Health: Today, a girl asked me to check out her left breast, which she...

By noway - 22/03/2015 04:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a girl asked me to check out her left breast, which she said she'd found a strange lump on. I'm an orthodontist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 810

You deserved it 3 435

Health

Another great day to be alive

Mother of the year

Own it

By Maybe I'll stay longer than spring break. - 31/03/2013 04:34 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I came home to visit my family for spring break, only to realize that I'd left my phone in my apartment. After a 2 hour drive back, I discovered my boyfriend with my neighbor. He panicked and pretended to be sleepwalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 629

You deserved it 4 049

By Anonymous - 30/06/2019 16:06

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I started to put my hands down his pants and jokingly said, "Sorry, I'm not very good at hand jobs." He replied, "I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 809

You deserved it 717

Road rage

By Anonymous - 26/04/2021 20:00

Today, I was brake-checking a Dodge Charger who was attempting to run me off. It was an undercover police car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 1 552

By f.m. - 23/07/2018 16:00

Today, I took my driving test. I was nervous, but I thought I followed the rules of the road pretty well. My tester ended up failing me for "backing out too slowly". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 185

You deserved it 278

Gigs

By Anonymous - 22/03/2019 20:00

Today, I went to see my favorite band in concert. Not only did the people next to me have a loud conversation through the entire set, the guy behind me repeatedly tried to lecture me for head-butting him. Given he was a foot taller than me, I'm not even sure how that was possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 903

You deserved it 131

By inpain - 02/12/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I learned that my hairdo must resemble a rat. I found out when a hawk swooped down and dug its claws into my head while I was sunbathing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 887

You deserved it 6 191

By This_Is_Me1982 - 03/01/2011 17:51 - Canada

Today, I found out that my friend makes more money than I do. She's a high school dropout and working at a retail job at the mall. I went to college for four years to get my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 535

You deserved it 5 161

By yankeeboy123 - 12/01/2015 05:03 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her reason? Not enough guys have been liking her photos on Instagram since we started dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 572

You deserved it 3 310

By Anonymous - 31/12/2013 20:11 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I introduced my dad, who is a surgeon, to the TV show House. I thought it'd be a good bonding experience. How wrong I was. He spent the whole time yelling about the "insane" medical inaccuracies, then lectured me about my crappy taste in TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 022

You deserved it 10 103

Wobbly

By CheddarJack89 - 01/12/2012 08:35 - United States - Manchester

Today, after doing inventory at my job, I was approached by a co-worker who I had always thought was cute. I tried talking to her, but it was hard as I kept trembling and stuttering from spending two hours in a meat locker. Now she assumes that I'm "special". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 786

You deserved it 2 464

Indifference

By Anonymous - 03/05/2020 17:00

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me having phone sex with another guy. He either didn't notice or didn't care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 4 883

By Anonymous - 08/08/2015 02:16 - United States - Dayton

Today, I found my daughter sobbing and trying to stick a wad of gauze to her vagina. She was having her first period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 260

You deserved it 11 295

Gifts for the whole family

By don’tletthembite - 04/05/2020 02:00

Today, my trucker husband brought home roses for me, toys for the kids and bedbugs for the whole house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 646

You deserved it 115

By handlin - 14/01/2010 06:45 - Mexico

Today, after 8 years, I confessed one of my best friends I've been in love with him since we were kiddies. His answer was "Don't worry, I won't stop talking to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 925

You deserved it 4 127

By soawkward - 26/01/2012 19:09 - Canada

Today, I passed out in the shower with my boyfriend. He just left me there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 953

You deserved it 5 125

By foreveryoung - 30/04/2016 16:23 - France

Today, a weird guy approached me and started asking me many questions. I didn't know how to get out of this situation, so I suddenly ran away shouting, "Stranger danger! " I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 859

You deserved it 3 266

By ahhhhhh - 12/02/2015 17:23 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I made my mom breakfast in bed for her birthday. She was naked when I went to give it to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 560

You deserved it 6 464

By SFBEL - 21/05/2015 03:56 - Belgium - Leuven

Today, after being a resident DJ at a local club for over 4 years, I got fired. Not because I'm bad at what I do, but because my boss thinks I'm not 'having fun like the other DJs'. And by 'having fun' he means that I don't drink enough. I got fired for not being an alcoholic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 608

