By shootme - 13/11/2011 22:46 - Canada

Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks 17 335
You deserved it 58 495

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Top comments

ReesesPuffs 0

*waits for somebody to say that's a shitty situation*

flockz 19

sorry but they probably don't have an app for cleaning shit stains off your phone.


Oh I'm sorry, did it ruin your phone?

CabooseWins 0

That wasn't funny.

I bet they have an app for that.

I wasn't trying to be funny

CabooseWins 0


I was just curious

...I don't see how you can confuse toilet paper with a phone. Even if you aren't being fully attentive. o.o

You all are too serious sometimes, geez I just asked a damn question

m0tl3ycru3 0

That phone must be scarred for life

robincakes94 8

Am I the only one that's wishing that ShyAnn would just stfu... Don't take it personal, or do... Idgaf

rallets 22

i "call bullshit" get it? eh? ehh?

I don't care, why don't you stfu 54, I can be here too

A couple of weeks from now, OP, someone will call you and you'll have forgotten all about it. Then you'll wonder what that mysterious smell is that only makes itself obvious when you put your phone to your ear.

I'm sorry, did I break your concentration??

Stop when you're ahead ShyAnn.

Someone needs a wet wipe :)

unitedfan11 0

Please tell me how you managed to stick a phone up your ass without realizing it? Dumbass...

I don't think wiping with a phone- unless he then was a dumbass and didnt realise it was a phone and dropped it in the toilette like the paper. - would ruin the phone.

Likes how everyone assumes its a he.... A chick could have rasily pulled this off let alone a blonde one.

ashtonkay 7

Haha dang c'mon y'all let us all just be chill. Shyann should seriously calm down, they are only kidding.

DancinChikk 0

Yah, its really not likely.

127- that's very offensive to blondes!

How's the service in there..?

#108, Please don't tell me you stick toilet paper up your ass!

Xx_Dakota_xX 1

49- I see what u did there ;)

145- dont worry blonds have no souls... Or was that gingers? Op- man you have a crappy phone. Tehe

kurlyfries222 0

No it didn't ruin his phone...haven't you heard of the iWipe app?

Why y'all being so mean to dis person lik tbh I'm also curious if the cell got ruined n if y'all actually paid attention to the tone of comment you can easily distinguish the curiosity in it

197- Sorry, I didn't realize comments had the ability to talk.

56- sure you can be here. You just can't do it without sounding like a dumbass.

197 uhhh... what?

Haha dumb bitch

No, there's an app for that.

Thanks 197. 205, I'm not the dumb ass here. And to everyone else I'm not mad, I just think it's funny at how serious you all are about a comment!

No shyAnn ur still a dumbass

bitchslapped22 14

This place is thumbs-down mania

Look ShyAnn29. The one taking this too seriously is you. We don't hate you because of your initial post. People here thumbs down things that they don't find funny or interesting, whether or not it's a legitimate comment. That's just a fact of life, don't worry about it. We hate you because you KEEP on posting unfunny, uninteresting, waste-of-space-and-time posts. We don't come here to read that shit, okay?

269- You're a boss. Hats off to you.

DWilliamson 7

Hey...HEY!! Wanna hear a joke? Ok ok, here it comes... Shit LOL!!!!!!!1!1!111!!!9/11!!!!!!! .....i don't get it...

Keyboard warriors, nothing like ninjas.

clsgators 5

She hasn't been ahead...

ImFrackinBored 13

ShyAnn I think it's time to stop talking... Just leave it ^-^

NagatoPain 4

Amazing how kids get mad over FML because people ask the simplest questions and they go and thumb them down because they think we are apparently dumb to ask! Im gonna get thumbed down too! Just watch!

241 - troll mission fail. just go

145, your name and comment are both equally irritating.

iJeremyTyler 0

No. Shit. Sherlock.

ignore those dumbasses ShyAnn, im totally on ur side

emogiggles 0

Thank you me too they wouldn't know what a real smart person was even if one came up and smacked em in the face

ReesesPuffs 0

*waits for somebody to say that's a shitty situation*

GraveRobber14 13

You just did....

Let's all just shut up right now

*waits for you to make a funnier comment*

everett0826 0

Somebody already has...

markrs 0

What a: SHITTY SITUATION!" :D Did you see what I did there? There. Two overly used comments in one...

first comment I think should have just been "lol."

Anyone know how to get rid of these ads? I can't seem to find the in app purchase section, and I don't want to play fucken "fashion story."

freerun4life97 0

He has a shitty phone.

That'd be an awkward butt dial.

155- What about on the app, and not the site?

Omgplz 3

I was going to say she had some shitty reception...

#109 why did you say that in a reply to the second comment

What a *puts on glasses* Shitty situation Bury me thumbs downs :)!

So fucking annoying.

IronMaiden45 0

was it a metro piece of crappy shit phone?

192 Just because the situation is stupid and so many fmls have turned into "this is how I ruined my smartphone today"

RSX92 3

He was probably trying to make a booty call

That is a shitty situation :P -saying it for the person who wanted some one to say it -

ImFrackinBored 13

Prepare for a shitstorm of bad puns... ...wait

Ah crap! You stole my idea guys.

You know there's an app for that.

I guess OP has a pretty shitty phone now -.- satisfied?

flockz 19

sorry but they probably don't have an app for cleaning shit stains off your phone.

You made my day ^^

everett0826 0

That made my day!

DancinChikk 0

Ahhh! Thats a good one! :)

Blackmail111 9

Just cause you have a toilet paper app doesn't mean the shit won't stick to your phone

DancinChikk 0

Really though!

romanianboi 0

the bears can smell the menstruation

Darklord53 0

There's an app for that

There's a pony for that.

Wait... If it's a smartphone, does that mean he became a smartass?

everett0826 0

Well, at least your asscrack got cleaned up, just not in the way you expected.

Torva_fml 16


everett0826 0


Ignorance is bliss.

everett0826 0

It sure is.

EvilCupcake8361 9

damn straight

I somehow doubt that a mostly plastic phone is any good at removing shit from anything.

still using that damn phone?


betting he still used that phone to write this FML

grmnxsensati0n 4

i would just keep shitting on it cuz its already a piece of shitt ;)

whisperingeye13 0

This is why I don't risk wiping! More risk then reward!

jeez. way to be attentive. YDI

BigHoshJosh 0

Way to be a tool.

probably not what your sister meant when she told you to shove your phone up your ass

Now THAT'S a sh... okay, you know what? Nevermind. I hate it when people say that.

When OP talks on his phone, he will forever know that it previously touched his poopy asscrack.

I was just asking a question, I would have written something that's actually funny if I wanted too!

This was supposed to go to a reply to my comment, sorry this is in the wrong spot!

*to not too you double fail

175 - Please tell me you're trolling.

drewfus2 6

25-I can't think of an appropriate reply to that, so I'll just go with *facepalm*

There's an app for that?

A crap app no doubt.

tandem123 6

There's a crap for that.

Butt dialing is one thing @sshole dialing is another

DancinChikk 0

So true!