Health: Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere... - FML

By fuck right off - United Kingdom - Coalville

Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere and slammed into me. I hit the ground hard and lay there in agony. The guy quickly dusted himself off, said "Sorry man. It's a vicious cycle." then chuckled at his own stupid pun and cycled away. FML

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There's no helping some people

Coherence dude, do you have it?

People are strange

By belladonna - United States

Today, I took the subway. The man sitting across from me would not stop staring at my breasts, so when the train came to my stop, I said, "Nothing to see now, asshole." Then I noticed his white walking stick as he got up to get off. He was blind. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, after leaving a store I got stuck at a red light. A car pulled up next to me and there was a half retarded man jerking his junk at me. Nasty image burned into my corneas forever. FML

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By booooo - France

Today, I withdrew €40 at the ATM to pay for dinner later tonight. It wasn't until I went to pay for it that I realized I'd taken the receipt, but left the cash in the ATM. FML

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By ishouldhavebeenbornrich

Today, at work, a man wanted to buy a garden hose which came up on the till as £1.99. He said that it was wrong and that it should be £1.89, so he then demanded that I called someone down to set it right. He held 20 customers up for 15 minutes to get 10p off a garden hose. FML

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By Jarool - Canada - Red Deer

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML

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By Tokany - Romania

Today, when I came home from work, my computer was drenched with water. My sister claimed there was smoke coming out of it. FML

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By TheGoodTwin - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has been having an intimate text exchange with a woman. She's the grieving widow of his friend who died three weeks ago. FML

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By sprained neck

Today, I had whiplash after my dad and I were rear ended by a suburban. Despite the state trooper saying I should go, my dad delayed taking me to the ER because he wanted to pick up the dog from "doggy daycare" and take her for a nice long walk, while I waited for my mom to come home. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I started to type up a mass text to tell a decent amount of my friends that I'd just come home to a surprise from my boyfriend. Trying to fix a typo, I accidentally hit send with the text only saying "Guess what?! I just came." FML

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By daniel55 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML

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By :O - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my brother in law brought a dead rabbit to my nephew saying, "I found the Easter Bunny!" My nephew started crying hours ago and hasn't stopped. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Redding

Today, my daughter had the words "Always classy, never trashy" tattooed across her lower back in crappy cursive lettering. She doesn't understand the irony. FML

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By Katrina641 - France

Today, I realized that I get more turned on by my exercise bike than my boyfriend of 4 years. FML

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By Lua - France - Laon

Today, my friends renamed my dog, “Dog Vader.“ Yes, my dog has asthma. FML

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By savvylady - United States

Today, I was invited out to a date by my ex-boyfriend. He seemed really excited to reconnect and kept holding my hand and complimenting how I looked. Out of nowhere a girl runs up to him screaming. It was his current girlfriend, he was using me to make her jealous. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bessemer

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my husband. He responded with, "Well shit, when do these faucets turn on?" and started honking my boobs. FML

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By Lennie Mcfish

Today, I confessed my love to my crush over text. Later, she posted the message I'd sent her on Facebook and wrote "look at the pathetic man". The post had over 50 laugh reacts. FML

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By bglenney - United States

Today, for the first time in my life, I simultaneously sneezed, peed and farted. I was giving a presentation at work when this happened. FML

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By welcome to the neighborhood - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I met my new neighbors. The first thing they did was build a fence. FML

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By FUCK - United States - Chicago

Today, I won an award for Employee of the Month. Shocked, I asked my boss if he'd gotten my name mixed up or something. He had. FML

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By Peggy Peggerson - 9/10/2020 02:03 - United States

It's the new craze!