You deserved it 2 126

Doggy dog world

By Whatever - 24/09/2021 08:00

Today, my self-esteem has gotten so low that when I was out walking my boss's dog and someone called out, "Beautiful!" I assumed they were talking about the dog. They had to clarify they were speaking about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 135

By tattooapprentice - 01/12/2018 17:30

Today, at my first day of my dream job, I dropped a delicate $700 piece of machinery on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 747

You deserved it 417

By eggs - 28/02/2009 06:30 - Canada

Today, while at work at my grocery store I sold a TON of eggs to a bunch of kids. We joked around that they were "going to bake a giant cake." When I got home I found out someone had egged my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 269

You deserved it 9 180

By WTF - 26/10/2010 16:55 - United States

Today, I was rejected by a girl when she told me she is not ready to date. We met on a dating website. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 894

You deserved it 4 472

By Whoops - 03/09/2009 20:28 - United States

Today, I discovered the guy that sits next to me in class is actually a girl. Not only is that bad, but we had to write a paper about each other. I used the words "him" and "he", and read it to the whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 220

You deserved it 42 251

By btchzloveit - 29/09/2011 12:27 - United States

Today, after 4 months of no family contact while deployed in the military, I receive an email from my mother. Attached was a picture of a toilet full of green shit, with a message from my mom saying, "Seen neon poo before? Thought I would share!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 194

You deserved it 2 385

By HannaMD - 26/01/2015 15:21 - Canada

Today, my cat had the bright idea of giving birth in the dryer, on top of all my new white towels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 468

You deserved it 5 919

By High school senior - 31/08/2017 23:15

Today, I spent the first day of my senior year in the ER because my new ear piercing got so infected that the doctors had to cut the earring out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 667

You deserved it 899

By soapy - 01/10/2011 16:08 - Canada

Today, while taking a shower, my back hair caused so much friction against the bar of soap, it stuck for a good second before coming free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 020

You deserved it 8 915

By ihatedogs - 22/06/2009 04:04 - United States

Today, my brother came down to my house, bringing his untrained puppies with him. As we were eating dinner, I dropped part of my sandwich in a liquid that was on the tablecloth. Thinking it was water, I ate it. As I chewed, I realized the liquid wasn't water. My sandwich was dipped in dog urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 826

You deserved it 19 864

I'm looking through you

By lesler - 20/07/2021 06:01 - Canada

Today, my bartender noticed my new haircut before my live-in boyfriend did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 173

By Dogsbody - 27/05/2019 02:30

Today, I noticed that my dad scolds me in the same tone of voice that he uses to scold our two dogs. Gives a whole new meaning to being treated like a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 545

You deserved it 225

By andrie09 - 07/07/2009 22:18 - United States

Today, my mom told me I was a bad daughter because I didn't get anything for my parents' anniversary. I just sent my brother a check for $400 for my share of their gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 252

You deserved it 3 060

By fired - 23/11/2010 13:41 - United States

Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 203

You deserved it 65 362

By Coley - 29/01/2009 22:46 - Canada

Today, I went to the doctor to talk about my depression and low self-esteem. He told me that I shouldn't think of myself as a fat pig for being overweight. I don't think that and I'm NOT overweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 889

You deserved it 3 607

By Unemployed - 21/09/2009 17:08 - United States

Today, my grandma picked up the phone. It was a man asking to speak to me. Instead of giving me the phone she decides to hang up on him, thinking it was some guy trying to "get with me." It turned out to be the call I've been waiting all week for... a call from a huge company about a job offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 674

You deserved it 2 732

By Stinky. - 09/04/2012 03:29 - United States - Chicago

Today, my boyfriend was complaining about how we never see the movies he wants to see. So I took him to the movies, and he picked which one. Then he fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 622

You deserved it 2 729

He does have a point

By Ksweety_fml - 05/10/2019 14:00

Today, I texted someone and typed, "lol". My boyfriend asked me why I put "lol". I told him because I thought it was funny. He looked at me weird and said, "But you didn't laugh." Now he thinks I'm weird because I didn't actually laugh out loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 214

You deserved it 447

Superficial

By skinnybitch - 08/09/2019 14:00

Today, my Tinder date took one look at me and left, because, "the camera" made me "look thick" and he, "can’t date a skinny bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 642

You deserved it 197

By cargaljen - 07/08/2011 05:29 - United States

Today, while watching tv at my mother's house, a tornado warning came across the screen. After being in the dark nasty basement for half an hour, my mom realizes she was watching a recorded show, and that tornado warning was for 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 097

You deserved it 5 034

By timor - 18/12/2010 16:13 - United States

Today, another man proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 705

You deserved it 4 839

By stpry of my life - 27/02/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I was babysitting my 5 year old niece, and she was really down in the dumps because she didn't get invited to a birthday party. To cheer her up, I took her to Chuck E Cheese. Right when we arrived, we walked in on a birthday party. It was the one that my niece got denied from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 921

You deserved it 6 972

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Top comments

MELKOZAR 27

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Sunday 22 March 2015 19:04

Sheesh! Don't complain!

