Health

By fiercehawk - 24/04/2013 06:23 - United States - Scottsburg

Today, I was sent to group therapy. A girl spent twenty minutes telling us horrible details of having been raised incestuously. A side effect of my new medication is yawning. FML

agreeclassic 48 467

vote type 1 3 941

fiercehawk app_comment_confession_title

fiercehawk 20

Sunday 28 April 2013 5:02

Thanks to everyone who shared their personal experiences, offered their support or sympathy, or made me laugh.

Help!

By Anonymous - 23/04/2013 11:25 - United States

Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML

agreeclassic 53 989

vote type 1 6 445

By KyngJulian - 23/04/2013 02:48 - United States

Today, I found out I was an alcoholic. Not from my friends or family, but because the ice-maker couldn't keep up with the amount of drinks I've been making. FML

agreeclassic 35 704

vote type 1 19 735

By shatMyself - 22/04/2013 19:10 - United States

Today, I was admitted to the hospital for chronic constipation. I have to share a room with two other girls who are also having bowel problems. We're all on strong laxatives, and there's apparently only one bathroom in this place. FML

agreeclassic 52 499

vote type 1 3 428

By Anonymous - 22/04/2013 18:42 - United States - Lebanon

Today, I found out that I am allergic to one of the preservatives that they put in aloe. I found this out after I put some on a severe sunburn I have. Not only am I sunburned, but now I am severely itchy as well. FML

agreeclassic 49 063

vote type 1 4 197

By Anonymous - 21/04/2013 05:07 - United States

Today, in my rush to do my hair and get to work, I managed to trip over my dog, hit my eye on the counter, and sprain my ankle. I arrived at work with a black eye and a painful limp. My boss didn't care, and fired me for showing up late. FML

agreeclassic 57 696

vote type 1 7 363

By Anonymous - 18/04/2013 21:02 - Bulgaria - Batanovci

Today, I was riding my bike home from the store. Wanting to impress some passers-by, I tried to do a trick on a sharp turn. I hit a pole with my balls. As I was lying on the ground in agony, a guy pulled over, took a picture, and took off laughing. FML

agreeclassic 26 433

vote type 1 51 121

By Annieisnotokay - 17/04/2013 10:20 - United Kingdom

Today, in my psychology class we were covering OCDs. I have an issue with creased paper and my best friend brought it up, so for the next hour my class mates sat screwing up paper to see how long I could continuously have a panic attack. FML

agreeclassic 53 221

vote type 1 6 880

Annieisnotokay app_comment_confession_title

Annieisnotokay 7

Wednesday 17 April 2013 21:16

Just want to point out that I was pretty sure I had a last sentence that said 'turns out I lasted 5 minutes before fainting'. I am not claiming that I was in full blown panic mode for a full hour. I have a diagnosed OCD which does effect quite a large part of my life, I can't even use paper in class. The majority of my friends know I have this OCD and my best friend only brought it up as an example because she knows I don't really mind people knowing because for me as embarrassing as it is, I feel that if people know they won't make a big deal out of it and since I'm in year 12 I wasn't expecting people to over react as they did. The people who were doing it were the boys in my class who are really only in the class because they needed an extra subject to be allowed to attend the college I'm at. The teacher was trying to stop them but she was a substitute so naturally the already rowdy boys were not going to be told to stop.

By Anonymous - 16/04/2013 23:13 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was given a powerful laxative to clear me out. I can't go to the bathroom because the four guests of my sleeping roommate are all sitting in dead silence against the paper-thin bathroom wall. FML

agreeclassic 38 543

vote type 1 4 033

Let me sleep

By do your own ironing - 15/04/2013 04:32

Today, after weeks of insomnia, I fell asleep. This would have been great if my brother didn't wake me up at 3 a.m., screaming because his guild finally took down a raid boss. I'm now grounded for thumping him, and have to do all his chores while sleep deprived. FML

agreeclassic 45 919

vote type 1 5 583

By danman - 14/04/2013 22:20 - United States

Today, I was taking a walk, when an elderly lady in a motorized wheelchair slammed into me from behind. There was plenty of room to pass by, but noooo, trying to run me down like a dog, then giving me the finger and yelling "Watch where you're walking!" is so damn preferable. FML

agreeclassic 46 703

vote type 1 4 247

Straining

By NoPeeGiven - 14/04/2013 05:10 - United States - Palatine

Today, I had to go to the clinic for a physical. The nurse asked me for a pee sample; however, I had no urine to give. After 20 minutes of standing at the stall I was able to squeeze half a cup of pee. As I approached the sink to cover the sample, I somehow managed to drop it all over myself. FML

agreeclassic 48 903

vote type 1 9 994

By Anonymous - 09/04/2013 18:01 - United States

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

agreeclassic 53 070

vote type 1 5 414

By Anonymous - 09/04/2013 10:29 - France - Paris

Today, my halitosis was so bad that when I blew onto my solution in chemistry class, it reacted. FML

agreeclassic 34 154

vote type 1 10 659

By chinatownhobo - 08/04/2013 06:12 - Australia - Canberra

Today, while at a hospital, a prayer group circled me and started praying that God and the good doctors and nurses would heal me from the disease that disfigured my face. I was there to visit my sick grandmother. FML

agreeclassic 52 492

vote type 1 3 639

Quick Stop

By poopy pants - 08/04/2013 01:47 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I was driving home from a friend's house after a night of partying. Suddenly, I had to poop worse than I ever had to in my entire life. The pain was so bad I had to pull over and pretend to be checking my tires while I let out the entire contents of my bowels onto the road. FML

agreeclassic 40 391

vote type 1 8 739

By maturity - 08/04/2013 00:30 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML

agreeclassic 16 992

vote type 1 64 291

By Kotoko - 06/04/2013 04:59 - United States - Wylie

Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm from eagerly scratching off a lottery ticket. No, I didn't win anything. FML

agreeclassic 29 274

vote type 1 17 109

Kotoko_fml app_comment_confession_title

Kotoko_fml 7

Saturday 6 April 2013 18:38

LOL These comments are all hilarious. xD Yeah, I admit, I probably DID deserve it =P Lotto tickets are a money drainage.. =/ Course, you win a few times.. here and there, you get addicted thinking "OK! I am going to win this time!" Yeah.. I really need to stop buying them all the time. It's pathetic how much money I've wasted.. =/ I vote YDI for myself, lol.

By what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god - 05/04/2013 18:51 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML

agreeclassic 48 715

vote type 1 4 841