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I’d feel comfortable pegging him. I had no idea what that meant, so I had to look it up. I tried to keep an open mind but it was just too far outside my comfort zone. Now he’s sulking and complaining about me being a prude. FML

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By Tenniemo - United States

Today, while packing up my classroom, I had a sudden stinging pain in my finger. Since I live in Arizona, my first thought was a black widow or scorpion, but the ER doctor didn't believe me and said it's nothing. Tell that to my tingling swollen arm. It’s been 4 hours. FML

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By

Today, has been a very long day, so I shall simply say there is a car in my bedroom. Yes a car. It's entirely my husband's fault, we have no idea how we're supposed to remove it, and there's oil all down my favourite pyjamas. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/7/2020 08:02

Don't touch my stuff

Today, I found out where all my favourite things have been disappearing to: the garbage bin, one item at a time, courtesy of my girlfriend, who it seems wants me in a suit reading the Financial Times on a Saturday, instead of my favourite Jedi dressing gown reading Game of Thrones. FML

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By everybodypoops

"Pooping and Shit"

Today, while at a rest stop, I heard a woman in the stall next to me answer her phone and say to the other person, "Oh nothing just pooping and shit." FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2020 15:01 - Canada - Red Deer

My body, my choice

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to drink several shots of vodka after taking a pill that makes you sick when you drink. She puked all night and then blamed me for making her sick. FML

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By Worsttreeever - United States

Today, we brought our Christmas tree inside to decorate. We decorated it, then went out to dinner as a family. Returning 2 hours later, we came back to find our living room to be occupied. Not with people. The tree had been filled with baby spiders, and they were all over the living room. FML

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By Anonomous - Canada - Whitby

Today, I got a cute girl's number for the first time. Too bad it was because she rear ended my car. FML

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By "Gvinson36"

Today, as they were being dropped off, I was informed that I'll be taking care of my grandparents' two cats. My apartment complex doesn't allow pets. FML

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By krissysays - United States

Today, I heard on the news that the average debt one is in when they graduate college is $24,000. I've been in college for one year and my debt is already $20,000. And it turns out that my school's accreditation does not exist like I was told. $20,000 in debt and no college credits to show for it. FML

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By Joel

Today, I got a ticket for doing 38mph in a 45mph zone. Apparently you can be cited for "impeding traffic" even when you're the only car on the road. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hillsboro

Today, it's my 20th birthday. I recently came home from college to visit my family, after my mother had a stroke a few weeks back. She ended up being the only person who remembered to get me anything. She also thinks it's still 2009. FML

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By silenceisgolden - 23/3/2020 01:39

Train guy

Today, a guy on the train was using his phone really loudly, asking Siri to call a bunch of people, or using voice command to do the most menial things. He was really, really noisy. It's only after I couldn't stand it any more and asked him to be quieter that I noticed the white cane next to him. FML

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By Checkless chick - United States

Today, I decided I would try this feature on my banking app which lets me deposit checks by sending a picture of it. The instructions say to rip the check after depositing. The deposit didn't work and now I've got a ripped up paycheck. FML

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By apple - Netherlands

Today, it's my 18th birthday. I was telling my friends a story when my mom started talking. I simply said 'Mom...' so she'd realize she interrupted me. She gave me the finger and called me rude in front of all my friends. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML

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By Anonymous - 6/4/2020 20:00 - Australia

Itchy and Scratchy

Today, I put a collar on my dog to get rid of his fleas. Good news? He doesn't have fleas anymore. Bad news? They've moved onto the rest of my family. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2020 08:00

Money Money Money

Today, as I was coming out of McDonald's, there was a street musician playing outside. He had his saxophone case open for money. I meant to give him a ten, and it wasn't until I got home later that I realized I'd accidentally given him a hundred-dollar bill. FML

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By kiwi - United States

Today, I realized that the most romantic thing that my boyfriend and I have done in the last month is comb lice out of each other's hair. FML

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By walkingonsunshine - France

Today, my long term boyfriend took me to my favorite restaurant. After the main course he knelt down and finally proposed to me. I was so happy I almost cried. Until an old woman came over and said I was way to old for him. I'm 3 years younger than my fiancé. FML

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Top comments

By ilytyvm | 25

#6252774 - Sunday 5 April 2015 5:57

I have to admit, that was kind of a good one...

