Health: Today, I had a stomach virus. I tried to make myself throw up...

By Sickie. - 02/09/2010 16:03 - United States

Today, I had a stomach virus. I tried to make myself throw up to feel better. My long nails sliced open my throat from the inside, and I threw up blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 265

You deserved it 59 855

Health

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Stunlocked

Unfair

By Anonymous - 21/03/2021 08:01

Today, I was let go from my job for not being able to come into work early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 115

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 08/05/2020 17:00

Today, I found out that most of the people I work with secretly refer to me as the "designated bottom" because they assumed from my slight stature and soft spoken personality that I was a submissive homosexual. My wife thinks it’s hilarious and keeps grabbing my ass to make me jump in shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 878

You deserved it 231

By Bex - 15/03/2016 07:27 - United States - San Francisco

Today, in front of a group of family, friends, and acquaintances, a guy I hadn't talked to in about two years asked me how rehab was going. In the monstrous silence that followed, I had to awkwardly explain that I work at a nursing home that also functions as a rehabilitation center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 417

You deserved it 1 499

By Anonymous - 27/05/2009 22:44 - United States

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 657

You deserved it 8 124

By LarissaT18 - 02/02/2014 16:13 - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, the highlight of my day was when I figured out that my little brother's toy dump truck could actually dump stuff out. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 532

You deserved it 7 705

By useless pos - 01/03/2013 00:48 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 180

You deserved it 12 294

By thetallone - 23/02/2010 08:05 - United Kingdom

Today, on the way home from a night out, I crossed the main road in my town via the traffic lights. As I got to the other side, a guy turned to his two friends and 'whispered' with a look of disgust, "I would have run that one over." Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 543

You deserved it 2 674

By Ugh - 14/06/2016 20:41 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I'm looking forward to my orthodontist's appointment more than I'm looking forward to my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 566

You deserved it 1 042

By Krystyn Gareau - 09/09/2011 04:10 - Canada

Today, I went to Walmart with my Dad, and he decided to kick me in the butt while I was walking. When I went to kick him back, I hit my own leg out from beneath myself and landed on my face. The most embarrassing thing was that the people who saw all started clapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 050

You deserved it 13 635

By dxplq876 - 17/03/2009 03:13 - United States

Today, I was walking out of the grocery store and out of no where, a car backing up pretty fast speeds downs the parking lot and hits me, causing me to fall down and drop all of the groceries. The woman jumped out of her car, not to help me, but to carefully check her bumper for scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111 785

You deserved it 4 654

By Johnnogood - 09/10/2012 13:57 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my boss fired me because of the way I laugh. Apparently it reminds him too much of his ex-wife's laugh. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 747

You deserved it 2 234

By chels - 10/12/2012 07:47 - United States - Youngstown

Today, my boyfriend got done with Marine combat training. The first thing he asked for weren't pictures of me but pictures of his car. Missed you too babe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 168

You deserved it 3 356

By Cleo - 23/06/2010 14:27 - Brunei Darussalam

Today, I found out that my colleagues don't add me on Facebook so that they can publicly put me down in their statuses, without me knowing. My boss liked the one which said that I talk too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 262

You deserved it 10 372

Bumpy ride

By Anonymous - 16/07/2021 04:01

Today, I have a skin disease that causes my arms and legs to have small, but noticeable, red bumps on them. Trying to stay confident, I put on a swimsuit and went to the pool, only to be bumped into by a cute guy, who then asked why my arms were so "bumpy and disgusting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 49

By Anonymous - 11/04/2013 20:21 - United Arab Emirates - Dubai

Today, I found out that my classmates hate me so much that they have a seating arrangement where people have to sit next to me on a rotating basis. A fight broke out yesterday because someone tried to skip their turn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 197

You deserved it 17 448

Ouch

By Anonymous - 31/07/2020 02:03

Today, while brushing my teeth half asleep, I stabbed myself in the eye with my toothbrush, toothpaste included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 487

By confused - 25/01/2015 03:26 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my mom came into my room to yell at me because she thought she heard me having sex, saying I'm too young for it. I'm 23 and I wasn't having sex. The noises were from my dad watching porn in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 156

You deserved it 2 955

Covid-19 vs. Sex life

By CoronaDating - 23/03/2020 23:10

Today, I've been single for a couple of months. The last time I was single, Tinder and dating apps didn't exist. After figuring out how to be successful with those and setting up several dates, I've already had 3 date cancellations for this week because of the coronavirus. It's going to be a long couple of months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 397

You deserved it 428

By awhmaaan - 27/02/2012 15:55 - United Kingdom

Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 915

You deserved it 5 790

By Anonymous - 27/12/2015 00:38 - Brazil - Itaja?

