Today, I was in a public restroom taking a poop and as I started...

By ToiletRoll - Australia - Frankston

Today, I was in a public restroom taking a poop and as I started unrolling the toilet paper, the whole roll fell off the handle and rolled out underneath the cubicle door. I heard somebody laugh at me. Nobody helped. FML

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Miscellaneous

And today, on Dr Phil…

Family values

Coherence dude, do you have it?

By the attention seeker - United States - North Miami Beach

Today my mother met my in-laws for the first time. She had been an alcoholic and had us sent to foster care 15 years ago. My husband told his parents this behind my back a while ago. When they asked her about it, she denied everything. His entire family now thinks I lie for attention. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Box Hill South

Today, in thanks for my assistance, a customer recommended me a plastic surgeon who could "really help with that face." FML

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By terrifiedanon - United States - Denver

Today, I was at a house party and a guy needed a ride somewhere. Our designated driver, being the nice person she is, offered. I was in the back seat with him. His first words were, "Hey guys! I want to clear this awkwardness so… I once saw a 6-year-old girl die during a drive by I was on." FML

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By Read The Fine Print - United States - Sylmar

Today, I got into a car accident. The guy wouldn't give me his information, but instead stood there saying, "Like a good neighbor, Statefarm is there." FML

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By Anonymous

Dr House

Today, I was trying to ease off a caffeine headache. I ended up getting a Brain Freeze. FML

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By Theguyinthedark - Bangladesh

Today, my roommate and I were watching TV, and he ordered a pizza. After it was delivered, I took a slice. He yelled at me for taking his food and told me to stop mooching off him. I had to cover his rent last month and he still hasn't paid me back. FML

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By serendipity1027 - France

Today, while my boyfriend and I were fighting in the car, I paused to take a bite of my burrito. Just at that moment, he slammed on the brakes, causing me to deepthroat my burrito. I threw up all over myself. He won the argument. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on the bus going to formal for my sorority. I was sitting in the 5th row of the bus when I felt raindrops on my face coming through the open window. I then realized it wasn't raining, but the girl in the 1st row was throwing up out her window and it was coming back in through my window. FML

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By scared shitless in ohio - United States - Dublin

Today, I decided to be friendly and say hi to the weird kid at school, who was sitting by himself eating lunch. After I said hello, he stared up at me intensely and said, "I don't have many friends. Yeah. Mainly 'cause I've eaten most of them." FML

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By ApparentlyIFail - France

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me so she could "let her life flow in the direction she wants." Apparently that includes smoking, stealing and making out with other girls at parties. The best part? She wants to get back together "after she matures and gets it out of her system." FML

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By thatsucks4u - United States

Today, I went to a tanning salon. I guess nobody mentioned that you have to lift your fat rolls or you'll end up with weird stripes where the spray never reached. FML

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By Username - United Kingdom

Today, I was unbelievably horny so I sent a kinky text message to a boy I really like, only to receive the reply, "Not tonight, I'm raging Minecraft, having a wank, and going to sleep. Try again tomorrow." FML

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By the other guy? - Australia - Perth

Today, I was watching last week's episode of The Walking Dead with my girlfriend. When the gang leader explained the rules of the group to Daryl, I reached over, grabbed my girlfriend's boobs and yelled, "Claimed!" She shot back, "Yeah, they are. But not by you." FML

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By TheMichaelNixon - United States

Today, I saw a grasshopper in the urinal so I decided to pee on it. It jumped out, scared the hell out of me, and I peed all over myself. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Whittier

Today, my manager made everyone put up Christmas decorations around the store. As well as this, we're going to have Christmas music playing on repeat all the way through to January. It's not even September yet. FML

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By Meh - United States - Bothell

Today, I found out that my roommate has a good voice, because he loudly sings Korean love songs at one in the morning. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML

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By mommy_issues - United States

Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Retford

Today, I finally got the courage to tell the girl I like how I really feel about her, due in no small part to how flirty she's been towards me lately. Turns out she's really just a skank and was trying to make my best friend "jealous". He's gay. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was the début of the high school musical I was in. When two others and I sang the word "Hell", my mother yelled at us for using that language, while the musical was still going, and dragged me off stage. FML

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By Anonymous - Switzerland

Today, I was having sex with a girl. Things were getting pretty hot, so I decided to smack her butt. I missed. I smacked my balls instead. Real hard. FML

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By Handuh15

Today, I was sitting with my best friend and we were watching my one-year-old cousin. We thought it would be funny to say a bunch of swear words in front of him, since he didn't know how to talk. Five minutes later, guess what his first word was? And guess who won't be invited over for a while? FML

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By tee - United States - Kansas City

Today, I was told it was inconvenient for me to take lunch breaks, because someone else has to answer the phones and no one else wants to actually do any work. FML

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By lindsay

Unflattered

Today, I was at the airport walking around, killing time. There was a man about twenty years older than me who kept on eyeballing me, and it really wasn't flattering. I get on the plane and guess who I get to sit next to. FML

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By southernpride93 - United States

Today, I was involved in a car accident and hit my head on the dash. I now have huge, very sore knot on my head. My boyfriend now takes every opportunity to poke it and scream "Look! A baby unicorn!" FML

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By bellerz14 - United States

Today, I saw my dad sitting in the car alone, blaring classical music, blowing up beach balls. FML

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By storyofmylife - Canada - Truro

Today, my boyfriend and I were hanging out when he suddenly said, "Do you know who I think is the most beautiful girl in the world?" I prepared myself for a cute compliment, until he showed me a picture of another girl. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bowler

