Today, a coworker jokingly noted that my signature looks like... - FML

By peele - 25/3/2015 13:10 - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, a coworker jokingly noted that my signature looks like "Pedo". I couldn't see it that way, so I asked some other people for their opinion. They confessed they'd always thought it looked like "Pedo", but never said anything. My name is Peele. I've been signing it off as Pedo for 10 years. FML

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Season finale

Lockdown is driving us down

Great guy

By EmmaG123 - 28/2/2009 05:54 - United States

Today, I sent my mom an email with "Bad news" for the subject. At the end of her reply, she said, "And don't scare me! I thought you were going to tell me you're pregnant!" I AM pregnant, and wanted to surprise her on her birthday. Guess I should get her something less disappointing. FML

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By mortifying - 28/10/2019 20:00 - United Kingdom - Harlow

Skinny girl

Today, I started playing footsie with the girl I like next to me in Biology. Turns out it was the table leg. FML

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By rnw - 21/7/2016 05:34 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I thought my knee hurt because of over exercising in the gym. Then I remembered it was because I smacked it against my chair so hard I crumbled down and couldn't move for 5 minutes. And how I remembered? I did it again. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2020 13:57 - Canada - Windsor

Unrequited

Today, I ran into my childhood crush. She was the one who made me realize I was bi, and I was enthralled by her. Too bad she was straight. She's only gotten more attractive, and now she's in my program. FML

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By Old and Ugly - 23/4/2015 09:04 - United States

Today, at work as a bank teller, an angry customer complained that the payments on his two credit cards had been messed up the previous month, with the wrong amount being credited to each account. I asked if he knew who'd helped him. He said, "Well, it wasn't you - she was younger and prettier!" FML

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By RachelDC - 3/7/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML

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By Alien - 29/12/2016 11:07 - Switzerland

Today, after dating this girl for 3 months, I finally introduced her to my friends. She looked panicked during the date, and after it she broke up with me. When I asked why, she told me she could try to deal with a black friend, but not with a gay one. I've been dating a moron all this time. FML

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By whattabrat - 26/2/2012 05:16 - Canada

Today, I was babysitting. Everything was going well until the kid called 911 on me for making him eat his vegetables. FML

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By Oh man... - 1/8/2017 06:30 - Australia - Perth

Doggy Wants A Bone

Today, I began my ritual of my afternoon wank. As I was about to finish, I noticed my dog staring at me from across the room. We shared a longboard stare as I came, and I can't look him in the eyes the same way. FML

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By ShayisPay101 - 15/2/2010 18:58 - United States

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to be a stripper when she grew up, just like daddy's girlfriend. We're still married. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2009 05:51 - United States

Today, my wife gave me back my camera which she took on vacation to visit her parents with our 2-year old. I noticed the picture sequence had big gaps in the numbering. I ran an undelete on the card, and found 80+ pictures of her naked with another guy in her mom's bedroom. FML

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By ouch - 12/8/2011 20:10 - United States

Today, I was on the bus when a really cute guy came on. The only seat left was the one next to me, so I smiled and waited for him to sit down. He looked at the seat, looked at me, and opted to stand until his stop. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2015 13:16 - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, my boyfriend told me he traded nude pictures I sent him for a costume piece in an internet game. He told me I should be okay with this, because, "It's a rare piece." FML

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By I will find you and I will fucking fuck y - 5/1/2014 20:39 - United Kingdom - Falmouth

Today, I woke up from a short nap, only to find two waxing strips stuck to my eyebrows. I now have very little of my eyebrows remaining, and just as little idea which idiot in my family pulled this stupid excuse of a prank. FML

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By NowHomeless - 31/8/2010 23:13 - United States

Today, my roommate woke me up during afternoon nap to tell me that I need to move out. His reason: "Our political differences will likely escalate to violence." FML

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By MikeMoosey - 30/12/2009 18:00 - United States

Today, while pumping gas, I stopped to think about what a failure my life is, and how badly I've treated people in my past. While deep in thought, I accidentally pulled the gas pump out too far and covered myself with gasoline. FML

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By awkwardballer - 24/5/2016 16:53

Today, while playing basketball with my new coworkers, I managed to get the ball stuck between the hoop and backboard. In trying to free it, I also got a traffic cone stuck and ended up having to drag a large ladder across the court while everyone watched. FML

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By Peggy Peggerson - 9/10/2020 02:03 - United States

It's the new craze!

