Health: Today, I had to take an oral examination. I made it to the last... - FML

By MGDS - 14/12/2013 05:52 - United States - Pine Grove

Today, I had to take an oral examination. I made it to the last part of the exam, then violently threw up in the middle of my answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 140

You deserved it 3 249

Own it

Age difference

Weird reason to leave, but OK

By go snope yourself - 26/01/2013 21:51 - United Kingdom

Today, I was debating which hurts more: child-birth or a kick to the testicles. Some guy spouted the old urban legend that a nut-kick is 9000 "dels", and giving birth is 57, so I proved that no such measurement of pain exists. His comeback was to sucker-punch me to the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 194

You deserved it 8 757

By apparentlyugly - 29/08/2010 17:51 - United States

Today, I was chosen out of 64 women to model for the catalog of a new clothing store. Just when my self-confidence took a dramatic boost, I looked at the evaluation sheet. I was picked due to attributes such as my "extra large figure and average face" to make below average women feel beautiful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 439

You deserved it 4 611

By Anonymous - 22/09/2017 23:15 - Croatia - Zagreb

Today, I decided to eat healthier. I started with making 2 eggs and burning down whole kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 267

You deserved it 795

By Zooep - 24/10/2016 13:54

Today, I had to prepare for my big meeting tomorrow morning. Before going to bed, I washed my face. Unfortunately, the towel I wiped myself with turned out to house our red ant infestation. My face looks like a ripe tomato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 663

You deserved it 767

By Jayne - 29/03/2012 04:45 - United States

Today, my professor called me out in the middle of a lecture to ask why I was bleeding. I then had to explain to him, in front of around one hundred of my fellow classmates, that my largest zit had burst. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 235

You deserved it 2 813

By chels - 10/12/2012 07:47 - United States - Youngstown

Today, my boyfriend got done with Marine combat training. The first thing he asked for weren't pictures of me but pictures of his car. Missed you too babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 171

You deserved it 3 357

By Richard - 07/08/2018 18:30

Today, my friends and I were kicked out of a Red Robin after the manager told us that our server accused us of making "sexually suggestive gestures" towards her. The gesture in question was the circle game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 060

You deserved it 1 430

By life_suxxx - 17/12/2009 06:09 - United States

Today, I come home to find that my dog has taken a dump on my bed. I quickly put on my house shoes to avoid possibly stepping on any other of his turds. I felt something squish all over my right foot. He also took a dump in my house shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 487

You deserved it 4 873

Life's what you make it

By ratherbealone - 27/10/2020 02:06 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I don't want to go to work because I hate my boss, but once I'm there, I won't want to go home because I hate my husband. I have nowhere else to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 127

You deserved it 429

By knepmj - 16/03/2016 09:44 - United States

Today, I got locked inside my apartment due to the locking mechanism being stuck, so I had to call off work. They refused to believe me, and insisted that I be in on time or else there would be disciplinary actions taken. Maintenance wasn't available till 3 hours into my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 962

You deserved it 1 384

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 03:03 - United States

Today, I woke up and went into the bathroom and noticed a dark mass in the toilet. Thinking someone took a dump and didn't flush, I approached the toilet ready to dispose of it. That's when I noticed its whiskers and ears. It was a rat, and it was alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 842

You deserved it 3 547

By Tag - 24/09/2014 01:19 - Australia

Today, my psychotic, very jealous ex-boyfriend appeared out of nowhere and punched a male store clerk who was helping me look for azaleas in a garden center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 116

You deserved it 3 150

By Anonymous - 29/04/2013 16:09 - Netherlands

Today, I had a big party planned. All but one of the guests cancelled. See you at 7, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 119

You deserved it 3 946

By ... - 27/07/2014 05:51 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found my 6 year old daughter upstairs lying on the floor with scissors. She was giving "the carpet a haircut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 235

You deserved it 5 354

By dasbooot - 30/04/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, I finally got my cast taken off my leg after a long month of crutches. I was so excited, until four dead spiders fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 632

You deserved it 4 564

Tense

By Anon - 06/04/2021 07:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my doctor told me if my blood pressure gets any higher, he could use me to reinflate the air in his tyres. FML

I agree, your life sucks 799

You deserved it 119

By Anonymous - 11/02/2012 01:06 - Canada

Today, I watched "The Vow" with my girlfriend. When the movie ended, we walked out to the theatre's lobby, and I heard her mutter, "I deserve a guy like him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 556

