Health: Today, I got hit by a car. Not a real one, though; my sister...

By Gilan - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got hit by a car. Not a real one, though; my sister thought it would be funny to take her RC car and smash it over my head as hard as she could. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28005

You deserved it

2399

Favorite

Gilan tells us more :

So a follow up. Once my head felt better I did buy her a new one. I do see a few asking what I did to deserve this. She's only three and didn't realize there would be any consequences, only thinking it would be funny. The only thing I can think of doing to even possibly deserve it is I told her she needed to stop running around yelling. But nah, all's well now I guess

Health

Messed up

And today, on Dr Phil…

Fancy a pint?

By Greg

Today, I arrived to apply for my much-needed dream job. Without warning, just as the elevator opened, a complete stranger kicked me square in the nads. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2487

You deserved it

209

Favorite

By Anonymous - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I found out via Instagram that my boyfriend didn't actually go to the Bahamas with his dad as he claimed. Not unless his dad lost weight, grew tits and long hair, and likes to make out with his son. They have no cellphone service, so I can't even call to break up with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58938

You deserved it

3928

Favorite

By mrrichkid - United States

Today, my wife of four years confessed to me that she only married me for the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35911

You deserved it

3678

Favorite

By OutOfTheCloset - United States - Clifton

Today, I came out of the closet. I came out on Facebook to spare myself awkward conversations and gossip. I wrote a deeply meaningful status about my partner and my pride in who I was. The only responses were, "Lol", "Hacked", and similar remarks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33647

You deserved it

12921

Favorite

By onlywantuanyway

Double standards

Today, my boyfriend again told me how he wants to have an open relationship. Of course, this means he can do what he likes with anyone, but if I so much as kiss someone else, I'm a cheating slut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53743

You deserved it

8263

Favorite

By BC94 - United States - Mcminnville

Today, I went to a movie with this guy. He was late so the only seats available were the ones in the very front which he refused to sit in. As we were looking for two seats, he spotted one near the back and sat down, leaving me to sit by myself in the front. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36445

You deserved it

2825

Favorite

By Farva - United States

Today, I made a Craigslist ad looking for hot and horny women that wanted some. I only got one reply, from another guy asking me if this kind of thing actually works. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6109

You deserved it

42448

Favorite

By (._. ) - United States - Alburnett

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd ask his dad if it was okay. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "come on, dad" and "but why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61648

You deserved it

5095

Favorite

By Elizabeth Ann

Today, I was at work for almost two hours today before realizing I had marinara sauce on my face. My coworkers didn’t say anything because I’m really clumsy and they figured it was blood, and therefore not unusual. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1701

You deserved it

280

Favorite

By enya - Luxembourg

Today, my dad and uncle got in an argument over money and ended up fighting in the back garden. Only, my dad is a muay thai fighter and my uncle is an MMA fighter, and they're refusing to stop until one of them is out cold. I foresee me driving them both to the hospital before midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21987

You deserved it

1427

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in my basement when I saw a giant cricket on the floor. I found an old plastic bottle of orange paint to drop on it and did so from about five feet up. The bottle exploded and splattered the walls and floor like a crime scene. The cricket hopped away untouched. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7036

You deserved it

50642

Favorite

By embaressed - Canada

Today, I realised I like Britney Spears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14223

You deserved it

33946

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I sat right next to the door on the bus. When I went to get up, a man tripped and pushed me down the exit door stairs. I fell down and legitimately broke my ankle. While tending to my ankle, the bus doors closed and my backpack with my laptop, notes and calculator drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39775

You deserved it

2359

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/4/2020 08:00

Decisions, decisions

Today, I shoved my tits in my boyfriend's face and he chose to continue playing Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1789

You deserved it

805

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/1/2021 01:58

Wait for me!

