Health: Today, a lady told me that I should sue whoever screwed up my... - FML

By :^( - 07/12/2013 17:30 - Bahrain - Isa Town

Today, a lady told me that I should sue whoever screwed up my "nose job" so badly. This is the nose I was born with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 120

You deserved it 3 187

Batman

Best teeth in the game

I bet you're fun at parties

By Neckbruise101 - 15/10/2016 06:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss berated me in front of 2 other coworkers about how unprofessional it was for me to show up to work with a clearly visible hickey. I had to explain to him that my "hickey" was actually a huge pimple that had bruised up after I popped it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 566

You deserved it 850

By can't sleep - 18/03/2014 08:36 - United States - Crown Point

Today, my mother taught my 98-year-old great-uncle to knock on the wall if he needs us. He can't remember who we are, but every hour he can remember to knock to ask, "Is it breakfast yet?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 743

You deserved it 4 128

By Grossed out - 14/02/2009 21:37 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mother was driving me and my friends to a wedding. My friends and I were talking about birth control, and then my mother chimes in, "Yeah, I used to use the sponge, but the spermicide would always burn your dad's penis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 290

You deserved it 7 240

Our house, in the middle of our lockdown!

By cfails - 02/04/2020 14:00

Today, I found out the house I want to buy is being re-listed, because I can't have an open house to get people to see and buy my current house, because no one can go out in the this fucking quarantine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 632

You deserved it 175

My new friends

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 18:01 - Germany - Dresden

Today, on a camping trip, where it’s raining, I'm suddenly popular. With whom? With slugs! I found one in my shoe, one in my bag, two in my cooking pot and the last one I grabbed – surprise! - on the backside of my coffee mug, which was inside the bag, on the bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 56

By blueheron93 - 13/11/2010 14:25 - Germany

Today, I realized that the only boy who ever called me pretty was my 5-year-old brother. My sister then scolded him for lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 085

You deserved it 3 058

By anonymous - 27/03/2013 23:55 - United States - Honolulu

Spicy

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

I agree, your life sucks 88 993

You deserved it 9 220

By Anonymous - 15/05/2010 19:41 - United States

Today, I stopped at a yellow light. The guy behind me did not. He had no insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 610

You deserved it 6 918

By Anonymous - 02/01/2009 15:53 - France

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend confessed to me that she wants to dress me up with her clothes, with wig and makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 138

You deserved it 5 504

By unemployed - 20/04/2013 00:16 - El Salvador - San Salvador

Today, my boss made me give a presentation to several senior company officials about the serious financial losses our division has made this year. Barely an hour later, my boss had palmed all the blame off onto me and gotten me fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 761

You deserved it 3 373

By what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god - 05/04/2013 18:51 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 618

You deserved it 4 821

By Evil_Angel_90 - 10/09/2013 11:36 - Australia

Today, in order to try and get over my slight fear of swans, I went down to the local park to feed them. One decided that I looked tastier than the bread I was throwing and chased me around the feeding area while everybody laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 959

You deserved it 6 230

Maths

By math is literal violence - 20/11/2021 08:01

Today, despite doing extra credit, staying after class to have one-on-one tutoring with the TA, doing online tutoring and watching YouTube videos, I still absolutely cannot do math! I’ve been reduced to bribing my nephew to do my work for me. I’m in college. He’s in 7th grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 333

By dasnich - 05/02/2012 03:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, after a twelve week dry spell followed by an eight week one, I decided to take a bit more initiative at seducing my girlfriend. Not only was she "not in the mood" again, but she offered me Trident Layers gum instead. She apparently thought that it was a fair trade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 694

You deserved it 5 361

By verasam01 - 25/02/2011 00:37 - United States

Today, I took a picture of myself and put it on Facebook. After I did so, I realized that in the background, you can see my crush's Facebook page up on my laptop. He tagged himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 789

You deserved it 51 634

By SleepyKirsty - 09/06/2009 13:36 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120 503

You deserved it 5 685

By Zoo - 07/05/2019 14:00

Today, I went to therapy. Previously, I had been given the task to write a list of things I hate about myself so my doctor could see what we needed to work on. I gave her the list, and she simply said, "Wow, I've never had someone give me such a long list." I had 55 items on the list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 748

You deserved it 263

By pong - 06/08/2013 21:59 - France - Toulouse

Today, I asked my surgeon if I would be having a general or local anesthetic at my upcoming operation. He replied, "General, of course! It's gonna be a slaughterhouse in there!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 911

