Today, I went to the gun range for a birthday and got shot in the foot by my mom. FML
Today, after locking myself out of my house, I let myself into my car to wait on someone with a spare key. It took me 15 minutes to realise the house and car key share the same ring. FML
Today, I did the smart thing and bought an umbrella before walking to work. My efforts proved useless when a truck ran through a huge puddle and drenched me from head to toe. My underwear was still wet 4 hours later. FML
Tadpolecrusader tells us more.
I love reading your comments, they are amazing :D I thought it only happened in comics that sort of thing too. But the sheer force of this wave actually made me nearly fall over (the road drainage pipe was blocked I can only assume). And living in Australia means that we are not used to much rain. But I sure was wishing I had taken more notice. That being said, I can also add that the idea of bring extra clothes to work because of rain is a fairly foreign idea to us. Usually its just a light sprinkle throughout the day if at all, so often people don't even worry about an umbrella, unless we know its going to get heavy. As for work, I don't think my manager cared too much, she just found me a towel and let me do what I needed to. And I have no idea if the truck driver did it on purpose or even noticed. But judging the position of everything, I would say it was unavoidable for him. And he was coming up behind me, so I don't see him coming to avoid it. 10/10 will be more careful in the future :)
Today, I went to buy some makeup. As I was checking out, the cashier said, "You're going to need more than that to cover up that face." FML
Today, I woke up to it raining. My area really needs it, so it's great. I didn't expect to wake up to a hole in the roof though. FML
mrningbrd tells us more.
mrningbrd 19
Hello im op. I live in california, so its nice to have rain. It rained so hard last night that there's a steady dribble of rain dripping on my bed. We're short on money right now though, so it'll be a while until it can be fixed
Today, my grandma is refusing to talk to me because I didn't answer her phone calls while we were at a parade. I was in it. FML
Today, I found out that the nickname my friend has been calling me in Japanese for the past year is the word for "Idiot". FML
Today, my mom called 5 times and I didn't pick up due to being in class at college. I was later called to the front desk, where my mom was crying. She said she was worried about me because I didn't say "I love you" to her after she dropped me off at college. FML
Today, I found out I wasn't invited to the annual family reunion. The reason? Everyone thinks I'm "creepy" because I'm the only adult who will go out and play with the kids. FML
Today, I picked up a rock outside and put it in my pocket because it looked cool. A teacher holding the door open stopped me and sent me to the principal. I was confused and asked the teacher why the strict action. She replied that someone has been putting rocks in the toilet. I got a detention. FML
Bugging out
Today, I wore a new shirt, but forgot to remove the price tag. It was kind of windy outside, so when I got outside, the tag hit me on the neck, I thought it was a giant insect attacking my neck. I started screaming like a little girl. I'm a 30 year-old guy. FML
Today, I had to give a presentation at school about King Richard III. I realized too late that someone had changed his name to "King Dick" on all the slides. My little sister later broke into hysterics and confessed this had been her April Fool's prank. FML
Today, I was sent the script to a play I'm participating in at school. After reading it a couple of times, I noticed that my part has been forgotten completely. FML
Today, it's April Fool's day. I had to take a CPR class, and everything was going well. We took a break and I went to get a drink of water and started choking. They thought I was making fun of the class, and made me leave. FML
Today, my self-esteem issues got me jealous of Superman's hair. FML
Today, an old man walked up to me, said, "Hey missy, you wanna see an antique?" and winked. FML
Today, I had to teach my grandma how to burn files to CDs. I jokingly said that it doesn't involve literally burning the disks in fire, to which she responded by slapping me and calling me a patronizing brat. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom taking a poop and as I started unrolling the toilet paper, the whole roll fell off the handle and rolled out underneath the cubicle door. I heard somebody laugh at me. Nobody helped. FML
Today, I found out that the creepy weirdo who's been sending me messages for a while is just my dad. His excuse was, "I wanted you to feel like someone would actually like you." FML
Today, I was uninvited from my own birthday party. FML
Today, I discovered that when my mom can't sleep, she comes into my room and reads my text messages. FML
ironwoman23 tells us more.
ironwoman23 10
I do have a password! She makes me give it to her. Now I know why.. And to those asking I found out by waking up to her next to me on my phone, then quickly running out of my room
Nooooo!
Today, I found my dad's porn stash on his laptop. I went through it for a laugh to see what kind of sick, twisted shit he's into. Mostly nude pictures of my mum, as it turns out. I can't wipe the afterimage from my mind. FML
Today, my stomach started to hurt. When I got home, my parents had company over, which I had to rush past to use the bathroom. After being in the bathroom for about 3 minutes, my mother yells to me from the other room, in front of the guests, "Are you OK in there?" I'm 27. FML
Today, I stopped by my local bar to maybe meet some new people. I sat in between two groups. Within a minute both groups got up and left. FML
elizacandle tells us more.
OP Here ...well to a lot of you, Thanks for your sympathy! This was supposed to be an emphasis on how hard it is to talk to people in the real world! This actually happened and u sat at a spot that was empty, I didn't squeeze anywhere. it was likely coincidental but it did feel lonely when the half of the seating area became empty at once. gets lonely pretty quick.
Today, some well-meaning soul told me to just pray my depression away, which would be about as effective as praying away a knife in my shin. FML
Today, I managed to take an entire shower without realizing my socks were on. I washed my feet. FML
Today, a coworker jokingly noted that my signature looks like "Pedo". I couldn't see it that way, so I asked some other people for their opinion. They confessed they'd always thought it looked like "Pedo", but never said anything. My name is Peele. I've been signing it off as Pedo for 10 years. FML
Quiet!
Today, while studying for a big test at the library, some idiots started playing hide-and-seek. After putting up with their snorting and giggling for nearly an hour, I finally lost my shit and told them to knock it off. I then got kicked out for causing a disturbance. FML
Sorry, man
Today, I shouted, "Fuck off!" out of reflex when I felt someone behind me grab my bag and pull it off my shoulder. It turned out to be an elderly man with a walking stick, who was trying to steady himself in a busy crowd. FML