Sorry for the incident, though. That does suck.

By tournamentdecide | 33

#6252775 - Sunday 5 April 2015 5:57

That guy sounds like someone who would comment on here.

COMMENTS

By ilytyvm | 25

#6252774 - Sunday 5 April 2015 5:57

I have to admit, that was kind of a good one...

Sorry for the incident, though. That does suck.

Reply

friedpwnadge | 25

#6252864 - Sunday 5 April 2015 7:33

The horrid scale of fmls is most easily measured by the ratio of ydi's to yls's.
This is super bad.

Reply

ironmany_fml | 23

#6253386 - Monday 6 April 2015 0:32

you don't say

Reply

llalala_fml | 19

#6253668 - Monday 6 April 2015 8:58

I bet he was waiting a long time to say that.

By tournamentdecide | 33

#6252775 - Sunday 5 April 2015 5:57

That guy sounds like someone who would comment on here.

Reply

kaablam | 17

#6253017 - Sunday 5 April 2015 13:27

Or like someone who frequently runs people over and has a catch phrase.

Reply

tantanpanda | 26

#6254244 - Monday 6 April 2015 21:01

No need to pedalize anyone for it :)

By 1DisGR8 | 32

#6252777 - Sunday 5 April 2015 5:59

I honestly don't understand what goes on in those kind of people's heads. Don't they have an ounce of sympathy or give even a decent apology to someone they knocked over?
Sorry this happened to you.

Reply

ihavenolifehaha | 16

#6252956 - Sunday 5 April 2015 11:26

Lighten up. It was a good joke.

Reply

mike_BMFOT | 3

#6252976 - Sunday 5 April 2015 12:25

"while I lied there in agony" clearly not just a joke to OP.

Reply

DoomedGemini | 37

#6253023 - Sunday 5 April 2015 13:46

If you slam into random people and just make a pun without even caring if the person okay as a "joke", I'm concerned.

Reply

pyrexicpoet | 18

#6253286 - Sunday 5 April 2015 21:35

Maybe that was their way of apologizing and maybe make them laugh to brighten up the mood

By senor_octubre | 24

#6252782 - Sunday 5 April 2015 6:00

Karma probably had him get hit by a truck around the corner:) either way FYL sorry op:(

Reply

badluckalex | 23

#6252833 - Sunday 5 April 2015 6:56

A bit harsh there bud.

Reply

captain_mal | 19

#6252835 - Sunday 5 April 2015 7:00

Damn dude, it was only a bike.

Reply

senor_octubre | 24

#6252862 - Sunday 5 April 2015 7:31

I was joking but once I realized that it was a bit over the top I went to go edit it and then ran out of time so oh well

Reply

jerryj | 27

#6252939 - Sunday 5 April 2015 10:35

Just know that, if Cycling Pun Man happens to be hit by a truck, it will be on you and your not being able to modify your comment fast enough.

By JS4233 | 14

#6252783 - Sunday 5 April 2015 6:00

Well I guess from now on not only should the cyclist wear a helmet, but the pedestrians too. Bad drivers are everywhere.

By Devindelon | 17

#6252786 - Sunday 5 April 2015 6:01

It looks like the cycling maniac struck again.

By Desi_D123 | 27

#6252787 - Sunday 5 April 2015 6:01

I'm sorry OP but I had to chuckle along too. Hope you're feeling better though!

By GAMERZxxHD | 25

#6252791 - Sunday 5 April 2015 6:01

That was a great pun. Must say. But he should have at least stopped to help you. Hopefully you didn't get too hurt!

By Kurby14 | 21

#6252795 - Sunday 5 April 2015 6:04

what a prick

By DrewJoeyPeyton | 10

#6252797 - Sunday 5 April 2015 6:05

If only he could've back peddled out of that one.

Sorry about the incident thought OP.