You deserved it 4 047

By Anonymous - 18/11/2015 14:50 - Canada

Today, I read the instructions on my new prescription constipation medicine: "For best results, defecate before use." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 652

You deserved it 1 701

Deadbeat

By Ryley Jenna - 23/06/2021 11:01

Spicy

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me for a year. He doesn't see how texting and sexting counts as cheating. While I cleaned, cooked, payed all our bills and went to school, he didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964

You deserved it 210

Self-defeating move

By Steve - 12/05/2021 11:01

Today, my dog discovered his new toilet by taking a dump on his own bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 86

By Anonymous - 25/03/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, my mother asked me if my boyfriend and I were getting serious. I quickly lied and said no. She then informed me that if things ever heated up that she would take me to get birthcontrol. Wanting birthcontrol, I confessed. In turn she grounded me. I am not allowed to see my boyfriend anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 588

You deserved it 28 823

By blahppl14 - 27/12/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend got high and decided to text all our friends and family the crazy stories about us. He was even nice enough to include pictures. I hear a nude one made it to my Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 016

You deserved it 13 494

By trackgurl - 21/02/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I went to get my blood drawn for the first time. After I explained to the nurse how nervous I was, she replied, "Oh honey, don't worry! This is my first time too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 648

You deserved it 2 966

By Aaron - 14/05/2009 21:23 - United States

Today, I walked to my local McDonald's. I spent the last 7 dollars I had on my meal. As I began to walk back to my dorm, I was mugged. I explained to them I had no money, so they stole my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 963

You deserved it 3 712

By how about never? - 19/10/2014 11:22 - United States - San Fernando

Spicy

Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 784

You deserved it 5 138

By Anonymous - 19/11/2015 09:46 - United States - Chippewa Falls

Today, I was assigned to a group of four to brainstorm ideas for a project. One by one they listed their ideas, but when it was my turn they skipped me. They suddenly started a casual conversation with each other, oblivious of my existence, while I sat quietly between them for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 971

You deserved it 3 934

By Rosie J. - 10/11/2016 02:45 - United States - Leawood

Today, I saw an older gentleman running through my store. I wasn't sure why he was running towards the front door until I looked at the floor and saw a poop trail behind him. The trail went from the front of the store all the way to the back of the store. Guess who had to get the mop and bucket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 270

You deserved it 570

By Bg2466 - 15/08/2016 03:17 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I got a bad review on my work's Facebook page. The girl said I was very rude and I should never work with the public. I was trying to flirt with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 112

You deserved it 15 601

By jobless - 30/06/2019 22:01

Today, I had my first interview after weeks of applying everywhere, but I got turned away for being "inappropriately dressed" for the interview. I was wearing the smartest clothes I own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 567

You deserved it 458

Knackered

By bandeek - 23/10/2016 18:52

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I fell asleep twice during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 962

You deserved it 2 837

By onedollar - 24/07/2010 21:56 - Venezuela

Today, someone gave me 13 dollar bills. I rejected one because I'm very superstitious about the unlucky 13. Later, I waited half an hour in the car for someone to bring me exactly 1 dollar because I did not have enough for the parking fee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 668

You deserved it 65 549

By awkward. - 29/12/2012 15:50 - United Kingdom - Rickmansworth

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the cinema. Or rather, she went with her other boyfriend, and I happened to see them there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 221

You deserved it 3 175

By bigmouth - 14/03/2009 08:43 - United States

Today, I met a really nice couple at a bar. We talked and the conversation eventually drifted towards online dating. I casually commented that hooking up through the internet was sad and pathetic. Turns out they met on Myspace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 838

You deserved it 67 759

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 14:13 - United States

Today, I learned that when someone says "I know what you did" it's better not to confess right away, because sometimes they could be talking about leaving the computer on all night, and not talking about giving the family dog away and telling everyone it ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 105

You deserved it 51 942

By Anonymous - 10/02/2011 18:38 - Ireland

Today, my professor's son died in a car accident and class has been cancelled until further notice. All my friends were delighted and cheered about it in front of me. I was dating my professor's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 143 634

You deserved it 6 415

By Anonymous - 12/01/2015 02:41 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His father was completely wasted, his mom was high, and his 11-year-old sister was talking about her favorite alcoholic drinks at the dinner table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 006

