at the grocery store buying toilet paper. As we walk out I see these two attractive guys that I know. My dad gets that I think they're cute, so he shouts "Hey babe, how's your stomach feeling now? Will this be enough for you?" They walk away laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75587

You deserved it

4961

Favorite

By EpicFail - 25/1/2009 04:25 - Canada

Today, I got a text message saying "I'm sorry, I know it's our 4 month anniversary but it's not working out, I need to break up with you" followed by her complaining that I never call her as well. WTF? I haven't had a girlfriend for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27162

You deserved it

2702

Favorite

By jc2011 - 25/9/2011 07:23 - Australia

Today, after months of grueling training and countless early mornings, I finally began the race I had been preparing for over the past year, only to slip and break my leg in the first 450 meters. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39157

You deserved it

3022

Favorite

By no good deed... etc - 16/10/2017 04:30

Well Well Well

Today, I tried to surprise my mom and wash her car while she was away. Today, I also found out how gross our well water is. The car looks worse than before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2834

You deserved it

368

Favorite

By tapeissticky591 - 14/7/2012 05:49 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I woke up naked, duck taped to the wall with no memory of last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12857

You deserved it

36343

Favorite

By Kaganate - 9/2/2010 00:32 - Canada

Today, I was sitting on the wooden edge of my coffee table watching my sister's boyfriend play Halo 2, when I leaned back to stretch and shattered the center pane of glass in the table. I now have a large gash in my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9520

You deserved it

25475

Favorite

By Ryuga - 11/6/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, I decided to confess my feelings to the girl I've had a crush on since the beginning of high school. We agreed to meet at Starbucks, but she was bringing a friend. I didn't care, because I just wanted to tell her how I felt. When I got there, I saw her making out with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60663

You deserved it

5113

Favorite

By NeoDepressed - 31/3/2019 12:00 - Czech Republic

Today my parents screamed at me for cutting my wrists. They asked me if i want a therapist. I said idk. Then my mom said "But wait its going to cost a lot of money".. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2100

You deserved it

585

Favorite

By Elliot - 22/7/2010 15:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I lifted up my blinds, only for them to detach from the wall, hit me on the head, knock a pile of paper over, spill a can of Pepsi, leave plaster all over the floor and a gaping hole in the wall above my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36011

You deserved it

4208

Favorite

By Anonymous - 21/9/2010 22:47 - United States

Today, I spent the entire day at school being called Meg. My name isn't Meg, so I started to get really annoyed and confused. Later, I found out it was because I look like Meg from the show Family Guy. She's known for being unpopular, unwanted, ugly, and stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39141

You deserved it

6538

Favorite

By hopeless - 18/3/2011 05:32 - United States

Today, I was talking to my dad and told him that I want to be a hotel maid, hoping that he would tell me "You can do better, you're smart, etc." Instead he said, "I'm glad you finally have a goal that you can actually achieve." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23131

You deserved it

33516

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/2/2011 23:32 - United States

Today, I was on the bus heading home from school, when I noticed a ridiculously hot girl near me, checking me out. I was about to say something charmingly funny when I suddenly got a whiff of onions. Turns out she had turned around simply to catch the essence of her own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37029

You deserved it

4743

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/5/2019 10:00

Today, I had to help pick a jury for trial. I had to do a roll call to make sure that everyone was present. I stood up in front of a packed courtroom and said, “Okay, I’m going to do a roll call to make sure that everyone is here and pregnant.” Everyone laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1428

You deserved it

597

Favorite

By Toloveornottolove - 12/6/2016 16:08 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend proposed. I was about to call my parents and tell them we're getting married, but they called me first to announce they're getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15036

You deserved it

1060

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/11/2011 10:35 - United Kingdom

Today, I got trapped in an elevator with a chicken. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33613

You deserved it

4222

Favorite

By Cece - 11/7/2019 14:00

Today, while bowling on a first date, the guy I ended things with 3 days before was bowling too. In the lane next to ours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1739

You deserved it

502

Favorite

By Gnomead - 12/8/2018 18:30

Why People Break Bad

Today, I got turned down for a home for low income people because my income was too low. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3015

You deserved it

189

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/4/2009 09:43 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of 3 months and I were in the middle of a heavy make-out session when his cell rang. Normally, he'd ignore it. This time however he pushed me off of him and said "Shit! It's probably my girlfriend!" I thought I was his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

161429

You deserved it

16332

Favorite

By cmoney6452 - 1/3/2012 16:17 - United States

Today, I'm so sick that I'm drinking fluids just to make it hurt less when I puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30072