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I’d feel comfortable pegging him. I had no idea what that meant, so I had to look it up. I tried to keep an open mind but it was just too far outside my comfort zone. Now he’s sulking and complaining about me being a prude. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2015 12:53 - United States

Today, while at the zoo with my boyfriend, he pointed at the howling gorillas and shouted over to me: "Hah! That's what you sound like in bed!" FML

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By srs - 11/8/2018 20:30

Today, my parents yelled at me for coming home drunk from a party last night. They said I couldn't hang out with my best friend anymore as he's a "bad influence". He was the only one sober in our group and drove me home safely. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2013 18:40 - Canada - London

Today, I told my mom about the rough time I'm having over my recent break-up, and how I can't help thinking about my ex every single day. Her attempt to console me involved saying, "Pft. I bet he doesn't think about you every day" and walking away. Thanks. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/4/2014 06:06 - United States - Eugene

Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML

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By I Tried - 29/1/2016 22:18 - United States - Burton

Today, I went out clubbing and hit the dance floor, hoping to impress some girls with my moves. All I got was a bunch of weird looks and was told by one girl that I'm the "whitest black guy" she's ever seen. FML

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By I Heart My Cats and Dogs - 16/9/2019 22:01

Pet Store Madness

Today, I was filling out an application for a job at a local pet store. At the end of it, they wanted a paragraph about any pets I had. After a while, I found myself finishing a 3-page essay about them. That's the longest essay I've ever written. FML

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By Helpless - 16/12/2018 14:00

Today I had to tell my girlfriend that we can't keep taking care of her drug addicted dad because it is ruining out lives. We have a 90 day notice to move and I said I won't move to a new place if she is going to have him live there. Guess who is looking for a new roommate. FML

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By hornyloser770 - 1/3/2010 02:15 - France

Today, I had just finished riding my bike when I ran into the girl I am secretly in love with. While I walked over to her I got an erection through my spandex biking shorts. FML

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By Pups4Cups - 26/10/2016 12:43

Today, I finally realized why my 9-week-old puppy was going to the bathroom so much. I went to pick up the food bag and realized she had chewed a hole in the bottom, and eaten half of the bag in the last 4 days. Goodbye 30 pounds of dog food, and 100$ for a vet visit. FML

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By rejectedmidair - 13/11/2009 07:14 - United States

Today, I went through with my elaborate plans to propose to my girlfriend with creativity. I took her skydiving and proposed in midair. She rejected. Why? She wanted a more "traditional" proposal. FML

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By livgasms - 18/8/2011 04:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my family decided it would be hilarious to catch the biggest moths they could and let them loose in my room. I'm terrified of moths and they thought it would be 'funny as hell' to watch me freak out. FML

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By fisted - 12/6/2015 13:42 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was out for a walk, wearing a T-shirt with a fist on it and the words "Bump it." A guy came up to me, looked at my shirt, shrugged, and punched me in the stomach. FML

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By bleue - 23/4/2015 12:27 - France - Montberon

Today, in a crowded doctor's waiting room, my two-year-old daughter let a loud fart rip. I asked her, "What do we say?" She replied, "IT'S ME!" FML

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By Off_Road - 4/6/2014 19:30 - United States - North Pole

Today, while on the highway, a guy in a truck sped up to pass me. He was hauling a trailer, which hit me and ran me off the road. I called the cops and followed him all the way into town, where the cops pulled him over. They let him go without even a ticket, because, "He didn't know he hit you." FML

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By Anonymous - 21/4/2011 13:47 - United States

Sweet talker

Today, my boyfriend said to me, "You know how I know I love you? I don't want you to leave after we have sex." He thinks that's a compliment. FML

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By unluckybirthdaykid - 11/9/2017 23:15

Today, my birthday, was going great until my boyfriend received a text from a girl saying he gave her chlamydia. Now I have no boyfriend, but at least I have the chlamydia keeping me company. FML

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By gummy bear - 21/1/2011 11:41

Today, trying to be an old-school romantic, I asked my girlfriend "where art thou my love?" via SMS. She replied "Toilet." FML

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By CandyMachine - 16/2/2011 23:58 - United States