Today, my girlfriend asked me not to love her so much, so she doesn't have to try so hard to match my love for her. What the fuck? FML

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By lexiiiiiiweee - United States

Today, I went bowling with my friends. As I was about to take my turn, my friend came up behind me and yelled in my ear, "Don't mess up!" Startled, I dropped the ball on my foot. FML

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By JessMelodique

Today, I finally decided to try an alternative to peanut butter, since I found out I was allergic a while back. Two hours later I had to be sent home because the allegedly allergen-free SunButter caused my lips and throat to swell and patches of rashes to form all over my body. FML

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By noweddingforyou - Canada - Guelph

Today, my girlfriend walked in on me taking a dump, and started plucking her eyebrows. When I told her I was uncomfortable, she said, "Aww, is my baby's poo shy? Is it, is it?" and pinched my cheek. FML

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By in pain

Today, I got into a bad car accident, where I got severe whiplash, swollen knees, and cuts everywhere. I called my boss to let him know I wouldn't be able to make it in and he fired me for being 'not dependable'. FML

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By Chels - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML

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By a - Korea Republic of

Today, I was chatting with a friend on msn. She told me a few days ago a Halloween party we had been planning was canceled because her parents said no at the last moment. Wanting to cheer her up, I went to her house to surprise her. I guess the party wasn't canceled after all. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I argued with my girlfriend over her constantly wasting our money on acupuncture. She said if I could prove it was baloney, she would stop. After I showed her copious amounts of scientific proof debunking it as pseudo-science, she told me we're "taking a break" from our relationship. FML

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By Carlos Cervantes_1981647997

Today, I was talking to a colleague at a meeting, and I told him about my promotion and how the position was created specifically for me. I forgot that the guy works in HR, and he started questioning me about how the division was able to create the position, and said that he will need to look at it. FML

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By Spider fail - United States - East Lansing

Today, I had a dream that I was swinging through New York City as my favorite hero, Spider-Man. I was almost immediately beaten to death by a mugger. I suck even in my dreams. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a panic attack because my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to choke me in the middle of sex. FML

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By TheBuster

Today, I surprised my wife with a spa day during our mini vacation with the kids. I booked her a facial and mani/pedi at the resort, figuring I would take the kids while she relaxed. Her reaction? "I hate the spa. Why would you waste that money? I'm not going." FML

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By GideonSquire

Today, I walked through a car park and brutally bashed my head, leaving a tennis ball sized lump on my forehead on an overhead sign saying, "Max height 6"6'". I'm 6"4'. FML

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Top comments

By organizse | 28

#6246849 - Sunday 29 March 2015 19:16

Squat and waddle. Hope for the best.

By swanheart | 35

#6246847 - Sunday 29 March 2015 19:15

Could you not pull it back in with the end you had hold of?

COMMENTS

By swanheart | 35

#6246847 - Sunday 29 March 2015 19:15

Could you not pull it back in with the end you had hold of?

AlwaysWatching | 27

#6246978 - Sunday 29 March 2015 20:59

Maybe OP was flipping the roll to get to the side with the beginning of the paper but then as they were rolling it in that way it fell off

Tarlachia | 33

#6247086 - Sunday 29 March 2015 23:20

They could at least still pull only what was needed and take care of business...

Brandi_Faith | 33

#6247372 - Monday 30 March 2015 6:41

If they pull it could just rip though and then he'd be left with nothing. Hope he was able to get what he needed.

onlychildFTW | 33

#6247433 - Monday 30 March 2015 9:49

Do you really want to use toilet paper that had been all over the floor of a public bathroom? Gross. Just there those underpants out after. Haha.

By organizse | 28

#6246849 - Sunday 29 March 2015 19:16

Squat and waddle. Hope for the best.

By Tomgirl_Julie | 19

#6246851 - Sunday 29 March 2015 19:17

Looks like you're in a "shitty" situation

paintedchocolate | 30

#6246881 - Sunday 29 March 2015 19:24

It only took 3 comments for this to happen? Really?

Go stand in a corner and think about what you just did!

AllSoul | 23

#6246988 - Sunday 29 March 2015 21:11

How are people even still trying to use this pun?

By davisjenny81 | 30

#6246852 - Sunday 29 March 2015 19:17

Reminds me of a time when I was out of toilet paper in an airplane bathroom

By Albuca | 13

#6246855 - Sunday 29 March 2015 19:17

Hopefully there was a new roll around somewhere for you to use!

By MrSarary | 26

#6246859 - Sunday 29 March 2015 19:18

You still had toilet paper, what did you expect people to help you do?

AllSoul | 23

#6246990 - Sunday 29 March 2015 21:13

No, OP no longer had the toilet roll, it rolled away and hoped the person who laughed would give it back. Or anyone.

By LOLouis_fml | 24

#6246861 - Sunday 29 March 2015 19:18

"Oh, shit!"

By Nexa_fml | 21

#6246862 - Sunday 29 March 2015 19:18

Shit happens..

AllSoul | 23

#6246992 - Sunday 29 March 2015 21:14

Really? You're really going to attempt that comment?

By FitFriday | 32

#6246871 - Sunday 29 March 2015 19:20

That's so evil.

By rachelllllb | 18

#6246882 - Sunday 29 March 2015 19:24

that sounds like a pretty shitty situation :p

Ravensmoon666 | 19

#6246979 - Sunday 29 March 2015 21:02

Your joke is overused.