Miscellaneous: Today, my grandma is refusing to talk to me because I didn't... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 105

Spicy

Spicy

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 283

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 123

07/04/2015 00:44

Today, my grandma is refusing to talk to me because I didn't answer her phone calls while we were at a parade. I was in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 787

You deserved it 2 053

Walk on the wild side

Waste of a phone call

Not a fan

30/05/2009 16:19

Today, I went to a barbecue and noticed a girl that I had be interested in. When I walked up to ask how she was doing I noticed she had some BBQ sauce on her face. Jokingly I licked my thumb and reach to remove it. It turned out to be a scab from a pimple she had popped earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 602

You deserved it 59 001

15/05/2011 18:49

Today, I purposely went offline on Facebook chat, just so people would think I actually have a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 051

You deserved it 34 658

02/10/2012 07:10

Today, I was sitting in the park with my new dog; I got her from the pound last week. We were enjoying the sun when I noticed that every time a black person walked past, she'd bark like crazy. Great, my dog is a racist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 942

You deserved it 3 168

Knackered

By bandeek - 23/10/2016 18:52

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I fell asleep twice during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 949

You deserved it 2 833

16/12/2011 03:16

Today, a stoplight dropped square into the bed of my pickup truck. The police think I was attempting to steal it, and my insurance won't cover the damage to my truck. There were no witnesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 230

You deserved it 2 304

18/06/2013 15:02

Today, I attempted to ask a girl out by doing a flash mob and singing for her in the store where she works. Turns out, she suffers from anxiety and the overwhelming amount of attention caused a panic attack. No, I didn't get a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 297

You deserved it 22 182

14/08/2019 04:00

Today, a soccer ball hit my car while I was going 75 mph on the freeway during my drive home. I still don't know how to explain it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 433

You deserved it 108

24/01/2009 22:09

Today, I am contemplating ending my relationship of 6 years. My boyfriend is too busy playing with a plastic guitar to listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 210

You deserved it 3 995

Fight Club

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 08:01

Today, someone punched me in the back of the head, so I swung round and broke their nose. It was some woman screaming at me for wearing headphones and ignoring her. She then pulled a hidden disability badge out her pocket so everyone thought I was beating up a disabled person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 376

You deserved it 230

Cognitive dissonance

By Anonymous - 17/02/2021 11:01

Today, in the same conversation with the same person, I got chewed out because our kids want to spend more time with me than her, and also because the kids spend too much time with her and she can’t work from home effectively. Can anyone explain how that works? FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 73

19/09/2012 04:40

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house. She'd told me not to ring the doorbell and just come in so that I wouldn't wake her dad up. As I walked upstairs, her father walked out of the bathroom naked. We locked eyes. I can't get the image out of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 769

You deserved it 3 581

01/09/2015 17:02

Today, my parents made me quit a school team that I absolutely loved, because women "aren't supposed to play sports." and were worried that if I stayed on the team, I'd develop a manly physique. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 857

You deserved it 2 081

16/08/2012 04:05

Today, I realized why my sister refuses to let me clean her side of the room. She's secretly been trying to revive dead ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 772

You deserved it 1 866

22/09/2012 16:22

Today, trying to be smooth, I slipped the girl I like a piece of paper with my phone number written on it. A while later, she slipped it back to me and left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 146

You deserved it 19 878

24/05/2016 10:38

Today, my friend, who I'm moving in with, flew up to drive from Pennsylvania to Texas, where she lives, with me. I went to the airport to pick her up and we discovered she accidentally flew to the wrong airport. On the other side of the state. I'm driving through the night to rescue her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 038

You deserved it 1 330

It's not what you think!

