Geek

By ExplosiveDildo - 22/06/2012 13:08 - Afghanistan

Today, I was having a funny conversation with a guy I had met on Xbox. I told him the state I lived in, and he said, "Don't tell me that, I might stalk you." He wasn't kidding. He has somehow found out my phone number, and my address. He says he's going to send me flowers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 553

You deserved it 37 027

ExplosiveDildo tells us more.

ExplosiveDildo 11

Saturday 23 June 2012 5:21

Holy shit. I didn't think this would actually get posted! Well, I'm happy after all of the FML's I've posted over the years, this one got chosen

By Anonymous - 05/01/2012 03:07 - United States

Today, my biology teacher assigned us partners for a project. I got paired up with one of the smartest kids in the class. When he found out I was his partner, he cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 303

You deserved it 8 924

Mario Kart is serious business

By Anonymous - 25/08/2014 05:44 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I was playing Mario Kart with my wife. I threw a blue shell and it hit her. She then refused to speak to me for three hours straight until right before bedtime when she called me a bastard and told me to sleep on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 873

You deserved it 8 611

By NoLife - 15/05/2011 18:49 - United States

Today, I purposely went offline on Facebook chat, just so people would think I actually have a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 084

You deserved it 34 739

By Axlgrows - 02/12/2016 16:44

Today, a friend admitted that the reason I got the nickname Axl is because I was an A cup with XL underwear. I guess I should be called Axxl now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 481

You deserved it 1 638

By Anonymous - 26/11/2010 17:31 - United States

Today, I camped outside of a Best Buy to guarantee I'd get a cheap Blu Ray player. My friend who got there five minutes after they opened also managed to get one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 359

You deserved it 41 260

By Jumanji - 12/12/2008 06:05 - France

Spicy

Today, I opened my laptop in the train to watch a good film I had downloaded. Of course, it was a fake and the whole carriage was allowed to watch and hear five seconds of butt licking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 017

You deserved it 12 117

By Staples - 15/05/2010 06:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I accidentally stapled my finger to a piece of paper. It hurt, but I took it out and went to restaple it. I did it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 279

You deserved it 49 113

Horndogs

By bullah007 - 28/11/2014 18:43 - Pakistan - Lahore

Spicy

Today, my friend made a fake account on Facebook, pretending to be a girl, and posted my phone number on a sexting group. I've been getting calls and text messages from horny weirdos all day long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 059

You deserved it 4 434

Bad omen

By weddingblues - 30/05/2011 04:19 - United States

Today, my fiancé informed me he didn't want a regular wedding cake, he wants a Batman cake. I have nothing against this, except that he already decided the wedding theme would be Star Wars. Essentially, I'm marrying a child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 673

You deserved it 23 697

By that guy - 24/05/2012 16:41 - United States

Today, I realized the only reason my phone ever rings is because someone needs help with their computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 907

You deserved it 2 299

By Sugar - 22/11/2008 11:51 - United Kingdom

Today, British Telecom disconnected my landline by mistake. Their call centre in India tried to reach me. Result, they spoke to an unknown gentleman, who told them he didn't need a phone line at my address. Reconnection in 2 business days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 637

You deserved it 2 275

You what now?

By starboi - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Weaver

Today, I heard a girl say, "Darth Vader is that black guy from Star Trek, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 923

You deserved it 1 539

By ktin - 19/08/2010 12:02 - Australia

Today, I got Wii Fit, Wii Mario Kart and Wii Mario Galaxy for my birthday, I don't have a Wii. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 479

You deserved it 4 883

Underage boozing

By drunk under 18 teenager - 19/08/2014 13:37 - Morocco - Marrakech

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was, if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 096

You deserved it 50 324

By fecurtis - 22/01/2009 14:38 - United States

Today, I thought it'd be cool and trendy to buy a Blackberry Storm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 431

You deserved it 37 408

By baebookboo - 04/08/2014 15:08 - United States - Lawrence

Today, I asked my mom about signing up for an online dating site. She took one look at me and said, "Why get rejected online when you can just go outside for the same?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 229

You deserved it 4 494

By failureparent - 21/03/2011 01:25 - United States

Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 856

You deserved it 54 651

By SkyrimGamerMoM - 14/07/2016 19:49 - United States - Verona

Today, I got lost in Darkfall Passage in Skyrim and got so frustrated I turned off the game and cried. Thank you pregnancy hormones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 843

You deserved it 2 117

SkyrimGamerMoM tells us more.