Today, I went to the vending machine, put in a dollar, and reached down to grab my snack. The slot door wouldn't open, so I pushed it harder. I got my hand in, but the door got stuck again, this time with my hand inside. I tried to push with my other hand. It got stuck too. FML

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By Adam Jensen - 18/6/2012 04:39 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was at work when a co-worker decided it would be funny to email me from my boss's computer to tell me I had been laid off. It wasn't funny when I was fired for real after "skipping work without giving notice." FML

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By Anonymous - 26/10/2009 21:37 - Australia

Today, I discovered that I needed to reapply for my job in order to have a chance at keeping it. The applications closed yesterday. FML

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By Secretisout - 22/12/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I found out where all my expensive bras and panties have been disappearing to. Apparently, while I'm at work, my fifteen year-old son's girlfriend has been stealing them after they have sex in my bed. FML

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By cavallo31 - 28/6/2016 00:47 - United States

Today, I invited my friends to meet up at the park. After asking twice, I finally got the text saying to meet them there. But when I got there, I realized they had already been there for a while. As I was walking up to them, I heard, "Why did you invite him?" FML

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Top comments

By blcksocks | 19

#6242880 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 18:09

I really hope your last name isn't bear

By Queen_bee1234 | 21

#6242895 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 18:27

I really hope it is.

COMMENTS

By randomheartthrob | 7

#6242864 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 18:02

How do you mix up those names?? Two different letters that look way different

Reply

tomatosz | 23

#6242881 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 18:09

"ol" or "al" can easily look like a "d" depending on handwriting, and as his last "e" is mistaken for an "o" (not sure how those would be alike) it's not too strange that in his handwriting, "el" becomes a "d" too.

Reply

FracturedMinds | 21

#6242925 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 19:15

You should see my shitty handwriting when it comes to my signature. Having those two letters look the same as a D isn't that far fetched.

Reply

___Unknown__08 | 16

#6243024 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 22:01

#1, you do realize pedo isn't a name right...

Reply

dragonvale19 | 12

#6243366 - Thursday 26 March 2015 5:18

He was probably writing in cursive.

By MrEatYourDog | 14

#6242865 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 18:03

Awkward that they never said questioned it...

By bethjlster1999 | 8

#6242869 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 18:05

Time to get a new signature :)

By allyciagutierrez | 7

#6242874 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 18:07

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

snipebp | 25

#6242917 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 18:56

How does he deserve it? You make no sense at all.

Reply

amandalynn84 | 14

#6242947 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 19:43

#5...ouch. "Your kind." "You people." Prejudice much?

Reply

Ravensmoon666 | 19

#6242953 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 19:56

There's a button for that.
Also I don't see how he deserves it? He may write in cursive and to those who aren't used to it "el" cluld easily look like a "d"

By pimpmilk69 | 18

#6242878 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 18:08

It's okay my signature looks like a cane. sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.

Reply

Colon_Man | 17

#6243656 - Thursday 26 March 2015 14:39

My signature looks like the infinity symbol, tilted at 45degrees.
Not that bad, but people still point it out.

By blcksocks | 19

#6242880 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 18:09

I really hope your last name isn't bear

Reply

Queen_bee1234 | 21

#6242895 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 18:27

I really hope it is.

Reply

blcksocks | 19

#6243070 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 23:06

I like your optimism, Ms "Glass is half full"

Reply

Colon_Man | 17

#6243660 - Thursday 26 March 2015 14:43

Can you imagine; he signs for something. It gets messed up. They go to court.

Judge: "Says here, it was signed over to... what?"

By FracturedMinds | 21

#6242882 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 18:09

Hopefully you don't have a short last name that starts with a B. I don't see signing everything as Pedo Bear going over very well.

Reply

cryssycakesx3 | 22

#6243092 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 23:52

I would imagine its his last name...

By abNormal62 | 23

#6242887 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 18:16

Good thing you haven't had to apply for any police checks for work, or volunteer duties or government ID

Reply

Crazyjohnb | 23

#6243035 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 22:16

I don't understand the down votes on your comment

By joelp232 | 17

#6242888 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 18:16

at least now you have a story to tell

By netflixislove | 32

#6242890 - Wednesday 25 March 2015 18:17

Well cursive is hard… but most people can sign their name