19990231 29

Sunday 22 March 2015 19:04

Maybe she just wanted you to look at her breast.

19990231 29

Sunday 22 March 2015 19:04

Maybe she just wanted you to look at her breast.

doctorhook86 24

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Sunday 22 March 2015 19:57

#1: Maybe her left side is her better side.

MrsDruidess 23

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Monday 23 March 2015 8:24

maybe shes worried her breasts are growing teeth? :-P

19990231 29

Monday 23 March 2015 12:56

Maybe those are what the bumps around the nipples are

incoherentrmblr 21

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Tuesday 24 March 2015 5:17

Since you're an orthodontist, did you give her breast an oral examination?...

MELKOZAR 27

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Sunday 22 March 2015 19:04

Sheesh! Don't complain!

Jay0501 21

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Sunday 22 March 2015 19:26

Exactly.. When life offers you a free boob check you don't complain

Awahso 25

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Sunday 22 March 2015 19:36

Annnnddd thats how you get sued or accused of sexual assault

laden_swallow09 34

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Sunday 22 March 2015 20:26

For consensual exposure? Get real.

benjamn 23

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Sunday 22 March 2015 22:08

Of course you would need them both for a true comparison.

skyeyez9 24

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Tuesday 24 March 2015 2:55

Depends on the person exposing them too. Does she look like Honey Boo Boos mom? Or Megan Fox?

snowflaky 22

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Sunday 22 March 2015 19:05

She probably just thinks "doctor" is a doctor for everything, rather than a title.

JustinJK 21

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Sunday 22 March 2015 21:25

My cousin has a PhD in Econ. She's a professor and goes by "Dr..." to her students, etc. She's had people ask her for medical advice, lol.

angeluv_2014 22

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Tuesday 24 March 2015 16:54

It makes me wonder if this girl was a patient or what context this happened in...

twitchywaffles 26

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Sunday 22 March 2015 19:05

I guess it could've been worst. It could've been a lump in between her ass cheeks

ComoEsJuan 24

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Sunday 22 March 2015 19:06

I think that is just poop.

jentrynicole 20

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Sunday 22 March 2015 19:16

Or hemorrhoids.

boredSOLDIER 33

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Sunday 22 March 2015 21:29

Or a hamster.

socialproduct 19

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Sunday 22 March 2015 23:05

Lightbulb?

martin8337 35

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Monday 23 March 2015 3:49

Gerbil.

aecribb 14

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Monday 23 March 2015 8:37

"Either this kid's got a light bulb up his butt or his colon has a great idea"

boredSOLDIER 33

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Sunday 22 March 2015 19:06

Sounds like a good day to me. Late spring break flashing.

Epickitty58 29

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Sunday 22 March 2015 19:06

Why are you complaining about that?

taylorbrown97 23

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Sunday 22 March 2015 19:07

Do you know what an orthodontist is..?

Zoldyck 17

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Sunday 22 March 2015 19:17

11 - I think they just meant it in the context of, "Hey, why're you complaining? You get to check out her boobs."

UhHuhHoney 20

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Sunday 22 March 2015 19:07

Some people are just stupid, it's sad.

RammerJammer62 8

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Sunday 22 March 2015 19:07

I see nothing wrong with this one sir.

54MU31 19

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Sunday 22 March 2015 19:08

Someone's lucky...

statefan88 7

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Sunday 22 March 2015 19:13

Does she know the title doctor doesn't always mean treating

brand125 17

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Sunday 22 March 2015 19:52

that would be more diagnosing

mgrazi99 13

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Monday 23 March 2015 5:23

He does treat, just teeth and not breasts

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 5

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 9

Today, my daughter finally learned that you can’t sleep your way to success, after she tried and failed to seduce her married boss, was sacked, and blacklisted as a potential lawsuit throughout every company specialising in her chosen career field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 159

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