You deserved it 3 282

By Amanda - 05/05/2018 15:00

Today, my daughter has been using the "supertaster" excuse to not eat my cooking. To prove to her that she isn't one, I blindfolded her and gave her a bowl of jelly beans, then asked her to plug her nose and identify the flavors. She got every single one correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 796

You deserved it 3 852

By spadesmollusques - 06/06/2016 05:13 - France - Strasbourg

Today, my 10-year-old son introduced me to Tom, his new best friend, and insisted we have him over to dinner. Tom is a slug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 009

You deserved it 1 322

By photogirl - 30/08/2010 18:42 - United States

Today, my external hard drive broke. My husband tried to fix it, and the computer told him he needed to format it. Apparently he didn't know what formatting does, so he did it. I'm a wedding photographer and had a full summer of unfinished wedding photography on there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 113

You deserved it 7 406

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Top comments

PrincessCastiel 27

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Sunday 8 December 2013 2:26

God gave you a receipt right? But in all seriousness, I'm so sorry OP. That was a rude comment for her to make. You're perfect just the way you are :)

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Sunday 8 December 2013 2:27

Don't let her bother you. I think natural imperfections are more attractive than fake plastic Barbie features.

Comments

PrincessCastiel 27

Send a private message

Sunday 8 December 2013 2:26

God gave you a receipt right? But in all seriousness, I'm so sorry OP. That was a rude comment for her to make. You're perfect just the way you are :)

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Sunday 8 December 2013 2:37

No refunds allowed

123amanda123 14

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Sunday 8 December 2013 3:03

some people should learn to not open their mouths... sorry op! :(

naarz 9

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Sunday 8 December 2013 7:23

That's rude of her.....don't worry about it OP nobody's perfect but you will always be perfect for someone who likes you for you are

False_Stupidity 41

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Sunday 8 December 2013 10:09

No refunds #13? Well damn.. I was about to declare that life is a lemon and I want my money back!

abu4u 26

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Wednesday 11 December 2013 1:33

Can you sue God?!

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Sunday 8 December 2013 2:27

Don't let her bother you. I think natural imperfections are more attractive than fake plastic Barbie features.

perdix 29

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Sunday 8 December 2013 2:37

and having "Made In China" stamped in your crotch is an especially unattractive fake Barbie feature.

cheshirecat13242 32

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Sunday 8 December 2013 2:42

Both of you, shut up.. OP should sue God & that's final. ;-)

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Sunday 8 December 2013 2:47

It's physically impossible for me to shut up. Anyone who knows me can tell you so. I have had springs surgically inserted into my jaw to help me with my talkathon, and as soon as I close my mouth it pops open again. Springs are useful like that.

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Sunday 8 December 2013 3:08

If you can't shut up... shut down.

RedPillSucks 31

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Sunday 8 December 2013 5:36

Hey. I like my "made in china" tramp stamp.

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Sunday 8 December 2013 2:27

Forget her. Don't let that get to you, we all have our flaws.

minesbiggerr 25

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Sunday 8 December 2013 3:02

Some of us with too many

\ 28

Sunday 8 December 2013 3:04

Show me a perfect human being and I'll show you Demon Spawn.

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Sunday 8 December 2013 2:27

Man, what's with all the FMLs related related noses?

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Sunday 8 December 2013 5:13

Don't look down your nose at them.

hunts19ketchup 23

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Sunday 8 December 2013 9:33

Don't turn your nose up at them either

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Sunday 8 December 2013 2:28

How rude. Who noes maybe she's just jealous.

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Sunday 8 December 2013 2:57

*knows I'm sorry, I couldn't help it >.

minesbiggerr 25

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Sunday 8 December 2013 3:04

I think he was trying to make a pun. " who nose" but he misspelt it

carelessxdanger 9

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Sunday 8 December 2013 2:29

ask who screwed up her personality. there is no cure for douche-baggery.

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Sunday 8 December 2013 2:30

Jerks everywhere.

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Sunday 8 December 2013 2:30

I can't see any good reason behind making a comment like that.

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Sunday 8 December 2013 2:31

Tell her to stop being so nosy in others' business

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Sunday 8 December 2013 2:55

Lol I get it

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Sunday 8 December 2013 2:32

Tell her she should take the same advice for the doctor who made her tits lopsided.

crazytwinsmom 25

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Sunday 8 December 2013 8:31

Natural boobs may be lopsided too, not just fake ones.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 43

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 25

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 293

You deserved it 75

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 31