SkyrimGamerMoM 10

Friday 15 July 2016 19:59

No worries, end result is clear in my mind. This is number two I'm brewing here, have a one year old already. Just got to where I can enjoy games again though lol will have to take another long break once this little one gets here.

By katiebabby - 17/06/2010 16:19 - United States

Today, my computer was hit by something bigger than a virus: a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 670

You deserved it 4 895

By esbemebe1113 - 27/03/2013 21:12 - United States - Cartersville

Today, I had to present a project for my science class. I began explaining my project; looking at all the bored people, I got incredibly nervous. My nervousness then caused me to laugh hysterically, causing my classmates to laugh. My teacher felt sorry for me and told me to sit down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 751

You deserved it 4 264

esbemebe1113 tells us more.

esbemebe1113 6

Friday 29 March 2013 1:40

Hi, this is OP. I loved all of your comments and read every single one. I couldn't believe this got on the site! Thanks to number #22: I loved you're comment and made me feel loads better. I love that everyone was so understanding. What's strange is that although I am a painfully awkward, I usually just get really red when I have to talk to the class. Thankfully I have a lot of good friends in real life to comfort me. (and a few new internet ones!) Thanks for finding my life entertaining!

By Anonymous - 25/10/2011 01:29 - United States

Today, I proudly presented my research project in class that I've worked for day and night for 3 weeks straight. My teacher fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 519

You deserved it 3 549

By Anonymous - 08/11/2010 17:11 - United States

Today, I let my friend use my computer to download some music. Now, my computer has 6 viruses and 4 songs, all of which I hate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 557

You deserved it 26 358

By nhanley1 - 02/04/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, my cell phone broke. It wouldn't even turn on. I went online to access my account so that I could order a new phone. I couldn't remember my password. The phone company had an option of "forgot my password". Upon clicking I get a message saying "Your password will be sent to your phone". FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 717

You deserved it 6 242

By supercharged - 05/04/2015 18:03 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I came back from a week-long vacation where I had no internet whatsoever. I turned on my phone to get notifications, hoping to see a message or two that I'd missed while gone. There was 1 notification, telling me how many FMLs were posted while I was away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 183

You deserved it 3 354

By geeklove - 16/01/2012 03:30 - United States

Today, I got a Facebook message from the school genius/nerd, who I have never talked to. He politely informed me that after much thought and deliberation, he has narrowed it down to who his ideal mate is. Me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 760

You deserved it 7 506

By videochat - 14/02/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, I cancelled out of a video chat with my boyfriend to go take a dump. I took my computer with me to look at Facebook. It took three minutes for me to realize I was still on video chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 964

You deserved it 53 897

By FreeToFly3733 - 19/08/2010 11:25 - Canada

Today, I finally found my cellphone when I heard WHACKWHACKWHACK inside the washing machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 065

You deserved it 29 348

By nolove - 04/05/2009 02:12 - Canada

Today, before going to bed my phone lit up and I got all excited because I thought it was a text message. My phone was finished charging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 682

You deserved it 46 332

By photoman - 14/07/2014 09:31 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was informed by a laughing friend, that my phone must be taking and uploading photos to Google+. Among numerous black shots, there is a particularly nice one of me while I'm sitting on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 797

You deserved it 6 094

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FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, I bumped into a lady, apologised and tried to continue on. She screamed assault and tried to citizen's arrest me. I've got better things to do, so I ignored her but she latched onto my leg like a toddler. I ended up dragging this insane woman up the street until she finally let go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 112

You deserved it 183

Today, as usual, my mom got shitfaced and started berating me for something. This time, it was for missing a therapy appointment. Not only am I unable to drive, it was her appointment. For her alcoholism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 959

You deserved it 2 807

Today, I saw a light switch on in the hallway at school, so I tried turning it off. That was the light switch for the entire second floor. So many people saw, I turned it back on and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 928

Today, as I was taking the driver's test to get my license, I backed into a car. It belonged to the instructor sitting in my passenger seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 065

You deserved it 2 589

Today, I was cleaning a pan. I turned the water on, and it was super hot. My reaction was to slam my hand down. On a knife. So, not only do I have a burned hand, but there's also a huge cut on it from the knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 118

You deserved it 10 675

Today, my cousin and I found out that when a girl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 305

You deserved it 7 360