You deserved it 10 298

By Anonymous - 27/08/2011 23:07 - Canada

Today, I took a dump without checking for toilet paper. I then called my step dad, who said "use the stuff in the garbage." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 446

You deserved it 5 605

By irony - 16/08/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I got a paper cut while opening my box of Band-Aids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 879

You deserved it 9 352

By slugitha - 16/03/2016 10:23 - United States

Today, I was awoken by a slug crawling down my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 349

You deserved it 1 829

By nbj10 - 31/05/2013 22:42 - Singapore - Singapore

Spicy

Today, my dad went snooping on my laptop, and saw that I'd recently looked up 2 Girls, 1 Cup. It was out of morbid curiosity, but he thinks I'm into "satanic porn", and confiscated every electronic device I own. Now I have to sneak to the library just to check my emails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 006

You deserved it 15 259

By Whoops - 28/01/2010 20:21 - France

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 429

You deserved it 36 366

By sashimieater - 31/05/2011 01:59 - United States

Today, it was the last day of school. My students shared what they thought of me. Expecting to hear wonderful things, all of their complaints can be summed up in a few words: I'm a liar, a killer of dreams, I need to grow up, and I was a big disappointment to them. I'm a first-year teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 276

You deserved it 14 606

By "1DisGR8" - 16/12/2018 09:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had the misfortune of getting my period during another exam. And yes, the male professor also noticed this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 443

You deserved it 325

By Leota - 15/08/2011 16:20 - United States

Today, I received a message on Facebook from a guy I've liked for a year. He asked me if I wanted to hang out, so I said yes. When I walked out to his car later on, he gave me a really confused look. Apparently I was on my brother's Facebook, and he'd never logged out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 129

You deserved it 13 006

Misogynistic and insensitive. Great.

By Anonymous - 23/06/2018 14:30 - United States - Huron

Today, I told my boyfriend how my mom passed away when I was 11 after crashing her car into a tree at night. He muttered, "Women drivers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 842

You deserved it 422

By Jman6295 - 08/01/2012 00:12 - United States

Today, while helping my father build a shelf, I suggested that we should probably use the instruction manual. He suggested I should probably shut the fuck up and do it his way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 943

You deserved it 15 206

By Anonymous - 05/08/2015 06:13 - United States - Brookfield

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he wasn't feeling our two-month relationship was up to par with his parents' 30-year marriage, and, furthermore, I wasn't similar enough to his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 095

You deserved it 2 121

By Anonymous - 22/04/2013 18:33 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with some friends, and I had to take a dump. After I was done, I realized there was no more toilet paper, so I asked my friends to get me some. They threw in duct tape, sandpaper, and saran wrap, and told me to make a decision. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 849

You deserved it 8 657

By bbcgj - 04/07/2015 09:30 - Sweden - Uppsala

Today, my internet was so slow I couldn't even load an internet speed test to see how slow my internet was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 629

You deserved it 2 836

By christian9294 - 08/02/2010 20:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, saying I was immature for making gay jokes all the time. A few hours later, I got six texts and three calls from guys I didn't know. It turns out, she put my name and number on Craigslist as a gay man seeking a relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 895

You deserved it 55 563

By harry - 06/12/2008 07:51 - France

Today, my brand new and very expensive laser printer does actually print 10 times faster than my old one. Except there's nothing printed on the paper. Never mind, at least it makes a cool sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 690

You deserved it 4 124

Cancel culture strikes again

By Disneydont - 27/10/2021 14:00 - United States - New York

Today, I was supposed to leave for Disney. Our trip was cancelled last year because of the pandemic. This morning, we found out my sister’s boyfriend, who was a last-minute add-on to the trip, has COVID. Cancelled again. Maybe next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 137

By Anonymous - 18/04/2012 19:18 - United Kingdom - Eynsham

Spicy

Today, I attempted to wax my "lady area". It hurt more than losing my virginity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 999

You deserved it 9 860

Entitled

By anonymous - 14/11/2020 06:57 - United States - Irving

Today, where I work at a pharmacy, we were short staffed and running 4 hours behind. A lady came to drop off a new prescription. When I explained to her the wait time, she called the patient. I heard ,"No, they don't look busy." Like, really? FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 64

Nice girl

By Lithiac - 04/02/2014 06:16 - United States - Ocala

Today, at the grocery store, an elderly woman asked for help with some tea. I lent her a hand, spending a good twenty minutes reading different labels out loud until she found one she liked. After she was done, she handed me a pamphlet and said, "You're a nice girl. I hope you don't go to hell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 513

