Today, I had to teach my grandma how to burn files to CDs. I...

By shamwazzlefarznarfnarfwoofbaaa - 29/3/2015 14:03 - United States - Bronx

Today, I had to teach my grandma how to burn files to CDs. I jokingly said that it doesn't involve literally burning the disks in fire, to which she responded by slapping me and calling me a patronizing brat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25894

You deserved it

14050

Favorite

Miscellaneous

The opposite of a good idea

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Who's a good boy?

By Isabell - 6/2/2010 05:31 - Australia

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23551

You deserved it

5812

Favorite

By RyanM - 13/2/2011 09:01 - Canada

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17919

You deserved it

64480

Favorite

By screaming monkey - 4/4/2012 10:13 - United Kingdom - Whitton

Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34162

You deserved it

2086

Favorite

By Zuzubat - 5/9/2013 23:29 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, a soon-to-be-ex co-worker flew into a rage when she saw she wasn't on the schedule for next week. The boss told her it's because she quit. She reminded the boss she wants to keep working part-time. My new job is inventing tasks for her to do to keep her calm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40078

You deserved it

2552

Favorite

By ididn'tevendoanythingwrong - 10/2/2015 18:05 - United States - Tampa

Today, my roommates told me they want me to move out of our apartment. We would have never gotten the apartment without my credit score, and most of the furniture is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36952

You deserved it

2748

Favorite

By xo007 - 4/11/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, as I stepped into the shower, I slipped and fell over the edge of the tub, pulling the shower curtain down with me. I called my roommate to help me up as I put on a towel over me. But before she could help me up, she grabbed her phone to take a picture. The picture became a mass text. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32645

You deserved it

3720

Favorite

By yeahhhhhommmie - 18/9/2011 09:20 - United States

Today, I was at Wal-Mart walking around when I slipped on some water and twisted my ankle. As I was getting up, a man comes up to me and said "There's some water on the floor, watch out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29930

You deserved it

3498

Favorite

By Cyrah - 16/7/2019 18:15 - United States

Today, I got rejected from participating in a depression study that provides free medication, for not already being on antidepressants. That's because I can't afford health insurance or medication, which is why I applied to the study. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2151

You deserved it

131

Favorite

By TheSaddestSpiceMeatball - 30/10/2019 16:00

Happy Reset Day!

Today, it was mine and my fiancé's 4 year anniversary. What did he get me? Nothing, but I did find out he's been cheating on me with multiple women. Guess I’m back to 0 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1953

You deserved it

138

Favorite

By IndianAngel96 - 29/10/2012 22:39 - United States - Houston

Today, while in a pharmacy, I walked over to the shaving cream aisle. I picked up a can to smell it and unknowingly pushed the button, spraying an old guy in front of me. He freaked out and started telling everyone that the ceiling above him was leaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11457

You deserved it

17212

Favorite

By KenzoBVB - 2/9/2015 03:55 - Canada

Today, I went to the orthodontist, and found out when I was supposed to get my braces off. His exact words, "You'll get them off around Christmas... but we're not sure what year." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25004

You deserved it

1711

Favorite

By absentmindedmoron - 27/9/2009 15:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking whilst texting. I thought I was going in a straight line but I ended up walking right into an open phone booth. A woman was inside making a phone call. I lost my balance, pinning her up against the wall. She thought I was attacking her and clobbered me with the receiver. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10512

You deserved it

51307

Favorite

By someonevexed - 1/2/2009 19:01 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend called me by his mother's name for the 100th time. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38909

You deserved it

10149

Favorite

By screwed - 8/2/2012 01:40 - United States

Today, my dad finally met my girlfriend. Unfortunately, he was driving the ambulance that she was in, due to severe alcohol poisoning and was on the way to the hospital to have her stomach pumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28995

You deserved it

7592

Favorite

By blank13 - 9/8/2009 01:41 - United States

Today, I went to Knott's Berry Farm with my girlfriend. After we got off of Supreme Scream, the ride attendant asked her, "How was it?" She pointed to me and said, "It's like sex with this man, my boyfriend; intense, then disappointing because it only lasts like 30 seconds." FML