By Anonymous - 05/08/2021 14:01

Today, I bought my daughter a rape alarm after she had a near-miss with a creep following her to her part-time job. As soon as I handed it to her in the car park, she accidentally set it off and one of her coworker's put me in a rather painful headlock and threw me to the ground, breaking my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 444

You deserved it 109

08/05/2015 16:59

Spicy

Today, at a party I got blind drunk and I gave a guy a blowjob for the first time. I'm a 100% heterosexual male. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 155

You deserved it 42 239

04/09/2018 20:30

Today, I was so drunk that I pissed myself in a hotel hallway while wearing a dress. My shoes squished all the way back to the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 4 027

06/02/2012 03:14

Spicy

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing that song that goes 'I'm too sexy for my shirt' when we have sex. Now, every time that we have sex, that song is going to be stuck in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 908

You deserved it 39 811

27/05/2009 01:09

Today, at exactly midnight, I get a text from my boyfriend saying we were done. I had just seen him 4 hours ago when we were out celebrating my birthday, and asked why he didnt just tell me then. He replies 'I couldn't break up with you on your birthday but i wanted it to be over ASAP' FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 663

You deserved it 3 535

09/08/2009 14:33

Spicy

Today, after going to the beach with my guyfriend, I thought I looked pretty good infront of him in a bikini. Later he whispered in my ear, "You have a lot of hairs sticking out of your bottom". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 872

You deserved it 45 773

18/08/2011 21:41

Today, my husband bought me a cinnamon roll because my blood sugar was dangerously low. My first bite was easily the most delicious thing I'd eaten since getting pregnant. As I sat in frosting coated ecstasy, my husband snatched up the rest of the pastry and finished it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 408

You deserved it 4 625

07/02/2009 20:56

Today, I spent 600 dollars to have my brakes fixed on my car, they weren't squeaking. I got my car back and now the brakes squeal and my air conditioning won't work. I just spent 600 dollars to break my car even more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 971

You deserved it 4 844

08/07/2011 19:43

Today, I'd just finished cleaning the bathrooms at work when I saw a young boy go in. Of course, I thought nothing of it until I had to use the bathroom myself ten minutes later. The kid had taken a shit and missed the toilet completely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 311

You deserved it 2 639

30/09/2009 17:45

Today, it's my birthday. My best friend called me at work and offered to take me out to lunch. When he went to pay for the meal, his card was declined so I told him not to worry and that I would pay for the birthday meal. He looked at me and said "It's your birthday?" He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 176

You deserved it 3 580

13/05/2010 22:49

Today, my friends and I had a long fun day at the river. That was until sundown. I now have mosquito bites in places you don't want to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 750

You deserved it 11 327

27/04/2014 17:05

Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. My date took one look at me and said pityingly, "Stuffed your bra, didn't ya? Seriously, why even bother?" The douche then started trying to lecture me on "false advertising". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 802

You deserved it 8 040

12/01/2017 14:00

Today, I was enjoying my first vacation day in 2 years. My boss then called me to come in, saying it was an emergency. I got to work and got fired. Yes, my boss made me come in just to fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 759

You deserved it 592

01/07/2013 20:35

Today, I was working as a nurse, and an elderly man had just passed away. As the patient's wife was leaving she said, "Thank you for taking such good care of my husband." Then I, intending to say "Sorry for your loss," said "Thank you for your loss." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 242

You deserved it 9 324

26/11/2009 16:30

Today, I went to Disneyworld. I fell and hit my head while jumping up and down to see Ariel. I'm a 35 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 836

You deserved it 43 381

14/09/2013 00:37

Today, while out jogging with my mom, we saw my boyfriend walking in our direction. When we reached him, he took one look at my makeup-less face, then made a huge show of screaming in disgust before calmly walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 549

You deserved it 5 614

15/10/2014 04:55

Today, my brother and I were talking about Ebola, when he says he would love to have the disease because of how famous it would make him. Plus, his college essays about him "fighting through the disease" would be "phenomenal". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 109

You deserved it 3 606

13/07/2011 03:13

Today, my best friend told me to face my fear of cows and hop over the fence in with them. This resulted in me being chased by a raging cow, and thrusting myself head first over a fence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 529