Today, the parking shuttle for work pulled away right as I was walking up to it. I was late to work. For the second day in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks

379

You deserved it

607

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up in my friend's living room after our sleepover. I heard her hot older brother and his friends in the kitchen. Feeling confident, I exposed my midriff a little bit just to give them a peek. They groaned and threw a blanket over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11832

You deserved it

64638

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - San Mateo

Today, my boyfriend gave me a $100 gift card for Victoria's Secret. Suspicious, I checked the receipt he'd left in the bag. Turns out he had bought it during the 2 weeks we were broken up for some other girl who rejected him, so decided to give it to me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29220

You deserved it

6958

Favorite

By Ifuckdup

Today, I asked my classmate if she was ready for the final tomorrow and she said it was yesterday. I'm not a bad student - I have 90+ average in the class - but the final was 50% of my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4447

You deserved it

1837

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Aylesbury

Today, I tried waxing for the first time. At first it felt like I'd dipped my balls in a furnace. Now I can't even feel them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41388

You deserved it

22989

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/5/2020 23:00

Love is blind

Today, my ex-wife confessed to me that she's in love with my father and broke down crying because he's never approved of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1698

You deserved it

108

Favorite

By fuckface? I wish - Australia - Diamond Beach

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She asked if the ring was a temporary thing until I got a better one, saw my dumbfounded face, then played it off as a joke and said yes. I later found out she'd posted on Facebook bitching about the ring, but with the privacy setting set to hide it from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60838

You deserved it

5457

Favorite

By unfortunatelyunlucky - United States

Today, while parked at school, someone broke into my car by smashing the window. I called the police and they informed me I could drive it to the local station as it was an easy 2 minute drive. As I was driving there, I got pulled over for driving with a smashed window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36966

You deserved it

2587

Favorite

By lifesux - United States

Classic playa move

Today, I had a blind date. When I arrived at our meeting place, I spotted my date, because he was the only one in the bar wearing a nametag. I walked up to him and asked, "Are you John?" He responded, "That depends. Are you Jen?" When I said yes he said, "Then no," and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40329

You deserved it

3812

Favorite

By chynna - United States - Evansville

Today, I paid $325 to have the vet tell me that my 19-year-old cat ISN'T dying, she just had anxiety shits because we were gone on vacation for so long. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39527

You deserved it

6556

Favorite

By l0stnwundrland - United States

Today, I went to the eye doctor. For the past three days every time I wear my glasses I become nauseous, get migraines, and have that "fish-eye view" where everything is rounded. Turns out they placed my lenses on the wrong sides. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30710

You deserved it

3033

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was doing photography, and decided to climb onto the roof of a building to photograph the city. I dropped a square of chocolate over the edge just to appreciate the height. Apparently somebody saw me, I was arrested and am now being charged for trespassing and firing missiles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18037

You deserved it

28016

Favorite

By newbornphotog - Germany - Berchtesgaden

Today, I finally realized I've spent the last 6 years building a business I hate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11706

You deserved it

2093

Favorite

By Anonymous

Chocolate chip

Today, I was eating chocolate chip cookies around the house and saw a chocolate chip on the floor. Not wanting my dog to eat it, given that chocolate is poisonous for dogs, I swiped it up with my finger and put it to my mouth. It was then that I realized it was a stub of my dog's poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

892

You deserved it

2726

Favorite

By King.Dick. - United States - Windsor Heights

Today, I had to give a presentation at school about King Richard III. I realized too late that someone had changed his name to "King Dick" on all the slides. My little sister later broke into hysterics and confessed this had been her April Fool's prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30954

You deserved it

2964

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 05:01

Tasty

Today, despite having the choice of several bowls of clean water in the house, as well as puddles and ponds outside, my cat was drinking out of a pot I was soaking in the sink. She doesn’t seem to mind the taste of dish soap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

610

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was texting while making dinner. I went to pour the noodles into the boiling water and I dropped my phone in. Not thinking, I went to retrieve it from the water. I now have a completely useless phone and a useless hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11901

You deserved it

38922

Favorite

By CrazyInLove - United States - Castle Rock

Today, I overcame my lack of social confidence and got a date for the first time in 10 or so years. After a while, my date admitted that she's a schizophrenic with dissociative identity disorder. I guess it's back to being single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30286

You deserved it

7302

Favorite

By power corrupts... - Czech Republic

Today, at my job as a movie theater attendant, my boss finally eased up and let me sit in on one of the movies. One woman kept laughing out loud every other line. After ten minutes of her braying like a dying horse, I got up and had her ejected from the theater. I'm a terrible person. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33970

You deserved it

12015

Favorite

By ssssssssuck a dick, boss - United States - Kalispell

I can't help it!