I agree, your life sucks

56436

You deserved it

12353

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/7/2009 23:04 - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of 3 years. I got reservations for a romantic dinner, and at the end, fireworks would spell out my proposal. The whole thing had taken weeks to plan out and had cost me a lot of money. She proposed to me at a subway station first. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58716

You deserved it

8966

Favorite

By juanjohnfml - 11/8/2011 08:17 - United States

Today, I bought a $300 gym membership that gives me access to the company's non-premium gyms. The non-premium gyms are all closed due to construction, because they're being turned into premium gyms. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33806

You deserved it

7725

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/1/2011 05:29 - Canada

Today, I went out for New Year's. When I got back, I found my house had been broken into. I found a note saying, "Happy New Year, sucker." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35914

You deserved it

2898

Favorite

By mikeycoco - 20/5/2011 14:39

Today, I got motion sickness while having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44132

You deserved it

6850

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/3/2015 16:11 - United States - Janesville

Today, my instructor turned up late to get me for my driving test. I soon realized something was seriously wrong. Turned out his wife left him last night, and he'd been drinking the pain away all morning. He ended up rear-ending another car, and now I have to reschedule my test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33343

You deserved it

2589

Favorite

By Invisible - 22/5/2009 19:27 - Switzerland

Today, I worked up the courage to comment on my crush's picture. I wrote "Cool picture" on his facebook profile picture. Pleased with myself, I later logged on to see if he had replied. He had. Well, at least he took the time to reply- "Who the fuck are you?". FML

I agree, your life sucks

57619

You deserved it

12108

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 17:22 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend's 4-year-old son and four of his friends to the amusement park. While walking down a hill, I slipped on some water and slid down the hill, taking out multiple children. It wasn't rain. I'd slid on vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41134

You deserved it

3241

Favorite

By Saw - 11/2/2012 02:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I was walking down the street, when a car started cruising alongside me. I looked over, annoyed, at which point the driver started screaming obscenities and telling me that I'm "gonna get it" for "betraying" him, before angrily speeding off. I'm too scared to even sleep now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25528

You deserved it

2622

Favorite

By Anonymous - 19/1/2011 03:08 - Singapore

Today, my sister used my mobile phone to call her boyfriend who is married with children. His wife found my number on his phone and thinks that I am my sister. Since then, she has been calling me non-stop, calling me a 'prostitute' each time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32944

You deserved it

5393

Favorite

By Nic - 17/11/2009 06:34 - United States

Today, after sleeping in, I finally sorted through a stack of mail I had been putting off and I found a Jury summons. Thinking it must be coming up soon, I checked the date, my appearance is scheduled for 7:45am on November 16th. Today is November 17th. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8594

You deserved it

41080

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/4/2013 19:53 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I got caught masturbating, twice, by the same person. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37191

You deserved it

75431

Favorite

By creepedasfuck - 23/9/2012 16:50 - United States - Limington

Today, my step-brother had some serious bowel distress and rushed to the bathroom. Because he forgot to quit his group chat with his buddies, I quickly found out that the reason he's so over-protective, and hostile to my male friends, is because he wants to get into my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31018

You deserved it

2355

Favorite

By Shone - 15/4/2012 23:39 - Canada - Grand Forks

Today, I had to get stitches on my foot and was then forced to wear a plastic bag on my foot while showering. The plastic bag made me slip in the shower and had to go back and get stitches in my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31593

You deserved it

3818

Favorite

By fml9124 - 20/3/2020 18:00

Quick reflexes

Today, my girlfriend's 8-year-old daughter decided that I'm going to marry her mom and send her to an orphanage. I blurted out, "Marriage?! No one's talking about marriage!" Now my girlfriend is mad at me, and her daughter is still scared of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1461

You deserved it

592

Favorite

By Sawarski - 7/1/2013 20:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32527

You deserved it

3269

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/9/2012 20:27 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29433

You deserved it

2561

Favorite

By foreveralone - 9/6/2015 15:15 - Australia - Perth

Today, someone finally told me that they couldn't live without me and that they love me more than anything. It was a student in my year 1 class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26159

