Today, I was trying out for a position as pitcher for my college...

By Bonecrusher - 27/3/2015 22:50 - United States - Sonoma

Today, I was trying out for a position as pitcher for my college baseball team. I threw the ball as hard as I could, and then collapsed to the ground in agony from a dislocated shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30304

You deserved it

5288

Favorite

Health

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Don't give up

Fairytale ending

By Anonymous - 2/3/2012 15:54 - United States

Today, I had a long conversation with my fiancé about how smoking menthol cigarettes is not a substitute for brushing your teeth. He still isn't convinced. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28203

You deserved it

3704

Favorite

By cacheson - 19/8/2017 20:00

Today, after being single for a year, I finally have a boyfriend. Today, my chronic nightmares also started up again after being gone for a year. Apparently I'm allowed to have either a love life, or sleep. Not both. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3963

You deserved it

316

Favorite

By Anonymous - 31/3/2009 09:08 - Australia

Today, I accidentally pressed the panic button under the register at work. I didn't even know we had a panic button until the cops showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55349

You deserved it

16108

Favorite

By anonymous - 15/10/2017 01:30

Today, my dad's face flushed when I introduced him to my new boyfriend. I live in a small town, and it turns out my dad recognized him. He's the secret child from an affair two decades ago. He's my half-brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6969

You deserved it

299

Favorite

By smh - 13/5/2012 22:30 - United States - Sacramento

Today, if you live in California, you might have seen a crazy drunk guy naked in front of a McDonald's, waving at everyone. Yeah, that was probably me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10224

You deserved it

36219

Favorite

By fuckalltwitardsintheface - 20/9/2012 21:34 - United States - Lindsey

Today, I went to a new dentist because I've been experiencing occasional toothache. Upon seeing my x-rays, he noticed something odd. Apparently, during a root canal a while ago, a piece of an instrument broke off, and has been lodged within ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30433

You deserved it

1688

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/12/2016 15:06 - United States

Today, I was on my way to work and someone cut me off. I then switched lanes and sped past the person as I flipped them off. What I didn't notice was that the person that cut me off was my boss. He's been shooting me dirty looks from across the room all morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7911

You deserved it

5691

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/10/2010 15:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three months told me that he had cheated on me two months ago with my best friend. I decided to give him a second chance. About twenty minutes later, he then broke up with me for not wanting to watch football. Apparently I don't care about his feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30680

You deserved it

12933

Favorite

By Alpha - 17/12/2011 21:18 - Estonia

Today, while I was meditating in my room, I started to hear strange sounds. I was thrilled and thought I was having some sort of profound experience. It turned out my brother had tuned in to South Park out in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10480

You deserved it

31647

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/4/2020 20:00

News to me

Today, my dad told me he liked men. While he was making a drunken speech. At my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1730

You deserved it

140

Favorite

By bman - 7/4/2012 06:41 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I caught myself staring at my grandmother's cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11888

You deserved it

50002

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/2/2010 07:54 - United States

Today, I bought a brand new huge leather recliner. After laying down and watching football for some time, I sit up and hear a loud shatter. My iPhone was crushed by the mechanics of the chair after it slipped out of my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28817

You deserved it

8378

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/8/2011 02:17 - United States

Today, I had a mild allergic reaction from eating pasta salad. I told my mom that I might be allergic to the parsley, since it was the only ingredient that I don't eat often. She made me eat a sprig of it to "make sure." Now my face is covered in hives. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34597

You deserved it

4527

Favorite

By nic - 1/4/2009 20:06 - United States

Today, for April fools I decided to set off the smoke detectors in my friend's apartment while he was sleeping and saran wrap the outside of his bedroom doorway so he would smack into it. Instead, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21705

You deserved it

120125

Favorite

By MotherofET - 11/7/2011 04:23 - Australia

Today, my daughter announced on Facebook that she is directly descended from extra-terrestrials. That would be okay - except she's 25 and believes it's true. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31203

You deserved it

4461

Favorite

By DrunkParents - 31/3/2015 23:32 - United States - Billings

Today, a really drunk couple staggered into the store I work at. One of them yelled at me, "Hey you! Kid! Tell us where the booze is at!" This would have been funny if these people weren't my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29712

You deserved it

2706

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/7/2011 04:26 - New Zealand

Today, I slipped and fell in mud while running from the car to inside to avoid getting wet in a torrential downpour. I was running from the limo, in my wedding dress, to the church for my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62365

You deserved it

7736

Favorite

By dammitRandy - 19/6/2016 17:18 - United States - Kearny

Today, we had a fish fry for Father's Day. I ended up getting a fish bone lodged in my tonsil, and I had to rush to the bathroom to pull it out. I threw up three times in the process and still didn't manage to get the bone out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13905

You deserved it

1087

Favorite

By LindseyS - 20/3/2012 02:00 - United States

FML: Uncensored

Today, I was enjoying my last day of Spring Break in Panama City. I got up to dance on the stage at the Holiday Inn in front of hundreds of college kids. I tried to be sexy by turning around and bending over. My friends took pictures and my bloody tampon string was hanging out the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40975

You deserved it

106352

Favorite

By NinjaWafflesx - 15/12/2011 15:20 - United States

Today, my mother hacked my Facebook and broke up with my boyfriend and pretended to be me. She told him if he ever talks to me again, she'll call the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40627

You deserved it

3915

Favorite

By aisbash - 1/9/2013 19:35 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was waitressing at work, when a woman decided to change her baby's nappy on a table. One moment I was asking her to leave, and the next, she was shoving a fully shat-out nappy into my hands. She asked me to get rid of it and fetch her baby wipes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42972

You deserved it

3605

Favorite

By sometingwong - 1/12/2011 20:32 - United States

Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60084

You deserved it

3411

Favorite

By ardenm - 12/2/2009 05:45 - United States

Today, when I tried on a pair of pants at the mall, I asked the salesperson if I could have the next size up. She informed me that there wasn't a next size up. I have to LOSE weight to fit into the biggest pair of pants the store makes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18638

You deserved it

37966

Favorite

By Hoobfoob - 19/6/2017 04:00

Today, my car was totaled. It was so new, I haven't even made the first payment on it yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4584

You deserved it

560

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/10/2019 06:02

It's the new thing!