Today, my manager took me aside and angrily told me to quit fucking about with our customers. He totally refuses to believe that the slight whistling sound I keep making when I exhale is because I have a chipped tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40463

You deserved it

3175

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was running the register at my work and this big lady pulls her wad of cash out of her bra and hands it to me. The bills she handed me were moist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

82133

You deserved it

3856

Favorite

By FreakedOut - United States

Today, my dad told me he was planning to have his steady girlfriend over for dinner. He's only had a few relationships since he and my mom split up when I was very young, so I was excited to meet the woman. He then told me that I knew her already. My dad is dating my aunt on my mothers side. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54970

You deserved it

2803

Favorite

By Anonymous - Afghanistan - Kabul

Today, thinking we'd still be able to finish our project in time for tomorrow's deadline, my work group put off doing any work until today. When we logged into the website we have to use, we found it was down for maintenance all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23704

You deserved it

48365

Favorite

By Jacky-Boy - United Kingdom

Today, I was playing songs at a funeral in my church. As the organ wasn't in tune I had to use an electronic piano instead. All was going well until in the end of a speech, I accidentally hit the 'demo' button. None of the grieving relatives were impressed by my drum beats and turntable scratches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44361

You deserved it

7419

Favorite

By RandomMe - Cambodia - Sihanouk

Today, I was craving some popcorn, so I went to the supermarket and bought the microwaveable type. When I got home, I remembered I didn't have a microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17625

You deserved it

11851

Favorite

By uhoh - Canada - Sechelt

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend. He put me up against the wall and I yelled, "Harder!" without thinking. I heard the entire house go silent, my dad and his friends included. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21487

You deserved it

59674

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By i_wuz_nver_here | 31

#6254023 - Monday 6 April 2015 17:37

Well your head will heal but her car is probably broken now, we will see who comes out the real winner

By ColonelCusswords | 24

#6254031 - Monday 6 April 2015 17:40

At least she didnt hit you with a real car as hard as she could. You wouldnt even be able to post this

COMMENTS

By swaggyswagswag | 17

#6254013 - Monday 6 April 2015 17:35

Growing up with 2 brothers I can relate with you with how painful that is ??

Queen_bee1234 | 21

#6254046 - Monday 6 April 2015 17:52

Are you asking a question or what?

Zelphoric | 25

#6254076 - Monday 6 April 2015 18:19

Tomatoes?

swaggyswagswag | 17

#6254283 - Monday 6 April 2015 21:48

Nope. Just my phone screwing up the comment. Not froze while I was typing and did whatever it wanted...

By Geckosrock99 | 33

#6254015 - Monday 6 April 2015 17:35

Ouch. tell that kid to watch it. Little brat.

By Fuhkyoo | 17

#6254021 - Monday 6 April 2015 17:36

thats out of control

By i_wuz_nver_here | 31

#6254023 - Monday 6 April 2015 17:37

Well your head will heal but her car is probably broken now, we will see who comes out the real winner

MandieL | 27

#6254193 - Monday 6 April 2015 20:15

Not true actually, those things are pretty durable. I've been hit by one more than once. One time it almost broke my ankle.

By ncbb14 | 13

#6254025 - Monday 6 April 2015 17:38

I'm guessing at some point you did something to deserve it

By ColonelCusswords | 24

#6254031 - Monday 6 April 2015 17:40

At least she didnt hit you with a real car as hard as she could. You wouldnt even be able to post this

By ebonyrose2828 | 16

#6254032 - Monday 6 April 2015 17:40

Smash the car to pieces!

By TheFangedDonut | 13

#6254035 - Monday 6 April 2015 17:42

Hope she doesn't DRIVE you mad in the future! Hahaha I have no friends

HarshD9619 | 34

#6254094 - Monday 6 April 2015 18:46

Put a "brake" on those puns man

By abNormal62 | 23

#6254039 - Monday 6 April 2015 17:46

Breaking new....Siblings involved in a head on crash!

By WCARlover | 34

#6254042 - Monday 6 April 2015 17:48

I feel like little sisters always have a sinister side to them

Miss_Whipped | 43

#6254453 - Tuesday 7 April 2015 0:23

Sinisisters. :)