You deserved it

2490

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/11/2010 09:18 - United States

Today, I had a job interview. When I got there, the lady interviewing me shook my hand and said, 'Hello, I'm gay.' I found this strange and I didn't know what to say, so I stated, 'Aw, it's OK, I support you.' She looked pretty offended, and I realized why when I found out that her name was Gaye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40729

You deserved it

18236

Favorite

By FML - 12/11/2009 07:14 - United States

Today, I held a container while a patient tried to throw up in it. She missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30319

You deserved it

3258

Favorite

By twofade - 24/10/2018 23:00 - United States

Today, after a year and a half of growing out my hair, I decided to get it trimmed at a Superclips. I walked in with a full head of hair and I left bald. At least it was free. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2735

You deserved it

306

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/7/2011 22:52 - United Kingdom

Today, a business man in his forties tackled me to the ground in an attempt to take my seat on a crowded train. When that didn't work, he called me a fat bitch and gave me the finger. The seat was given up for me because I'm seven months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60080

You deserved it

3555

Favorite

By RIPmyhair - 20/12/2018 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when he asked if it was okay to finish on my back. Not only did he do that but he also got it on my neck, the side of my face, and my hair which I'd just gotten done at the salon for almost $200 and can't wash for 2 days. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

2064

You deserved it

2030

Favorite

By Noname - 3/2/2009 08:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend out of the blue told me I wasn't fat, that my stomach was flat and it was only my butt that was big. I thought that this was a compliment. His response? "Not at all". FML

I agree, your life sucks

29797

You deserved it

2898

Favorite

By ticketed - 28/8/2012 16:04 - United States - Bronx

Today, I learned that several thousand people in my state got tickets this month for driving and talking on the phone. My mom called to tell me this while I was driving. I'm now part of that statistic. Thanks, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11250

You deserved it

36449

Favorite

By bdjsbskl - 7/10/2011 05:55 - Canada

Today, I was at work as a cashier. An old lady unbagged everything I had, and angrily "taught" me how to bag. She put potatoes on her eggs and broke them. She then screamed that I was useless and retarded in front of all my other customers and manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38474

You deserved it

2356

Favorite

By Hungrytoothbrush - 7/3/2012 22:07 - United States

Today, I spat up blood and had horrible chest pain. My mom still made me go to school, claiming she needed to take the cat to the vet instead of me to the doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35056

You deserved it

2389

Favorite

By BK2017 - 29/1/2017 22:00 - United States - Orlando

Today, after an extremely stressful day, I took a hot bath when I got home. I used my little sister's bubble bath to make it more enjoyable and relaxing. I then broke out in hives. I guess I'm allergic to bubble bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6087

You deserved it

619

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/4/2011 07:27 - South Africa

Today, I'm a student vet. Part of my holiday work is to gain experience working at a dairy. A cow came on to the platform for me to inject her udder. As I was bent over, she decided to take a dump. Onto my left eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45972

You deserved it

6177

Favorite

By firecrotch - 4/6/2010 05:36 - United States

Today, I work at a pizza place and one of my jobs is to spoon crushed red pepper into bags. After I finished this, without thinking to wash my hands first, I used the bathroom. It still burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13747

You deserved it

35314

Favorite

By sciencenat - 14/1/2016 06:36 - France - V?lizy-villacoublay

Today, as a natural science teacher, I was drawing a uterus on the class chalkboard. One of my students started messing around and being noisy, so I shouted, "Be quiet and check out my uterus!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

22771

You deserved it

5061

Favorite

By Terry - 13/7/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, my friend called to say my boyfriend was at a diner with another woman. I immediately went and caught them in a deep conversation. I slapped him and yelled "Who's this bitch!?" It turns out she's his half sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10578

You deserved it

88599

Favorite

By Juiced - 26/9/2012 18:46 - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend excitedly showed me his new juicer, and used up all the fruit in the house making new concoctions. It was adorable until later on, in the middle of getting frisky, he asked if we could go to the grocery store to buy more fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29337

You deserved it

3318

Favorite

By secretninja64 - 21/8/2014 03:47 - United States - Saint Francis

Today, I got fired after three days at my new job. They told me it was because of downsizing. They were still interviewing people and had a help wanted sign in the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40647

You deserved it

4845

Favorite

By al0406 - 22/3/2009 00:34 - United States

Today, I was at lunch with my grandpa and my sister. My grandpa looks over at my sister and says, "Wow. You're so beautiful." Right after, he turns to me and says, "And you have a nice coat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