Today, my father is really enjoying the iPhone my mother gave him for Christmas. He's enjoying it so much that he's already installed all sorts of dating apps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 876

You deserved it 1 573

That's kinda sweet

By rond9 - 06/06/2021 04:01

Today, after spending the night with my girlfriend for the first time, I discovered why she would always want to rush home after dinner dates. Her stomach gurgles so loudly after eating, I can hear it in the next room over, with the TV on. This apparently happens no matter what she eats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 104

Understandable

By whytetrash - 02/11/2012 05:53 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, my manager made me stay at work for an extra four hours, making me miss an urgent specialist appointment I'd scheduled months ago. Why? Because her neighbor's dog was having puppies, and she wanted to go home early and see them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 814

You deserved it 2 873

Turn it off, make it stop!

By ricewine23 - 04/08/2021 04:01

Today, I bought a truck. It's a little beat up, but I got a pretty good deal because of it… Or so I thought. Turns out there's a Nickelback CD stuck in the player. And the radio is spotty. I can't help but think that had something to do with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 666

You deserved it 178

By rain1 - 06/01/2014 02:54 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I had to explain to my parents why it is inappropriate to take selfies at a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 006

You deserved it 4 344

By sickly - 20/01/2011 05:47 - United States

Today, I came to school really sick because I had to take an important exam. After I finally finished, I accidentally sneezed on my answer sheet right before turning it in. The teacher refused to take it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 508

You deserved it 4 468

Motherly love

By tara, sadly - 22/10/2021 14:00

Today, I overheard my mother saying that if murder were legal, there would be absolutely no chance that I wouldn’t have been killed as a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 72

By Joe - 25/02/2009 19:05 - United States

Today, I had the cops called on me because I accidentally texted "I'm going to kill you and use your head as hood ornament" to my ex-fiancé, instead of my best friend. I only texted that because he got a better grade on an exam than me. Now I have a court date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 982

You deserved it 45 547

By KelseNM - 14/08/2018 14:30

Today, I've been diagnosed with an incurable condition in both eyes that is making me go blind. I lost my job and had to drop out of my final year in college because of this. Then my ex found out and stole my car since I "won't need it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 259

You deserved it 121

By missseloit3 - 13/03/2018 19:00

Today, I met a nice guy who wanted to chat. I didn't want to be the bitchy type and throw him the "I have a boyfriend" line right away, so I conversed with him. When he asked was I single I, of course, said no. He yelled at me and made a huge scene about me leading him on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 537

You deserved it 767

By walkingonsunshine - 22/01/2010 00:14 - France

Today, my long term boyfriend took me to my favorite restaurant. After the main course he knelt down and finally proposed to me. I was so happy I almost cried. Until an old woman came over and said I was way to old for him. I'm 3 years younger than my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 846

You deserved it 2 688

By Anonymous - 22/04/2014 15:26 - Canada - Sackville

Today, my biology professor was giving a lecture to everyone and used me as an example. For what? Traits men are repulsed by in potential mates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 731

You deserved it 3 601

By Asian - 07/02/2016 19:03 - United States - Clover

Today, I was asked to prove that I was Chinese by translating the phrase, "Ching chong ming chang ho". I'm not even Chinese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 868

You deserved it 1 855

By Insensitive - 14/11/2009 22:26 - Australia

Today, I sent a get well card to my friend. it wasn't until after I got home from posting it did I realise that the stamps I put on the envelope had the phrase "Let's Get Active" on them with drawings of people playing sports. My friend is in a wheelchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 066

You deserved it 12 252

By thatisfuckedup - 13/06/2013 22:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I ordered some burgers at a fast food joint. When I said, "No lettuce," the cashier looked dumbfounded and asked, "What's that?" I literally had to say, "The green stuff" before she got it. I'm losing hope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 357

You deserved it 3 865

By asthmasucks - 19/09/2009 07:47 - United States

Today, due to the heat, I had a deadly asthma attack. Where was my inhaler? My dad pawned it for beer money. What did my dad do about my attack? Told me to quit being a Drama Queen. I had to go across the street and beg for a ride to the ER from my neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 113

You deserved it 3 577

By jack - 08/10/2012 18:36 - United States - Mcnabb

Today, my girlfriend of 3 months got mad at me because I thought she was attractive. She has an identical twin, and she says if I think she's attractive, I must want her twin too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 920

You deserved it 2 525

By stoych - 08/10/2012 07:14 - United Kingdom

Today, after a great first date, he leaned in to kiss me. I held my breath slightly. This resulted in me breathing out through my nose, blowing a huge snot bubble, which then burst on his face. He looked at me in horror and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 013

You deserved it 5 928

By PuddlePirate - 07/09/2012 16:23 - United States - Mountain Iron

Today, my co-worker and I were having a conversation in Russian. Our boss overheard us talking, shouted, "I know you're talking about me! I speak Spanish too!" and threatened to fire us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 572

You deserved it 3 419

By D: - 06/10/2013 17:13 - France - Paris

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 325

You deserved it 3 877

By LeoCor - 27/08/2018 20:30

Today, and for the past 2 weeks, I've had a massive pain in my throat. It went down for a while with antibiotics, but when it came back I had to go to the hospital for an emergency surgery. There was a 3cm abscess growing in my throat. Happy birthday to me! FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 037