You deserved it

2202

Favorite

By DaddysGirl - 16/10/2011 10:36 - Canada

Today, I took the train to visit my parents, which arrives late at night. As I was getting off, the cute guy in front of me looked out the window, then turned to me and said, "Doesn't that guy out there give you the creeps?" That guy was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33280

You deserved it

2588

Favorite

By Brokenheartz - 9/2/2012 09:49 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months told me he was not going to celebrate Valentine's day because it was a "capitalistic consumerism holiday". He works in a bank and helps "capitalism consumerism" 364 days a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26350

You deserved it

5225

Favorite

By dust - 27/1/2012 06:54 - Japan

Today, I found out that due to the fact that I got divorced, the insurance for my car is going up. A year after she took everything, she is still costing me money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28882

You deserved it

3305

Favorite

By MyS3lf - 19/4/2011 02:33 - United States

Today, I woke up to a strange sound that sounded like a lot of water being poured into a sink. It was actually my father in law using the bathtub as a toilet. He's staying with us, and is showing no signs of leaving any time soon. He thinks this is acceptable behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31997

You deserved it

3295

Favorite

By lastinclass - 13/7/2016 21:28 - Canada - Vancouver

Today at camp, we were choosing teams for capture the flag. It's embarrassing to be chosen last, but today I learnt it's even more embarrassing to not be chosen at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14080

You deserved it

1035

Favorite

By distressed - 5/11/2010 23:36 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend started his first day of work. After saying our goodbyes, I went into our bedroom to get changed, picked up one of my blouses and found a camera, still recording. I guess someone has major trust issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31360

You deserved it

4059

Favorite

By medik - 23/2/2010 12:51 - United States

Today, I went over to my girlfriend's parents house for dinner. This was the first time I was meeting them, so I bought a $70 bottle of red wine to try and impress them. I tried to be smooth while popping the cork. I did, but the bottle slipped and red wine poured onto their white carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29777

You deserved it

8110

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/9/2010 18:09 - Greece

Today, my family and I attended a pool party. I never learned to swim, so I didn't bring a suit. When someone asked why I wasn't in the pool, my sister replied in a loud voice, "She's on her period and didn't want the pool to get dirty!" Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36072

You deserved it

4662

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By pandamimo | 5

#6247126 - Monday 30 March 2015 0:15

Grandma don't take none of your shit

By lexiieeex3 | 32

#6247117 - Monday 30 March 2015 0:12

Well now ya know not to sass grandma.

Comments

By lexiieeex3 | 32

#6247117 - Monday 30 March 2015 0:12

Well now ya know not to sass grandma.

By pandamimo | 5

#6247126 - Monday 30 March 2015 0:15

Grandma don't take none of your shit

By skye147 | 20

#6247128 - Monday 30 March 2015 0:15

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

TheCookieComet | 23

#6247168 - Monday 30 March 2015 0:51

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Mermaidhead | 13

#6248087 - Tuesday 31 March 2015 1:01

the sloth strikes again

skye147 | 20

#6248097 - Tuesday 31 March 2015 1:15

Uhhm..?

skye147 | 20

#6248099 - Tuesday 31 March 2015 1:16

Thanks dude. Didn't see this until today.

fabcade | 14

#6248171 - Tuesday 31 March 2015 3:05

How was this negative you said almost the same thing as the two before you.

HighasaCloud | 46

#6248588 - Tuesday 31 March 2015 16:43

That's exactly why; it's lacking originality.

By XxDanno316xX | 27

#6247132 - Monday 30 March 2015 0:16

I bet my grandma would do the same. Gotta show some respect.

By ETwilleatyou | 11

#6247135 - Monday 30 March 2015 0:17

Let her figure it out on her own then. Better luck next time, OP

By TheLadyOpal | 30

#6247139 - Monday 30 March 2015 0:22

I'd have walked away at that point. It's disgusting that people think they can get away with that type of behavior just because they're old.

kylieh72 | 25

#6247164 - Monday 30 March 2015 0:45

She likely felt disrespected by the op's joke, and while the slap may have been a little overboard it probably wasn't very painful or entirely unwarranted.