65186

You deserved it

4190

Favorite

By butterbody - 23/3/2014 23:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a coffee shop. As I headed over to stand in line, I tripped over my own feet. I got back up, then tripped up yet again. Everyone was staring, and I was so mortified that I went to leave. I then struggled with the door under their glares before realising it opened the other way. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44844

You deserved it

6762

Favorite

By seriouslysinglenomingle - 6/11/2017 12:00 - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I realized that I can recognize each member of my disgusting family by the sound and smell of their farts. I can’t wait to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3301

You deserved it

354

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Mr_Alarm | 12

#3568649 - Thursday 10 November 2011 16:11

That sounds like a shi- *gets shot*

By Lemuel_fml | 5

#3568652 - Thursday 10 November 2011 16:12

I wonder how the toilet seat broke in the first place...

Comments

By chrissi3vintage | 0

#3568645 - Thursday 10 November 2011 16:10

Flashlight time!

fanceh | 10

#3569397 - Thursday 10 November 2011 17:10

Why would you use the toilet if you knew the seat was broken...?

xmayne | 0

#3569460 - Thursday 10 November 2011 17:45

Showering in the dark is fun.

leogirl95 | 12

#3569482 - Thursday 10 November 2011 18:01

Nothing is going right for you today is it? Lol

Keyman1212 | 14

#3569543 - Thursday 10 November 2011 18:31

Showering in the dark is as scary as seeing your obese parents pound rolls of fat together in an attempt to make love. It's like two beached whales fighting for their lives.

Gtfo_Troll | 0

#3569823 - Thursday 10 November 2011 20:44

Be happy OP, now nobody can see what you really do in the shower.

KiddNYC1O | 20

#3569918 - Thursday 10 November 2011 21:24

33- I'd be worried about sharks...

StephanieeeQ | 6

#3570547 - Friday 11 November 2011 1:54

Showering in the dark isn't a bad thing. ;D

By MuchDance90s | 0

#3568647 - Thursday 10 November 2011 16:11

Plumber. Electrician. That's a very expensive "Free" camping experience. How fun for you! :-(

Jdimp | 1

#3570526 - Friday 11 November 2011 1:34

ehh not that bad. just check around before u get in that shower... something may be behind you

By Mr_Alarm | 12

#3568649 - Thursday 10 November 2011 16:11

That sounds like a shi- *gets shot*

leadman1989 | 15

#3570323 - Thursday 10 November 2011 23:25

Who dunnit? *looks around accusingly

Spoonz | 4

#3570351 - Thursday 10 November 2011 23:37

*points toward a guy wearing a scream mask*

By kona314 | 1

#3568651 - Thursday 10 November 2011 16:12

That's shitty

Lemuel_fml | 5

#3568693 - Thursday 10 November 2011 16:18

Already used a post above you lol

Torva_fml | 16

#3569938 - Thursday 10 November 2011 21:28

That's..... Not creative.

By Lemuel_fml | 5

#3568652 - Thursday 10 November 2011 16:12

I wonder how the toilet seat broke in the first place...

cptmorgan6 | 8

#3569386 - Thursday 10 November 2011 17:07

Explosive diarrhea :O

clumsychik | 1

#3570125 - Thursday 10 November 2011 22:52

He was shitting lead logs again.

AshleighNason | 24

#3570488 - Friday 11 November 2011 1:02

it was the pixies

rogo35 | 0

#3570885 - Friday 11 November 2011 4:28

Cause they are to fat.

rastafunk | 0

#3574002 - Saturday 12 November 2011 1:00

65- are you fucking 9?

By FYLDeep | 25

#3568655 - Thursday 10 November 2011 16:12

Preventative Maintenance OP. I bet that seat was wobbly for the longest time and you never took action on it. Now you know what happens.

thatsphuckedsoba | 0

#3570828 - Friday 11 November 2011 4:13

It was nroke al ready

By Sebastian_NG | 17

#3568659 - Thursday 10 November 2011 16:13

If the toilet sit just slid off put it back again, I once did it when I was like 6 years old

By donnydrivetime | 5

#3568674 - Thursday 10 November 2011 16:15

You sound like a fat peice of sh*t and you have to be an idiot. Dumbass.

Lemuel_fml | 5

#3568703 - Thursday 10 November 2011 16:20

We're not talking about you or your mom here. We are talking about the OP.

By Blueglasscup | 18

#3568695 - Thursday 10 November 2011 16:19

This is like 3 FMLs in one... Fuck your life OP.

By melissaxo3 | 1

#3568700 - Thursday 10 November 2011 16:20

meet your new best friend: Candles.