You deserved it 15 706

16/05/2009 14:20

Today, I found out that my writing teacher entered in one of my paper grades wrong. After many emails, she said she can't change my grade unless I fax her the original. I need that grade fixed so I can keep my scholarship. I can’t find the paper anywhere. That one paper could cost me $30,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 682

You deserved it 8 640

Work anxiety

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 08:00

Today, I got hit by a car walking to work. My first thought wasn't to call 911 or my husband, but to call work to let them know I wouldn't be able to make it in for my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 879

You deserved it 77

29/12/2008 01:41

Today, my best friend invited me to dinner at his house. When I went to the toilet, I found my wife's wedding ring in a cup, which she'd lost a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 850

You deserved it 1 991

Relax!

By still sore - 12/10/2019 19:00

Today, after months of asking my massage therapist boyfriend to work on me, and him always saying he’s too tired to do so, I called my local spa to make an appointment. He then screamed at me for wasting money and for going to the competition when he could just do the job himself. I'm confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 110

You deserved it 166

01/03/2010 00:03

Today, my younger sister said that she was going to pray for her brother's HIV. I have Primary Immune Disease (PID) not HIV. School will be very interesting tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 886

You deserved it 2 009

21/09/2012 01:39

Today, my friend posted my phone number all over the Internet, claiming I was a deranged stalker who prank called her. I was calling from my new number to give it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 097

You deserved it 1 979

19/10/2012 18:27

Today, our kids left for the weekend so that my wife and I could have some much-needed alone time. We've been fighting a lot recently and really need some time to have fun together. Now it turns out that she doesn't want to be around me because of the fighting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 011

You deserved it 5 763

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Top comments

nsb124 15

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Tuesday 7 April 2015 11:07

Tell her that she called the wrong number, she'll believe you

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Tuesday 7 April 2015 10:59

If she's anything like my grandma, give her a few minutes, she'll forget why she was mad. And possibly forget who you are.

Comments

BaDumTsss_fml 23

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Tuesday 7 April 2015 10:53

Time to RE-MIND her (get it)

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Tuesday 7 April 2015 11:30

Nope.

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Tuesday 7 April 2015 11:31

No, just no.

bingalingading 12

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Tuesday 7 April 2015 22:59

Got it. Didn't want it.

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Tuesday 7 April 2015 10:54

You could have used blue tooth. It would have matched her care colour.

ironmany_fml 23

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Tuesday 7 April 2015 21:31

I don't get it. her care color?

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Tuesday 7 April 2015 22:52

Typo Should have read hair colour Blue tooth Elderly blue rinse

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Tuesday 7 April 2015 10:59

If she's anything like my grandma, give her a few minutes, she'll forget why she was mad. And possibly forget who you are.

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Tuesday 7 April 2015 11:02

Same, sadly. And probably keep asking you the same questions again and again...

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Tuesday 7 April 2015 11:04

guess she won't be making you food any time soon

A07 48

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Tuesday 7 April 2015 11:04

Sorry OP but you should just say sorry and move on.

nsb124 15

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Tuesday 7 April 2015 11:07

Tell her that she called the wrong number, she'll believe you

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Tuesday 7 April 2015 17:17

She's not an idiot. My guess is she was calling from a cellphone to the OP's cellphone and could easily look in her recent calls. And may have heard OP's voicemail pick up.

noberg 14

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Tuesday 7 April 2015 11:35

Tell her you were hungry and your phone was dead. She will forgive you and make you a huge meal!:)

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Tuesday 7 April 2015 12:06

aww that's so sweet to be honest. . she loves you and im sure will forgive you soon.

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Tuesday 7 April 2015 12:08

i'm not sure i would do, maybe apologize and tell her to understand that you definitely would have answered her call if you weren't busy making her proud during the parade

writerchic85 25

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Tuesday 7 April 2015 12:13

Did she know you were in the parade?