You deserved it 4 809

By Anonymous - 29/11/2018 22:00

Today, I got into an accident and my bike broke. My insurance expired 5 days ago and the accident wasn't even my fault. The lady was on the phone and on the wrong side of the road. She's threatening to sue me even though her car is in better condition. There are no witnesses and no cameras either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 931

You deserved it 620

By facepalm - 05/02/2013 03:30 - United States - Sayreville

Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 251

You deserved it 9 446

Clubbing

By Anonymous - 26/11/2012 13:30 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Spicy

Today, my parents told me that they had joined a local club. Proud of them for going out of their comfort zone to make new friends, I googled the name of the club. I'm sure they'll make some lifelong friends at their first swingers club meet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 696

You deserved it 3 229

By A.Summers - 30/09/2013 22:41 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Spicy

Today, my parents surprised me by redecorating my room. I think they were more surprised by the box of naughty toys under my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 944

You deserved it 11 456

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Top comments

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Saturday 14 December 2013 12:07

"Now, you tell me if this gets uncomfortable at all" "No it's okay, everything feels fi- GUURAHHHHHHWAEUUKELLELSQUELCH"

FrietvanPiet 16

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Saturday 14 December 2013 12:22

Tends to happen if you take it too deep during oral

Comments

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Saturday 14 December 2013 12:06

Well hopefully you it a good enough job to get a good grade before blowing chunks

incoherentrmblr 21

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Monday 16 December 2013 20:40

Diarrhea of the mouth?

BFons 19

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Saturday 14 December 2013 12:07

It's the ultimate weapon!

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Saturday 14 December 2013 12:07

"Now, you tell me if this gets uncomfortable at all" "No it's okay, everything feels fi- GUURAHHHHHHWAEUUKELLELSQUELCH"

A7X_all_the_way 21

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Saturday 14 December 2013 12:16

I can imagine someone thats puking making that noise.. ._.

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Saturday 14 December 2013 12:42

Pleonasm, you spelt that last word wrong.

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Saturday 14 December 2013 12:47

Dammit, I'm always just off on that one. That, and Eyjafjallajökull.

nnnope 26

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Saturday 14 December 2013 14:16

very few comments on here have made me physically laugh. this is one of them.

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Saturday 14 December 2013 12:15

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Saturday 14 December 2013 14:09

You usually have acceptable comments! Leave memes on pictures where they belong, not in your vocabulary.

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Saturday 14 December 2013 12:21

because you were nervous or sick?

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Saturday 14 December 2013 12:43

No, it's a hobby.

SillyGirl4602 23

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Saturday 14 December 2013 13:47

Does it even matter?

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Sunday 15 December 2013 2:48

12- you win the internet

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Sunday 15 December 2013 5:05

Of course. One can't just simply throw up for no apparent reason. Just ask NASA lol

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Sunday 15 December 2013 7:45

That's nice, 41, now I have two.

FrietvanPiet 16

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Saturday 14 December 2013 12:22

Tends to happen if you take it too deep during oral

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Saturday 4 January 2014 5:53

Total eclipse of the mouth...

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Saturday 14 December 2013 12:25

I think that whether you passed or not, depends on whether you threw up in the interviewer's direction or not.... I hope for the latter.

oj101 33

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Saturday 14 December 2013 12:26

I hope you're in medical school or health class. That way, you can claim extra points for an ultra-realistic demonstration. Or if you're in Art class, simply call it "abstract" to get an easy A+

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Saturday 14 December 2013 19:50

If you're doing writing or math you're screwed.

Hiimhaileypotter 52

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Saturday 14 December 2013 21:21

Perhaps if it were an English exam OP could claim that the vomit is symbolic of something... Lol.

fucMyLifeSoHard 18

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Sunday 15 December 2013 4:43

36- *OP vomits everywhere* " The puke was symbolic of the demons that have left me, and how I am finally free from burden."

blackonblight 32

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Monday 16 December 2013 4:33

If you really want to be clever about it and you are in any of the arts just claim it was Dada and you have a good 50% shot of getting away with it.

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Saturday 14 December 2013 12:35

You're living on a prayer

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Saturday 14 December 2013 13:06

I hope you were arguing against something; because throwing up is the strongest argument against it. Now if your oral exam had you pro something; you failed, I really believe in *barf*

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 6

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 780

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 1 009