Today, I fell asleep while at an outside birthday party in the sun for a five-year-old. That five-year-old put an animal cracker on my forehead. I now have a rhino-shaped tan line. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1301

You deserved it

958

Favorite

By julie - 12/11/2009 01:54 - United States

Today, I realized that if you are too lazy to get completely dressed in the morning and only put on a top, you should not answer a Skype video call from your boss that involves you standing up, turning around and grabbing files from your filing cabinet all in clear view of your web cam. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9009

You deserved it

42363

Favorite

By Erin - 10/5/2016 02:18 - United States - Springfield

Today, I fell in the shower, landing ass-crack first onto a can of shaving cream, which split my butt straight down the crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14347

You deserved it

1247

Favorite

By Boobs McGee - 31/10/2016 02:48

Today, I should probably throw out my old, torn dress as my boob popped out to say hello to a passing car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8899

You deserved it

2655

Favorite

By DB - 23/2/2009 02:29 - United States

Today, my parents met my boyfriends parents for the first time. Bailing us out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16695

You deserved it

61170

Favorite

By unbelievable208 - 5/8/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48521

You deserved it

86350

Favorite

By Nic - 23/2/2009 15:32 - United States

Today, I just studied for 13.5 hours completely outlining a book for history. Thirty minutes before the test, I realized I had been reading the wrong book. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37725

You deserved it

42859

Favorite

By Wallz99 - 19/4/2013 06:00 - Pakistan - Plot

Today, my long-distance girlfriend drunk dialed me and told me she was horny. Surprised, I exclaimed, "You're horny?" without realizing my boss was right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53199

You deserved it

23232

Favorite

By ringmaster101 - 4/3/2009 23:42 - United States

Today, I went to the jewelry store to sell my wedding ring after a long and painful divorce. The shop owner took one look at it and called the cops because I tried to sell him a diamond ring that had been stolen from him 3 years ago. My ex-husband left the country a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76809

You deserved it

3348

Favorite

By :-( - 17/7/2013 05:22 - Australia - Rozelle

Today, I finally convinced my mum to take me to a psychologist. As soon as he sat me down and asked me how I was doing, my mum burst into tears and went on a rant about how her life is terrible and she regrets everything. I was asked to sit in the waiting room. She used up my whole hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53913

You deserved it

3617

Favorite

By mintyfresh - 29/10/2009 02:54 - United States

Today, I had to lie to my dentist about how often I brush my teeth. I honestly don't remember the last time I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9201

You deserved it

119732

Favorite

By big steve - 11/2/2012 18:35 - United States

Today, I had to call AAA for the fifth time in two months. When the driver got out, I instantly recognized him. It was the same guy who helped me out all the previous occasions. When he saw me, he snorted and doubled over laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25700

You deserved it

6201

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/4/2012 07:18 - United States - Salinas

Today, I tried to put together some flat-pack furniture. I wound up in my underpants, screaming stuff like, "Fuck you, fucking Ikea bastard" at pieces of confusing plywood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11919

You deserved it

21625

Favorite

By - 8/2/2020 05:00

Teenage narcs

Today, my mom called to tell me that I needed to clean the side of her couch. Why? Because someone picked their nose and wiped snot all on the side of it. She thinks it was me because I sat there last. It wasn't me. I don't even live there, but I have 2 teenage siblings that blame everything on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1738

You deserved it

127

Favorite

By Drewbie - 13/1/2013 08:53 - United States - Park City

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52619

You deserved it

8743

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/7/2013 20:33 - United States - Roseburg

Today, I went camping with my family. While I was using the shower house, my sister decided it'd be hilarious to run off with my clothes and towel. I ran back to the camper, completely naked, only for my parents to bitch me out for streaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47336

You deserved it

3609

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By GoGiants28 | 13

#6245518 - Saturday 28 March 2015 8:23

Struck out at that position...

By Nordrag | 25

#6245519 - Saturday 28 March 2015 8:23

Although never very good at sports, this was always a very real fear of mine when I played baseball as a kid because I remember watching an older kid do that.

Comments

By GoGiants28 | 13

#6245518 - Saturday 28 March 2015 8:23

Struck out at that position...

kylieh72 | 25

#6245604 - Saturday 28 March 2015 10:15

On the upside, better to strike out now, with time to heal, than to have made a career of baseball and have it happen then.

jake_braves | 25

#6245632 - Saturday 28 March 2015 12:07

I know how you feel OP...baseball was my passion. But then I dislocated my shoulder 3 times. It sucks.

By Nordrag | 25

#6245519 - Saturday 28 March 2015 8:23

Although never very good at sports, this was always a very real fear of mine when I played baseball as a kid because I remember watching an older kid do that.