You deserved it 107

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Top comments

skidary 0

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Thursday 2 September 2010 23:12

don't have Hooker nails next time?

padlarf 14

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Thursday 2 September 2010 23:13

No, you did not throw up blood. You threw up, and blood from your throat mixed with the vomit.

starile 19

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Thursday 2 September 2010 23:10

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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crazyladydaisy 4

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Thursday 2 September 2010 23:18

She isn't saying shes bulimic.. have you ever felt like you need to throw up but nothing happens I hate that.. and throwing up makes you feel better

Master__Chief 0

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Thursday 2 September 2010 23:21

argh you beat me to it. bulimia or anorexia?

luckytexan 7

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Thursday 2 September 2010 23:45

fyl cuz any stomach virus "blows"

H8rSk8r 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 0:06

I guess (*puts on sunglasses*) the situation just got messy. Yeaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!

Brittney_E 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 0:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Hummbinger 5

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Friday 3 September 2010 0:12

#27. You are my new favourite troll. 

ilovenerds_ 1

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Friday 3 September 2010 2:10

RAAAANKK.

pursey11041996 4

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Friday 3 September 2010 3:02

CUT THEM NAILS

Lingonberry668 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 3:19

wats a troll?

jester613 2

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Friday 3 September 2010 3:19

dumbass

ugwmii 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 3:36

don't sweat it sis. al u gotta do us cut your damn nails. play it safe. learn from your mistakes and don't be retarded

missmurderx 8

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Friday 3 September 2010 4:23

puke rots your teeth. :/ youdeserveit?

shellytaliaaxxx 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 4:35

Your body would have naturally made you puke up or shit out any virus. the body is an amazing thing, let it do its job

JessiiBabii 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 4:35

27- your my idol. :D

Tasanasanta 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 5:11

A troll is a mythical creature that terrorizes people, but there have been cases of a few "nice" trolls. They are generally larger than humans and uglier.

yoohooaddict 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 5:49

wordd

benny2465 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 6:05

lol 1 I thought the same thing

kayC7 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 6:06

WOW. "Sliced open my throat"?Overreaction much? I think so.

sugarr0babby0 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 7:09

BLOOOOD. ish. ish. ish. ish.

Bag3l 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 7:46

27 well played indeed. You have found waldo. YDI for not having the coordination to induce vomitting.

PieInTheSky24 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 13:12

YDI for doing something like that with long nails :/

MelissaNJonas 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 17:54

if u have food poisoning u have to make yourself puke

Evafml123 0

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Saturday 4 September 2010 1:52

I threw up today but I didn't stick my long nailed finger down my throat.I felt sick, went to the bathroom and threw up. I have a feeling you were not feeling sick and you are bulimic and this really happened. I could be wrong but whatever.

Sammyb123 0

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Saturday 4 September 2010 4:33

Too all of you saying 'OMG BULEMIA IS WRONG', have you ever had a stomach virus and been unable to vomit normally? Didn't think so - it feels horrible. Go be preachy somewhere else.

Patrick69_fml 0

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Saturday 4 September 2010 10:26

this is fake and gay

_krystallynn_ 11

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Saturday 27 October 2012 1:28

she was gonna puke anyways. might as well get it over with.

venomousflower 24

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Monday 4 May 2015 19:07

Bulimia isn't a joke -.-

xLivingCorpsex 0

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Thursday 2 September 2010 23:12

sucks

starile 19

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Friday 3 September 2010 8:03

Blows, really.

eehizle 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 16:46

I just looked for the like button. then I realized it's not facebook. :/

edogy 0

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 5:50

when I read this I threw up in my mouth, and then died inside.

skidary 0

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Thursday 2 September 2010 23:12

don't have Hooker nails next time?

Xtaci 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 1:15

lol

Reynaaa 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 7:45

don't have hooker nails and don't try to maka yourself throw up !

padlarf 14

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Thursday 2 September 2010 23:13

No, you did not throw up blood. You threw up, and blood from your throat mixed with the vomit.

Shell02 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 2:38

yummm..

edogy 0

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Saturday 23 July 2011 7:47

You people are disgusting.

SpeakOutLoud 1

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Friday 16 March 2012 3:46

Technically if blood came up she DID throw up blood, just mixed with vomit

talim_fml 3

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Thursday 2 September 2010 23:16

The super long nails gross me out more than the sliced throat.

craphappened 4

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Thursday 2 September 2010 23:50

I was thinking of SAW when I read "sliced open my throat".

me77111 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 23:24

I agree I don't see how any girl could think it's attractive.

unluckiestperson_fml 14

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Thursday 2 September 2010 23:18

Your body knows when you need to throw up, you never have to induce the vomit. Making yourself sick can cause damage when your body isn't ready to actually vomit. So, in a way, YDI.